Covid 19 Brain Spirals

I just told a friend that I tend to spiral when I don't have answers.  My mind will just go and go and can't stop as it is looking for facts, evidence, solutions. I have so many spirals going on right now as new information is constantly being presented and my once normal is now again out of balance. I am pretty confident a tornado would look at me and say "nope, you be crazy."

For COVID 19, here are my 19 spirals that my brain consistently is processing through out each and every day....and some of my own personal conclusions. 

Spiral 1: Am I a mean mom? My brain can not stop this spiral. Although it is one I regularly reflect and think about. Now more than ever, it is in my face, how much yelling I do as I spend 24 hours a day with these creatures. My biggest fear...they won't survive this quarantine with all of their brainless activities.  Example... our 4 year old looking for a new family.... down the road... on his own.  Or, how about our 8 year old going down the zip line... with a spike!  New rule, only ONE BODY on the zip line at a time.  Keeping kids alive is challenging, and now they are stuck at home..... but.... I am not a mean mom. (and my kids are precious, hilarious, creative, sweet and wild humans who are going to learn and be academically ready for the next year).

Spiral 2: Am I a terrible wife? In case you were wondering, one can be kicked out of their own home during shelter in place. They don't have anywhere fun to go; but a spouse who is "asked" to leave can drive around for a bit to cool off.  Prior to this whole pandemic, my husband was gone Thursday through Sunday for work. Can you imagine the shift that must take place in our home as we both reside in it....E V E R Y D A Y  together... regardless.... I am not a terrible wife. (nor is he a bad husband).

Spiral 3: Am I a bad teacher? When I was allowed to go to work I knew and had confidence in my teaching ability. I was excited to share knowledge and watch my high school students turn light bulbs on. But now, it is hard to connect with them. It's a challenge to stop thinking about ... can I do more? How? I do my best and put these kiddos first as if they were my own.... I am not a bad teacher.

Spiral 4: Am I glorifying God? Did I read my Bible enough? Pray for all the people I can think of? Am I participating in church functions as I should? Last week, as I was crying, my oldest gave me a hug, and told me "God is with your wherever you go. Joshua 1:9".  He didn't understand the irony of what he was saying....being the fact that we aren't going anywhere..... my children are learning.... I am glorifying God. (even if it's just "God, please help me!")

Spiral 5: Will my sister be safe? My sister is a doctor. Whether she knows it or not, I am constantly worried about her safety in these conditions. It "plagues" my mind; as she is the mom to three amazing little kiddos. The thought of her being at risk shatters my heart. This spiral, if started, usually ends in tears...... my sister is wise and is using every precaution.... she is safe. She is strong!

Spiral 6: What's for dinner? What's for lunch? Wait... what did we have for breakfast? Having to remember to feed our family, every day, for every meal.... is a major spiral. Or can be. Now, before this whole lock down business, I had the menu planning on lock down, but we had freedom to change it up or pick up last minute items on our way home from work. All I know is that I am so incredibly grateful for the meals provided by our boys' school. Going to pick them up provides routine and a much needed break in our day, plus a fun little trip down the road. This spiral usually doesn't get too far when my husband and I pick out what's for dinner in the morning. A plan is set in place. 

Spiral 7: Am I getting fat? So there is a joke about gaining the Covid 15 (a play off of the freshmen 15) and I am not laughing. Try on your jeans they say..... amazon search jeans.... I have always struggled with my weight, size and being content with my own image. But it seems to be magnified (like my waist) during these uncertain times. I can't run with my sister anymore.... I am at home where the boys like to ask for snacks... whats a small nibble? (hint: it's no longer a nibble when you eat two serving sizes while preparing their food).  The good news..... this spiral is coming to a halt. I am continuing to run (sadly without my sister) and I am in the process to reshape my mindset, hopefully helping me reshape my body.  Although I gained a few pounds in March when this all started, I have been steady. So... no, I am not getting fat! (honestly, who cares!)

Spiral 8: Do I have homework? In January I started my online graduate program! It was manageable with my husband traveling. However, I have discovered I do not like doing homework when he is home. I am constantly having to think about what assignments I need to do or edit, which chapter in our text I need to read, or have I posted to the proper discussion board. Yes, I do have homework. 

