I am....

 I am... well... I am an 8 and I am angry.  

Current tunes, believe it or not, "Bella's Lullaby" 

This weekend I attended a Christian Women's Retreat/Event. And here's what pisses me off (and if that word offends you, might as well stop reading and saddle on up to ride on out). 

1) Not a single person, other than myself, that I am aware of prayed for Ukraine. My mind was just shocked. I kept waiting for someone to bring it up. Maybe it was spoken in small groups. Maybe I nodded off or slipped out to that bathroom at those moments. But seriously. Totally in shock. 

2) A "leader" stated (for the second time) how BUSY I am and how difficult it is to have community and that we hope to have community when we return. Here's why I am not okay with that... that person had no right to speak about my life when they are not currently speaking life into me. Twice they used that word "busy" as if they know me... in reality they don't have the slightest idea. 

In fact. I am not too busy for people. I make time, or attempt to make time, for the people who want to make OUR relationship a priority. 

So, if you are reading this, I am not too busy for you.  We have a saying in our home: 
"not late, not early, just welcome" and I stay true to those words. Whether it's taking a phone call during my boy's judo practice, or going to waffle house across town at midnight, even the dreaded waking up early to go shopping. =] I am there. 

As an 8 we don't carry much emotion. We are passionate, loyal and angry. I am tough on the inside, but totally a softy for my people.

I am angry. I am me. 

Before I leave, just wanted to pray for Ukraine: 
God, you know the outcome of this war, and the bigger war that we are facing. A broken world, filled with more heart ache than I can handle. God, I ask you to protect the moms giving life in bomb shelters. I pray for teenagers that are becoming adults as they pick up a weapon. I pray for children, that you might be able to bring peace, just for a moment. God, they are in good hands. Thank you for creating us just the way we are meant to be. 

God, thanks for creating me to be angry and passionate. Although my heart breaks, I am thankful for the few who can see the cracks and have stuck by to mend me together. 

PS - I wish I was normal sometimes. 

Credit: Suko Family, Ukraine

I tried reading diverse books

We all have a story. 

Part of my story....three years ago, if you asked me, I would not say I was a reader. Fast forward, I am now working on my master's degree to become a media specialist/librarian with an emphasis on being culturally relevant and using books to build bridges.  

This is a list of my favorite young adult literature, including some non-fiction and from a variety of backgrounds. 

 
Jason Reynolds IS one of my favorite authors, hands down.
Also check out, Long Way Down, The Boy in the Black Suit, and When I was the Greatest

I can't rave enough about this book! Thank you Angie Thomas for creating this!
(Also a movie, but I have not seen it)

I had a student who didn't talk much in class, but after I read this book (that he suggested) we started to talk history. It really helped me have a better understanding of MLK, the movement, and his murder.

A fiction tribute to Dr. King. 

This was a wonderful non-fiction, insightful, to a situation that is close to home. Education. 

Written in verse, and just a terrific read. 

It's been a couple of years since reading this, still makes the list! 


If you don't know where to begin, start here. A collection of 14 diverse short stories.

 
The above two books are about journeys away from home (Hispanic focused)

I LOVED these two books! Malala is an inspirational young lady and Refugee follows the stories of 3 teenagers and their journeys during war and dictatorship. 

I know I didn't really say much or give a clear synopsis of the above books.  Awesome, wonderful, terrific, can't put down, page turner, call to action, are all words I would use to describe them. These books really shaped me. If you are looking for something a little more adult, without doubt, please check out Just Mercy (also a movie!). 

And if you are looking for some more kid friendly selections, this list would be a great place to start: https://www.sittercity.com/parents/childrens-books-to-educate-about-racism?fbclid=IwAR0kRaas4SAHMroroGsJB-KXwvewyo0XiyQ3a6-K7ZSgAf3rTQr_DophL_k

These books are stories. Some true, some from imagination. But they represent truth. 

Our (the world even) narrative must change. Our hearts must change. Pick up a book. If reading a diverse book is the only thing you change this year, well it's a start. Thank you. 

Then. 
Talk to people.
Ask Questions. 
AND
LISTEN.
Smile at people. 

We all have a story. 

I tried viewing good cop videos

If you have been on facebook lately you will be experiencing what is called tension. Racial tension. Political tension. Freedom tension. 

There are lots of things flooding social media. Government corruption, systematic oppression, democrat vs republic, left vs right, black lives or all lives. It is a lot to take in. Protest, peaceful turned riot. Peaceful, disturbed by a "force". 

When social media starts saturating my feed with conflicting views, I start asking more questions. 

Lately the thing that has been plaguing my mind is why the need to share good cop videos or pictures like: 

photo credit: https://images.app.goo.gl/w26iJeuSM9mvYpPg8

Why are we celebrating something that should be given? You celebrate surprises and miracles and accomplishments. Celebrating good cops... well, is that a miracle or an accomplishment? Or is that them doing what they are supposed to do, their job? 

Do doctors have videos every time they make the correct diagnoses? It's worth celebrating. 
Do teacher get a shout out for every kid that makes a light bulb discovery? It's also worth celebrating.

Doesn't the world just become better from people doing good? Shouldn't these cops be good on and off the camera? It's almost like a participation trophy... or is that just me?

There are good people who don't wear a uniform who do the same things; sit with people, play with kids, help each other.  Because good people make the world a better place.

Are we trying too hard to cover up the fact that we need to change a deep rooted corrupted system?

I am not condoning those who are starting riots and targeting cops. Please do not hear that I am in favor of violence. I am just questioning the motives and the push. By posting so many good cop videos and pictures, to me, is covering up and siding with the injustice of the matter. Hiding the truth.

I am thankful for good cops and systems that strive for justice. I am not trying to condemn those who want to share joy and happiness, I too, like to see the good nature of people. BUT in the moment, with the tension, is this the proper time to celebrate? 

Romans 12:9-21 is my absolute favorite. Just going to leave that right there. 

Covid 19 Brain Spirals

I just told a friend that I tend to spiral when I don't have answers.  My mind will just go and go and can't stop as it is looking for facts, evidence, solutions. I have so many spirals going on right now as new information is constantly being presented and my once normal is now again out of balance. I am pretty confident a tornado would look at me and say "nope, you be crazy."

For COVID 19, here are my 19 spirals that my brain consistently is processing through out each and every day....and some of my own personal conclusions. 

Spiral 1: Am I a mean mom? My brain can not stop this spiral. Although it is one I regularly reflect and think about. Now more than ever, it is in my face, how much yelling I do as I spend 24 hours a day with these creatures. My biggest fear...they won't survive this quarantine with all of their brainless activities.  Example... our 4 year old looking for a new family.... down the road... on his own.  Or, how about our 8 year old going down the zip line... with a spike!  New rule, only ONE BODY on the zip line at a time.  Keeping kids alive is challenging, and now they are stuck at home..... but.... I am not a mean mom. (and my kids are precious, hilarious, creative, sweet and wild humans who are going to learn and be academically ready for the next year).

