Teaching in 2020

 I've been pretty quiet as far as writing. Finishing up some grad work. Spending time with family. Stirring the pot on facebook... you know, just relaxing. 

Soooo many hot topics and people lately. It must be something in the water. 
In case you need to know.... put the mask on, you choose joy, love all people, don't burn things down, and watch out for kids.  

A coworker friend decided to post short little daily videos of her teaching journey this year, to look back on and reflect. What a wonderful idea!

Here is my journey.......

I started my 9th year of teaching, and my third semester of grad school, this week. Of those 9 years, 7 have been with middle school students divided at 3 districts in 2 states. Last year, and currently, I have been at a local high school. I teach Pre-Algebra and Algebra 1, with a few co-taught classes. 

Covid has been a topic that has never left conversation. It's here. I wrote these two post back in March and April, and it's so odd or weird to look back at them. "I Miss My Students"  and "I Tried to Stay Calm" 

But as I was reading previous post, what brought tears to my eyes (which is a big deal for I am not much of one to cry) and also brought joy to my heart, was reading the letter I wrote to myself a little over two years ago, called "Dear Future Self, Don't give up on teaching."

I wrote to myself the following words: 

So, future self, teaching is a hard job. There will always be paper work, hateful emails, not enough time, money or resources. There will be tears of joy, frustration, sadness and confusion. My heart will swell with love and break - sometimes at the same time. These kiddos are not mine by DNA standards but I will call them my own. I did not become a teacher for an easy life. I become a world changer. 

I just finished day two as a teacher during a pandemic.
I have survived. 

No. 
I have thrived in my first two days of teaching. It went surprisingly well. 

Most teachers don't care for the first awkward day. Syllabus, trying to get to know students, mispronouncing names (always me). My passion is to teach, not talk about drills and procedures and rules and..... 

But we did it. I taught all of my blocks in a mask. And you know what, the kids listened and participated in masks. And when we were done, they cleaned and allowed for staff to take their temps. They responded to different transitions, like being walked to lunch and not having water fountains (the school did provide water bottles). They joked and laughed. 

I did not hear any one complain or fuss in the slightest. We are talking about high school kiddos here. Yes, it might be early in the year. But I am hopeful. They wanted to be back, and I did too.

The year might not be ideal. There are going to be bumps along the way. But, I am not going to give up. We might not have all of the technology in place (finally going 1:1 and should get chromebooks soon!). We might not get to do group activities, or even sit in groups. We might not have all of the same traditional high school events. We might not have all of the answers. 

But what we do have, is each other.

These are my kids. And I am their teacher. 

Here is a picture of my classroom a few days prior to reopening. Take note that the dates still says March 13, 2020....

 

Here I am, mask up, ready to greet these kiddos.
A great friend got me my spiral necklace for my birthday! <3

I tried - sending cards {a lost art}

Sending Cards - A Lost Art of Communication


(This is the post that I've been keeping a secret for a while)

Some of my biggest treasures are secured within a box. These treasures mean nothing to others, but the world to me. They are the letters in which I have kept over the years.  As time moves, some grip my heart a little tighter than others.

~TREASURES~

*The letter from my dad.... several pages long... listing off why I can't have a co-ed birthday party when I was his little girl... every paragraph started with "I love you"
*The last letter I received from my grandmother before her body became so weak that she could no longer write.
*The birthday cards with kind messages are little gems I hold.
*The letters from my husband; even before we were married.
*The letters from my first vice-principal and students throughout the years remind me that I am in the right profession.

Now, I do understand that not everyone is a "words of affirmation person" - that I probably, more than others, cling to these words when I start to loose my foundation of reality or feel inferior to the rest of the world. But these tiny pieces of paper are invaluable.

~HISTORY~

As a child, I loved to write letters. At times it would be a reminder that I might have been born in the wrong decade or even century. Wishing and longing for the stories of my elders. The simplicity. The encounters and community at a post office. The love of the neighborhood mailman. The need to sit with coffee and open a small envelope filled of love.

I had pen pals growing up. And when my best friend in 5th grade moved across the country we were able to maintain a friendship through letters, even till this day we keep in touch via mail. In junior high and most of high school, I wrote notes with my friends - filling notebooks full of our thoughts and gossip (not that I was that type).

Any time I was frustrated and felt unheard, I wrote a letter. It allowed for the necessary time for my mind to digest and process the information while my heart would prepare its self for heartache or joy. I wrote letters to my parents, leaving them on their bed, and would wait for the time we would hold a face to face conversation. I wrote letters to the foreign exchange student that lived with us; a novel to read on her plane home.  I wrote letters to my husband, countless times. I've written unopened and even unsent letters to people who have no idea that they have hurt me, regardless of delivery, healing me the same.

~MY PASSION~

I love it all: Letters. Cards. Snail-mail. Calligraphy or Cursive. Interaction. Addresses. Stamps.

