I tried - letting my kid watch Disney {Beauty and The Beast}

My wonderful husband, Jeremiah, sent me an article about the new 2017 Beauty and the Beast.  It was titled: Disney Movies' First Ever 'Exclusively Gay Moment' in New 'Beauty and the Beast'

Oh awesome, I enjoy reading articles.  He sent the article to me because our oldest, who is turning 5 soon, wants to take one of his best girl friends to the movies and out to eat.  A date. 

Yes, I am encouraging my son to take his friend on a date.  Because if I don't teach him how to be a gentleman at a young age (while he's impressionable) than what am I teaching him?
Not to mention, his mom, Emily (one of my best friends) and I want to see the movie too, so we can conveniently chaperon the event.

Once I looked at the article on my phone I quickly went to my dear friend, Google.  There were several news article with similar head lines.  

The first thing that caught my attention was the word "moment." What's a moment?  Seriously.  Can a moment be 10 seconds.  So are we not talking about a full fledged gay-sex-scene?  Is this 'moment' something that only adults would understand as more than a moment?     You know, Disney with their sneaky subtle innuendos. Was this announcement of a gay moment just another way to spark public's interest or concern?

I started texting Jeremiah and Emily about it.  Should we still take our kids to this?

My husband and I's conversation went something along the lines of: this is our world, we don't want to shelter Gideon but educate him with a Christian foundation - meaning, if he does catch this 'moment' that we can have an open dialogue about gay people and how we are still meant to love them.  Gideon would say, "because we love people" and "we do good to all people."   Jeremiah actually believes that Gideon will be more scared of the Beast and not catch anything else.

We decided that our son could still go.

A little later Emily started talking about the article and her first response was "this is the world we live in." as I was typing something similar about helping our younger ones understand the world without being drowned in the world.  She talked about how their family has watched the classic cartoon version numerous times.

She decided that her daughter can still go.

In Emily and I's conversation I mentioned how every movie has something "wrong" with it.  People were upset about Zootopia at one point; complaining that it was racist.  She then brought up all the other negative attitudes and characters within the Disney movie Beauty and the Beast.

I started to look more into Disney movies and at what age is it appropriate for young children to be exposed to the variety of issues that Disney challenges.  Below are some crude and maybe slightly exaggerated examples:

and 

When we think of movies though, they can be a teaching tool.  Any form of media can be a teaching tool.   I am almost positive we were more successful potty training Gideon because of Daniel Tiger's episode with the catchy potty tune. Mother Goose was a political satire - just leave that right here.

Growing up I didn't not watch many Disney movies or really any movies.  I have never asked my parents why. This year my Dad  took their 4 and 3 year old grandson's to go see Star Wars - full of violence and all sorts of other scenes.  So either they changed, or we just didn't watch movies.

I was not a princess girl.  Although I did adore Belle and remember seeing the Lion King for the first time.  I don't remember ever trying to live their life.  I was never in a fantasy world. Could I be a different person if I watched more Disney (or any movies) as a child?  We only know.

Here's my bottom thought: as a parent you have to know your boundaries and your child's mental and emotional ability. We have always carried out open and honest conversations with Gideon (at an appropriate age level).  I can't protect him from everything, we live in a broken world.  But I can help guide him through rough obstacles and thoughts.

I remember being in junior high and asked my dad about a Stephen King R-rated movie.  His response was something along the lines, "You have read the book, your imagination is much more dangerous than that of a movie you will see."

If Gideon gets scared in the New Beauty and the Beast, it will be an opportunity to talk about attitude, contentment, loving people regardless of their outward appearance.  It might also bring questions about the gay couple or other deeper issues.  I will pray that I will have the right words to help guide his curiosity where he can have a better understanding, without being hurt.

I wore a red-X on my hand the other day.  February 23, 2017.   Gideon asked what it was for.  He understands that there are people living on the streets, that there are people hurting.  He now knows what a slave is.  But he does not need to know what sex is, he's five.  Just like that red-X, this movie will be an opportunity for Gideon to learn about others so he can love them better.

