Sunday, August 23, 2015

I tried - saving money {diapers}

First - as usual - I am on my phone.  So any major spelling/grammatical errors are probably my fault but let's just say it's the phone.  

Soren is two months old today!  

He's is doing great!  I am trying not to be emotional, but if I said I wasn't, it would be a lie.   With Gideon I got almost 6 months being at home with him.  Not 5.5 weeks. But he is so loved; not just by me but by Gideon, daddy, grandparents, friends, family, community, and coworkers.   He is a pretty good sleeper at night (jinxing myself) with only waking up once, if that. He is still learning how to be friends with naps.  His best friend - other than his brother - are ceiling fans.   It's cute.  

Anyyyyy wayyyy ... In the last two months we have changed a lot.  A lot of diapers!   Some yellow.  Some neon green.  Some off daddy at a baseball game and some out of the bath.   He's been changed in laps, on an airplane, back of vans, and pretty much any where.  A lot of diapers. 

But before we started changing diapers I started buying. 

When we first found out our blessing I started to debate between cloth and disposable.  This blog is not to say which is better or to start any mommy wars. I am just sharing how my family saved money doing what was best for us. 

Because Soren might be our last, my mom watches him full time four days a week, I do all of our laundry once a week (that's for another post on homemade laundry detergent) and don't care to do more, we decided to go with disposable.  

I have several friends who have had great success with cloth, and I do support the fact that in the long run they can be sold back for a bit of money back.  But if you are wanting cloth info - this is not the blog for you. 

My average, for my stockpile size 1 -3 is $0.115 that's less than 12 cents a diaper.   Pampers can run as high as 33 cents a diaper!!!! 

With Gideon we had about 6 months of diapers given to us. And then luckily we switched to walmarts brand - parents choice - and only had to buy a case a month for the next two years.  Gideon was potties trained at 2.25 years.    

In March I started researching diaper stock piling and coupons.  Having never couponed before, I was up for the challenge.  

I decided on my buying range and stuck with it.   In the picture below you have what I paid for in size three, my total pile size 1-3, what I believe i need based off other parents, followed by the buying range.  

Based off of other parents I am only about 500 shy of a years worth of diapers.  And based my on my numbers that's a years worth of diapers for roughly $325.   Not the couple thousands other sites make you believe.  

Now as baby grows diapers get more expensive.  However, you tend to use less.  Soren sleeps through the night and we are down to 5-7 diaper changes a day.  Give or take.  That's only about 2555 diapers a year (less than other parents claim to use).   


How do I do it? 

My phone number and my husbands phone number.   


I started with walgreens. I have their app.   You can look at their add, "clip" digital coupons, and save up reward points.   I was doing pretty good with them - BUT I was mainly buying their store brand - well beings.   

I then discovered dollar general had an app.   Although very similar to walgreens (except no rewards) they had better starting prices, making "clipped" digital coupons go further.   I started buying Huggies and pampers from DG.   

NOW, we are very fortunate in the fact that Soren doesn't break out or leak out of any particular brand.  I personally don't care, as long as he is clean and happy.    If you have to have a particular brand, stock piling might be more difficult.    

****side tip - any diapers opened at the hospital have to go home with you.  So take them.  They are yours!**** 

Here are my starting prices.  Meaning I have researched and these are the typical non-sale prices at the store.   Now be careful, not all sizes have the same numbered packaged.   

As you can see, walgreens is expensive. Even the off brand is pricier than huggies.

ITS LIKE HUNTING. YOU MUSR WAIT FOR YOUR PREY.  ok, another lame metaphor. But seriously, don't just buy to buy.   Hint the name says stock pile - so you are ready, not rushing.  

So here is a sample of one of my buys.  

Dollar general does $5 off $25 (after other coupons).  But they also do, usually week days, $2 off $10 - which if you don't need anything else, a better buy so you aren't spending extra money on pointless items.   

If you pair that with a receipt coupon 

And a digital (what you see in the paper that you didn't buy) manufactur (the brand) coupon. 

Or wait for a sale on the item. 

You can start saving money.    


You have to play by the stores rules.  So make sure you know them.  Or ask when you go in.     

Other great deals and hints. 