Spiral 2: Am I a terrible wife? In case you were wondering, one can be kicked out of their own home during shelter in place. They don't have anywhere fun to go; but a spouse who is "asked" to leave can drive around for a bit to cool off.  Prior to this whole pandemic, my husband was gone Thursday through Sunday for work. Can you imagine the shift that must take place in our home as we both reside in it....E V E R Y D A Y  together... regardless.... I am not a terrible wife. (nor is he a bad husband).

Spiral 3: Am I a bad teacher? When I was allowed to go to work I knew and had confidence in my teaching ability. I was excited to share knowledge and watch my high school students turn light bulbs on. But now, it is hard to connect with them. It's a challenge to stop thinking about ... can I do more? How? I do my best and put these kiddos first as if they were my own.... I am not a bad teacher.

Spiral 4: Am I glorifying God? Did I read my Bible enough? Pray for all the people I can think of? Am I participating in church functions as I should? Last week, as I was crying, my oldest gave me a hug, and told me "God is with your wherever you go. Joshua 1:9".  He didn't understand the irony of what he was saying....being the fact that we aren't going anywhere..... my children are learning.... I am glorifying God. (even if it's just "God, please help me!")

Spiral 5: Will my sister be safe? My sister is a doctor. Whether she knows it or not, I am constantly worried about her safety in these conditions. It "plagues" my mind; as she is the mom to three amazing little kiddos. The thought of her being at risk shatters my heart. This spiral, if started, usually ends in tears...... my sister is wise and is using every precaution.... she is safe. She is strong!

Spiral 6: What's for dinner? What's for lunch? Wait... what did we have for breakfast? Having to remember to feed our family, every day, for every meal.... is a major spiral. Or can be. Now, before this whole lock down business, I had the menu planning on lock down, but we had freedom to change it up or pick up last minute items on our way home from work. All I know is that I am so incredibly grateful for the meals provided by our boys' school. Going to pick them up provides routine and a much needed break in our day, plus a fun little trip down the road. This spiral usually doesn't get too far when my husband and I pick out what's for dinner in the morning. A plan is set in place. 

Spiral 7: Am I getting fat? So there is a joke about gaining the Covid 15 (a play off of the freshmen 15) and I am not laughing. Try on your jeans they say..... amazon search jeans.... I have always struggled with my weight, size and being content with my own image. But it seems to be magnified (like my waist) during these uncertain times. I can't run with my sister anymore.... I am at home where the boys like to ask for snacks... whats a small nibble? (hint: it's no longer a nibble when you eat two serving sizes while preparing their food).  The good news..... this spiral is coming to a halt. I am continuing to run (sadly without my sister) and I am in the process to reshape my mindset, hopefully helping me reshape my body.  Although I gained a few pounds in March when this all started, I have been steady. So... no, I am not getting fat! (honestly, who cares!)

Spiral 8: Do I have homework? In January I started my online graduate program! It was manageable with my husband traveling. However, I have discovered I do not like doing homework when he is home. I am constantly having to think about what assignments I need to do or edit, which chapter in our text I need to read, or have I posted to the proper discussion board. Yes, I do have homework. 

Spiral 9: Am I going crazy? My mental health is in a very strange place. I am typically not an emotional person. I've cried like 6 times this week.... okay.... yesterday. I cried like 6 times yesterday. I am trying to get off of this roller coaster. It's odd. At night, it feels almost normal. Spending time with the family, going to bed. And in the morning, there is a brief second that all feels like the world is still spinning correctly. The only thing spinning, my overwhelming desire to be perfect in all of this....which... is not possible. I am not going crazy, but keeping my mental and emotional  health in check is highly recommended.

Spiral 10: When did I shower last? During this social distancing I thought it would a be terrific time to do a social experiment: how long can one go without showering before their children think they smell funnier than them? The answer is 4.  I will let you decided what the 4 represents.... it's also up to you to figure out how much sarcasm is in that statement.  Keeping track of when to shower, if it is necessary for the day, do I have clean underwear... it is a fun mental spiral .... if you can't remember the last time you showered, you probably should. 

Spiral 11: Zoom! Not going to lie. I am going to declare that "Zoom" becomes a grown up word in our house. In the last two weeks I believe we have zoomed a total of 11 times NOT including my husbands meetings and instruction lessons. So we are probably looking at around 30 - 40 something different zoom sessions we have participated in. The answer to my spiral... write them down, set an alarm... and hope for the best.

Spiral 12: Who did __________________ last? Dishes, vacuum, sweep, laundry, cook, wipe down tables, pick up toys, mow the yard, get the mail, take out the trash, feed and water the dog, pay the bills, check the plants........all day long. I am not going to lie, a friend sent me some pictures of her home.... it made me feel better about mine. The benefit of having a "smaller" home and the fact that we live a more minimalist lifestyle, we have less mess. What I am starting to realize, we live here. It's okay if it looks like it. (ps... we don't own a dishwasher if that somehow makes you feel better)

Spiral 14: Am I in the wrong to be upset with people's ignorance and selfishness? There are some pretty far fetched conspiracies going around right now, or being stirred up more. I don't know what's worse, the conspiracies and ignorance or the political bullying and badgering during this time in which we need to be more united? It's sickening how much time I have wasted reading misleading information. Nope, it's okay for me to be upset, it's what I do with my frustration that is key. Learning not to chase rabbits on social media (stop trying to prove everyone wrong) has vastly increased my joy. People will believe what they want, no matter how crazy, mean, or inaccurate it is. I can't control that. I can only control my perception and I want to choose joy. I need to choose joy. 

Spiral 15: Am I doing this right? You know all of those projects I wanted to do.... start a garden..... plant more indoor plants.... paint the shed.... stain the deck.... Or, how about all the books I am going to get to read?! I have to stop my brain from thinking about all these things and truly refocus the spiral into something more productive. It's okay if not everything gets done while I manage the other spirals in my life. Yes, I am doing this right. 

Spiral 16: Am I going to be able to make Easter memorable? Just. Sit. Down. Stop. Thinking. Seriously, why do I let my brain going into these tizzies. Here's the fact... this whole event... will make this Easter memorable, I don't have to do anything, it's done for me!

Spiral 17: Am I writing enough letters, making enough phone calls, marco polos, texts? I want to take care of people. When I start thinking of too many people that I want to communicate or connect with I will just start writing their names down and in my free time reach out to them. If you are reading this (and personally know me) and I have not contacted you, I am sorry. With around 140 students in addition to family, it's a lot to take care of. I have tried writing cards, sending encouraging messages on Instagram, making goodies for neighbors, all of it. I am doing enough.