Spiral 9: Am I going crazy? My mental health is in a very strange place. I am typically not an emotional person. I've cried like 6 times this week.... okay.... yesterday. I cried like 6 times yesterday. I am trying to get off of this roller coaster. It's odd. At night, it feels almost normal. Spending time with the family, going to bed. And in the morning, there is a brief second that all feels like the world is still spinning correctly. The only thing spinning, my overwhelming desire to be perfect in all of this....which... is not possible. I am not going crazy, but keeping my mental and emotional  health in check is highly recommended.

Spiral 10: When did I shower last? During this social distancing I thought it would a be terrific time to do a social experiment: how long can one go without showering before their children think they smell funnier than them? The answer is 4.  I will let you decided what the 4 represents.... it's also up to you to figure out how much sarcasm is in that statement.  Keeping track of when to shower, if it is necessary for the day, do I have clean underwear... it is a fun mental spiral .... if you can't remember the last time you showered, you probably should. 

Spiral 11: Zoom! Not going to lie. I am going to declare that "Zoom" becomes a grown up word in our house. In the last two weeks I believe we have zoomed a total of 11 times NOT including my husbands meetings and instruction lessons. So we are probably looking at around 30 - 40 something different zoom sessions we have participated in. The answer to my spiral... write them down, set an alarm... and hope for the best.

Spiral 12: Who did __________________ last? Dishes, vacuum, sweep, laundry, cook, wipe down tables, pick up toys, mow the yard, get the mail, take out the trash, feed and water the dog, pay the bills, check the plants........all day long. I am not going to lie, a friend sent me some pictures of her home.... it made me feel better about mine. The benefit of having a "smaller" home and the fact that we live a more minimalist lifestyle, we have less mess. What I am starting to realize, we live here. It's okay if it looks like it. (ps... we don't own a dishwasher if that somehow makes you feel better)

Spiral 14: Am I in the wrong to be upset with people's ignorance and selfishness? There are some pretty far fetched conspiracies going around right now, or being stirred up more. I don't know what's worse, the conspiracies and ignorance or the political bullying and badgering during this time in which we need to be more united? It's sickening how much time I have wasted reading misleading information. Nope, it's okay for me to be upset, it's what I do with my frustration that is key. Learning not to chase rabbits on social media (stop trying to prove everyone wrong) has vastly increased my joy. People will believe what they want, no matter how crazy, mean, or inaccurate it is. I can't control that. I can only control my perception and I want to choose joy. I need to choose joy. 

Spiral 15: Am I doing this right? You know all of those projects I wanted to do.... start a garden..... plant more indoor plants.... paint the shed.... stain the deck.... Or, how about all the books I am going to get to read?! I have to stop my brain from thinking about all these things and truly refocus the spiral into something more productive. It's okay if not everything gets done while I manage the other spirals in my life. Yes, I am doing this right. 

Spiral 16: Am I going to be able to make Easter memorable? Just. Sit. Down. Stop. Thinking. Seriously, why do I let my brain going into these tizzies. Here's the fact... this whole event... will make this Easter memorable, I don't have to do anything, it's done for me!

Spiral 17: Am I writing enough letters, making enough phone calls, marco polos, texts? I want to take care of people. When I start thinking of too many people that I want to communicate or connect with I will just start writing their names down and in my free time reach out to them. If you are reading this (and personally know me) and I have not contacted you, I am sorry. With around 140 students in addition to family, it's a lot to take care of. I have tried writing cards, sending encouraging messages on Instagram, making goodies for neighbors, all of it. I am doing enough.

Spiral 18: Do people think or care about me as much as I think and care about them? This is when my brain spirals in reverse of the above..... who I take care of becomes who is taking care of me? This spiral might be the most dangerous! It is something I think about a lot. See.... I have trust issues. I have abandonment issues. I have friendship or maintaining relationship issues. I have control issues. I have fear of missing out issues. I am always looking for a deep connection; yet, I tend to drown people when I try to take them too deep. I question why my "friends" on facebook don't like a picture or video... yet comment on someone else's stuff.... it's a dangerous spiral that number 18.  First, if you have read this entire blog. Thank you, please let me know by leaving me a comment. Maybe this post was too long, so you scrolled to the bottom and read this part, but you've read my blog before... cool and thanks! If I have recently told you how much you mean to me, know that I truly have thought it. A LOT. Thank you for loving me, reaching out to me, not giving up on me. I know who you are and I hope you know who you are too. 

Spiral 19: I don't know if you actual read this or caught this intentional mistake ... but I only made 18 brain spirals. Well...if you count thinking about one less spiral as a brain spiral of it's self. (Anyone else tired of the "math problems" with pictures). This virus doesn't deserve the best of me. It doesn't deserve all of my mental energy and time.

