I tried viewing good cop videos

If you have been on facebook lately you will be experiencing what is called tension. Racial tension. Political tension. Freedom tension. 

There are lots of things flooding social media. Government corruption, systematic oppression, democrat vs republic, left vs right, black lives or all lives. It is a lot to take in. Protest, peaceful turned riot. Peaceful, disturbed by a "force". 

When social media starts saturating my feed with conflicting views, I start asking more questions. 

Lately the thing that has been plaguing my mind is why the need to share good cop videos or pictures like: 

photo credit: https://images.app.goo.gl/w26iJeuSM9mvYpPg8

Why are we celebrating something that should be given? You celebrate surprises and miracles and accomplishments. Celebrating good cops... well, is that a miracle or an accomplishment? Or is that them doing what they are supposed to do, their job? 

Do doctors have videos every time they make the correct diagnoses? It's worth celebrating. 
Do teacher get a shout out for every kid that makes a light bulb discovery? It's also worth celebrating.

Doesn't the world just become better from people doing good? Shouldn't these cops be good on and off the camera? It's almost like a participation trophy... or is that just me?

There are good people who don't wear a uniform who do the same things; sit with people, play with kids, help each other.  Because good people make the world a better place.

Are we trying too hard to cover up the fact that we need to change a deep rooted corrupted system?

I am not condoning those who are starting riots and targeting cops. Please do not hear that I am in favor of violence. I am just questioning the motives and the push. By posting so many good cop videos and pictures, to me, is covering up and siding with the injustice of the matter. Hiding the truth.

I am thankful for good cops and systems that strive for justice. I am not trying to condemn those who want to share joy and happiness, I too, like to see the good nature of people. BUT in the moment, with the tension, is this the proper time to celebrate? 

Romans 12:9-21 is my absolute favorite. Just going to leave that right there. 

Covid 19 Brain Spirals

I just told a friend that I tend to spiral when I don't have answers.  My mind will just go and go and can't stop as it is looking for facts, evidence, solutions. I have so many spirals going on right now as new information is constantly being presented and my once normal is now again out of balance. I am pretty confident a tornado would look at me and say "nope, you be crazy."

For COVID 19, here are my 19 spirals that my brain consistently is processing through out each and every day....and some of my own personal conclusions. 

Spiral 1: Am I a mean mom? My brain can not stop this spiral. Although it is one I regularly reflect and think about. Now more than ever, it is in my face, how much yelling I do as I spend 24 hours a day with these creatures. My biggest fear...they won't survive this quarantine with all of their brainless activities.  Example... our 4 year old looking for a new family.... down the road... on his own.  Or, how about our 8 year old going down the zip line... with a spike!  New rule, only ONE BODY on the zip line at a time.  Keeping kids alive is challenging, and now they are stuck at home..... but.... I am not a mean mom. (and my kids are precious, hilarious, creative, sweet and wild humans who are going to learn and be academically ready for the next year).

Spiral 2: Am I a terrible wife? In case you were wondering, one can be kicked out of their own home during shelter in place. They don't have anywhere fun to go; but a spouse who is "asked" to leave can drive around for a bit to cool off.  Prior to this whole pandemic, my husband was gone Thursday through Sunday for work. Can you imagine the shift that must take place in our home as we both reside in it....E V E R Y D A Y  together... regardless.... I am not a terrible wife. (nor is he a bad husband).

Spiral 3: Am I a bad teacher? When I was allowed to go to work I knew and had confidence in my teaching ability. I was excited to share knowledge and watch my high school students turn light bulbs on. But now, it is hard to connect with them. It's a challenge to stop thinking about ... can I do more? How? I do my best and put these kiddos first as if they were my own.... I am not a bad teacher.

Spiral 4: Am I glorifying God? Did I read my Bible enough? Pray for all the people I can think of? Am I participating in church functions as I should? Last week, as I was crying, my oldest gave me a hug, and told me "God is with your wherever you go. Joshua 1:9".  He didn't understand the irony of what he was saying....being the fact that we aren't going anywhere..... my children are learning.... I am glorifying God. (even if it's just "God, please help me!")

Spiral 5: Will my sister be safe? My sister is a doctor. Whether she knows it or not, I am constantly worried about her safety in these conditions. It "plagues" my mind; as she is the mom to three amazing little kiddos. The thought of her being at risk shatters my heart. This spiral, if started, usually ends in tears...... my sister is wise and is using every precaution.... she is safe. She is strong!

Spiral 6: What's for dinner? What's for lunch? Wait... what did we have for breakfast? Having to remember to feed our family, every day, for every meal.... is a major spiral. Or can be. Now, before this whole lock down business, I had the menu planning on lock down, but we had freedom to change it up or pick up last minute items on our way home from work. All I know is that I am so incredibly grateful for the meals provided by our boys' school. Going to pick them up provides routine and a much needed break in our day, plus a fun little trip down the road. This spiral usually doesn't get too far when my husband and I pick out what's for dinner in the morning. A plan is set in place. 

Spiral 7: Am I getting fat? So there is a joke about gaining the Covid 15 (a play off of the freshmen 15) and I am not laughing. Try on your jeans they say..... amazon search jeans.... I have always struggled with my weight, size and being content with my own image. But it seems to be magnified (like my waist) during these uncertain times. I can't run with my sister anymore.... I am at home where the boys like to ask for snacks... whats a small nibble? (hint: it's no longer a nibble when you eat two serving sizes while preparing their food).  The good news..... this spiral is coming to a halt. I am continuing to run (sadly without my sister) and I am in the process to reshape my mindset, hopefully helping me reshape my body.  Although I gained a few pounds in March when this all started, I have been steady. So... no, I am not getting fat! (honestly, who cares!)

Spiral 8: Do I have homework? In January I started my online graduate program! It was manageable with my husband traveling. However, I have discovered I do not like doing homework when he is home. I am constantly having to think about what assignments I need to do or edit, which chapter in our text I need to read, or have I posted to the proper discussion board. Yes, I do have homework. 

Spiral 9: Am I going crazy? My mental health is in a very strange place. I am typically not an emotional person. I've cried like 6 times this week.... okay.... yesterday. I cried like 6 times yesterday. I am trying to get off of this roller coaster. It's odd. At night, it feels almost normal. Spending time with the family, going to bed. And in the morning, there is a brief second that all feels like the world is still spinning correctly. The only thing spinning, my overwhelming desire to be perfect in all of this....which... is not possible. I am not going crazy, but keeping my mental and emotional  health in check is highly recommended.

Spiral 10: When did I shower last? During this social distancing I thought it would a be terrific time to do a social experiment: how long can one go without showering before their children think they smell funnier than them? The answer is 4.  I will let you decided what the 4 represents.... it's also up to you to figure out how much sarcasm is in that statement.  Keeping track of when to shower, if it is necessary for the day, do I have clean underwear... it is a fun mental spiral .... if you can't remember the last time you showered, you probably should. 