Target - they will give you gift cards when you buy two cases. If you time it right with their digital coupons and cart wheel you can get a good buy.  Also, if you put them on your registry, use a registry 15% off and a 5% off red card you can get a super buy.  

Notice my comment on my start prices that eventually a box at Walmart becomes the best buy.   But if your child is sensitive to different brands - then you might have to buy bigger sizes longer. 

Don't buy too many size 2.   The overlap with 1 and 3 only misses about 2-4 pounds between each other.  However, you get more diapers with two - so buy them longer.  

Don't open them!!!!  If you find an allergy or your child is a different size, you can take them back or at least exchange them for a bigger size.  Or you can always find a good home for them.  

Brand points.  Because I am buying huggies and pampers, each package comes with a code.   Every so often I will log in and update a bunch of codes for points.   

So. That's how I am saving our one income four person family money.   

Tell me about your success? Do you have any questions.  

Ok. It's bed time. Good night. 

Saturday, August 15, 2015

I tried - to cheat {my weight loss journey}

Your body doesn't lie.  It's that simple.

I had a c-section June 23rd to have our second son, Soren (he was breached).   I was told to take it easy.  Did I?  Probably not.  I was told to wait six weeks before  doing anything rigorous.  Did I?  Not really.

I am hyper competitive, and even  more so when it comes to myself.  Although I try at a lot of things, I also strive to be the best.  Best me to be a better wife.  Best me to be a better mom.  Best me to be a better... daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, teacher, writer, organizer, person.

(The coffee mug Jeremiah got me at Kennedy Space Center  <3)

You can't be the best when you cheat.

Believe me.  I've tried cheating.  

Yup.  I've tried cheating myself out of being the best me. But your body doesn't lie.

After I had Soren I kept lying and telling myself that I was being healthy.  I was lying and kept telling myself that one donut was okay; or that I could skip out on my walk.   I did initially have to take it easy to heal after the major surgery.  And I did lose about 25 pounds after having him.  But for gaining about 55/60 pounds - and starting the pregnancy over weight - I had MORE to lose!

I was getting frustrated.  But it was my own fault.  I was cheating and my body wasn't going to lie for me.  We went on vacation (and let me tell you... swim suits don't hide anything! ... all truth, for all to see).  I really wanted to go up to strangers and tell them "It's okay, I just had a c-section 4 weeks ago."  but I didn't.  ---> IT'S HARD NOT TO CHEAT ON VACATION  <---  

We got home from the beach and I knew I needed to get serious.  Get competitive.  Stop cheating myself out of being healthy for me and my family.

August 1st, I started my healthy weight loss journey.  I weighed in at 209/210 pounds.  That's a lot for my short little self.  Saturday's have become my official weigh in days.    Last Saturday I weighed in at around 206.5/207.  I was happy to see progress and it kept me motivated for this past week.

I know I shouldn't boast, but I AM proud.  Last week I went back to teaching.  I passed up donuts several times, chocolate, brownies, and even mac and cheese for Gideon.

But, I didn't cheat. I kept my eating choices healthy.  I made sure to eat breakfast (see below).  And I tried to be active.  And by not cheating, I was successful!

This morning when I weighed in, the digital numbers stopped around 201.5/202.5!  

I stopped cheating, changed the way I ate, and started moving more (on week two of couch to 5K) and IT. PAYED. OFF!    Seeing those smaller numbers really does keep me motivated.  My goal next week is to get to 199.   Hold me accountable.

The journey is slow, but totally worth it.

My Healthy Breakfast
(It's fast, so you feel like it's a cheat) 
(The cooked egg part of my breakfast sandwiches)

I am not a morning person.  No where close to being a morning person.  And honestly, not something I am trying to change right now.   So breakfast was something I use to skip.  Healthy stuff took to much time.

I've been eating breakfast bagels.

In a silicone muffin pan I crack an egg in each hole.
I add chopped tomatoes and frozen/chopped spinach.
I mix it up int he muffin cup.
Top it off with a little salt and pepper (I also put red chili flakes on top for some spice).
Bake at 425* for about 20 minutes.

Then in the morning when I am in a rush.  I take out one of the eggs (80 calories) of the fridge with a mini-wheat bagel (110 calories)  and a slice of pepper-jack cheese (80 calories).  Warm it in the microwave for 30 seconds.  And BAM you have a healthy delicious breakfast sandwich for about 270-280 calories!