Let me know what your brain spirals are. How are you dealing with challenging times?

Be safe. Live loved.

I tried - reading the Divergent series {November reads and December deeds}

Hey cozy friends,

That time of year where we all want to sit next to a fire place, fill our bodies with hot drinks, and just be warmed by one another's love.

Holidays!

We are already 1/5 into December and I am just now getting around to post about November's book, wrap up the month and look forward to what is ahead.

November was lovely.  I decided to take a small break from facebook - deleted the app.  It was nice not being plugged in all of the time.  I thought I would miss people's lives or articles or funny clips.  And I might have missed those, but instead I gained TIME!  I was able to really focus on what is important.

I truly believe because I removed one distraction from my life allowed for another to move in - reading!  Although not a bad distraction, what I was reading could have been more beneficial.

November I read not just one, not just two, but three books.  I read the entire Divergent Series by Veronica Roth!

These are fun young-adult dystopian fiction stories. The best part of reading these books was getting to discuss them with my students.  I would spot a cover of one of the books and instantly be able to strike up a conversation with them.  Acknowledging them and their choices   - making their day.

The books are good, and at times the "romance" for 16 year olds was a bit too much or adult-like.  But over all I enjoyed the books.  If you are looking to buy books for a teenager this holiday season, I would highly recommend these.

Now on to December. 

I have not yet made any goals or commitments.
I have not yet written down any scripture or prayer focus.
I have not yet written down any to-do's or projects.

My focus for this month:
Read - Glory Happening by Kaitlin Curtice  (a high school friend of mine).  It should arrive at our house on Friday!!
Scripture - I am currently still in BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and appreciate reading through Romans and really getting a better understanding of it.  I am also following along with my husband's Advent Project: here.
Health - For the past few months I have been hanging around the 158-161 range.  Which is great that I have not gained any weight I've lost back; but still frustrating at times that I have not seen any changes.  But healthy focus and not vain perception is important too!

Don't let the to-do list, the events, the pinterest perfect ideas get in the way of what matters this season.

People.
People matter.

Love you all,
A mom who tries

I tried - The Turquoise Table {October book and November update}

October I finished leading a group through "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  We started it in September, so I wanted to read another book for October.  I choose "The Turquoise Table" by Kristin Schell.

The Turquoise Table was more than a book.  Seriously, it is like pinterest, instagram and facebook all rolled into one.  It was more than a book for it had recipes, quizzes, places to journal and take notes even check out her cute ideas on page 83.  The book included pictures, beautiful pictures, and quotes and other words of encouragement that make you enjoy the book just a little bit deeper. 

A beautiful piece of literature. 

The book starts off explaining the back story of where the table came from, but then it goes deeper into why it's important for our neighborhoods to have a table like this. 

I kept coming up with excuses and reasons why I couldn't (EVEN THOUGH I DESPERATELY WANT TO) do this. 

We live on a hill - where does the table go?
I have little ones - where do they play? In the street?
My neighbors work nights, move frequently, hardly home?
What if we move soon - is it rude to set people up to let them down?
Does this have to be me a "me" thing or a "family" thing?
Where do we find the money to buy a table?

Seriously, I had every excuse under the sun to not make community a priority. 
Here are some little truth bombs or quotes from the book that I love and will use to help me make my excuses into a thing of the past.

* Romans 12:13 - take every opportunity to open your life and home to others.   Hospitality.

* To be present, the only UNwelcome or not invited guests are the iphone and other technology.

* I can be an "embassy of the kingdom of heaven"

* WE all need the table.  It's community.  We need to gather.

* There is a difference between being and doing.  "You can tell what people are doing if you take time to notice."

* We are able to love because we were first loved.

* "We are all broken, that's how the light gets in." - Hemingway

* The more vulnerable we are, the longer the table we will need.

* Page 142 "The most beautiful people I know were their imperfection with grace and confidence."

* A HUGE difference between Hospitality and Entertainment.  Hospitality is serving, brokenness is welcome, non-judgement, grace, NO to-dos, A HAPPENING. Entertainment is "me" focused, pinterest perfect, judgement of self and event that occurs after a list of to-do's are complete.

* Page 147 "Part of loving others is allowing them to love us too."

* You need to hold the bucket sometimes for someone else, or yourself.  Word vomit is a thing.

* The ministry of presence is something worth praying for every day.