Spiral 11: Zoom! Not going to lie. I am going to declare that "Zoom" becomes a grown up word in our house. In the last two weeks I believe we have zoomed a total of 11 times NOT including my husbands meetings and instruction lessons. So we are probably looking at around 30 - 40 something different zoom sessions we have participated in. The answer to my spiral... write them down, set an alarm... and hope for the best.

Spiral 12: Who did __________________ last? Dishes, vacuum, sweep, laundry, cook, wipe down tables, pick up toys, mow the yard, get the mail, take out the trash, feed and water the dog, pay the bills, check the plants........all day long. I am not going to lie, a friend sent me some pictures of her home.... it made me feel better about mine. The benefit of having a "smaller" home and the fact that we live a more minimalist lifestyle, we have less mess. What I am starting to realize, we live here. It's okay if it looks like it. (ps... we don't own a dishwasher if that somehow makes you feel better)

Spiral 14: Am I in the wrong to be upset with people's ignorance and selfishness? There are some pretty far fetched conspiracies going around right now, or being stirred up more. I don't know what's worse, the conspiracies and ignorance or the political bullying and badgering during this time in which we need to be more united? It's sickening how much time I have wasted reading misleading information. Nope, it's okay for me to be upset, it's what I do with my frustration that is key. Learning not to chase rabbits on social media (stop trying to prove everyone wrong) has vastly increased my joy. People will believe what they want, no matter how crazy, mean, or inaccurate it is. I can't control that. I can only control my perception and I want to choose joy. I need to choose joy. 

Spiral 15: Am I doing this right? You know all of those projects I wanted to do.... start a garden..... plant more indoor plants.... paint the shed.... stain the deck.... Or, how about all the books I am going to get to read?! I have to stop my brain from thinking about all these things and truly refocus the spiral into something more productive. It's okay if not everything gets done while I manage the other spirals in my life. Yes, I am doing this right. 

Spiral 16: Am I going to be able to make Easter memorable? Just. Sit. Down. Stop. Thinking. Seriously, why do I let my brain going into these tizzies. Here's the fact... this whole event... will make this Easter memorable, I don't have to do anything, it's done for me!

Spiral 17: Am I writing enough letters, making enough phone calls, marco polos, texts? I want to take care of people. When I start thinking of too many people that I want to communicate or connect with I will just start writing their names down and in my free time reach out to them. If you are reading this (and personally know me) and I have not contacted you, I am sorry. With around 140 students in addition to family, it's a lot to take care of. I have tried writing cards, sending encouraging messages on Instagram, making goodies for neighbors, all of it. I am doing enough.

Spiral 18: Do people think or care about me as much as I think and care about them? This is when my brain spirals in reverse of the above..... who I take care of becomes who is taking care of me? This spiral might be the most dangerous! It is something I think about a lot. See.... I have trust issues. I have abandonment issues. I have friendship or maintaining relationship issues. I have control issues. I have fear of missing out issues. I am always looking for a deep connection; yet, I tend to drown people when I try to take them too deep. I question why my "friends" on facebook don't like a picture or video... yet comment on someone else's stuff.... it's a dangerous spiral that number 18.  First, if you have read this entire blog. Thank you, please let me know by leaving me a comment. Maybe this post was too long, so you scrolled to the bottom and read this part, but you've read my blog before... cool and thanks! If I have recently told you how much you mean to me, know that I truly have thought it. A LOT. Thank you for loving me, reaching out to me, not giving up on me. I know who you are and I hope you know who you are too. 

Spiral 19: I don't know if you actual read this or caught this intentional mistake ... but I only made 18 brain spirals. Well...if you count thinking about one less spiral as a brain spiral of it's self. (Anyone else tired of the "math problems" with pictures). This virus doesn't deserve the best of me. It doesn't deserve all of my mental energy and time.

Let me know what your brain spirals are. How are you dealing with challenging times?

Be safe. Live loved.

I tried to {FOCUS} on others - an apology letter to those I love and serve

Current Tunes: Yellowcard via spotify
Mood: reflective

This topic has been something that has plagued my mind for several months; since we moved 'home'. As I processed the words in my head, I decided it would be best to write a letter. I like letters.

Dear friends and family,

First, I want to thank you. Thank you for reading this, supporting me in all that I do. Thank you for letting me cry, curse, and question in the safety of your homes and hearts. Thank you for asking me tough questions and extending grace when my response would be less than adequate. Thank you for your patience and diligence in loving me.

I keep a joy journal and I often find myself writing down events or times spent with you. Be it getting coffee, eating dinner, playing games, shopping or just a good heart-felt phone call. I needed those moments. Again, thank you.

I want to apologize for my lack of presence. When I get overwhelmed or anxious, as many of you do, I shut down. I have to re{FOCUS} on what is important and true. Then, without trying, time passes by too quickly and I feel as if my service is no longer needed.

Please hear me when I say that I think of you often and wish I had more time to do what is on my heart and what crosses my mind frequently.

For those that I didn't bring a meal to - I am sorry. 
For those that I want to clean your house, but haven't - I am sorry.
For those that I have to reschedule play dates over and over again - I am sorry.
For those of you that I have replied to your text... a week late - I am sorry.
For those of you that I have not written a letter to in a while - I am sorry.
For those of you that I want to have over for dinner, but schedules (or the stars) have not aligned in our favor - I am sorry.

Please do not think you are unloved or unworthy. You are very loved and very worthy! As many of you working parents know, balance is hard. Cleaning, cooking, caring of children, assignments (yours and your children), job requirements, extra activities.... it all adds up. It's a spinning plates act.

I want to do more. I do.

Please, keep asking to come over, for meals, to go shopping or get coffee. Don't be afraid to ask me to cook you something, clean your house, or watch your kids - I like that too and will do those. Ask me to pray for you, I will and with joy. Don't give up on me. I see you.

And if all else fails - there is always summer.

Summer = service.

Until summer, I will do the best that I can, but I am sorry if I miss an opportunity to serve and love you better.

Thank you for your understanding,
Megan

I tried to {FOCUS} on PRO LIFE....

Pro Life:

the (counter)argument from a Jesus follower

First, some background information.  I am an INTJ.  I enjoy facts, deep conversation, growth and development.  I have also recently discovered that I am a OneWingTwo which classifies me as advocate. I am a teacher, a mother, a Jesus follower.  And I am passionate. 

Second, I am going to do my best to shine light (from multiple angles... and articles) onto an issue or topic that has been plaguing my mind for a while.  Although it would make my life easier if everyone agreed with me, that's not my intentions with this post.  Through verbal processing and challenging conversations I am able to grow.  My intentions are to ask questions to get those around me to think.  Not like me. But think about what they truly believe.