Spiral 18: Do people think or care about me as much as I think and care about them? This is when my brain spirals in reverse of the above..... who I take care of becomes who is taking care of me? This spiral might be the most dangerous! It is something I think about a lot. See.... I have trust issues. I have abandonment issues. I have friendship or maintaining relationship issues. I have control issues. I have fear of missing out issues. I am always looking for a deep connection; yet, I tend to drown people when I try to take them too deep. I question why my "friends" on facebook don't like a picture or video... yet comment on someone else's stuff.... it's a dangerous spiral that number 18.  First, if you have read this entire blog. Thank you, please let me know by leaving me a comment. Maybe this post was too long, so you scrolled to the bottom and read this part, but you've read my blog before... cool and thanks! If I have recently told you how much you mean to me, know that I truly have thought it. A LOT. Thank you for loving me, reaching out to me, not giving up on me. I know who you are and I hope you know who you are too. 

Spiral 19: I don't know if you actual read this or caught this intentional mistake ... but I only made 18 brain spirals. Well...if you count thinking about one less spiral as a brain spiral of it's self. (Anyone else tired of the "math problems" with pictures). This virus doesn't deserve the best of me. It doesn't deserve all of my mental energy and time.

Let me know what your brain spirals are. How are you dealing with challenging times?

Be safe. Live loved.

I tried to {FOCUS} on PRO LIFE....

Pro Life:

the (counter)argument from a Jesus follower

First, some background information.  I am an INTJ.  I enjoy facts, deep conversation, growth and development.  I have also recently discovered that I am a OneWingTwo which classifies me as advocate. I am a teacher, a mother, a Jesus follower.  And I am passionate. 

Second, I am going to do my best to shine light (from multiple angles... and articles) onto an issue or topic that has been plaguing my mind for a while.  Although it would make my life easier if everyone agreed with me, that's not my intentions with this post.  Through verbal processing and challenging conversations I am able to grow.  My intentions are to ask questions to get those around me to think.  Not like me. But think about what they truly believe.

****

For months I have been stewing over a couple of current events; they mainly fall under the word 'prolife'.   I have had friends and peers discuss the repercussions of getting vaccines in lieu of supporting abortions.  New York rejoiced as they legalized abortion. The government shutting down, sacrificing benefits to those in need.  Immigration and discussion of a wall being built to ensure our countries safety. 

How do you identify yourself? 
Pro-life
Pro-birth
Anti-abortion
Human rights advocate
Neutral
Pro-choice

These titles are sometimes used in the wrong context or without true meaning. I know I struggle with claiming to be pro-life.  *gasps*

I don't consider myself a true pro-lifer because I don't boycott living, explanation to follow.  Honestly, I am not for sure where I fall or what I call myself.

Personally, when I hear the word pro-life, I believe that is all life (in and out of the womb).   The Gospel Coalition writes about the term here. 

Boycotting
Some pro-life people are going to extreme measures and boycotting things that do not support their personal beliefs. 

For example, people are not getting vaccines believing that the vaccines had grown with/in aborted human tissue.    Does getting vaccines make me a baby killer?  Do they do more harm than good? Or vice versa? If I get a vaccine am I allowed to claim pro-life as my identity?

Does consuming chocolate contradict being pro-life?  Since the 70's the Nestle company has been under the lens for causing all sorts of problems for the living.  From formula and water contamination in unequipped countries.  To recent events of stealing water from the Lakota people. Are their products made my child slaves in terrible conditions?  Is that supporting life?  If a person purchases these products are they causing others to suffer? At the bottom of the article there is an image of some of the top brands Nestle produces, do you boycott all of those to protect life?

If you watch the Super Bowl are you against humanity, a non-pro-lifer? Major sporting events, including the olympics, has issues with sex(human) trafficking.  If you do not boycott sports, or even the internet with advertisements, are you really pro-life?

What if you can't afford child-labor free clothing and your garments that you are currently wearing were made by tiny hands? Do the clothes on your own back create an imbalance to being labeled as a pro-lifer?

What happens if you don't sign every petition allowing for all on death-row to be placed on the 'inmate for life' list? If one does not boycott the death penalty then can you say you are willing to protect all life? Does the death penalty align with your religious view or loving ALL people?

Investing
On the other side of the coin, if a person does not invest in certain ideas or products do they turn against pro-life ideologies?

Let's start with a basic concept.  Adoption or fostering.  If a healthy, totally equipped family does not choose to adopt or foster, are they not investing in pro-life reform?

What about immigration and building a wall?  If you support and invest not letting people (regardless of your reason), do you truly value the living?

Organ donation is yet another topic to consider when you want to discuss pro-life issues.  If you choose to go to the grave with your body intact, are you not investing in life?

Definition
Maybe just using the proper definitions will allow for better conversations to take place?  The online dictionary defines pro life as an adjective "opposed to legalize abortion; right-to-life." 

Last question: is being pro-life an all or nothing type of topic... or pick and choose what issue you want to stand firm on?

DTR before you get on facebook, twitter, instagram, etc before you claim one angle or another.  Define the relationship with yourself and with others before words on a device become deceived division makers.

(P.S. I am not trying to convict or accuse. I do not want to upset or hurt.  I am trying for us to dig deeper into our thoughts before we proclaim a classification or identity claim; making others shell up thinking they are inferior for supporting (or not) one idea or another) #getofsoapboxtalkingaboutsoapboxes. 

Remember: You are loved.

Dear Future Self - don't give up teaching [an open letter]

Dear Future Self,

The past few weeks there was another school shooting. Causing facebook to go rampant with gun control and gun right activist having completely cool and calm discussions (sarcasm). But in the end, a solution was not set in place. I will still do my job. I will wake up and walk into a building and protect my students. For the truth is, I didn't become a teacher for any other reason but for the fact that I value these young  minds. I believe that they are our future and need loving and compassionate adults to show them what honor and dignity look like. I will protect them. I will care for them. I will be their teacher.

There have been plans set in place for March 14, 2018 to be a student/teacher walk out of school in honor of the 3 teacher and 14 student lives recently lost. I really hope this is not true for 3/14 is supposed to be a fun day in the math world - it is Pi-day y'all!  I saw an image or idea that instead of walking out on someone that we go up to someone and talk to them, love on them. I did not become a teacher to give up and leave. I will stand strong and love on my students. I will be their teacher.