This is the world we live in.  Disney is being culturally relevant.

Do you have a certain age that kids can watch certain movies?

I tried - not getting involved (Politics)

Okay, did I really try not getting involved.  Probably not. I like to challenge/compete with people. Read this summer's post to get a taste.

However, politics would frequently cross my mind.
Doing dishes, crossed my mind
Praying with my children, crossed my mind
Watching a comedy, crossed my mind
Reading, crossed my mind
Talking to friends, crossed my mind
Running on the trail, crossed my mind
Sweeping, crossed
Folding laundry....

As a person who likes to write; I have a voice, and I wanted to share my thoughts.

But then, not just the topics, but the questions WHAT do I write and HOW do I write this post kept popping in my head.
Do I talk/write to Christians?
Do I talk/write (and apologize) to non-Christians?
Do I talk/write to the topics?
Do I talk/write not wanting to crush toes?
Do I talk/write with every force of nature I can muster?

I decided, it would be best (for me) to write from my heart.

A few statements before we dive into this post:
I am writing this to all parties, all beliefs, all people.
I am writing this out of a place of love.
I am writing this from my knowledge, experiences and insight (which can be small at times).
I am writing this hoping to not stir up debates or upset people but to share my voice.
I am writing this with the idea that maybe something I say can spark your  own curiosity to do your own research.
I am writing this knowing that I am not perfect at anything.
I am writing this knowing that someone challenged me a long time ago and set my intellect into motion.
I am writing this knowing that I have lots to learn, from others.
I am writing this for me, so my head can stop swirling around politics and I can refocus on what truly matters.

Where to begin.

**** Heavy sigh ***

I have been reading several blogs, articles, commentaries, and even my peers own personal thoughts the last several weeks.    There are times that I agree, smile and share.  There are times that I post questions hoping to shine light on both sides of the story.  There are times that I read my Christian friends comments and cringe.  There are times that I read my non-Christian friends comments and sing praise.

Let me get one thing out there.  I am not voting. What a relief to share that.
I. Am. Not. Voting.

Honestly, I have never voted in my life.  Before, when I was younger, I didn't vote because I did not care.  I didn't vote because I was lazy.  I didn't vote because I saw no purpose in it.  As I got older, some of those excuses transformed into supported reasons.

Now, here's the condition to me not voting.  I also don't complain.  I tend to be of the nature that can see the glass as just half.  That's it.  It's half.  Why does it have to be half full or half empty.  Why can't we be content with just half.  I like to see multiple points of views on topics.  I like to have my mind challenged to ignite growth.  I like to hear people discuss ideas, not each other.    So, even though I don't vote, I don't complain - for no matter who is in office, there is no perfect world.  There will always be positives and negatives to every thing.  EVERY. THING.    The government is just half.  Just like I see good in both main candidates; I also see some room for growth.

Some people reading this might be thinking "You are the problem.  Megan, you are part of the problem.  You my dear, are non-american.  How disrespectful are you?!?"  Whatever you may be thinking, if you truly have a question about why I don't vote, please ask, I am not afraid to share.

Am I not American?  No, I am.  I was born here.  I work here.  I pay taxes here. Do I say the pledge - nope, I use that brief moment to pray for my day, my students, and my country.  I pledge allegiance to my God, HIS kingdom.  For this world is not my home.

Am I really that disrespectful? How do I not support such a great country, How DARE me?   Nothing I do is hurting anyone.  Well, some feelings might be hurt by my boldness in my statements.  But I can only pray that the hurt people feel can be reflected and mediated on, allowing for God to present Himself.   I still respect my authorities.  I pay my taxes, abide by the law of the lands, and love people.

Am I really part of the problem?  Do we even know what the PROBLEM really is?    If I am the biggest problem that anyone has, I would honestly say, that is probably a success.

To me, the problem is not in the government.  

The problem starts from the church.  

It's you.  

It's me.   

Even typing that, I felt a little worried about the feedback I am going to get from this post.  But, I need to say it.  
That's right.  WE the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect.........perfect what....we live in a broken world, and WE are the problem.