****

For months I have been stewing over a couple of current events; they mainly fall under the word 'prolife'.   I have had friends and peers discuss the repercussions of getting vaccines in lieu of supporting abortions.  New York rejoiced as they legalized abortion. The government shutting down, sacrificing benefits to those in need.  Immigration and discussion of a wall being built to ensure our countries safety. 

How do you identify yourself? 
Pro-life
Pro-birth
Anti-abortion
Human rights advocate
Neutral
Pro-choice

These titles are sometimes used in the wrong context or without true meaning. I know I struggle with claiming to be pro-life.  *gasps*

I don't consider myself a true pro-lifer because I don't boycott living, explanation to follow.  Honestly, I am not for sure where I fall or what I call myself.

Personally, when I hear the word pro-life, I believe that is all life (in and out of the womb).   The Gospel Coalition writes about the term here. 

Boycotting
Some pro-life people are going to extreme measures and boycotting things that do not support their personal beliefs. 

For example, people are not getting vaccines believing that the vaccines had grown with/in aborted human tissue.    Does getting vaccines make me a baby killer?  Do they do more harm than good? Or vice versa? If I get a vaccine am I allowed to claim pro-life as my identity?

Does consuming chocolate contradict being pro-life?  Since the 70's the Nestle company has been under the lens for causing all sorts of problems for the living.  From formula and water contamination in unequipped countries.  To recent events of stealing water from the Lakota people. Are their products made my child slaves in terrible conditions?  Is that supporting life?  If a person purchases these products are they causing others to suffer? At the bottom of the article there is an image of some of the top brands Nestle produces, do you boycott all of those to protect life?

If you watch the Super Bowl are you against humanity, a non-pro-lifer? Major sporting events, including the olympics, has issues with sex(human) trafficking.  If you do not boycott sports, or even the internet with advertisements, are you really pro-life?

What if you can't afford child-labor free clothing and your garments that you are currently wearing were made by tiny hands? Do the clothes on your own back create an imbalance to being labeled as a pro-lifer?

What happens if you don't sign every petition allowing for all on death-row to be placed on the 'inmate for life' list? If one does not boycott the death penalty then can you say you are willing to protect all life? Does the death penalty align with your religious view or loving ALL people?

Investing
On the other side of the coin, if a person does not invest in certain ideas or products do they turn against pro-life ideologies?

Let's start with a basic concept.  Adoption or fostering.  If a healthy, totally equipped family does not choose to adopt or foster, are they not investing in pro-life reform?

What about immigration and building a wall?  If you support and invest not letting people (regardless of your reason), do you truly value the living?

Organ donation is yet another topic to consider when you want to discuss pro-life issues.  If you choose to go to the grave with your body intact, are you not investing in life?

Definition
Maybe just using the proper definitions will allow for better conversations to take place?  The online dictionary defines pro life as an adjective "opposed to legalize abortion; right-to-life." 

Last question: is being pro-life an all or nothing type of topic... or pick and choose what issue you want to stand firm on?

DTR before you get on facebook, twitter, instagram, etc before you claim one angle or another.  Define the relationship with yourself and with others before words on a device become deceived division makers.

(P.S. I am not trying to convict or accuse. I do not want to upset or hurt.  I am trying for us to dig deeper into our thoughts before we proclaim a classification or identity claim; making others shell up thinking they are inferior for supporting (or not) one idea or another) #getofsoapboxtalkingaboutsoapboxes. 

Remember: You are loved.

I tried - the season finale

Hey interweb friends. It's been about 2.5 months since I have last written. I really don't know why I stopped other than the words ebb and flow naturally.  I could blame the lack of time, the lack of motivation, lack of passion, lack of courage.... lots of excuses really. 
Regardless, I am putting my heart out there through my words again.

Have you ever watched an entire show from the pilot episode to the series finale?  And when it ends, you have this gapping hole, like "now what"? That these strangers came to be more, and you looked forward to enjoy their lives (no matter how fake or real they might be).

That's currently where I am at.  The end.

I feel like my series is over; the characters that have developed over time will be missed.  The plot twists have ceased and I am walking out, alone, into darkness.

If I hang in there, I know another network might pick me up.  They make spin-off series all the time. Right? Or volumes of seasons.  This isn't my true end.  Just a different beginning.

This year (and I mean school year; August - present) has been filled with trials and growth, not just at my job, but in general day to day life.

So, this was my classroom. I walked out of it for the last time a week ago. It was my home for the last 5 years. My pregnant swollen feet paced this room. Our oldest started school from this room. Push up and plank challenges took place in this room. Hugs and laughter were shared in this room. Cheers and uproar echoed within these walls.  Lightbulbs clicked on as foundations in understanding were repaired, replaced and strengthened.  This room is more than just some brick walls. It's the lining of my heart.

I walked out by choice, "going without knowing" as a coworker told me.  Since October my husband has been working weekends about 2 hours away.  It has caused some awesome calendar balancing, but we managed to work as a family.  Because of this wonderful opportunity we decided to move our family that direction this summer. I have since found another teaching job, and eagerly await the new adventure - the spin off series.

But THIS series finale was hard.  It wasn't just a season, knowing I'd come back after summer, with a tan. But I closed that door, turned in my keys, and walked out.

It was hard to leave.

I had one of THE BEST teaching partners/coworkers I could have ever imagined or dreamed of.  She blessed me with prayers, compassion, a listening ear, wisdom, hugs, goodies, and love for my family. This lady was an anchor to making me feel successful, we worked so effortlessly together.  I worked with a great team of teachers whom I respected greatly - for they did their job, and did it well and appreciated the fact that they knew how to laugh and have a good time.

But then there are my students, my kids.  This group this year stole my momma heart. They were ornery and mischievous.  They were sweet, friendly and helpful.  Some of them took bigger pieces of my heart, some of them I would seriously have adopted without question. I am just glad to know, that for a short period of time, they were able to feel some genuine love.  These kids carry stories that don't belong to children.  They carry heartache and brokenness at a magnitude that is indescribable.  I look forward to seeing what these young people do in a few years. They will conquer so much; for they have already. Here's to the graduating class of 2023!

One of the most challenging parts of teaching is that you don't always know if what you are saying is getting through to them.  But thankfully, I know that with this group, they were listening. I had letters and cards written with such sweet words.  Words to remind me why I do my job, why it's not a job, but a privilege. Words that I didn't even expect from some. Treasures.

So, this summer, we are moving.  I am sure it will be a whirl wind of events; filled with tears of joy, fear and excitement. And here shortly I will be turning lights on into a new room, new challenges, new kiddos, and new opportunities to keep giving it my all.

One student got me the book "Auggie and Me," knowing that I read Wonder and enjoyed it. Inside she not only wrote a letter but stuck in little reminders like the one pictured below.  