West Virginia has been making national news for teacher salaries and strikes.  Oklahoma teachers are planning a strike as well. Don't get me wrong, I would love for more financial support; it's hard living off of a teacher salary.  But I am not a teacher for money.  What I would love though is support from parents. Teaching is hard. It has it's moments every year that I question if I am in the right vocation.  But then I get little glimpses and reminders of why I teach. It doesn't come from a dollar sign or from a parent but when a student tells me that they are better off from knowing me. In the end, this life is short. I want all my students to know that they are worth more than any amount of money. I will be their teacher.

Betsy DeVos made a tweet on twitter recently about public schools; "does this look familiar" and a black and white picture of school compared to what she thought a modern school was. As much as I wish school was simply what it use to be (less politics) - it's not.  It's messy (when technology bails on you) it's hands on activities, moving around.  It's feeding one student who's hungry, finding a coat for another, all at the same time as hugging a sadden child and telling some kids to stop throwing markers (even in my junior high room). It looks nothing like what our Secretary of Education thinks it does. I do not teach to have a perfect classroom, I teach to take care of people, and that is going to look much different. I will be their teacher. 

This last week my district had a student take her own life.  It causes sadness and heartache.  But what was more destructive where the comments from older people. Attacking the family, other kids, teachers and the school district. As a person who has struggled with depression in high school, we can't blame others.  As a person who has lost family and a prior student to their own will, we can not mend a broken heart with a thread of lies. I have to remember that hurt people hurt people and that words are the most effective weapon at destroying a person's heart. These words are a reflection of the person speaking them and does not hold truth to my identity, my career, and how hard we work to protect all students.  The next few weeks will be hard. But I will go into my classroom, hug and remind all of my students that they are loved, that I am always here for them. I will be their teacher.

So, future self, teaching is a hard job. There will always be paper work, hateful emails, not enough time, money or resources.  There will be tears of joy, frustration sadness and confusion.  My heart will swell with love and break - and sometimes at the same time. These kiddos are not mine by DNA standards but I will call them my own.  I did not become a teacher for an easy life.  I became a world changer.

I will always be their teacher. I am their teacher.

Love,
Mrs. Jones (yourself)

PS Don't give up - you've got this. Be strong. Be bold.

I tried - fighting {Who are you fighting for}

A little bit about me - for vulnerability opens hearts of others.

I am loyal to a fault,
and stubborn.
Favor the underdog.
Going against the norm, is my norm.
I ask tough questions,

making people mad and uncomfortable.
Believe in justice on all levels.

I am a white, working mom.
My heart is elastic.
I love quickly, deeply and hard.
When I am hurt, I rationalize the situation to pieces.
Over thinking is my hurdle.
If you hurt others, I hurt for you.
I do not believe in the death penalty.
I do not believe in war or harming others.
I do believe that love will win.
More times than not I feel very alone in this world.
Holding on to Joshua 1:9.
Taking care of others is my passion.
If I am not careful, my words are sharper than arrows.
One of my favorite scriptures is Romans 12: 9 - 21 (and many more).
My dad thought I was going to be a lawyer, I am a fighter. 

Now, I am a teacher. 

Earlier this week I got into one of those fun "word wars" on facebook feeds.  With a family member.  A lot of hurtful words were thrown my way, including the twisting of what I said; topics that were not even being debated were brought up - low easy blows - from a person who doesn't know my story.

I finally, said my peace and stopped responding.  Other people have since made comments; the carrot is in front me, waiting for me to nibble.  I have, on occasion, even typed up a response - pausing and deleting it as God asks me to.

My heart is heavy.  I have learned that if something bothers me long enough, that I need to share; regardless of if anyone agrees with me.  With enough prayer and honesty, I know God will be searching my heart one day; as he will do with others.  It's not my job to soul check others.  Gotta keep me in check.

I can't get over something that was said to me.  "You claim you're a Christian and you're standing up for injustice? No that's what I'm doing, defending president Trump, showing that he was never racist until he ran for president, and defending him from liberals and the media who have nothing better to do but insult him with impunity."  -JM

Who are you fighting for? 

Should our president's actions and words need so much defense?  A person of authority, leadership, great power, constant media coverage - constantly needing defense.  I don't need memes or youtube videos to hear the words that come from his mouth or see the "tweets" he post.

Later, this same word war, it was stated in my direction that if liberals weren't so closed minded and would see the truth and just listen for once that we wouldn't miss it.  *heavy sigh*  little do we know about each other.  Bubble living.

Who are you fighting for?

If you are asking someone to look for truth, but then do not welcome their comments, thoughts, insight, personal beliefs.... are you walking the walk or just talking the talk?

I was in tears over this conversation.
Angry tears.
Hurtful tears.
Mourning for their soul tears.

These people that I care about, and yes the strangers on this feed, are missing it.  

Who are you fighting for?

As you fight for the president....
Who's fighting for

the poor?

the oppressed?

the refugee?

the orphan?

the sick?

the homeless? 

the gay?
the widow?

the porn addict?
the prostitute?

the neighbor?

the least of these? 

(Matthew 25:40)

As I look back at these last few days, I have to remember that I am not here to fight for the President who has dug his own pits. The only way I will fight for him is through prayer.  

But I am hear to fight the good fight.  At least that is what I am trying.

I am overwhelmed {with today's news}

Most of my blog titles contain the words "I tried" or "I am trying"
Today I simply, am.

I am overwhelmed with heart break, confusion, anger, compassion, and love.

A little over a year ago I wrote a blog about being the devil's advocate when it comes to black vs blue lives mattering.  A few months after that, during the election, I posted about loving all people.

Today, many of the same thoughts raise up in me.

Saying I am overwhelmed is the easy part.  I can not seem to find the words I am looking for as current history is taking place.  Today, everything I have been watching (Brene Brown/Vulnerability), reading and listening to, have all pointed to the same feelings within me.  Overwhelmed.

I was thinking it was irony.  God's too big for irony, my day was neatly woven by Him.

I keep typing half sentences, then holding down the delete button with vigor.

over. whelmed.

Pray for - the KKK - those that are racists, the men who claim to be superior.  For their darkness is not welcomed. That their hearts will break and love will fill their lost souls.  That truth and love will shine brighter than their torches.

Pray for - the injured and dead - as these marches and riots take place that lives can be spared and that peace will be restored.

Pray for - the families - of the victims and all that are involved.  That generations of hate will not breed anymore hate.  That generations of love can prevail.  That the armed services will find safety and be able to use knowledge over weapons. 

Pray for - the church - that we can come together and pray for these events, people, his kingdom. Be advocates. I pray that the church does not turn a blind eye. That the church will not stand with such atrocities.  But stand against.  When the dust settles, the history is written, that the church will come together picking up pieces. Hold the hands of those who hurt. Hug the ones who have lost. Pray with and for the ones who have hated. Supply the basic needs in replace of destruction. 