I catch myself occasionally asking my 4.5 year old "are you part of the problem or part of the solution?"   And here we are, a young country, that has lots to learn.  We had some major growth spurts and some obvious set backs in maturity.  But compared to the world, America, we are still babies - we must walk before we can run, if not, stumbling will occur.

When you post on social media, are you part of the problem or are you part of the solution?

Problem: Abortion.   Solution: Love people.
Problem: Foster Care.  Solution: Love people.
Problem: Death penalty.  Solution: Love people.
Problem: Drugs.   Solution: Love people.
Problem: Marriage license.  Solution: Love people
Problem: Boarder, extremist groups, terror.   Solution: Love people.
Problem: Violence towards cops.  Solution: Love people.
Problem: Violence towards blacks.  Solution: Love people.
Problem: Education funds.  Solution: Love people.
Problem: Healthcare cost.  Solution: Love people.
Problem: Unemployment. Solution: Love people.

I challenge you to read Romans 13.   You can find it here, and even change it to a translation that best suites you.  This chapter has helped my husband develop his own personal thoughts and opinions on the election, but also have been a pivotal piece in my own mindset.

We, the church, to form a more perfect union, his kingdom on earth, his will be done.....

We are to love Hillary Clinton, for she is the daughter of the king.
We are to love Donald Trump, for he is a son of a king.
We are to love the unborn babies.
We are to love the murders.
We are to love the multi-cultures
We are to love the drug addicts
We are to love the gays
We are to love the blacks
We are to love the whites
We are to love the cops
We are to love the teachers
We are to love the students
We are to love each other.

If you are not a Christian, you don't have to full-fill the law by loving people.
But I sure hope, if you are not a Christian, you have been filled by a Christian's love.

How are you loving people?  I challenge your mind set, your heart, your belief.  Dig into His word, ask tough questions.  What truly matters?

***

So, I tried not getting involved with politics; I will do my best for this to be the last post, comment, or even rhetoric response.   If you want to talk to me; please let's get coffee, or e-mail/message me.

For now - the next two weeks - I will pray.

And in case you don't know.  You are loved.

I tried - parenting {rules}

Discipline is Latin for 'to teach' or 'pupil.' For us to be semi-successful parents we must discipline.    

Parenting is not easy.  I tried.  I continue to try.  And even yesterday I felt like a huge failure in my efforts to parent.    But with every struggle comes learning opportunity; and my end result is that I want our boys to grow up to love and live like Jesus.  

I know and have seen several parents who refrain from discipline - because they only see it as punishment or "not loving"  - but in honesty, more harm can come from that mindset than setting rules. 

The following post is rooted in our religious beliefs.  I encourage you to continue to read.  You might not agree with my religion, but can find some common ground in  our expectations of our youth.  

We want our family to follow Jesus; that means being disciplined.   Discipline is to teach - and to teach  about Jesus we must also act like him.  We must be loving, for our actions, show our hearts.  An action has a reaction in everything we do.   As a teacher and parent  there are lines that can be crossed.  If it is emotionally, physically, spiritually or sexually abusive - THAT IS NOT DISCIPLINE OR OUT OF LOVE and not okay. 

Rules help provide structure that children crave.   They want stability, to know they are safe and loved. 

OUR FAMILY RULES: 
1)  Listen and obey the first time
2)  Be gentle with our words and actions
3)  Have a good and generous attitude; being okay with being told no.
We give people respect and honor and follow our rules because we LOVE PEOPLE.

1) Listen and Obey ** Titus 3:1, Ephesians 6: 1  [Children, obey your parents in the lord, for this is right]  - This is my favorite rule;  It can cover anything to keep your child safe and your sanity in tact.   Think of all the times that the bible talks about obeying.  God loved us, we should obey.   We love our children and we want them to obey.    I believe that the foundation of obeying is trust.   Asking a child to listen and obey reminds them that we love and care about them and their actions.  One of our son's favorite bible stories is Jonah and the big fish - great example of obedience.  