Here's to my spin-off series.  Loveandnumbers2.0

PS - to my friends and family - you will be missed too; it's different (for some reason).  I am sure those tears will roll as our tires pull away from our drive one last time.  I'm not ready for that.

PSS - another post this week about Romans BSF study and how my disputes aren't the best....

I tried - joy {September book and update}

Hi everyone!
It is that time. My post slow down as life rushes around. My plans focus on educating 126 young minds all while having a functional hospitable home, doing both with love.

Y'all, it's exhausting.

For the past six weeks I lead a Facebook group, reading through Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts" - and although at first her over poetic flowery word choice was a bit much for my dry soul, I learned to love her words - they, her words, could take scripture and etch it deeper within my heart.  I think at the start I was just jealous that I couldn't write as eloquently as her.

When I started reading this book in September, I also starting writing down 3 joys, gifts, happy moments on a piece of paper.  Listing out on the times that brought cheer.   Some of my favorites include: 
undisturbed water droplets on a yellow leaf spotted when running in the rain
squeals of laughter as the youngest plays snake and squirms down the hall after older brother
reading books to a babe with lavender smelling hair
raining Saturdays with slow non-rushed starts
parking lot conversations with new friends
chick-fil-a (gotta keep it real)
coffee
someone asking if I am okay and wanting to listen 

I have now been listing for 41 days.

It's changing me. Just as Ann experienced in her highly recommended book.

Today's list:
asked to cuddle with oldest
moments to read another book
run in a long sleeve shirt clearing my head

This time of year is my favorite, but I also tend to drown in facts of my reality and loneliness.  My phone lies idle, my e-mail box empty, mail box vacant, truly just alone. As an introvert, I often prefer to gain energy being alone or in small intimate groups.  But this is the dark alone, not one of energy.  And as every year past, as long as I can remember, time will move on and self pity will weaken transitioning into go-mode again.

So I list, and once I find my joy, I cling to it.

On occasion my oldest, who's 5, has been asking me to cuddle with him, he use to want to sleep in our bed at the start of every school year.  Unknowingly I thought that it was because he missed me going back to work, he too could feel the crispness, the turning, the sense of "sighs."

Now, I realize my little-man didn't need me, God designed him because I needed to find joy.  God gave me the biggest gift I could have asked for (next to transforming me and my husband into Christians).  He gave me a son, who at a very young age, knows how to care.

Tonight when he asked me to cuddle him, minutes after prayers (naturally I am already tucked in my blanket with a book) I tell him I will be in in one minute, never have regretted spending time with him/

I climb the ladder to his creaky loft bed.  Oh, why did we buy a loft bed?  As I am climbing I tell him I am getting to big for his bed and don't want to break it.  He responds with "would you like an animal, here's a blanket, you aren't too big, you are perfect."

I take the big monkey (technically it was mine from years, decades, ago) and pull the blanket up around my shoulders.  We are finding peace in the midst of our chaos. I can feel his breaths slow as I know it won't take long for him to be asleep.  I smell the children's toothpaste, thankful that he brushed. I kiss his sweet forehead.  The same head that use to carry a huge red angel kiss birth mark.  The same forehead that holds incredible thoughts and dreams.

A sweet little voice simply says "Thank you."
"Thank you for what?" I ask.
"For kissing me."
"I will always kiss you."
"Even when I am older?"
"Yes, you won't be able to stop me."
"I can't wait for you to visit me in my house when I am older."
"Yes, our visits will be grand.  I love that you dream and think about your future, but don't grow up too fast."
"Why not?"
"I like you just as you are, my son, my five year old."
"Mommy, I will always be your son."
"I will always be your mommy."

With that he takes his perpetually sticky hands and holds my face. "Thank for cuddling with me." Then kisses my forehead.

No my dearest child,  THANK YOU.  Thank you for asking me to cuddle.  Thank you for reminding me that I am needed and loved.  Thank you for being joy.

PS - totally read her book.  It's good. =]

I tried - the news

Dear Heavenly Father, 

My heart is tearing like the veil. 

The news. Cops making MY friends, GODS children walk into on coming traffic - yelling at her and her 1 year old son.  I am outraged. Protect them. ALL of them. Black lives matter - they are white but were peacefully loving their black family, neighbors, friends - their home. 

The news. A local teenager took their life. A home is missing their son.  

The news. Earthquakes destroying, fires burning, droughts in Africa - Mother nature is raging war globally. Homes no longer standing in existence. 

The news. Our country might be bombed; by a person, another human - that others have degraded by calling him rocket man.  (Because that's professional).  Home of the brave we claim? 

The news.  Our president.  Sigh.  He needs prayer. Break him. Humble him. Use his loud mouth. I pray the loudness will be truth one day.  So our home will continue to pray for leaders. 

The news. Unwanted relations. Be with the children. Heal their hearts, bodies and mind.   Make home safe again. 

The news. People are fleeing. They have no home. 

The news. Explaining accidents to my kindergartener, again, as we drive home. 

The news. Another job loss. Another home facing foreclosure. 

The news. Another child hungry. Another homeless friend. 

The news. Another marriage ending. Another home torn. 

The news. Another miscarriage occurred. Home is in deep sorrow. 

The news. Another sick loved one; surgery, cancer, illness. Hospitals unfortunately more frequented than home. 

The news. 

I. Am. Overwhelmed. 

The news is, I look forward to Heaven.  The news will be different there. This world is not my home. 

God - as you and only you search my heart, may you find the words to my prayer, for this world is falling apart one stitch at a time. Being ripped. 

Thank you for the GOOD news. We fervently await your return to take us home.  

God, I ask that when given the opportunity I can love people better. Feed the hungry. Welcome the stranger. Hug the hurting. Stand with the black, refugee, homeless, gay, orphaned person.  God,I cry from the pits of my soul to do more.  

But. I am at home. So I pray. 

The news. 

I tried - reading Mississippi Bridge [September book and updates]

September!  Hooray!  

This month I started an online book club/study to read Ann Voskamp's book "One Thousand Gifts"

So far, the book is going really well - in fact it is a quick read.  I am doing my best to slow down, really dig deep and get into this book; not just to be a good facilitator for these women, but to find peace for myself.

Fall is my favorite, and as I am sure I have blogged before, although fall is my favorite, it is also a somewhat sad time.  I just feel like I need more time to enjoy it - that it this is my time to find my pace and speed for the next season of life.

One Thousand Gifts couldn't have come at a more perfect time!  Because we are reading the book over a period of 6 weeks, I wanted to keep reading other books, being engaged.

Labor Day my dad gave me a book and said it would take only 20 minutes.  Well, I'm a slow reader, but it was done in less than an hour.

Mississippi Bridge is a short book by Mildred D. Taylor (she wrote Roll of Thunder, Hear my Cry).   I was doing research for what age the book would be good for (5th grade) but honestly, I would love for some adults to read this amazing piece of fiction.