Back in February, I wanted to start a challenge that fit February, the month of "love" - so, I set out to write a letter a day. 28 letters - it was only the beginning. (Not a huge deal to the person who writes every student a Christmas/Holiday card for winter break = 130+ cards). Then March came around and it was time to pick a new monthly challenge.  I was getting into a rhythm and finding joy of writing these little jewels.  SO, for lent instead of giving up something I decided to do something. March's Challenge and for Lent was to continue to write a letter a day. 31 more letters - this is changing me. March came to a close, but Lent was still going on so for April, you guessed it.  I continued to write. 30 more letters - I've created a habit. We are now into May, I am still writing.  In fact, I am "caught up" to May 18th as far as writing goes. 31 letters to come - half are done.

~BLESSINGS~

Writing these letters has and continues to change me (for the better). You receive joy and blessings when you sit down out of your busy life and pause.  As you are pausing you are able to reflect, pray and remember people. God's perfect timing allows for me to encourage and bless others. I really enjoy getting a text, call, or facebook message letting me know that their precious mail had arrived; here are some generic responses I would hear:
* A friend getting a card on a bad day.
* A friend losing their new puppy, being cheered up by the mail.
* Shear shock and surprise to find "good" mail
* Encouragement to others when they are down or are feeling inadequate.

These letters have also blessed me, as I was going through a time of uncertainty, lacking community and connection.  By writing these cards, I was able to regain purpose in His Kingdom.  That I can be a source of encouragement regardless of my location.

My oldest and I would take trips to the post office, and as he would ask where each letter was going and whom it was for, I would take another moment to pray for the recipients and their own journey.

The post office is no longer an errand location, 

but a point of prayer. 

(a stack ready to be mailed)

~DETAILS IN THE NOTES~

A question that might be plaguing your mind is how did I do this. It really started out as an evening  activity.  But then I created a habit of writing for the week every Sunday night.  During the week I would keep a list in my notebook of people I encounter or that cross my mind. Sometimes the people's names are on my list for a while, but when I feel like it's the correct time, I write them. Most Sunday's I can write a week's worth of cards in around 30 minutes.  It really doesn't take long.  I'd write words of encouragements, scripture, questions checking in on them, gratitude and appreciation or sometimes jokes - really taking the time to focus on the person and what their individual need is.

At one point I remember writing cards while attempting to watch a comedy on TV with my husband. I could tell that the letters were not the quality that they could have been if I had removed myself from the distraction. You might be different and can multi-task better.

a person's smile > $0.64 

The cost of a stamp was pricier than the cost of the actual card.  We have a store that sells 8 cards for a dollar.  I would stock up on packages of blank cards giving me a variety to choose from. Seriously, it takes less than 64 cents to mail a word of encouragement.

Most of the card were mailed, and some were even returned (I learned the hard way that I should always put a return address - who knows how many cards are out there floating around without a home).  Some cards were simply given to the person. Asking for people's addresses takes time, but is well worth the investment.

~WHO TO WRITE~

My letters started out to those closer to me. Family. Then I branched out to the few friends I had, and continued to let my circle expand.  Here are some examples of groups of people I have written the last few months:
Family
My 90 year old neighbor
Our sponsored compassion kiddos
Friends over seas (some doing missions work)
Coworkers
Church members
Professors
Conference women
My self
Gideon's friends' (he does really good birthday cards)
For friends who have lost loved ones to celebrating their pregnancy
Thank you cards - hard work to hospitality

At one point I was working on the computer and my husband asked what I was doing. My response "looking up prisoner pen-pals" - you can actually write prisoners!  However, I have not been able to find a ministry that has called me to sign up. You can write prisoners like as if it was a dating site - I don't want that. If you know anyone in prison that would like a letter, please let me know.

I have a dear friend of mine from grade school, she also recently wrote a book, but Kaitlin writes a letter to President Trump every Tuesday  #trumptuesdays  feel free to ask about her journey and why it's important for him to hear her voice.

Who needs a letter from you?

I tried - 13 reasons why (sensitive content)

13 Reasons Why I liked 13 Reasons Why

Hotline for help

Before I start writing this blog I want to lay out some WARNINGS:

* if you have not seen the show, their might be clues or hints to some spoilers.  I would still encourage you to watch the series, or read the book, as long as you are old enough to handle mature content.  Please let your parents know if you are watching this.

* some of the things I am going to share are sensitive, raw, real.  I want to do my best to share my thoughts while also giving dignity and honor to myself, other people and families who have had to handle these situations.

* I am not a psychologist or counselor.  These words are my opinion.  I am not here to make people feel good about these topics, but expose some truths - maybe ask some tough questions, help us all grow through challenges. But grow together, with love. This is a very controversial topic.

* as mentioned, these are my opinions.  I tend to have the emotional range of a teaspoon.  Please do not layer extra emotion, or perceive false emotion that is not there.  AKA, don't "read between the lines"

****

A few weeks ago my junior high students started talking about a show on Netflix called 13 Reasons Why.  That night I went home, and sure enough, I started seeing several people posts about the show (some without even viewing it).  I started to do research and realized I needed to watch this.  Now, that sounds really silly that there was a need to watch a TV show; but I wanted to know what my students (12-14 year old kiddos) are watching and talking about. I also shared some information with my school counselor so she too could be aware.  Later that week, Thursday night, I stayed up incredibly late and watched 4....FOUR....hour long episodes.  Within a week, I completed the season (in a week?!... what else am I going to do at night when my husband is writing papers for his classes?). This past week I have had students share that they enjoyed the show, that dramas are their favorite type of shows.  So to some, the material is already desensitized, and they see it for a show, not a reason or an instructional film.