Pray for - Trump - he is our President, whether you like it or not.  We are asked to pray for our leaders. That his words will be humble and helpful.

Pray for - war - that is happening, has happened, and will happen.  Christians are currently at war, a peaceful war.  Lives and souls are at stake.  If our country continues to act the way it does, I am afraid we will be like Syria or any other war-torn country.  

Pray for - history - that it not does not repeat in its fullness.  Honestly, hate has never stopped.  From Biblical times, to WWII, to now... the shape of hate is the same and the darkness still exist.

Pray for - USA - that our country will not continue to fall apart in pieces as immaturity and ignorance tears apart the seams of this country.

Pray for - knowledge - that for people, like me, will be called to do what they need to.  Be it prayer, or to be active in Charlottesville, that all people will be armed with truth.

Be bold. Live loved.

I tried - reading lots of books! [August book review]

With a little extra down time, I was able to finish up July's second book, "Hoot," as well as read Philip K Dick's "The Man in the High Castle." Ambitiously, I plan on reading "Heaven is for Real" by Todd Burpo - but.... with school starting very very soon... we will see how that comes along.

First, a short little write up about Hoot.  My dad gave me this book a long time ago, knowing that it was for young adult readers, or even elementary readers, he thought I would enjoy it to relate to my students.  I found out that the movie is, or was at one point, on Netflix and plan on watching it soon.

The book itself was an easy read.  Had cute relatable characters and a bit of mystery to the entire story (if you are 12).  Was it life changing, no not for a 30 year old.  Was it something I could easily pick up and put down for interruptions, yes.  Recommend this book, yes to the target audience or anyone that wants an easy read.  It was cute.

This book was a bit more difficult for me than Hoot was.   I am not for sure if it's because I tend to be a slow reader or if it was because there was a lot of "difference" to process through. Differences like, German and Japan names that I had to properly pronounce to develop characters.  Differences like, the time frame this took place was a real historical time, but yet futuristic as well.  Differences like, the geography was the same but ruled by other groups.

The differences were good though.  I really liked this book. 

The Man in the High Castle takes place in 1962 with an alternative outcome to the second world war.  Franklin D. Rosevelt was assassinated and therefore the journey for the USA to overcome the depression was never a success; causing Nazis Germany and Japan to win the World War II 15 years later, and take over other countries.

(Having this map might have been helpful, however, I was able to picture this in my head to some accuracy)

The book had several story lines and characters that overlapped one another and was neatly woven together.  The book not only offered an alternative outcome to war, but also within our science, technology, and anything the human race dealt with - the futuristic part - traveling at warped speeds from countries, studying and traveling/living on Mars the book was incredibly well thought out.

Two of the most intriguing parts of the book were:
1) The book did not take place in a Christian world, and because of the outcome of the war Christianity as a religion as well as American culture ceased and was replaced by German or Asian culture.  The historical 'book of changes' - the I Ching - has been China's ancient divination for centuries and it was the center belief for this story. Even though the Bible was only mentioned once, maybe twice, as an old USA artifact, the other cultures had Christian theology.  For example, at the end of the book Mr. Tagomi thinks "When I was a child I thought as a child.  But now I have put away childish things.  Now I must seek in other realms."  Starts off fairly biblical, but changes back to his current beliefs.  It was just interesting to see different religions and cultures mesh together.  It was sad at points, thinking that Nazis could have won the war and our 2017 state of living would be in hate.... but even in current news, we haven't come very far from this. 

2) One of the common trends, for many of the characters, was the book "The Grasshopper Lies Heavy" by the fictional character Hawthorn Abendsen - Ironically (for I just mentioned that TMITHC doesn't discuss much of the Bible or other Christian theology) is based off of the Bible's Ecclesiastes12:5.  Now, this fiction book in TMITHC,  follows what would have happened if Rosevelt escaped the assassination. A BOOK WITHIN A BOOK ABOUT THE BOOK. COOL.

With a quick google search I found out that in 2015 Chandler Duke did write "The Grasshoper Lies Heavy," a story that takes place in 1966 (4 years after TMITHC was written) about if the United States was actually ruled by four countries.  Whether Duke wrote this after reading High Castle, I am not for sure.  On Amazon, Chandler writes that he did have finally have a professional edit and read his book.  So I am not to for sure who much I want to invest in this book.

The book is good.  I would not have finished it if it wasn't.
The book is complicated - you have to not have distractions while reading it, or you'll miss important details.
The book is interesting.  I would have not read the book in a week.  I could not put this down.
The book is a tv show.... wait, what?  Yes - on Amazon Prime there are not one, but two seasons, of the Man in the High Castle.  

I eagerly can't wait to start watching them!  

If you like history, fiction, war, drama, culture, thought provoking outcomes, differences, than read Dick's, "The Man in the High Castle."

I tried - letting my kid watch Disney {Beauty and The Beast}

My wonderful husband, Jeremiah, sent me an article about the new 2017 Beauty and the Beast.  It was titled: Disney Movies' First Ever 'Exclusively Gay Moment' in New 'Beauty and the Beast'

Oh awesome, I enjoy reading articles.  He sent the article to me because our oldest, who is turning 5 soon, wants to take one of his best girl friends to the movies and out to eat.  A date. 

Yes, I am encouraging my son to take his friend on a date.  Because if I don't teach him how to be a gentleman at a young age (while he's impressionable) than what am I teaching him?
Not to mention, his mom, Emily (one of my best friends) and I want to see the movie too, so we can conveniently chaperon the event.

Once I looked at the article on my phone I quickly went to my dear friend, Google.  There were several news article with similar head lines.  

The first thing that caught my attention was the word "moment." What's a moment?  Seriously.  Can a moment be 10 seconds.  So are we not talking about a full fledged gay-sex-scene?  Is this 'moment' something that only adults would understand as more than a moment?     You know, Disney with their sneaky subtle innuendos. Was this announcement of a gay moment just another way to spark public's interest or concern?

I started texting Jeremiah and Emily about it.  Should we still take our kids to this?

My husband and I's conversation went something along the lines of: this is our world, we don't want to shelter Gideon but educate him with a Christian foundation - meaning, if he does catch this 'moment' that we can have an open dialogue about gay people and how we are still meant to love them.  Gideon would say, "because we love people" and "we do good to all people."   Jeremiah actually believes that Gideon will be more scared of the Beast and not catch anything else.

We decided that our son could still go.

A little later Emily started talking about the article and her first response was "this is the world we live in." as I was typing something similar about helping our younger ones understand the world without being drowned in the world.  She talked about how their family has watched the classic cartoon version numerous times.

She decided that her daughter can still go.

In Emily and I's conversation I mentioned how every movie has something "wrong" with it.  People were upset about Zootopia at one point; complaining that it was racist.  She then brought up all the other negative attitudes and characters within the Disney movie Beauty and the Beast.