It is so incredibly relevant to today.  How, even today, there are people who are teaching their children hatred (and some do it without even knowing they are!).  But for some children, they will "rebel" and fight for what they want to understand better - loving people.

The ending is great!  No spoilers here, just read the book yourself!

Believe me, it reminds me of the story of the Old Man his White Horse - Perspective.

Perspective is everything.
This book hurt me to read, how people are so ignorant and unkind. Perspective.
I am torn between wishing I lived in a previous time period or not.  That I would be an activist, if I didn't get myself killed. Perspective.
The ending. Perspective.

So, Here's to a great month.  A great season. A season of peace and gifts.  A season to love and be present.  A season to be outside, reading, educating and helping others.

I tried - fighting {Who are you fighting for}

A little bit about me - for vulnerability opens hearts of others.

I am loyal to a fault,
and stubborn.
Favor the underdog.
Going against the norm, is my norm.
I ask tough questions,

making people mad and uncomfortable.
Believe in justice on all levels.

I am a white, working mom.
My heart is elastic.
I love quickly, deeply and hard.
When I am hurt, I rationalize the situation to pieces.
Over thinking is my hurdle.
If you hurt others, I hurt for you.
I do not believe in the death penalty.
I do not believe in war or harming others.
I do believe that love will win.
More times than not I feel very alone in this world.
Holding on to Joshua 1:9.
Taking care of others is my passion.
If I am not careful, my words are sharper than arrows.
One of my favorite scriptures is Romans 12: 9 - 21 (and many more).
My dad thought I was going to be a lawyer, I am a fighter. 

Now, I am a teacher. 

Earlier this week I got into one of those fun "word wars" on facebook feeds.  With a family member.  A lot of hurtful words were thrown my way, including the twisting of what I said; topics that were not even being debated were brought up - low easy blows - from a person who doesn't know my story.

I finally, said my peace and stopped responding.  Other people have since made comments; the carrot is in front me, waiting for me to nibble.  I have, on occasion, even typed up a response - pausing and deleting it as God asks me to.

My heart is heavy.  I have learned that if something bothers me long enough, that I need to share; regardless of if anyone agrees with me.  With enough prayer and honesty, I know God will be searching my heart one day; as he will do with others.  It's not my job to soul check others.  Gotta keep me in check.

I can't get over something that was said to me.  "You claim you're a Christian and you're standing up for injustice? No that's what I'm doing, defending president Trump, showing that he was never racist until he ran for president, and defending him from liberals and the media who have nothing better to do but insult him with impunity."  -JM

Who are you fighting for? 

Should our president's actions and words need so much defense?  A person of authority, leadership, great power, constant media coverage - constantly needing defense.  I don't need memes or youtube videos to hear the words that come from his mouth or see the "tweets" he post.

Later, this same word war, it was stated in my direction that if liberals weren't so closed minded and would see the truth and just listen for once that we wouldn't miss it.  *heavy sigh*  little do we know about each other.  Bubble living.

Who are you fighting for?

If you are asking someone to look for truth, but then do not welcome their comments, thoughts, insight, personal beliefs.... are you walking the walk or just talking the talk?

I was in tears over this conversation.
Angry tears.
Hurtful tears.
Mourning for their soul tears.

These people that I care about, and yes the strangers on this feed, are missing it.  

Who are you fighting for?

As you fight for the president....
Who's fighting for

the poor?

the oppressed?

the refugee?

the orphan?

the sick?

the homeless? 

the gay?
the widow?

the porn addict?
the prostitute?

the neighbor?

the least of these? 

(Matthew 25:40)

As I look back at these last few days, I have to remember that I am not here to fight for the President who has dug his own pits. The only way I will fight for him is through prayer.  

But I am hear to fight the good fight.  At least that is what I am trying.

I am overwhelmed {with today's news}

Most of my blog titles contain the words "I tried" or "I am trying"
Today I simply, am.

I am overwhelmed with heart break, confusion, anger, compassion, and love.

A little over a year ago I wrote a blog about being the devil's advocate when it comes to black vs blue lives mattering.  A few months after that, during the election, I posted about loving all people.

Today, many of the same thoughts raise up in me.

Saying I am overwhelmed is the easy part.  I can not seem to find the words I am looking for as current history is taking place.  Today, everything I have been watching (Brene Brown/Vulnerability), reading and listening to, have all pointed to the same feelings within me.  Overwhelmed.

I was thinking it was irony.  God's too big for irony, my day was neatly woven by Him.

I keep typing half sentences, then holding down the delete button with vigor.

over. whelmed.

Pray for - the KKK - those that are racists, the men who claim to be superior.  For their darkness is not welcomed. That their hearts will break and love will fill their lost souls.  That truth and love will shine brighter than their torches.

Pray for - the injured and dead - as these marches and riots take place that lives can be spared and that peace will be restored.

Pray for - the families - of the victims and all that are involved.  That generations of hate will not breed anymore hate.  That generations of love can prevail.  That the armed services will find safety and be able to use knowledge over weapons. 

Pray for - the church - that we can come together and pray for these events, people, his kingdom. Be advocates. I pray that the church does not turn a blind eye. That the church will not stand with such atrocities.  But stand against.  When the dust settles, the history is written, that the church will come together picking up pieces. Hold the hands of those who hurt. Hug the ones who have lost. Pray with and for the ones who have hated. Supply the basic needs in replace of destruction. 

Pray for - Trump - he is our President, whether you like it or not.  We are asked to pray for our leaders. That his words will be humble and helpful.

Pray for - war - that is happening, has happened, and will happen.  Christians are currently at war, a peaceful war.  Lives and souls are at stake.  If our country continues to act the way it does, I am afraid we will be like Syria or any other war-torn country.  

Pray for - history - that it not does not repeat in its fullness.  Honestly, hate has never stopped.  From Biblical times, to WWII, to now... the shape of hate is the same and the darkness still exist.

Pray for - USA - that our country will not continue to fall apart in pieces as immaturity and ignorance tears apart the seams of this country.

Pray for - knowledge - that for people, like me, will be called to do what they need to.  Be it prayer, or to be active in Charlottesville, that all people will be armed with truth.

Be bold. Live loved.

I tried - to control too much [August.... and September Goals]

As you may know, I am a teacher.  And with that comes certain responsibilities; like I have to enjoy summer.  It's a rule, I'm sure it's in my contract... right?

Well, summer was great! Yet, I am still looking forward to the job I love. As I speak about these events, it is as if it is over.  But... IT'S NOT!  I still have two weeks before I go back to work.  OKay, I have two weeks before students start filling my classroom, slowly becoming my own kiddos.

Here's the deal.  As much I have tried to post regularly about my goals each month, and also revisiting how I did the previous month - well, that's probably not going to happen at the start of the school year.

I can only control so much.  My life can not be constantly filled with schedules and to-do's.