I tend to think differently than my peers and others, everyone's stories shape them.  I tend to play devil's advocate in hopes to help others, including myself, see multiple perspectives. As I write this, I am also challenging my own thoughts and beliefs and want to encourage you to ask me more questions to help me grow as well.  Challenging the culture to challenge myself. May is mental health awareness month.  Go to this site to watch a video on why 13 reasons can be an useful tool. 

It's okay to disagree.
It's not okay to ignore the problem.

13 Reasons Why I liked 13 Reasons Why:

1) The show was written like a mystery.  You know, in the very beginning that the main character, Hannah, did kill herself.  But as the journey continues, and you flash back and forth between Hannah's stories and other's, you start getting a deeper picture of this school's reality.  Over all, the show was well written; and I'm interested in the next season as well as reading the book.

2) Tony and his tapes.  Just Tony.  He is one of the main characters.  At first you are trying to figure out his purpose, or how he's connected.  The idea of using tapes, a media source that is no longer readily available, makes me secretly enjoy the retro-ness of the tapes. Tony appears to be the kid, with his head on straight, that has all the answers, but he too, is struggling with the grief and loss of Hannah and personal issues of his own. Tony started off as my favorite character, but my heart swelled with love and compassion for all of them.

3) A call to parents.  I believe if you watch the entire season, this show is a cry from society's youth. The cry of "HELP" is now taking light from media. Mental illness is a serious issue, and does attack all age groups. However, I feel as if it is rapidly effecting our youth.  Internet and cell phones have enabled people to hurt others more, faster, and without repercussions.  The very first episode you get to experience how rumors can destroy a person's reputation and become the starting line for other events. As a parent, are you helping your child navigate this broken world?  Are you helping other children who may not have caring parents navigate this world?  Because chances are if you are reading this, you are a caring parent.  Together, we can raise up a generation who know what love is and how to cope and manage trauma and how to use media tools more effectively. Please go here if you are in need of more guidance on suicide prevention.

4) Parental response. I enjoyed how the show included a third story line of how the parents were dealing with their daughter's choice.  Although some articles written believe that this show "romanticizes" the idea of suicide, I think that some would see the hurt that it caused for their family.  The accuracy of parents suing the school is something that does happen regularly.  My question, and I have not been in their shoes, does suing the school for hundred-thousands of dollars, help in the grief process? Will they later change their mind as Hannah's tapes are played for them?  Did they realize that she committed suicide by using something that she got from their store?

5) The show is raw.  The producers and writers did an excellent job not sugar coating the seriousness of the issue.  From suicide, to teen drinking, abuse, rumors, porn, and everything in between, every scene was written with awareness.  For those who watched and believe that it was too much; I can agree that not all social circles are as broken as this circle of peers. But, if you believe that these issues are not happening to OUR youth, I hate to tell you, but you are being blinded.  Some of these characters stories are stories from my own 7th grade students. Ignorance and ignoring there is a problem, will not help these students and our next generation. 

6) Gun control.  Now, this is a bit odd, for Hannah did not use a gun in her act of suicide. What I am talking about as far as guns is the ease that the students have access to them.  From harming themselves to others, guns were not in trained hands.  I am not, let me repeat, I am not advocating for gun control. Guns are a tool that needs to be taught how to use correctly. I think that this issue will be addressed more in the second season.

7) The variety of students.  I enjoyed how the students had a variety of roles in the school.  From football players, to edgy coffee baristas, cheerleaders, poetry writers, school yearbook photographer, student body president, the school's outcast, and others.   I liked this because it helps us have a better grasp to the idea that no group of adolescents is safe from these tough issues.  That from the outside, young teens might appear to have the "best life" but in reality they are suffering and hurting as well. Every character was a person I could relate to on a variety of levels.

8) The emotional roller coaster.  As  I mentioned, I am not much of an emotional person.  I hurt and empathize for people but as I have grown and changed from my own experiences I have learned to think through situations.  However, this show had me all over the place.  I was a wreck. The characters did a great job acting and portraying the real emotion throughout the scenes.  As I mentioned in number 7, the characters are real.  For me, I had to turn my eyes away, or pause the show, for it brought up a lot of history and past for myself to reprocess. You start off being angry at some characters for their actions, but as their story unfolds your heart just opens up and you truly fall in love with them. As a parent and teacher, I just wanted to give them all hugs and  help them. I cried for them, with them, and with our young people going through these stories in real life. 

