Monday, July 17, 2017

I tried - being mentorable {open letter to my future mentor}

Dear Future Mentor,

Thank you.  I have needed you for some time.  I needed you without even knowing it was you, or the idea of a mentor.  I needed  you more than I realized.

See, I feel as if I am in a weird spot in the church.  I don't feel like I belong.  I did not grow up in the church that we are going to, so my roots are more shallow than others. I did not attend the Christian college, as my husband and friends did, feeling as I orbit their social circle. I have a "worldly" job... I mean ministry... ahh, whatever teaching is these days, which does not allow a lot of time to do do "mom" things or minister to others.  It's weird for I have a loving mom and great friends, but I am missing...

missing you.

I need guidance spiritually.
I need wisdom that challenges me.
I need patience, strength, calm, investment.
I need cared for.

I need you.

As I currently write you, my family is going through a season of transition. A time of reflection and re-centering our lives back to God's plan.  A time of waiting to see what is in store.  Prior to this season I had directly asked several (4) women to be my mentors, and asked handful of other women to just hang out - but it always falls through.  Some of these women graciously turned me down with positive answers.  Some didn't really have the time, respectively.

But I truly, prayerfully plead for someone to reach my hand and say "it is I that will get coffee with you! Listen. Talk. Pray. Check-in. Invest."   Okay, you don't have to talk like that.  I promise.

Mentoring is an odd topic to talk about in the church.  Sometimes it happens organically, very natural.  Other times it is forced.  I pray that whomever gets paired with me, it is a relationship that happens naturally, God driven.

See, I am a mess.  To my peers, it might appear that I am put together.  Got all the answers.  Life is grand.  But, I am human.  Just as my blog title states, I am trying.  Honestly, I don't know what I am doing from day to day.  Grasping at straws.

I know once this season of transition changes, there might be more time and opportunity for investment.

A  few weeks ago I was talking to an older lady about my parents helping take care of my children as we were at a conference she said "at least you have your parents, we always lived so far from family."    I just wanted to respond with, "but you had the church.  You had people come to you and watch your kiddos to give you a break.  Bring you a meal.  Pray with you.  Call you to see how you were. Being a mother is hard.  Working in a church is hard."   But I just acknowledged the truth that I am thankful that we are currently close living to my family.

A year ago I had a friend talk about how she doesn't have many deep relationships or mentors and how she wishes her mom lived closer.  Yet, in the same conversation I could count on two hands the older women in her life.  ASKING to babysit her new baby.  ASKING to clean her house or offer help.  ASKING  her over for coffee and conversation.  Yet it appeared that she is oblivious to all the good she had.
Future mentor, or can I call you friend.  I am a bit bitter.  I don't want to be.  I ask God to help soften my heart.  To give me courage to ask the right women to be apart of my life. But as a horse chases a carrot on the stick, I am always just a tad short.

So future mentor, future church.  Thank you.

Thank you for loving me, the messy me.  The real me.  The speaks before she thinks me.
Thank you for loving my family.  Challenging us to be humble kingdom workers.

Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to acknowledge that I exist.

That's all that is takes.
Letting people know that they are important.

I do my best to be intentional with my friends.  But having someone who has gone before me, to hold my hand through prayer, tears, excitement and opportunities is who I am looking for. (holding my hand can be figuratively - don't want to make anyone, myself included, uncomfortable).

If you are an older woman, regardless of age, who are you investing in?  The generation younger than  you?  The new mom?  A student? A babysitter?

Dear future mentor.
I needed you.
I wait for you.
I appreciate you.
I appreciate God's timing of you.

With love,

Freebie Find: 100 Questions and mentor conversation topics - to make this mentoring thing easier on all of us.  =] 


  1. On the inside (of ourselves) looking out. Reaching out. Busyness interferes with the relationship we crave. Our own, theirs. Mentors are everywhere. We watch them, listen to them, learn from them. What you describe you're seeking doesn't sound like a mentor. Spiritually your husband is to be your primary mentor. Sounds old-fashioned but it's God's design not mine. Be thankful your husband is a Christ-follower. Pray for him often through the day. Your church family is going to embrace you within themselves only to the extent you allow and they are capable. Pray for the bonds to tighten.You want someone to laugh with, to share tears with, to chat over a cup of coffee, reveal parenting tips and secrets. Megan, you're not looking for a mentor you're needing deep friendship with other women. This is tremendously elusive as we close ourselves in. Wanting to seem as if we have it all together. Sometimes to HAVE that kind of friend we first have to BE that kind of friend. And for the actual mentor you can do as I did. Hire a Life Coach. Through Joanna's encouragement, along with laughter, tears, and coffee, I submitted my first story in the anticipation of someday being paid. Hope this helped.

    1. I respectfully disagree on some levels.

      Yes, Jeremiah should be our spiritual leader - but as a man, there are some things he can not fully guide me through.

      And I disagree that a mentor and a deep friendship are different. I can not go to my best long life friend and get the wisdom that I can from a seasoned veteran in regards of living a more spiritual/Godly/Christian life.

      The coffee/parenting etc is a friend. Not a mentor. I have those women. That's what I have been trying to say on Facebook. A mentor can be a friend but not all friendships are mentors (a square can be a rectangle but a rectangle can't be a square lol).

      I do agree forms of mentors are available from books to podcasts to sermon videos. But that person is not invested in me, by name. Have they ever called me to see how I was? Have they ever came over for a meal?
      They can offer guidance but only one direction, not relationally.