My reflection on July... it was not restful.  Was it enjoyable?  Yes.  But I still did not find my rhythm that I was so looking for.  I didn't find my tribe you could say.  We were able to see a lot of our favorite people, went to several weddings and events, went on a trip as a family.  Had family stay with us for a week - life was jammed back... and NOT with rest.

I eagerly look forward to August for that reason.  Look forward to finding a good pace, a healthy stride for our family to tackle the first semester.

Yes, I have already tried to excel a schedule for my family.
Yes, I have already looked at our budget and what school supplies I want to buy my kiddos (students).
Yes, I am still thinking of goals and challenges to make myself better.

But something will always take priority while something else will slip away.  I don't want that. So here are my not-goals, but my life.

Goals set me up for failure - but, living life, well I can be successful at that. 

August Life:
Health - I am happy to report that I have lost and kept off about 10-15 pounds this summer (HUGE DEAL!) and I am going to keep doing what I am doing.  Sensible eating, focusing on eating clean healthy non-processed foods.   I am going to continue to find ways to challenge myself physically, including doing this as much as I can throughout the week.

(attempting to do longer plank, more push ups and might change lunges to leg lifts)

Book - I did read/finish Messy Grace for the month of July and about 1/2 way through Hoot.  Although I did not read both for July, I am about to go on another trip and should be able to knock out Hoot rather quickly.   For August my book is going to be The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick. It looks rather interesting and hopefully a page-turner.  For those days going back to work.... I am tired when I get home.    While we are talking about books I will add, for those who are curious, that I will be reading and leading an online group through Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. This will take about 6 weeks and will find another book to read for September too! 

Scripture - although I am slacking at memorizing all of these, it's been great to be digging into the Word to find exactly what I am looking for.
Psalm 150:6
Colossians 3:12
Matthew 6:34
Isaiah 56:1
Proverbs 31:30

My wonderful husband also bought me the She Reads Truth Bible!  It weighs more than a new born baby, but that weight is because it's filled with knowledge and beauty.   My goal is to do their studies for Titus, Philmon and Hebrews and for September work on Proverbs.

Fall is my favorite.
I welcome you.
Giving up control.

I tried - being mentorable {open letter to my future mentor}

Dear Future Mentor,

Thank you.  I have needed you for some time.  I needed you without even knowing it was you, or the idea of a mentor.  I needed  you more than I realized.

See, I feel as if I am in a weird spot in the church.  I don't feel like I belong.  I did not grow up in the church that we are going to, so my roots are more shallow than others. I did not attend the Christian college, as my husband and friends did, feeling as I orbit their social circle. I have a "worldly" job... I mean ministry... ahh, whatever teaching is these days, which does not allow a lot of time to do do "mom" things or minister to others.  It's weird for I have a loving mom and great friends, but I am missing...

missing you.

I need guidance spiritually.
I need wisdom that challenges me.
I need patience, strength, calm, investment.
I need cared for.

I need you.

As I currently write you, my family is going through a season of transition. A time of reflection and re-centering our lives back to God's plan.  A time of waiting to see what is in store.  Prior to this season I had directly asked several (4) women to be my mentors, and asked handful of other women to just hang out - but it always falls through.  Some of these women graciously turned me down with positive answers.  Some didn't really have the time, respectively.

But I truly, prayerfully plead for someone to reach my hand and say "it is I that will get coffee with you! Listen. Talk. Pray. Check-in. Invest."   Okay, you don't have to talk like that.  I promise.

Mentoring is an odd topic to talk about in the church.  Sometimes it happens organically, very natural.  Other times it is forced.  I pray that whomever gets paired with me, it is a relationship that happens naturally, God driven.

See, I am a mess.  To my peers, it might appear that I am put together.  Got all the answers.  Life is grand.  But, I am human.  Just as my blog title states, I am trying.  Honestly, I don't know what I am doing from day to day.  Grasping at straws.

I know once this season of transition changes, there might be more time and opportunity for investment.

A  few weeks ago I was talking to an older lady about my parents helping take care of my children as we were at a conference she said "at least you have your parents, we always lived so far from family."    I just wanted to respond with, "but you had the church.  You had people come to you and watch your kiddos to give you a break.  Bring you a meal.  Pray with you.  Call you to see how you were. Being a mother is hard.  Working in a church is hard."   But I just acknowledged the truth that I am thankful that we are currently close living to my family.

A year ago I had a friend talk about how she doesn't have many deep relationships or mentors and how she wishes her mom lived closer.  Yet, in the same conversation I could count on two hands the older women in her life.  ASKING to babysit her new baby.  ASKING to clean her house or offer help.  ASKING  her over for coffee and conversation.  Yet it appeared that she is oblivious to all the good she had.
J
Future mentor, or can I call you friend.  I am a bit bitter.  I don't want to be.  I ask God to help soften my heart.  To give me courage to ask the right women to be apart of my life. But as a horse chases a carrot on the stick, I am always just a tad short.

So future mentor, future church.  Thank you.

Thank you for loving me, the messy me.  The real me.  The speaks before she thinks me.
Thank you for loving my family.  Challenging us to be humble kingdom workers.

Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to acknowledge that I exist.

That's all that is takes.
Letting people know that they are important.

I do my best to be intentional with my friends.  But having someone who has gone before me, to hold my hand through prayer, tears, excitement and opportunities is who I am looking for. (holding my hand can be figuratively - don't want to make anyone, myself included, uncomfortable).

If you are an older woman, regardless of age, who are you investing in?  The generation younger than  you?  The new mom?  A student? A babysitter?

Dear future mentor.
I needed you.
I wait for you.
I appreciate you.
I appreciate God's timing of you.

With love,
Megan

Freebie Find: 100 Questions and mentor conversation topics - to make this mentoring thing easier on all of us.  =] 

I tried - reading Messy Grace [July's Book Review]

A while back I, like more years than I can remember, I started and almost finished reading Messy Grace by Caleb Kaltenbach but for some reason I stopped reading it, in fact I let other people borrow it!

At the end of June I had the honor hearing Caleb speak and I decided that I must finish his book for July; it wasn't a difficult task.

"Can someone be gay and go to heaven?  I think if we're going to ask that question, then we have to ask if someone can be an alcoholic and go to heaven?  Can someone be addicted to drugs and go to heaven? Can someone be a gossip and go to heaven? Can someone be a worrier and go to heaven? Can someone be jealous of others and go to heaven? Can someone be an arrogant know-it-all Christian and go to heaven?"

Spoiler alert - that was the fourth to the last page in his book.  But it gets my point across.

Messy Grace is Caleb's story and journey of growing up with gay parents, learning to hate Christians, then later becoming a Christian and serving pastor.