9) Every choice you make effects someone.  Although some of the situations Hannah was put through might have seemed small to some, and that other teens might have handled differently or even better. It was the culmination of the events that hurt her deepest. Some watchers are upset at Hannah, "how rude for her to blame other people for a selfish choice, how can she blame others?"  The tapes were not so much a blame, but her getting her voice out there. Letting her classmates, teachers, counselors and parents know that she is hurting because of others. Every interaction you have with a person can change the path on which they are traveling.  The counselor at the school was maybe not the most trained counselor, and although she was clearly in need of help, as I sat watching him listen to his own tape, hearing his own faults, I started questioning my own.  Which of my students is secretly hurting?  Which of my students thought I was being too harsh on them?  Which of my students truly needs help?  It really helped remind me that I need to be more aware of how I treat others - more so than I do now.  We all have a story. The parents were effected deeply, but they too had their role within Hannah's story. Does this make what Hannah did right? For people who do not think they have a way out of their emotions, or can't see past the deepness of the black pit they are in, the option of taking their own lives is what they think is their only option. Helping students and all adults to be better aware that there is help available, and that they are not alone, is a focus we should be pulling from this show. 

10) No religious affiliation. As a Christian it is hard for me to say that I am glad that there was not any religions mentioned. Religion would have been a distraction for the topics presented. If one religion was mentioned and not another, feelings would have been hurt, or worse, the religion could be blamed for the events of Hannah's death. Honestly, by not having the layer of religion take place, it enables the religious lens to be removed, giving sight to the fact that all creeds and beliefs are vulnerable to these topics and situations.

11) Every issue. Every. Single. One.  13 Reasons Why was able to write a serious series over pretty much every issue happening in our world today.  From rumors, cyber bulling, porn, gun safety, harassment, prejudice, drinking, drugs, young sex, rape, abuse on every level, financial difficulties, gay relationships, cutting.......the show brings up every thing. The show did not leave something unaddressed. As a christian parent it does scare me from time to time the world in which our children are living and growing up in.  Sadly, the culture we are experiencing is one that has been around since the fall took place in the garden. These issues are real. If you have not experienced these issues yourself, you know people who have.  Although this is a reason I continued to watch the show, it is also breaks my heart deeply.

12) An open door for difficult conversations. Before this show, how many of these topics were addressed, thought about, or handled in your own home?  How many of us have experienced any of this?  How many people had no idea that this happened? The show is full of awareness towards these sensitive issues, it also has the potential to open doors for young people to open up and start telling their stories. I loved, loved, loved the last episode when Jessica realizes that she is not doing well. That she can no longer go down this path by her self, pushing everyone away. That she is not alone. She starts to tell her story. We all have a story. But are we all willing to listen?

13) The commentary. There is an "episode" that has the actors, writers, producers, psychologist and others discussing why they were apart of this show and what their hopes of the show are. I encourage you, if you are unsure if you want to watch this show, to watch the commentary first.  Although it might give away spoilers to how everything turns out, I think it helps to hear the hearts of the people who put the show together.  They want truth to be exposed, their own site is a link for people to get help.

****

As one would start with a warning, I too am going to end with DISCLAIMERS:
* please do not watch the show if you are currently feeling as if the world is against you, that you are alone. You are not alone. There are people who do care. If you feel that you can not share what is going on, for your own safety, try to remember your safety is one of the biggest reasons TO share.  The professional you get help from will make sure to do everything possible to keep you safe.  Please talk to a trusted adult at school, at the top is a link for a hotline that gives full confidentiality and here is another source. YOU ARE LOVED.

* watch the show, if you can, it does have moments that are so real you have to look away.  Being able to pause this show and digest it in pieces, was so incredibly helpful.  If you are under the age of 18 please share with your parents that you are watching or have watched 13 reasons, or better yet ask them to watch with you.

* love people.  LOVE PEOPLE.  If we could all show more compassion for the beautiful differences in our world and come to understanding that everyone has a story; that is when we might realize that we are not all so different.  Love people.

Let me know your thoughts!
If you ever want to or need to talk, please let me know.
I love swapping stories. 

I tried - reading Calm My Anxious Heart [Book Review]

First, I need to clarify a few things before I begin this book review or book report.   I am not a strong reader; a different person could read this and get something out of it that I might have missed.  So please take that into consideration when choosing to read any book I report about.

February - I read "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. 

I thought it would be fitting for February, the month is all about hearts, it tends to be a quick month that causes anxiety or worry.  

This book was a sweet surprise gift from a co-worker.  My goal is to pass in on to someone else and continue to share it (so if that person is you, please let me know).

Calm My Anxious Heart was published in 2007.  So I felt like there were stories that were not relevant any more in today's age.  For example, she was constantly talking about e-mails, but never mentioned Facebook, Snapchap, Twitter, Instagram, etc and  the effects that social media can have on individuals if they allow it.  