I started to look more into Disney movies and at what age is it appropriate for young children to be exposed to the variety of issues that Disney challenges.  Below are some crude and maybe slightly exaggerated examples:

and 

When we think of movies though, they can be a teaching tool.  Any form of media can be a teaching tool.   I am almost positive we were more successful potty training Gideon because of Daniel Tiger's episode with the catchy potty tune. Mother Goose was a political satire - just leave that right here.

Growing up I didn't not watch many Disney movies or really any movies.  I have never asked my parents why. This year my Dad  took their 4 and 3 year old grandson's to go see Star Wars - full of violence and all sorts of other scenes.  So either they changed, or we just didn't watch movies.

I was not a princess girl.  Although I did adore Belle and remember seeing the Lion King for the first time.  I don't remember ever trying to live their life.  I was never in a fantasy world. Could I be a different person if I watched more Disney (or any movies) as a child?  We only know.

Here's my bottom thought: as a parent you have to know your boundaries and your child's mental and emotional ability. We have always carried out open and honest conversations with Gideon (at an appropriate age level).  I can't protect him from everything, we live in a broken world.  But I can help guide him through rough obstacles and thoughts.

I remember being in junior high and asked my dad about a Stephen King R-rated movie.  His response was something along the lines, "You have read the book, your imagination is much more dangerous than that of a movie you will see."

If Gideon gets scared in the New Beauty and the Beast, it will be an opportunity to talk about attitude, contentment, loving people regardless of their outward appearance.  It might also bring questions about the gay couple or other deeper issues.  I will pray that I will have the right words to help guide his curiosity where he can have a better understanding, without being hurt.

I wore a red-X on my hand the other day.  February 23, 2017.   Gideon asked what it was for.  He understands that there are people living on the streets, that there are people hurting.  He now knows what a slave is.  But he does not need to know what sex is, he's five.  Just like that red-X, this movie will be an opportunity for Gideon to learn about others so he can love them better.

This is the world we live in.  Disney is being culturally relevant.

Do you have a certain age that kids can watch certain movies?

{an open letter to Betsy, Senators, unions, and parents} I tried - Teaching

Dear Betsy,

Hi there, my name is Megan.  You don't know me, nor will you ever, more than likely. The reason you will never know me is because I am a public school teacher, I work in a public school in case you were wondering.  Our paths won't cross because I don't have the salary you have.  Our paths don't cross because I went to a university, using scholarships, pell grants/FASFA, and loans to be a teacher.  See, my career is ABOUT teacher "things"

Here's a list of the things us teachers know:

NWEA
MAP
RTI for classes
RTI for personal students
IEP (including ADD vs ADHD vs BD)
504
PBS (not the television station)
BIP
PIP
SLO
QUAD D
IDEAS
EPI pen
watch this video, every year, again and again.  Safety.
Common Core or standards or objective or curriculum
DATA and more DATA and more DATA and more DaTa

The above, well that's the fun part, all of those are the "hoops" we teachers jump through.  That's not what I teach.

I teach 7th grade math.  However, in my "free" time I have the "privilege" and "honor" to do some hoop jumping.  Fill out one form or the other. Look at data for one student or another. Email this upset parent, or another.  Check attendance - 7 times.  Enter grades 140 times a day. Breathe.

I teach math.  I try to teach math, while trying to build up students who are hungry, cold, homeless, abused in every way possible.   I try to teach numbers that are relevant like bills and banking.  I try to teach compassion and love - we are ALL people.

I tried teaching.  But it seems that year after year, I am trusted less in teaching and entrusted more with paper work to prove that I am teaching.  Trust me - I am a professional, I went to school for this.  I ENJOY teaching MATH.  I enjoy being around my 7th grade students and watching them learn. Please, as the Secretary of Education - PLEASE LET ME TEACH.  

But, Betsy, now I am worried.

I do the above paper work to prove to someone that I am a highly qualified teacher.  I have watched your hearings and speeches, and I am not for sure if you are highly qualified to be over so many teachers, principals, organizations, schools and funding.

Here's why I am worried.  My husband is a college student, we raise two boys off of a small teacher's salary and his part time job.  We are very blessed, please don't think that I am money hungry (I wouldn't be a teacher if I wanted more money), but there are times that I question how we even make it.

So, when I hear about you giving money, thousands and thousands of dollars to senators to secure their vote. My heart breaks.  

From my calculations, the money you gave could have paid at least 21 teacher salaries.  Now, they would be probably first year teachers, not the highest salary of the bunch.   But still,  If I continue with my calculations and each teacher has 140 students that is 2,940 students who could have been helped, taught, loved on, encouraged.   But instead, politicians' pockets are getting deeper.

It's an outrage.

Our education system is an outrage.  It's a problem.  

Betsy - it was reported that teacher unions also contributed money to politicians.   I do know that the unions are there to help protect teachers, and that might include giving money to lobby for people in office to vote in a manner that will protect educators and the system.  But politicians' pockets are getting deeper. 

Betsy - I don't know if you have ever seen "The Lottery" a 2010 documentary (on netflix) that follows around 4 New York kiddos on the journey to winning a lottery into a charter school, it's a good little viewing and I would encourage you to watch it.  Charter schools are supposed to have funding of their own, so please, when you suggest taking federal money from public schools to give to a group that already has their own funding - I am confused.   But teachers' pockets are getting shallower.  (Parents - if you are curious about the differences of schools, please go here:  Yes, it's a parenting site, but it does offer quick information on what type of schools there are.)

Betsy - our public education is broken.  Please be the piece that  helps put it back together.  I am begging.  I tried to teach.  I am worried.  I am worried financially for my family.  I worry financially for our country.   "American's Invisible Children" is another documentary also available on netflix about the homeless issue in America.   I know we have veterans that are homeless, but can you imagine not having a home, being hungry, and trying to learn.  It's hard - incredibly hard. Our schools are sometimes the warmest place a student has to shelter from the elements.  Our schools are sometimes the only place a child will get a meal.  Betsy, what are your plan for these children.  Are YOUR pockets getting deeper?

Betsy - So, with whatever you end up doing.  Please educate yourself about schools being accountable, where funding is used, what standards are, what's a healthy school and what's not.  Why some types of schools work and others don't (depending on the area) and how to help children in poverty.  

Betsy - I, as a teacher need you. Students, as our future need you.  Schools, regardless of level or type, need you.  Please, oh we beg for this to go well.

Betsy -  I pray that something good will come out of all of this.  I pray that your deep pockets open up and maybe you can buy $2.00 lunches for the students who go hungry daily.  I pray that your heart will see the children not as homeless numbers but as potential creative minds who have SURVIVED being homeless.  I pray that you look at abuse victims' test scores and understand and have compassion that they might not be scoring that of a non-victim; but yet the school they attend is held accountable.   I pray that our broken system, that I so desperately love, will be fixed.