I love this book.  The first time I started to read it, and the second time.  It's full of thought provoking ideas, truth woven statements, and pieces of little "ah-ha!" nuggets.  The title says it all.  Grace is messy.  The church is messy.  Being a Christian is messy.  So how come we do such a horrible job at loving our gay neighbor, our gay child, our gay parent or co-worker?  Are they not human too?

Although he was more focused on loving the gay community, I couldn't help but also apply everything he wrote to other communities that Christians sometimes struggle with loving.   The quote above could also include, in my opinion, can someone be a liberal and go to heaven? Can someone be republican and go to heaven? Can someone have tattoos and go to heaven? Can someone born in a Muslim family go to heaven? Can someone who is black go to heaven? Can someone who is a cop go to heaven? Can someone who is a soldier go to heaven? Can someone who works for an abortion clinic go to heaven?

Can someone who disagrees with me go to heaven?

The very same page he writes, "Most Christians I know wouldn't have an issue with saying that any one of those people could go to heaven (talking about gossip, etc), but for some reason, when it comes to homosexuality, some think that is too tall of an order for God.  I think it's because their view of God is too small.  He's calling everyone into this kingdom all the time, as hard as that may be for us to believe."

This summer I also participated, well... attempted to participate in, a Beth Moore study called "Entrusted."   On page 106 of her workbook she writes, "Have you ever wondered how we Christians get away with some of the things we do? We rename the sin something noble.  We call gossip informing, judgement discernment, misogyny authority, anger righteous indignation, lust appreciation, arrogance confidence, profanity passion, and hate debate, and voila, misconduct gets reframed as Christian duty."

By renaming our sin, we simultaneously are trying to let others know that their sin is worse than ours.  But, sin is sin. And love is love.  

(My favorite is Romans 9:12-21)

I urge everyone to read this book, and truly seek their own hearts, get to know someone from the gay community, truly know them, don't fear them... they are people too!  My biggest fear or worry (and I know I shouldn't have any, for God is bigger than even my own small fears) is that the people who truly NEED to read this book, won't give it a second glance.  That more often than not, the ones reading Messy Grace are already trying to love their gay Christian and non-Christian friends.  But this is just me making an assumption, which is not healthy either.

So, I challenge you, regardless of where you stand on your beliefs of homosexuality in the church, to read this book.  Not just read it, but come to it with an open mind and ask God for it to touch your heart.  That your heart can reflect God's heart, one full of love and grace (even if it is messy).

~*~

To my LBTQ co-worker, friends, family, I am sorry if you have been hurt by the church.  The church is not a place of perfection, but a place of brokenness.  Our identities should be mirrors reflecting Christ, not our own thoughts and ambitions.  If you (homosexual or heterosexual) have been hurt by the church and need to talk, I will listen.  You are loved.

I tried - resting {finding peace in chaos - July's goals}

I realized that I never made a post over June goals.  Therefore, I can not make a post about how June went. (went really well!) When I started to type this post, I thought it was going to be a simple post over July's goals and what's happening in my corner of the world.

But then I realized that all of my goals reflect back to what I heard at church this morning.

"Shattered plans are often the result of our poor choices or God's sovereign will." - Dr. Mark Scott.  

Over all he was preaching about Jeremiah 17 and 18 and how that sometimes our plans are interrupted to get our attention (disobedience) or because God wants to remake us, for He is the potter and we are His clay.

It really was the perfect sermon for me to hear. God's perfect timing too. I have been reflecting on the word "PAUSE" and what that means for me and our current family situation and environment.

It seemed like several of my July goals are related to reflecting more on life.  Stepping back.  Stepping down.  Stepping outside, holding hands of little' more.  Stepping in tune with others.

Book: 
July I am going to re-read/finish "Messy Grace" by Caleb Kaltenbach.   Recently I heard him speak and was drawn again to his story and wisdom of how to better love our gay neighbors.  I figure this would be a quicker read the second time around and if time allows would like to read "Hoot" by Carl Hiaasen - a middle school novel my dad told me to read in a day.  We shall see!

Health:
I am going to continue to do my version of "weight watchers" - watching macros, meaning I am eating very clean foods - low sugar, carb, processed.     I am currently finishing up a four week Diet Bet game with some local friends.  I have to loose one more pound this week to make sure that I get my money back (possibly make some too).  I plan on investing the money I make into a different game.

Scripture:
June I was focusing on reading and studying 2nd Timothy because of my study, "Entrusted" by Beth Moore.  Now that that is wrapping up I will be going back to my weekly scripture focus.
Back to memorizing, or at least focusing and meditating on for the July week's:
Exodus 14:14
2 Corinthians 9:6
Habakkuk 2:20
1 Samuel 12:16

Challenges:
Continue to eat healthy.  I am also 12 days into a physical challenge (squats, pushups, plank and crunches) and would like to finish that out.

My two biggest challenges and habits that I want to create this month are;
1) Wake up before the boys at least 4 days a week - even if it's just 15 minutes before.  The trick to this is the fact that it IS summer and our boys don't have a strict waking time from summer schedules.  It is typically after 7:30.
2) I want to spend LESS time on my phone.  That's it.  See what's around me more.

Pause. Breathe. Repeat.

I tried - reading 7 women [June's book review]

At the start of June I joined a Bible study over 2nd Timothy.  As we were meeting the women, in those sometimes awkward situations, I had to answer and discuss the question of, "which famous person would you like to spend time with?"

One of the women I was interviewing mentioned that her woman of choice was a result of reading the book "7 Women" - so I made a mental note .....okay, I did write it down too....

A few weeks later at the library with my boys I remembered the book and thought, why not.  I need to start reading something for June!

I strongly urge all people to pick up this book.  It really makes you reflect on the life at which we have been given.   This is not Eric Metaxas first biography.  He has also written over Bonhoeffer and a title called 7 Men.  Given time, I am interested in reading 7 Men as well. 

The seven women that Eric chose to write over and were also the following seven chapters:  Joan of Arc, Susanna Wesley, Hannah More, Saint Maria of Pairs, Corrie ten Boom, Rosa Parks and Mother Theresa.   Of these seven women, I was familiar of 3 of them.

Honestly, of these women (and I'm sure there are so many others..... watch the film "Hidden Figures" please!) but of these women I could not pick a favorite.  

I have always been drawn to the Holocaust and WWII - so the stories of the rebel Saint Maria of Pairs and Corrie ten Boom intrigued me greatly (not your Anne Frank story). Their selflessness.  Their style.  Their fearlessness.

Susanna Wesley and Hannah More had interesting stories relating to church and which movements started to develop - and their desire to educate all people.

I am passionate about justice and human rights, so learning more of Rosa Parks and her life was fascinating.  And honestly, the fact that we aren't so far from her story still breaks my heart.

Mother Theresa was a name I knew, so seeing her heart being poured out on pages was beautiful.  Her hurt for all people was by far inspiring.