Don't eat the same thing every day though, it not only gets boring, but it's not great on your metabolism either.    Today I also made oatmeal-banana pancakes.  They were pretty good and will have to tell you later how I use those for quick breakfasts.

For humor - because smiling is important too!  

How have you improved your eating this week?   Are you moving more?  

Sunday, August 9, 2015

I tried - being alone {transtitions}

I tried - being alone. 

This blog is all about my struggles and just my thoughts.  I have always been a writer (online since I was 12), just not a very good one.  Lately, I have come out of my shell and started sharing my posts with other social media places...because I am not alone. 

As much as I like being alone, I know it's not healthy or helpful. 

I am not alone and need to share my story/ies.  Everyone has a story, and it's important.  We have to listen to each other's stories in order to grow as individuals and as groups.  I started sharing my posts not to see how many readers I could get, but because I realized, that as a person my story was important.  I also realize that by sharing my stories I might be able to reach a person who needs to hear that they aren't alone either.

Growing up I liked being alone.  But it was a struggle for I also wanted to be like my friends.  I remember writing a lot about how I felt like a stranger looking in. I could easily feel alone in a crowded room.  I was the president of my high school for several years, always sat at different tables, I knew pretty much everyone in my school.  I am not trying to brag, just stating a point.  I liked hearing people's stories, and honestly, I didn't really know who or what my identity was and was searching for it via different stereotypes, cliques, or groups.  But even at these different social events and levels of popularity I still felt different - like I didn't belong.  

I was always at peace by a river or in the woods, alone.   It was nice.  I could let my thoughts flow away with the water.  I could hear God speaking so clearly (even though I am really bad at obeying).  I found joy and curiosity in all things growing and still do #favoritenumbernotanumber.  Phi! God's number.  I liked not having anxiety over what I said, how I dressed, who I was with.    Being alone with nature releases a lot of pressure. It was nice!

I am no longer 12, or even 22, to be content with being alone.  My identity is no longer founded in what party I was at or which table of people I ate 3rd lunch with or which after school activity I did (all of them).   I've learned that my identity is NOT my weight, my looks, my inadequacies, my skills, my humor, my family or friends, my short comings, even my sin  (we all have it).  I am slowly believing that my identity is found in Jesus.  Over a year ago, our retired preacher's wife talked at a women's rally about our identity being found in Jesus.  Even though I always claimed to be a Christian, her speech was very impactful and has encouraged me to embrace and grow with the truth that my identity is found in Him.  I know that some of my friends who read my article about breastfeeding or Florida trips might stop reading at this point because I keep talking about Jesus.   But here's the deal.  I have a story, and HE is a HUGE part of it ---> THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MY STORY <---

I tried being alone, and still need my alone time (with God) so I can reenergize (I love people, but I need to recharge to be better around them).    But I now know that I am not alone!    I am excited to embrace this more and other transitions.

We are starting a new sermon series at church next Sunday to help with transitions.  We are going to follow the sermon studies also with our small group (AKA life group, home group, community group).    I am excited for all of this!  Our small group is growing, not just with families, but with babies...woot!!   Our own personal family is going to be going through a lot of transitions as well. 

With all the of the change my husband is encouraging me and challenging me to become a better me.  To make my story more about Jesus.  Because I like being alone and struggle with trusting or being around people I keep finding excuses to avoid some of the transitions in our lives.  I am very thankful to be married to a man who doesn't back down from something that is good.  

The biggest transition also starts tomorrow.  The reason this topic popped into my head.   Going back to school.  I was talking to one of my dearest friends about the strange feeling of joy and sadness that I get around August/September.  It really is strange.  FALL = MY FAV!   I love everything about fall, but at the same time I also feel like I am loosing something.  So this time of year is always interesting for me. 

Here are my transitions that I am going to have to face and continue to work through.  If you have any tips to help me make these transitions smoother... please let me know.  If anything, just pray that I can make changes as smoothly as possible. 

Mentor - I have been, for a couple of years, looking for a mentor. It's a hard transition to meet with someone that you don't really know you and build that relationship.   But I know I need this woman in my life, I just need to stop making excuses.... ask Jeremiah, I am really good at finding reasons why it's not the right time.  Ever since I was a kid, feeling different in all my sub groups, it is very hard for me to trust people.  Usually because of my lack of trust I end up pushing them away and hermitting back into my shell.  But I can't do that.  It's not healthy being alone.