Betsy - I have to be highly qualified.  Are you?

Sincerely,
A teacher who's trying

PS - Senators - how dare you take money.  Seriously.  I'm ashamed and sadden.  

PS - Parents - a plea for help.  Support your teachers.  Encourage them.  We have long days and more often than not, we see your child for more 'awake' hours than you. We really are doing our best. Just like you are doing your best to parent; let's be a team.

I tried - the non-American

So, guess what?  

Today is Super Bowl.  

Not to be confused with Soup for Dinner in a Bowl.  No.

I haven't seen a second of the super bowl.   Like none.

I would like to state that I like football.   But not crazy about the teams playing.

It "helps" that yesterday our oldest decided to become a huge monster in a little body and threw the remote on the floor, which shattered, after I asked him to turn the TV off for dinner.  Which, he turned the TV off, got up and walked with the remote and threw it on the floor.

Oh Brother.

The night proceeded to get worse; for him.  For me.  For our neighborhood, I'm sure.  Tears, prayers, angry words - from both of us.

Any way, although it was not my best parenting moment.  We no longer are able to turn channels on our TV or anything.  Which, its stuck on PBS 24 hour kid programming - so that's nice.

We were invited to some parties but thought it would be best if we didn't attend with our little guys.

What did we do?

My husband grilled steaks.
The boys played in the backyard.
I ran  to the store to grab a few veggies and fruit (we are running out of them more quickly with this two adults eating healthy bit).
The boys played.
Gideon sorted papers/cleaned his office.
We played catch with a football in the living room.
During prayer  we prayed for those who will be hurting tonight from bad choices (sex trafficking).

No super bowl.

Sorry America. Not today.

So, here's my post about the super bowl.

Did you know that it's the biggest event for sex-trafficking.  When I first heard this, I couldn't believe it.  Our country?  Our sport? Our friends and family?  What!??!  But yes, it's apparently a HUGE problem for the city hosting the super bowl.  They hire more people, investigators, trained staff to help locate and serve justice to those being treated as modern day slaves.

I have shared facebook post/articles about the issue, but then when I decided to link articles to my blog and do my own research I realized two things.
1) the above issue might be false
2) even  if it is false, isn't it better to get the exposure about modern slaves.

Even IF the foozeball game day isn't as big of a contributor to sex trafficking as initially thought; the problem does STILL exists.

I would encourage you to check out these sites:
End it movement  - in a few days, on February 23, they have their annual "end it" day, to help with awareness.
Black Box International - This organization focuses on boys and helping them to have a full recovery from sex-tracking in the Dominican Republic.
Rapha House - Rapha Houses, although serves any body in need of restoration, does focus on girls in other countries.
End Slavery Now - This website's name says it all - end slavery now - they are talking about the different types of slavery but does include sex-trafficking.
Polaris Project - CLICK ON ME to see a map.  This isn't happening in other countries, but happing in our towns and cities.  This site also has a link to recognizing the signs. 