2) Be Gentle ** James 1:19-20 and Galatians 5:25-26, Titus 3:2 [to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people] - The bible is so full of the word gentle or meek.   For boys, gentle might look differently.   The word gentle, non-violent, or passive does not mean we are defenseless and should be taken advantaged of.  Being gentle is showing others love and compassion, what God calls us to do.  The meek will inherit the earth.   

3) Have a good attitude ** Matthew 6:24, Luke 12:22 - 27, Hebrews 13:5 [Keep your life free from love of money, and to be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."] - we originally started this rule off with "be content".  But to a small child "content" is an abstract idea .  The word "attitude" is something that we can see.    As our oldest has grown and developed a bigger vocabulary we talk about attitude, contentment, and generosity all under the same umbrella. To be followers of Christ, we are asked to die to ourselves.   This rule goes a long way when it comes to birthday parties or simply sharing.  It is also written with rule number one, listen and obey in mind.  To be content means to be okay with being told no.

We have these rules because we love people - John 13:34-35 [A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.] 

***Note, there are lots of scripture to reinforce our beliefs, although not all are listed.   Being content, gentle, having a good attitude while we listen and obey is how we have asked our family to show people love.

So that's great, right?  Some rules, like you haven't read or heard of them before.  Some of you out there might even be thinking - what does she know....  I've seen her kids throw fits.  I've seen her kids.... x, y, z.     I'm not trying to claim our rules are fool proof.  I am not trying to claim perfection.  I tried parenting; and it's hard. Believe me, there are times that I ask our oldest to pray for my attitude because mommy is not having a good one.  

I am just sharing what our family has chosen to do.  We believe in the Bible, and that our rules come from that.  They are FAMILY rules; my husband and I follow them too.   

So what happens when the rule is broken?   

Rules were easy to develop and find in the bible, however the consequences take more time and adjustment.  Our rules have not really changed in four years we have had kids.  But our consequences have.  As we grow as parents and as we learn what effects our little ones.  

When you hear the word consequence do you typically think of punishment?  When you hear the word discipline do you think of the word punishment?   A  consequence can be positive and negative.    Every action has a reaction.  

I truly believe that every parent will have to determine what consequences works best for them and their child. 

My two thoughts when it comes to consequences:
1) was the choice in their control, did they break the rule?     Example: our oldest throwing a fit before bed, well it was our fault as parents for letting him stay up late.  The consequence of OUR choice is his attitude.    He can control it, but we did not help him.
2) can you find something to be positive about?  Make everything a learning opportunity and always try to find positive.  
I had an extensive list of what we have tried with our kiddos.  But it gets to be a long list.  If you have questions on what to do if..... or how to treat......  please leave a comment.  I would love to hear from you.

What are some rules you live by?

I tried parenting - it is hard.  I pray that one day my boys will be able to contribute to society and love people.

I tried parenting.....Our Family Rules, Consequences, Tips, and Timing to raising successful Godly children.

~I apologize for any typos, if you have a question, comment below.  I also apologize for the length - I tend to be wordy about things I am passionate about. 

Discipline is Latin for 'to teach' or 'pupil.' For us to be semi-successful parents we must discipline.   

I know and have seen several parents who refrain from discipline - because they only see it as punishment or "not loving" 

For us to follow Jesus we must be disciplined in our ways.  For Jesus to teach us we must be disciplined.  We, as parents, are disciplining our children to follow Jesus, so they too must learn how to follow Jesus. 


** Please note:  discipline is to teach - and to teach  about Jesus we must also act like him, be loving, our actions show our hearts.   I do not believe in truly punishing a child.  The action has a reaction in everything we do.   As a teacher and parent  there are lines that can be crossed.  If it is emotionally, physically, spiritually or sexually abusive - THAT IS NOT DISCIPLINE OR OUT OF LOVE. 