Community group -  I am working at building relationships with these families and not pushing them away to be alone and opening our house to them.... even if it's not clean enough to my standards (why sweep.. hehehe).  But we are also transitioning into varies stages of our own lives. 

Teaching - the biggest transition that I am looking at right now.... in 8 hours the new year is starting for me.  New students to love on (and not be mean, like I was last year.... I have high expectations).  the students will also have technology!  I will also be teaching one advanced class.  There is a lot of new coming quickly and this year I do not feel as prepared as I have been in the past. 

Family - not only do we have an almost 7 week old who is transitioning into a good sleeper. Jeremiah is not only going to be taking a full semester but will be interning at our church.  I am so excited for this opportunity to grow and learn, but I am embrace the business of it as well.  Gideon will also be starting preschool; which will add a new level to our daily schedules as well. 

Health - transitioning into making healthy choices.  I love Jeremiah, but he is always tempting me with food.   Okay, he's not hanging food in front of me.  But it's hard to turn down certain restaurants, ice cream, donuts.  Even today he took Gideon to get donuts.  I am proud to say of that dozen, I have!!    But transitioning back into being a runner and being patient with my weight loss journey is going to take a lot of time. 

SOOOOO..... here I am, no longer alone.   If I start to get crabby (as my sister puts it, it's probably because I am tried and don't take anything I say to heart when I am tired or really ever) allow me some time with nature and we will be good to go.  Okay, I should have been in bed 2 hours ago.  But who am I kidding, I wouldn't sleep I would stay up thinking about my non-decorated classroom, procedures, and lessons all night. 

Transitions or Change... they are good.   Hold me accountable. 

Good night. 

Saturday, August 8, 2015

I tried - sleeping {apologies and forgiveness}

God does amazing things.   At a time when I can't sleep - so I can be with him in the quietness of my home, he does exactly what I ask.  Because I have been told it (not sleeping) is the spirit convicting us (which I agree with).

I wrote, on my phone, a blog post about why I write (my form of prayer, it's how I digest events and thoughts since I was 12, not to mention I can type faster than I can write). I wrote this elaborate post asking for forgiveness and apologizing for all the hurt I have caused in the past and most recently.   I was reflecting on Colossians 3: 1-2 and Matthew Wests song "forgiveness" (yes that is the combination of material I was given to reflect/study on).  

It was a long post.  

I went to look up something else in my phone and came back to the blogger app for my post to be washed away.  White as snow. As if I never wrote it.   

At first I was a little upset. All that time my thumb pecked at the screen. But then I realized it was God giving me another chance reminding me....

It could be the lack of sleep making this seem way more interesting/cool.  But it's what God gave to me.   




He washed and made me clean. He erased my hurt and filled it with him. I have to ask for that frequently.  He started to have me write something new. 

So as I find peace settle in and anger lift up from me.  I need to state this: 

1) I know more than likely you (all of you, and you know who you are) won't read this. But like my post, I need to state it. I am sorry. I am sorry for all of the hurtful things I've said. I am sorry for all the quick tongued, bitter, and and sharp words I slaughtered you with. You have to believe me that I plead for your forgiveness.  I am sorry for what I have lost and what could have been. I am sorry for putting my husband in difficult positions.  I am sorry for always finding blame and justification in other ways.   You don't have to forgive me now or ever just know that your lives impacted my life forever.   It has changed my story and my path.   I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. 

2) I forgive you (even though there is a small percentage you will see this).  I forgive all of you.  I forgive those who have abandoned relationships (a learning opportunity).  I forgive all of you who took from my grace.  I forgive every person who has hurt me physically, mentally, emotionally.  Like in the song, God forgives me.   Without these situations in my life I would not be who I am. I would not have the passion that I do.  I would not have the walls of fear to tear down and learn what trust is. I would not have been able to know what true love and grace are.  I must forgive for I have been forgiven. 