Sex trafficking is real.
It's a real problem.
So, my question to you - are you part of the problem or part of the solution?  

~~~***~~~

I have been updating weekly about all of my challenges for a better me, a better 2017.  So here we go:

Book - I've only read one chapter, there are about 17 more....
Scripture - Be doers of the word, not hearers only, deceiving yourself.  - James 1:22
Cards - I have written 5 cards so far and today is the 5th.
Health - haven't had bread/carbs or sugar or much dairy at all.  Ran a 5k on Saturday and did 'eh.  Wasn't my best time by far.  But also not my worse.  Training distance for a team marathon relay in May.  Going to go to the gym more this week.

Let me know what to write about - I find my life boring.  

{an open letter on current events} I tried - screaming

Dear people,

I want to scream.

I want to scream in sadness, anger, bitterness, confusion, resentment, and passion.

This weekend, as many know, Trump is refusing to let refugees in unless they are Christians (in a very basic concept). Trump also would like to build a wall.  Trump this and trump that.

I am hoping that this letter will address several people groups.  I am not talking about religious groups, sexual orientation groups, pro-life at what level groups.  I am talking about facebook groups.

Here is what my Facebook feed consist of:

***Non-Christians (and most definitely not trump supporters) posting about how stupid Christians are to vote for this man. things like "Hey Christians...You were duped" C.S.

***Trump supporters (who some claim to be Christians) - who voted for Trump and are excited to see things going well and are finding reasons to rationalize what is happening as "okay", for instant the guy, L.S. who said "So I am curious, where were the national protest when Obama banned middle eastern refugees and deported millions of illegals? Why is it wrong that Trump has done it "which IS allowed by law" yet each of the last 6 presidents banned certain groups of people from entering the country? Hypocrisy at this best... if Hillary or Obama would have signed the same executive order there would be no protest at the  airports.  I'd bet  95% of the people who are protesting couldn't even find these countries Trump TEMPORARILY banned people from on a map or have any idea that the president is allowed do this legally."

***People who are overwhelmed and don't want to take a stand and are posting pictures of their cats.

***Advocates - who regardless of their personal religious beliefs are fighting for human rights

***Radical Christians - Jesus followers.  These are the people may or may not have voted for Trump.  But no matter what, are wanting to take a stand with the advocates.

Dear non - Christians, 

I know you don't agree with Christians or believe in Jesus or his death on the cross.  I am not asking your to believe what I believe, I am asking you to stop saying that this is Christians fault.  Yes, Trump might have persuaded or favored the Christian religion to gain votes.  

But I am not one of them.  Giving me an identity that I did not ask for is hypocritical - for it's no different than racists claiming that all Muslims are terrorists.     You can be mad about Trump's choices.  But instead of passing the blame and starting more irrelevant drama, let's rally together and do something about it.  

Dear Trump Supporter,
Really?  Really?  I don't understand why you are trying so hard to defend a person that is causing so much harm.   Chances are, you might be white, a Christian, or have a little bit of ignorance (in the sense of following family habits vs researching and making your own).  I am not stupid, no matter how much you wish we were.  In fact,I graduated college with the person who claims that only Trump supporters know geography.  Trump is president, you don't have to battle for him.  Instead, we need to go to battle together, for the human race. Please don't push us away more 

Also, please stop saying how perfect and well behaved the Republicans were when Obama was elected.  If I recall, he had to deal with several hateful situations. 

PS - to the Christian-Trump Supporters, where?  Where in the Bible does it say it's okay to build a wall and excluded people?  Where in the Bible does it say it's okay to cause harm on someone else - like torture?  Where in the Bible does it say it's okay to judge others based off of their sexual orientation, creed, race, even parenting skill set?    I am so confused by you and your actions - when I read my Bible it's filled of Love, Hope, Peace, War AGAINST the ENEMY.   So, let's stop fighting each other as people, and start fighting the good fight.

Dear people who are overwhelmed,

It's okay.  It really is.  You might be too young to understand what is happening.  I urge you to educate yourself - and that doesn't necessarily mean follow your parents.  Do research, learn about the world around you.  To those who are over whelmed and don't understand why it's a big deal, my heart is sadden for you.  The world is suffering around us, and it might not be in your own home, but if we don't do anything about it, it's going to be knocking on your door here soon. I want to let you know, the battle was already won.  There is peace in greater than all of this. 

By not doing anything is taking side of the enemy; letting them win. 

Dear advocates,

I stand by you.  However, I will only stand if you continue to fight with dignity.  Peace.  I may agree with what you are representing but once it turns violent I will never agree with those methods. Thank you.  Thank you for standing up for those who don't have a voice. I wish I could do more.  For now, my only weapon is words of encouragement and words of love to the oppressed.

Dear radical Christians, 

Brothers and Sisters do not be discouraged for God is with you. You are standing with all races.  You are fighting for all life.  You are loving all people.  Don't be divided in your efforts.  Your identity is in Jesus, let Him shine through all of this.  And when you feel like you are the only one out there, always remember - you are not.    I am with you. 

Dear People. 
Look at that picture above.
My heart aches. I am heavy with grief for this little boy and his family.  The picture is old, but the need to help and love others is still very new.
Tell me great nation, how can we let this happen?
My heart aches as our nation is divided on nearly every issue possible.
My heart aches as people are hurting people - with words.  Words create a wound that is so deep, that no amount of time will ever allow for it to fully heal.  
My heart aches as people believe they can't do anything to help - doing nothing is worse than trying and failing.
My heart aches for police officers and veterans.
My heart aches for those on death row.
My heart aches for the black father who was wrongly accused; continuing the cycle of injustice.
My heart aches for the Muslim woman who is shamed into not leaving her home.
My heart aches for the 16 year old who thought she had no other options but to determinate a human's life.
My heart aches for the Native American who still fights for their land.
My heart aches for the mom who lost another child.
My heart aches for the men and women and those questioning who have never known what safety feels like.
My heart aches for the teacher who spends their own money to feed her students.
My heart aches.

What are you doing to make a difference?  

Let's not make America great again.
No, that's child's play.  

Let's make people great again. 

I tried - (trump life) remaining positive, finding peace

We, as in this country that I was born in, have a new president.  Mr. Trump.  There are a lot of things that have gone through my mind.  There are lots of conversations I have had with other teachers, my students, friends and family. But what I keep coming back to is His word.  

I did not vote for this man.  In fact, I did not vote. You can find other political blogs of mine if you are curious of why I refrain from voting.

But here are my thoughts on our current reality.  

Trump is president.

You are (pick one or a combination of the following, rhetoric):

*You voted for him - are super excited - almost rubbing it in everyone's faces and believe that the world is already a better place because of him all while chanting that you are glad Obama is out.
*You voted for him because you felt like you had no other choice, that it was your 'civic duty' and now you are waiting to see what the next 4 years bring.

*You did not vote for him and are super upset about the situation and all that it has already brought, including the Besty Devos situation (don't get my started on that - you all know how passionate I am about education!).  But, you go about your business, living your day to day life.
*You did not vote for him and while tears flood your eyes while Obama steps aside, you make irrational decisions by destroying other people's property all while yelling hateful words.
*You did not vote for Trump BUT you are doing something about the current conditions, while being civil and peaceful.

*Jesus.  - He is always an option. 

A few weeks ago I wrote down four scriptures that I wanted to memorize for the month of January.  Tonight, among some other reading, I looked at what I wrote down for next week.

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2

I have so much peace right now.  Maybe I should be marching, or prayer walking, or taking a stand for what is going on.  Right now - my focus is on things above.

Yes, it's heart breaking if your presidential nominee was not elected.  Yes, there are some things that are going to be hard to stomach. Yes, it's hard to grasp how some Christians believe that we should build a wall, dishonoring people, showing no love (check out Romans 12: 9 - 21 please).

But at the end of the day.  I want to be a better me, and to do that, I need to ask God what he wants.

I would challenge everyone to read Colossians 3.  The entire chapter.  If you continue to read we are given examples of what not to do, followed by what we should do.

Verse 14, "And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts..."

If you are a Christian - are you doing what was asked? 
If you are not a Christian - are the people you know that claim to be Christians doing what is asked - if not, challenge them to do it.

I tried - not caring {2016 election}

I tried not caring.   I tried not caring who was President.  I tried not caring who of my friends voted for whom.  I tried not caring about who said what, which statistics is skewed, and what we consider acceptable or moral.   I tried not caring.

This morning I woke up.  Still tired.  I went to the gym.  Same gym.  I ate breakfast.  Quickly in the car.  My day to day life has not changed because of who is president.  Yes, there will be changes in policy, but it is life.

But I do care.

I care about all the people I know.  I care about all the people I don't know; but guess what God knows them.  God loves them.  Jesus died for them.

I care about my friends and family who are acting somewhat embarrassing - from both a winning and a loosing point of view.

Friends - if you lost - be kind.  If you were claiming that Mr. Trump was a rude, a bigot, a racist of a person and then turn around and say hateful things about Mr. Trump or the people who voted for him.
Are you better than they are?

Friends - if you won - be kind.  If you were claiming that Mr. Trump is the best thing for America since slice bread and that he truly does love people and has the best intentions for the country than stop smiling about people leaving the country and using unkind words about the democratic party.  You once said that we needed to be united - so stop pushing people away.
Are you better than they are?

I still don't care who's president.
Trump will do good and bad.
Clinton would have done good and bad.
Just like Obama has done good and bad.
And every other president before and after will always have some good ideas and some that need to bet tweaked and changed.

But I care enough about people to realize how sad and broken our country is right now.   People are talking trash about people they used to so deeply love.   If this was any other election we would be talking about policies not people. I am truly heart broken.

*****

For my Christian Friends - no matter who you voted for.  Please read Romans 12 and 13.
Please study it and reflect on it and live it. 

Romans 12

12 I appeal to you therefore, brothers,[a] by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.[b] 2 Do not be conformed to this world,[c] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.[d]

3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. 4 For as in one body we have many members,[e] and the members do not all have the same function, 5 so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; 8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads,[f] with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit,[g] serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.[h] Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it[i] to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 13

13 Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, 4 for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience.6 For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. 7 Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.

8 Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. 9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.

11 Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed. 12 The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13 Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. 14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.