Warnings - if you do read this - be ware that the first chapter, Joan of Arc, was difficult for me to get through.  I am not familiar with French (anything) and war words.  But the rest of the book wasn't as 'dry'.    Also, it really.... really.... REALLY bothered me that it was not 100% chronological. Even in his writings he would mention siblings, but write their birthdays out of order, or by significance, I'm not really for sure.  The lack of linear-ness was frustrating at times, but not frequent enough for me to stop reading it.    Main example,  Rosa Parks was born after Mother Theresa, but Rosa came before Mother Theresa in his book - but all the other women where in order of birth.

Please don't let my pickiness stop you from picking up this great book.

I tried - reading Present Over Perfect [May's book review]

Summer - we are in full swing of long nights, grilling with friends, park dates, fresh produce, and bug bites!  But we love our summer.  With summer also comes a different pace; main reason for my May book review a weekish late.

May's book was going to be the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis - honestly, I didn't read it.  I was struggling getting into it.  I am not for sure if it was the season I mentally was in (finishing up teaching, planning my husband's graduation party, transitions) or what.  But it wasn't pulling me deep into it's pages.

At the end of May, Jeremiah got the book Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist 

This was a wonderful book to read right before summer.  Shauna is an older version of me. Like I am pretty sure we are related somehow. Hopefully that's not an insult to her.  Seriously, she loves cooking and gathering around the table, being intentional with making sure to feed people.  Her place to recharge is by a river, or a small simplistic house but yet she's drawn deeply to live in a bustling city.  She is not perfect by social media's standards when it comes to size - but absolutely gorgeous she is!  She has two boys (yes, I understand that) her husband is a worship leader (check). She obviously enjoys writing - girl, we are sisters!

I am so thankful to have read her book, for I can see myself living another 10 years doing everything wrong.  Okay, everything wrong is a bit extreme.   But I can give myself grace!

Her book is written with a short-essay style.  The chapters, very brief, were her stories and they filled my heart.

Shortly into her book I felt myself nodding along with her thinking "me too" or laughing with her for something I can see myself doing.  I was relating to her as she kept saying she was the responsible one, therefore she kept taking on more and more and more.  

It made me reflect on a conference I recently went to back in April where we discussed spinning plates - and at some point, something will give and break. 

She stated on page 102 "This is actually my life, and it doesn't matter one bit if it would be lovely for someone else to live.  What does matter; does it feel congruent with how God made me and called me?" 

That hit home hard.  

I have the ability to remake myself.  Look again at where and who God is calling me to be.  I do not have to always feel like I should meet everyone's expectations - except God's (and his is really the only one that matters).

This summer, as my boys tug on my shirt to get another 'dink' (drink) or want to hit one more ball in the yard, I am going to pause and practice being present.  For as I searching for my calling or pray for my families next move - I can be present.   There will always be dishes, laundry, media, things that can eat up our times.  

Chores are not my calling.
Tasks are not valued.

The choice to love is my calling. 

People are valued.

I am going to remake myself through pauses.  

I am going to practice being present.  

I am going to love
and let my soul be free.  

I tried - March {April Goals}

Dear March,
You were good to me.  Lots of reasons to celebrate (most birthdays in a month).  Including my sister's new baby girl! *squeals* We had Spring Break, a time to relax and reconnect with family - much needed.  Fresh air filtering through the screen door as I listen to my sons play freely in dirt and new grass. Peaceful.  As quickly as you storm in, you roll out in a different storm.  And you always welcome your friend April.  Thank you March.  Until we meet again.  You were good.

I didn't even have time to write a pre-March challenge.   So here is what I accomplished:
Book - I read and enjoyed The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon.  You can read about it here.   I also took notes and skimmed over a book about how to read your Bible better; you can find those thoughts here.
Health - I didn't do well, but I didn't do horrible.  I kept running but I was not successful this month with tracking my food or my workout events.  Here's to "just be healthy"
Scripture Memorization - I (attempted) to memorize Matthew 15:18, Philippians 2:3, Matthew 25:25-26, Proverbs 10:17 and Isaiah 41:10.  I also, along with my husband and two friends sat down one evening and we read the entire book of Romans.
Challenges - The challenge I chose, and completed for March,  will be revealed at a later date for it is something that deserves it's own entire post.

Do you ever have those moments that the puzzle is just done. complete. finished and you have no idea how you got to that point, but it feels great.  My April puzzle is complete.  Here are some of the pieces that started to point towards the completion of what April is shaping up for me.

* My favorite quote since high school (maybe prior) see below

* Last Sunday our church started a sermon series called "Overload"

* Had planned, months ago, to read Jen Hatmaker's book "Seven" - first introduced by a friend 3 years ago. 

* Recently watched the documentary Minimalism that several friends raved over months ago.

* In preparation to move (now we are not) we had started a collection of things for a garage sale and will be participating in a City Wide sale. 

* Pinterest board from months ago had April as the "Waste Less" month
* My interest in the Tiny home movement.
* Easter - a major time of reflection.

"Simplicity is the Ultimate form of sophistication." -DaVinci

April shaped up to be a month of scaling back, losing the excess, finding peace in the simple things, joy.  Spring is typically the time that people do their "Spring Cleaning" - all of the above small pieces were just a way for me to realize that it's more than my house that needs spring cleaning; but my body, mind, and heart do as well.  A month to purge. 

Book - As I mentioned before I have been interested in the book "Seven" by Jen Hatmaker for a few years.  I purchased it over Christmas break in anticipation to read it sometime in 2017.  Perfect timing.  Although it's not April yet, I have already started reading it - let's just say this - she's hilarious.  [Purge - media and hopefully will read more books]

Health - April 1st will be a big day - running my first 15k.  Although I have ran a half marathon, this will be challenging for I have not been able to train as much as I would like.  I had some encouraging ladies remind me that it's okay to walk and just have fun.   A few weeks later I will have another 5k and would love to see my time improve.  I WILL (not going to try, but DO) the above daily challenge as well as the same amount of burpees as is the date.  So, April 7th I will do 7 burpees.  I will also be completing whole30 simultaneously tracking food and water intake. I might even participate in Jen's first chapter about Seven Foods....... [Purge fat and negative self image]

Scripture Memorization - I have the following pieces of scripture to work on memorizing and more importantly applying to my life: Proverbs 1:7, 1 Peter 2: 1 - 3, John 8: 31 - 32, and Luke 10: 41 - 42.  The cool 'God' story about these scriptures, they have been listed in my Bible for several weeks, but they all seem to fit the need to focus on Jesus and his teaching - true priorities.  [Purge the world]

Challenge - I am going to be keeping the same challenge that I have been working on this past March. I look forward to updating everyone about the observations I have been honored to witness from doing this very easy task in my life.  I am also going to do something, that I just learned about tonight, called "listening prayer."  If you would like to know more about what it is, please ask. [Purge doubt; in others too]