3) to my husband (who I will make sure to have read this, probably as I snore beside him). First, I forgive you. I know I have told you that...but now the internet knows :)  at times it is hard (this past summer, the anniversary time) and I struggle.  But even though I won't fully understand that year, I want you to know it is our past. Not our future.   Also, I am sorry.  I am sorry for dragging you in and out of my messes. I am sorry for the friendships you have lost because of me or some stupid thing I said or done.  I am sorry for any hurt I have caused you.  And thank you. Thank you for forgiveness. Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for becoming a Christian and helping me to draw nearer and educate myself more. I am no where near the wife I would like to be for you - but we have time. ;) I am proud of you. I can not say it enough.  You are a terrific husband by challenging me, holding up mirrors to see my true reflections, but loving me just the same.  Watching you parent our children is beautiful. You are a dad of love.  

4) God - thank you for Grace, Love, Hope. I set out to write about why I write to you, but my words were not worthy.  For you knew the truth. Thank you for making me new and clearing my thoughts away, literally.  I know I will never understand your power and the line you have drawn for me.  But thank you for peace. I know that I may never be forgiven by people but I have been forgiven by you.   As I pray daily; for you to help me show Jesus to those around me and that I can focus on you above.   Help me to always be reflecting on James 1: 19 - 21.    Slow to speak, bridle my tongue and to love.  I am sorry for those who I have hurt, I can not promise that it will never happen again for I am not perfect and people perceive differently so I ask for forgiveness for the future.  I pray that through you I will not hurt again, but to be humble, careful, loving, slow to speak and serve with a pure heart. I am a fool God. I need your word, wisdom, guidance. 



***side notes 
I also want to apologize, as I do for several posts, for my grammar and errors.   

Also note I always write for me.  I am not seeking people to tell me anything.  I write as a way to give my brain a rest and talk with God.   If anything I ever write is helpful to someone that is great, but this blog as always, and will always be for my thoughts. 

Thursday, August 6, 2015

I tried - eating healthy

So I am on a weight loss journey.   A lifestyle change. #willlose60

I want to be healthy not just for myself but for my family and as a reflection of my spiritual journey as well.  

Last summer some girls and I read through "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst.  She reflected a lot on what we eat is more of what we are missing.  From her book: 
"But we must realize God created us to crave more of him. Many of us have misplaced that craving by overindulging in physical pleasures instead of lasting spiritual satisfaction. If you are struggling with unhealthy eating habits, you can break the “I’ll start again Monday” cycle, and start feeling good about yourself today."

This week I have been working out more and eating better.  I wanted to share a new treat!  

Frozen yogurt bites.   

I used a 1/4 cup and measured out yogurt into cupcake liners.  *note to self - use metal or the latex ones.  Paper has to be peeled very carefully.  

Each of these treats is only 50 calories.  I get my ice cream fix and feel spoiled at the same time. 

They are easy to fix. Quick to grab.  Already portioned control. 

What are some of your healthy snacks or meals.  What do you crave over Jesus? 

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

I tried - to be content {my weight loss journey}

Yes, another blog post. 
Yes, another blog post about weight loss.

I tried to be content with my body my weight.  But I am not happy; and it's effecting other areas of my life as well. 

Today my tinniest baby boy is 6 weeks old.  WHAT... seriously, where did the time go?!?!  August was also my kick off date for #willlose60 or my goal.  Yesterday, I was cleared from C-section recovery to start working out. 

I don't know if you know this, but several years ago I was a model.  Below is a sculpture of me. 

Incase you didn't get it... I am joking.  As a teacher I have social media boundaries.  Taking pictures of my flabby-before tummy I feel like goes against what I was taught about modesty.   And honestly, no one wants to see my "squish" right now.    The picture above is how I would describe myself. 


How many of you have you used those words to describe your body?  I have!  A LOT.  Why do we do this to ourselves?

Growing up I was never skinny.  But I was buff.  I was fit.  I was athletic.  I was a hoss - and yes I was called that, and was cool with it.    Then in highschool I had knee surgery.  I stopped being as athletic as I was but I still had a good metabolism and didn't put on much weight.  I didn't put on too much weight in college either.  My weight gain slowly grew on me when my husband and I got married.    Then my husband and I separated for a few months - I lost a lot of weight... this is not a diet I would recommend.  When we got back together, the pounds seemed to follow closely behind him.    We mended our marriage and learned about our own brokenness... by this time we had our first kid.    I gained...."weight" for it..... 65 pounds!  It's a hard fact to face.   I went into delivery March 1st 2012 at 235 pounds.   By that August I was back down to 165.  But I didn't loose any more.  I gained actually.  I blame it on my first year of teaching. 