The second biggest 'down side' to reading this was I didn't find it very practical or applicable to me.  I don't tend to be a person who is anxious.  I AM A PERSON WHO IS IMPATIENT! But when I am faced with a situation I tend to face it with facts and begin to string together a to-do list of how to handle the situation.   HOWEVER, I did like reading it for I know several women (and men) who are anxious or tend to worry and I can now be a better friend for them and not so cold/data driven.    {Please read the previous blog post, it shares some of my thoughts on spiritual maturity to my emotional level}

Chapter 1 - Philippians 4:11-13 - She talks about God's provision.  That we need to make it a holy habit where we praise God and not complain.  That we should focus on eternity and let tomorrow belong to God.   Like tea, we need to be infused in God's word, contentment takes time.   God does provide and does not need our help; therefore we can not and should not be in control.   I am teaching our boys "have a good attitude and be content."  we define content by saying  "being okay with what you were given." Just like my children, as a child of God, I need to be content with what I have been given.

Chapter 2 - Philippians 4:6-8 - This chapter she discusses the ideas of being content with our circumstances. That we are commanded to do not with anxiety but do everything in and with prayer.  How often is prayer your last resort?  Just like teaching my boys, I will ask, "are you part of the problem or part of the solution?"  I feel like if we just worry about something we are part of the problem, but if we pray about it we can help be apart of the solution.   By choosing prayer over worry we will discover peace.  Practice makes permanent is something I tell my students, the same concept applies with our prayer life.

Chapter 3 - Psalm 134:14 - This is when she talks about being content with ourselves.  Every time we are not pleased with ourselves is like we are arguing with God.  It's all about perspective.  Try to focus on what you do have instead of what what you don't have.  For example, while doing Whole30 we could focus on what we can't eat, but that's depressing, we can however focus on all the yummy foods we can have.  We have to be rulers of our attitude, time, schedule, and relationship with  God.  

Chapter 4 - Matthew 20:28 - To be content within our role.  First, even today at church, we were reminded where our identity can be found.  We have to be content in our roles. 

Chapter 5 - Colossians 3:12-14 - The chapter focused on being content in our relationships.  That in order to be content we also have to forgive.  For more scripture please read 1 Peter 2:21 and Hebrews 12:15.   Again this is where I can see social media becoming an issue for others and their discontentment.  We don't tend to be public with our negative events in our lives, causing a false reality to those who see us.  Again, it's about perspective.  I know what real life is like and try to be transparent on facebook as well.  It does no one any good being false to one another.

Chapter 6 - Hebrews 13:5, Psalm 119:4, Proverbs 30:15 - When will WE be enough and stop using money as a measuring tool?  This surprised me, 16 out of 39 of the parables told by Jesus directly related and taught about money/wealth.    Just remember everything belongs to God (James 1:16 - 17) Heart attitude is the issues, for our true treasure is in Heaven (Psalm 62:10), God comes first, possessions come second (I would even say, after people) (Matthew 6:24), Possessions are to be used not loved and adored (Luke 12:15).    You really have to search your heart, not your wallets, when it comes to being content with money.

Chapter 7 - Ephesians 5:15-17 - Having a faulty focus can cause a huge problem in your heart.  Look at the big picture. Know the difference between platform and purpose.   Romans 8:28-29.

Chapter 8 - Worrying is like a rocking chair - it keeps you busy, but you don't get anywhere.   She said, "Quiet tension is not trust, it is simply compressed anxiety."  I like that, I have to constantly refocus on God.  Worry is not the same thing as being concerned.

Chapter 9 - Hebrews 11:1 - Faith is the bridge that we have to take so we can be content even when life doesn't make sense.  Intellectual belief verses wholehearted faith was brought to my attention in this chapter.  Faith is very powerful, for it is rooted in God's character.  That God is always a loving father, that he allows everything for good, and he will carry us through all things.   God's character is also sovereign, wise, and love.

Chapter 10 - Jeremiah 17:7-8 - We have to make the lord our trust and remove our self from the if-diseases called "what-if" and "if-only"

Chapter 11 - Psalm 77:11-14  - We have to trust God to handle the "if only" in our lives.  Not to live with regrets, that we have to be content in all circumstances.  God is the ultimate problem solver.  That when we trust God with what we are given, peace will come through acceptance.   I might not have an anxious heart, but is it full of peace?

Chapter 12 - Habakkuk 3:17-19 - we will be faced with crooked times, and those times require faith.

One of my favorite parts was in Chapter 11 where she told an old Portuguese story of a poor old man in a village who astounded the other villagers when his situation wasn't that to be envied.  Go here if you'd like to read it.

The story of this old man just makes me think: Is what I am facing a curse or blessing?  If it is a curse, I will praise and pray with God.  If it is a blessing I will praise and pray with God.

So - who has an anxious heart that I can share this book with?

Next  month - March I am reading "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" By Mark Haddon.

Until then - live loved. 

----> {2017} <----

Another year has come and gone.  

Seriously, where have you gone?

I want to be a better me.

A better:

Christian me

Healthy me

Wife me

Mom me

Friend me

Daughter me

Financial me

Writer me

Reader me

Hobby me

A better 2017 me.

I just want to be better at being me.  My only competition is me.  I am not competing with facebook friends or the amount of 'likes' I can get.  I am not competing with pinterest people. I am not a huge "new years" resolution person, for I believe you can always change - the month doesn't determine your desire to become someone better than you were the day before.    