OUR RULES:
1)  Listen and Obey
2)  Be Gentle
3)  Have a good attitude
And we do these because we....LOVE PEOPLE


1) Listen and Obey   - Ephesians 6: 1-3  -   This is my favorite.  It can cover anything. The bottom line is the child must trust that parents wants the best for them.  I will sometimes dialogue with Gideon:   "Do you trust mommy (daddy, grandma, papa)? .......      Do you love mommy (other person)?   ........    Does mommy love you?........ If you trust and love mommy you need to listen and obey so that you can be safe and have fun."      A child wants to please their parents/authority.  A child wants to have structure and rules (it is like a security blanket, the sense that someone cares).   So asking a child to listen and obey reminds them that we love and care about them and their actions.  one of our son's favorite bible stories is Jonah and the big fish - great example of obedience.  One day this will transition well for our child listening and obeying his heavenly father. 


2) Be Gentle - Titus 3:2, James 1:19-20 and Galatians 5:25  - The bible is so full of the word gentle, my mom likes to say being nice.   Being gentle doesn't mean we are door matts and anyone can take advantage of us.  Being gentle is showing others love and compassion, what God calls us to do.  The meak will inherit the earth.    Like listen and obey, this rule can not only cover physical gentleness but other ways to be gentle via words or volume control.

3) Have a good attitude - Hebrews 13:5 and Luke 12:22 - 27 - we started this rule of with be content.  But to a small child content is an abstract idea.  With the word attitude and knows we can see an attitude.  Sometimes he will tell us he has a good attitude by fake smiling and tell him we want to see his real good attitude.    For us to be followers of Christ he asks us to die to ourselves.   Matthew 6:24 talks about serving money and God and how we can only serve one.    Have a good attitude goes a long way when it comes to birthday parties or sharing.    You can not get what you want by throwing a fit is what this boils down to.


We have these rules because we love people - John 13:34-35 - that people will know that we are a Christian by the love we give to each other.    Being content, having a good attitude, being gentle, while we listen and obey are the ways that we have asked our family to show others love. 


CONSEQUENCES:
When you hear the word consequence you typically think of punishment.  When you hear the word discipline, you think of the word punishment.   A  consequence can be positive and negative.    Every action has a reaction. 

I truly believe that every parent will have to determine what consequences work best for them and their child.

1) Spanking - we are not against spanking.  However around 1.5 our child would hit me if I spanked him (not if daddy spanked him).  He was not learning what rule he broke by not being loving.    We have finally learned that our child does not do well with spanking.  And keep this thought in  your brain - I want to teach my children Gentleness. Most children follow what they see and hear.  If I spank, am I being gentle and loving towards my child?     We now only use spanking as a major consequence.   We will sometimes tap is bottom to get his attention, but tell him, "mommy spanked your bottom because you are not being loving and obeying"
2) Flicking - this really helped us teaching Gideon at a young age.   It's quick and can be used in a variety of areas.  Flick on the hand when they are touching something they shouldn't (trash can, wall outlet, daddy's books).  flick on the cheek for sitting, biting, yelling, etc.   
3) Time outs - there are so many great articles about time  outs.   For our oldest who's very social, making him sit in his room until he has a good attitude and will listen and obey is HUGE - he hates it.  He will come out of his room ready to do what he's been asked and without complaining.   He's almost 3. 
4) We always ask Gideon to say sorry and for what he did, taking ownership.  This has only worked lately as his vocabulary as developed for it. 
5) Constant praise - high fives, fist bumps, hugs, kisses, excitement...... stickers, ALL praise.  It says in the bible to build up one another.  To encourage one another.  I try to praise Gideon any time he is doing something extremely well without being told.   "Thank you for sharing"  if we didn't have to talk about sharing 2 minutes before playing with that friend.    If you over praise for what is already expected, it will no longer feel good for the extraordinary stuff.   Find other ways to praise than "good job"