TEACHERS ARE THE WORST... we always have snack days, birthday celebrations, donuts at meetings, we stress eat, only have 15 - 20 minutes for lunch, coffee... always coffee. I was also eating more because of the stress of the first year so I put on 10 pounds that year.  

I hovered around 175 for a few more years - and always told myself I was going to lose more weight to be in the my healthy BMI range of 130ish.  Okay. I would be happy with 150!  But I was never very serious.  Last summer my mind set was... why get skinny when I am going to have another kid.    I should have gotten skinny so the pregnancy wouldn't have been so bad.    Soren came along and again I gained weight.  I delivered around 235. 

Soren is 6 weeks old and I am around 205/210.... steady. 

I am not content.  I am not happy.  I am not who I should be.  I am not who I want to be.   I must change!

I really find the above picture interesting.  As a math teacher I am naturally drawn to numbers.  During any weight loss or healthy lifestyle journey numbers are important.  They are your pant size.  They are your weight.  They are your calories.  They are the number of steps or miles you run.  They are the number of ounces of water you drink.  
Numbers are important  ----> PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT <----

I am constantly battling being content and being depressed.  It's a constant fighting match.  Picture a boxing ring, the deep announcer voice "in this corner you have great curves, sense of humor, amazing baker going up against healthy issues, envy, and lack of discipline.  Let the fight begin!"      I don't know if you picked up on this, but I don't really have any clue on boxing.  =]

But it is a fight.  We are told to be happy with who we are.  We are told that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).  We are told that we are unique like snow flakes.  We are told that our family is bigger.  We are told that this is who you are.  We are told that we just had a baby and give it some time. 

But two hundred and ten pounds IS NOT who I am. 

"You are not your own; you were bought at a price."
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Yes, I am important.  Yes, I am unique.  But why do I have to accept or be content when I am not happy? 

God created us.  He knows us.  He loves us.  And yet some of us destroy his creation. 

I tried to be content with my body.  But no longer is that the case.  I am CON-STANT-LY comparing how I look to others.  Sometimes I wonder if maybe we all live in a world like the movie Shallow Hal where we don't see truth.  We see what we want to see?  

I know I am not the only person who compares their image to other people.  And that's sad.  We have to stop.  We have to encourage each other to be healthy and take care of our bodies.  And if you are a person who doesn't care and you are content with your outer beauty, this makes me happy for you.  I just know that my weight is not only becoming a health issue but it's a "heart" issues as well. 

We have to stop using horrible descriptive words like squishy, fat, fluffy, thunder-thighs.  And a little tip to my more "fit" or "naturally thin" friends. (This is entirely my opinion) When you are talking to me, a friend who is bigger than you, and you call yourself fat... it makes me feel even worse.  I think, well this 130 pound beauty thinks she is fat, so she must think I am the biggest, nastiest, huge, hulk gross thing. I would LOVE to be you.  Yes you might be trying to relate to our health struggles, and yes you might want to be healthier, but it really just adds to our guilt.  I am not saying you can't have areas to work on, I just know as an extremely over weight person - don't call yourself fat. 

Because I am not content, I need to change.

My goal - which ever comes first is to lose 60 pounds or be down 4-5 dress sizes by next summer.   I am trying to keep in mind that muscle, scientifically, does weigh more than fat.  I am trying to keep in mind that this is going to be a long journey.   I am trying to keep in mind that no matter what I am loved, I am important, I am valuable.  I am trying to keep in mind that my body is not really mine.  I belong to something bigger and better than all of us. But I need to do this. I want to be healthy for my family. 

Hopefully blogging will be another tool to keep me accountable.  I have a great support system to encourage me and work out with me. I am loggingmy food, follow me on my fitness pal as mdjones12.  I am eating less sugary foods and limiting breads.  I got a Fitbit to monitor my steps. I have all the tools. Now to put them in place.  

Leave me some comments.  What are your goals?  Are you content with your image?  How did you get achieve being content? 

Better yet, keep me accountable!