This year I am trying to get in mind that as long as I am moving forward, I am making progress.    I have lot of habits I want to form and some habits I want to break or recreate into something better.
When you google "how long does it take to form a habit" this pops up:

Recent research led by a team at the University College London think they have uncovered just how long (o average) it takes for something to become habitual.  They do not think it takes 21 days to form a habit.  They believe it takes an average of 66 days to create a habit.  

Sixty six days!  Two months?!?  I want to keep this in mind.  I know myself well enough to realize that being realistic is my game.  I'm not a "dream big" person. I expect to fail, and that's okay.  It's part of the journey.  So when it comes to me making goals or new years resolutions, I want something that is tangible, as well as something that if not achieved will keep me motivated.

December 31, 2017  

I  am being flooded with excitement just thinking about where I will be in 365+ days from now.   Oh the excitement, the changes and transitions.  The arguments, mourning, joy and glee.  The praises, the songs, the moments of silence.  Oh - what is going to happen in the next coming months and  weeks?!?!  Where will be at the end of the year?  What are our new dreams and goals? Is Soren potty trained?   How does Gideon like school?  Do they share a room and love it?  Who lived with us this year?  Were we more generous than we have been before?  Good stewards of our money?  Good stewards of our time?  Did social media finally find it's rightful place; the bottom of the totem pole of priorities?  How has God blessed us this year, even when we didn't deserve it?   What times of sadness did we have to over come together?

So many questions.  

In a year, we will have the answers.
I understand some things are out of my control.  'Tis life.
I understand some things need to be out of my control.

As a teacher, there is a style of writing lessons plans called "backward planning" where you start with your end result or goal and work to your starting point.   I am going to apply that methodology for my year.

For a lot of my year goals will only be achieved by my daily activities.  The in the moment yes and no; the journey of choosing. 

These goals, resolutions, whatever you want  to call them, are woven together so beautifully, sewn together like one of my Grandma's hand quilted blankets.  They go together.  My physical will effect my personal as will my relational will effect my mental and so forth.

Physically - I would like to feel healthier and not struggle with my self-image.   Ideally I would like to weigh 140 pounds (less than 3 pounds a month), have a 5k race time of less than 32 minutes (10 minute pace), and set or do other physical activities like, get a bike and use frequently, run another half, set personal records in lifting, obstacle race, etc.

Spiritually - I want to be closer to our amazing creator.  It's hard for me to put a number or deadline on this growth.  I would like to read my Bible more/better.   I would like to finally (never had before) memorize scripture and have Gideon help me with that.  I just want to have my heart in check.

Relational - I would like to be more of an encouragement for others and strength and grow new relationships.   I hope that through my other endeavor my relationships with my husband and kids will improve as a natural by product of my efforts.

Financially - I would like be more generous in our time, treasure and talents.  I crunch numbers frequently, and God always provides, but this year I would like to make sure to be purposeful of my resources and be stewards with what we were provided.

(Challenge Sheet)

The above is a picture of my Challenge Sheet.  At the top I have "Priorities, Projects and Prayers" the main things I would like to focus on for the month.   Priorities could be of any focus or challenges like not eating out for the month.  Projects can be what book I am reading for the month, crafts, the monthly photo album, etc.  Prayers can of any nature or need or a time frame.  

The middle part of the challenge sheet I have weeks. Here I will post the scripture I would like to focus on for the week  and any other benchmark goals that might help with the monthly challenges.

The bottom of the  challenge sheet is where I will post daily challenges.  These challenges will be achieved at an 80% rate.  Reading my bible daily really means 5 out of 7 days.  No one is perfect.   Daily challenges include, drinking a gallon of water, no sugar, a variety of fitness challenges, purging/organizational challenges, writing cards, tracking food/points, limiting social media, etc.

BONUS

If you want to follow my 2017 pinterest board, go here. I don't get on pinterest as much as I use to.  But it is a good way to collect and share ideas and links.

For those of you still reading here are some challenges I am going to hopefully have our family do, as well as links and ideas to help you.

I am going to encourage Gideon to put pennies in a jar corresponding to the number of days into the year that we are.  At the end of the year I would like to find an organization, of Gideon's choice to donate the money to.  

I would also like to have a praise jar - so we can look back and remember all of the positive awesome events in our life, a memory jar if you wish

I found some monthly challenges with different themes.  Some of the days are easy - smile at more people - for example.  But something fun!

I have not decided what weekly scripture I will be doing, I like to be inspired or reflect on something for the week.  Again, I would like to include my family in on this, so some might be "kid" friendly.  

The following two links are PDF's of weekly scripture.  Click here for a list.  Click here for another option that is more kid friendly.

You can find another list here. 

It's going to be a great year! 

I tried - not getting involved (Politics)

Okay, did I really try not getting involved.  Probably not. I like to challenge/compete with people. Read this summer's post to get a taste.