Successful Tips:
1) Talk to them as adults  -  children understand a lot more than we tend to give them credit.  Make sure it isn't too far above their heads.  A 3 year old does not need to know the whole birds and bees.... but they should know what their private part is called and that it's not a toy.
2) Children are curious - give them the answer to the why without them asking it.  If you flick a child in the hand for touching an outlet and just say "no-no" the will not understand.   Flicking a child's hand and saying "do not touch the outlet for it could hurt you.  I love you and want to keep you safe, that is no-no"  it gives the flick meaning and explanation of why.
3) Allow for children to correct you - anytime my husband and I are not following the rules we try to use it as a teaching moment.  daddy might say, "Gideon, mommy does not have a good attitude, she needs to spend some time alone right now."
4) Forgiveness - in the bible it says that we should ask for forgiveness.  When we repent God does not say "it's okay" he says "do better, but I love you and forgive you."  We must do the same for our children.  When Gideon says sorry we do not say "it's okay" for that gives him permission to do it again.  When he apologizes we tell him "thank you for saying sorry, we forgive you and love you."
5) Don't do for them what they can do for themselves.   We live in a culture where laziness is rapidly increasing.  We want instant gratification.  If a child comes to me with something to do for them I ask them to do it for themselves.  If they continue to struggle I GUIDE THEM  and do not do it for them.  The old parable teach a man to fish is very true. 
6) Don't help them if they can't and shouldn't do it for themselves.  False reality.  This is big for the park.  We have a climber/daring son.  At the park we would watch him, if he asked for help we would tell him that he needs to do it on his own.  Instead of a 1.5 year old thinking he could climb a ladder, but not really, is much better than having a safety accident later on.  We do try to encourage them to their level (instead of ladder, use the stairs to get to the top).  We want independence, but we also want our children to make good choices. 
7) Children are good, not bad.   You will not hear us ever tell our sons they are bad boys.  We are made in the image of God. and God is good.  We as humans make mistakes daily.  Our mistakes might be bad but we are still good.  We will remind Gideon that his choices are good or bad. 




So when did we start doing all of this??
Children will rise to your expectations.  When trained with love a child can surpass your expectations.  I do know all children are different, but there are times when you have to BE THE PARENT AND TAKE CHARGE.   Whether it comes to sleeping habits, breastfeeding, potty training, eating with a fork, cleaning their room..... you have to discipline.   To say that "the child will do _________ when they are ready" does not apply to our family.  We educate ourselves by reading, talking to other parents, consulting their doctors, trial and error, perseverance.    Some children will not do ____________when ready because sometimes the unknown is scary.   Unless you have someone there to disciple you and teach you with love and remove the scariness.  We teach and it's called tough love.    I look at parents who their 30 year old still lives with them.....that is not love, who's the parent?   For a parent to never tell a child no, and have them run in the street..... is that love?  Disciplined love provides reassurance and safety

We started basic discipline with our oldest when he was 6 months old.  He knew his name and was starting to eat solids.  We would flick his hand for touching things he shouldn't.  We have flicked his cheek for spitting foods. 
We started spanking around 1 years of age for major defiance.  But slowly it became only daddy spanked to the  point where we no longer spank unless it's a huge defiance. 
NO MATTER WHAT AGE YOU SHOULD EXPLAIN WHY THEY ARE GETTING A NEGATIVE CONSEQUNCE, FOR WHICH RULE THEY BROKE. 


Ask yourself these questions:
Who are you?
What outcomes would you like to see for your family?
Are your expectations too high or too low?
What consequences are you willing to use, positive and negative?


The bible is so full of wonderful scripture.  It is sometimes hard to pick the best versus or the best rules to follow.    Some of my personal favorite books are:   James, Ephesians, Romans and the gospels.  But in every scripture you will find love and obedience (or lack of).   If you struggle as a parent there is no shame in asking for help. 

This blog became much longer than anticipated - please remember that we are not perfect parents.  My child is no where near perfect (but I love him like he is).  Daily I struggle as a Christian, parent, spouse, daughter, teacher, and friend...... but God is perfect and Good and is there through all struggles. 

If you have questions or comments I would love to know or explain in more details.   All of this blog is my opinion and experience as a parent and educator.  I know parents do different things in different cultures, societies, economical classes.    I am in no way trying to discourage you or destroy your beliefs as a parent.  So please, talk to me and keep the communication open.