However, politics would frequently cross my mind.
Doing dishes, crossed my mind
Praying with my children, crossed my mind
Watching a comedy, crossed my mind
Reading, crossed my mind
Talking to friends, crossed my mind
Running on the trail, crossed my mind
Sweeping, crossed
Folding laundry....

As a person who likes to write; I have a voice, and I wanted to share my thoughts.

But then, not just the topics, but the questions WHAT do I write and HOW do I write this post kept popping in my head.
Do I talk/write to Christians?
Do I talk/write (and apologize) to non-Christians?
Do I talk/write to the topics?
Do I talk/write not wanting to crush toes?
Do I talk/write with every force of nature I can muster?

I decided, it would be best (for me) to write from my heart.

A few statements before we dive into this post:
I am writing this to all parties, all beliefs, all people.
I am writing this out of a place of love.
I am writing this from my knowledge, experiences and insight (which can be small at times).
I am writing this hoping to not stir up debates or upset people but to share my voice.
I am writing this with the idea that maybe something I say can spark your  own curiosity to do your own research.
I am writing this knowing that I am not perfect at anything.
I am writing this knowing that someone challenged me a long time ago and set my intellect into motion.
I am writing this knowing that I have lots to learn, from others.
I am writing this for me, so my head can stop swirling around politics and I can refocus on what truly matters.

Where to begin.

**** Heavy sigh ***

I have been reading several blogs, articles, commentaries, and even my peers own personal thoughts the last several weeks.    There are times that I agree, smile and share.  There are times that I post questions hoping to shine light on both sides of the story.  There are times that I read my Christian friends comments and cringe.  There are times that I read my non-Christian friends comments and sing praise.

Let me get one thing out there.  I am not voting. What a relief to share that.
I. Am. Not. Voting.

Honestly, I have never voted in my life.  Before, when I was younger, I didn't vote because I did not care.  I didn't vote because I was lazy.  I didn't vote because I saw no purpose in it.  As I got older, some of those excuses transformed into supported reasons.

Now, here's the condition to me not voting.  I also don't complain.  I tend to be of the nature that can see the glass as just half.  That's it.  It's half.  Why does it have to be half full or half empty.  Why can't we be content with just half.  I like to see multiple points of views on topics.  I like to have my mind challenged to ignite growth.  I like to hear people discuss ideas, not each other.    So, even though I don't vote, I don't complain - for no matter who is in office, there is no perfect world.  There will always be positives and negatives to every thing.  EVERY. THING.    The government is just half.  Just like I see good in both main candidates; I also see some room for growth.

Some people reading this might be thinking "You are the problem.  Megan, you are part of the problem.  You my dear, are non-american.  How disrespectful are you?!?"  Whatever you may be thinking, if you truly have a question about why I don't vote, please ask, I am not afraid to share.

Am I not American?  No, I am.  I was born here.  I work here.  I pay taxes here. Do I say the pledge - nope, I use that brief moment to pray for my day, my students, and my country.  I pledge allegiance to my God, HIS kingdom.  For this world is not my home.

Am I really that disrespectful? How do I not support such a great country, How DARE me?   Nothing I do is hurting anyone.  Well, some feelings might be hurt by my boldness in my statements.  But I can only pray that the hurt people feel can be reflected and mediated on, allowing for God to present Himself.   I still respect my authorities.  I pay my taxes, abide by the law of the lands, and love people.

Am I really part of the problem?  Do we even know what the PROBLEM really is?    If I am the biggest problem that anyone has, I would honestly say, that is probably a success.

To me, the problem is not in the government.  

The problem starts from the church.  

It's you.  

It's me.   

Even typing that, I felt a little worried about the feedback I am going to get from this post.  But, I need to say it.  
That's right.  WE the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect.........perfect what....we live in a broken world, and WE are the problem.

I catch myself occasionally asking my 4.5 year old "are you part of the problem or part of the solution?"   And here we are, a young country, that has lots to learn.  We had some major growth spurts and some obvious set backs in maturity.  But compared to the world, America, we are still babies - we must walk before we can run, if not, stumbling will occur.

When you post on social media, are you part of the problem or are you part of the solution?

Problem: Abortion.   Solution: Love people.
Problem: Foster Care.  Solution: Love people.
Problem: Death penalty.  Solution: Love people.
Problem: Drugs.   Solution: Love people.
Problem: Marriage license.  Solution: Love people
Problem: Boarder, extremist groups, terror.   Solution: Love people.
Problem: Violence towards cops.  Solution: Love people.
Problem: Violence towards blacks.  Solution: Love people.
Problem: Education funds.  Solution: Love people.
Problem: Healthcare cost.  Solution: Love people.
Problem: Unemployment. Solution: Love people.

I challenge you to read Romans 13.   You can find it here, and even change it to a translation that best suites you.  This chapter has helped my husband develop his own personal thoughts and opinions on the election, but also have been a pivotal piece in my own mindset.

We, the church, to form a more perfect union, his kingdom on earth, his will be done.....

We are to love Hillary Clinton, for she is the daughter of the king.
We are to love Donald Trump, for he is a son of a king.
We are to love the unborn babies.
We are to love the murders.
We are to love the multi-cultures
We are to love the drug addicts
We are to love the gays
We are to love the blacks
We are to love the whites
We are to love the cops
We are to love the teachers
We are to love the students
We are to love each other.

If you are not a Christian, you don't have to full-fill the law by loving people.
But I sure hope, if you are not a Christian, you have been filled by a Christian's love.

How are you loving people?  I challenge your mind set, your heart, your belief.  Dig into His word, ask tough questions.  What truly matters?

***

So, I tried not getting involved with politics; I will do my best for this to be the last post, comment, or even rhetoric response.   If you want to talk to me; please let's get coffee, or e-mail/message me.

For now - the next two weeks - I will pray.

And in case you don't know.  You are loved.

Uninvited - Reminders

These are the reminders, that when we are feeling the most unloved, we can refer back to and feel God's love.

Week 1 - Chapters 1, 2, and 3: 
[I am one of] "God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved...."  Colossians 3:12b

Chapter 1 - We are Chosen by God

Chapter 2 - Three Questions you must consider:  Is God good?  Is God good to me?  Is God good at being God?  "Things of this world all eventually reveal what incapable anchors they really are."

Chapter 3 - Live Loved, one must simply live like we are loved, for we are.  "Live from the abundant place that you are loved, and you won't find yourself begging others for scraps of love."

Week 2 - Chapters 4 and 5:
"What, then, shall we say in response to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Chapter 4 - "Proximity and activity don't always equal connectivity." "The more fully we invite God in, the less we feel uninvited by others"

Chapter 5 - God will fill us where we are not just full, but over flowing.

Week 3 - Chapters 6, 7 and 8:
"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

Chapter 6  - We have an enemy, and it's not each other; fight for her, even if your relationship isn't working.

Chapter 7 - Grace or Bitterness; our hearts only have enough room for one.

Chapter 8 - "Relationships don't come in packages of perfection, relationships come in packages of potential."  "No amount of outside achievements fixes inside hurt."   For we have to have acknowledge people without joining them.

Week 4 - Chapters 9, 10, 11:
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty and, that he may lift you up in due time." 1 Peter 5:6

Chapter 9 - We are set aside, not apart.  Rejection offers three gifts from God, when we allow it.  Gift of being made less, being lonely, and of silence.

Chapter 10 - "There is an abundant need in this world for your exact brand of beautiful."    We should not be threatened by others, but rejoice in their success - there is more than one pie in life =]

Chapter 11 - We must praise, seek, look to, call to, experience, fear, learn from, honor, draw near to, and take refuge in God.

Week 5 - Chapter 12, 13, and 14:
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my hear and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:26

Chapter 12 - The enemy is fighting against us by wanting us to crave, lust after and be boastful.  While Jesus promises to fill us when are in need.    Testing God is what the enemy wants.  Trusting God is what the kingdom needs.

Chapter 13 - When we focus on the mess we tend to miss the miracles.

Chapter 14 - Rejection is the opportunity to change.  The in-between is the highway to change. Inviting God into our lives is the vehicle we use to travel the in-between.

Week 6 - Chapter 15 and 16 
"We are troubled on every side, yet no distresssed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsakend; cast down, but not destroyed."   2 Corinthians 4;8-9

Chapter 15 - Like and olive tree we have to face both good and bad winds in order to be balanced, replacing rejection with redepemtion is a process and will take time, God will press us but not crush us.  Don't run away, but rise above!

Chapter 16 - If you look for rejection, you will find it.  Do not let other people fix you, we can only be fixed by Jesus and  his unconditional love.

Check out the playlist post.

How can I pray for you?

Uninvited Playlist

Throughout the weeks of reading the book, "Uninvited" by Lysa TerKeurst I would have songs play through my head.

Odd.

For those of you who know me. I am a far cry from a musician.   My husband, now, HE is the musically gifted one.

Honestly, without google, I wouldn't have been able to look up the lyrics going through my head.  I can't remember song titles or artists to save my life.  And the noise that I hear in my head, seems to never be the same noise that comes out of my mouth, even in a hum.  =]  

If you click here you will be able to go to youtube and listen to all of them.  Let me know what songs you like to listen to, that life you and bring you closer to God?

Here's my playlist for Uninvited:

Good Good Father - Chris Tomlin
Drops in the Ocean - Hawk Nelson
Live Like You're Loved - Hawk Nelson
God of Justice - Tim Hughes
Losing - Tenth Avenue North
Forever - Chris Tomlin
Lose My Soul - TobyMac
Make a Joyful Noise - David Crowder Band
I need thee every hour - mormon tabernacle choir
Your Grace Finds Me - Matt Redman
Overcomer - Mandisa
Never Once - Matt Redman
Who Am I - Casting Crowns
Everything Glorious - David Crowder Band
Lead me to the corss - Hillsong United
Here I am to worship -Hillsong Worship/Tm Hughes
How Great is Our God - Christ Tomlin
Mighty to Save - Hillsong United
come Alive (dry bones) - Lauren Diagle