* People are hungry, craving for connection and community, a place to belong. 

The book had so much more wisdom and experience to share through her own and others stories.  This is a great book and I give it 5 stars.  A quick great read.  If you are wanting to change up your neighborhood, this is a great place to start.

~*~

November is underway already and I haven't taken the time to update on our goals.  It seems like yesterday that I started tracking and looking for goals.  This month I really want to focus on self communication. 

I often feel isolated and alone, so in order to help with not realizing it, I deleted the facebook app off of my phone.  I haven't figured out the game plan - other than I don't want to be on there any more; or as much.  I find myself wasting time reading articles, looking at pictures, or watching videos that have no regards to improving my life.  I can find the news through other means.  I can reach out and pray for friends by actually connecting to them.

Problem:
Documenting the boys and sharing the joy they bring us with family and real friends.

Solution:
I can still text pictures or even email.  I can do a "mass" end of the month "share" of what the kiddos have been up to.

Problem:
Missing events around the community and social circles.

Solution:
Personal invites are a thing that we should bring back.  Jeremiah is still on facebook and can keep us in the loop. We can also look for things on the weekends.

Problem:
Reaching out and praying for people

Solution:
Use other communication.

Problem:
Feeling isolated and alone.

Solution:
Interactions that due occur will be genuine and out of true love and interest, verses conveniently scrolling through my life tossing out thumbs up. 

Other things I would like to focus on during this free time.... I am going to read Divergent by Veronica Roth (I know, I am a little late to the fad) and who knows, I might be able to read the sequel too.

I would also like to continue to document our joy as a family and focus on each other, gratitude and grace. 

My physical health is always of importance; but mental and spiritual health have to be balanced in order to achieve that. 

Here's to November of peace, pausing, and true growth.  <3

That Father of Mine #behindtheblogger

That Father of Mine

Remember that time that I hugged a stranger thinking it was you, that father of mine.
Remember that time that I accidentally burned your father's day gift and you got a jar of ashes, that father of mine.
Remember that time that you wrote me a three page letter of why I will always be your baby girl, that father of mine.
Remember that time that we traveled 16 hours to sort through family problems -just you and me, that father of mine.
Remember that time, well timeS, that we argued for I am stubborn, but you always loved me, that father of mine.
Remember that time you taught me to shoot a gun, go fishing, clean a rabbit, drive a tractor and a standard, throw a ball, read a book, THAT father of mine.
Remember the time that you walked me down the aisle, only years later to sit and hold me when my heart was broken, that FATHER of mine.
Remember the time that we would spend mowing the church yard, or the post office, or your dad's yard - teaching me responsibility and spending precious time with me, that father OF mine.
Remember that time that I yelled at you, so angry at life, that father of MINE.
Remember that time that I wanted to tell I love you, for you are THAT FATHER OF MINE.

You are a man of few words, but great understanding.  I love more than anything watching you teach my boys about what it means to be a man.

~*~Happy Fathers Day~*~

Thank you for reading a story from #BehindTheBlogger Hop. Every 2 weeks a group of bloggers is given a writing prompt.These prompts are very open ended, so our bloggers can write about whatever they desire. The main rule is that their blog post directly relates to the topic of that week. The point of this hop is for our readers to get to know us on a personal level.

Please hop along and read all of the blog posts in this weeks hop. Just click the links below. If you want real and raw emotion, then you will find it here. After you read each post, please comment and share. We want to get to know you too!

Are you a blogger looking to join our future hops? Sign Up Here!

I tried - education {a public school teacher's view on homeschool}

 A "hot" topic in my "world" is education.  From toddler time to college, and everything in between, I value it. If you have extra time to waste, just bring up an educational related topic (i.e common core, discipline, retention, IEPs, etc....) we will talk. For hours.

WARNING: because this is a topic I am passionate about, this post is going to be lengthy - please look at the questions and find what best fits you.

I have had several parents come to me asking for my opinion about homeschooling over the alternative of public school. I have seen several articles recently about education - some with incredible inaccuracy and some with pure joy. So, now, instead of repeating myself, I can start pointing them to this blog.

Before I begin, I need to clarify some things about me.  I am public school teacher at a middle school, and currently, love my job.  I am a mother, but only to young children. I am opinionated, and do not have data to back up my claims (just resources and observations).  I am a Christian and some of my educational beliefs are woven tightly with my religious beliefs. I am a fan of homeschooling - and have had and still do consider it as an option for my own children as they age.

The best way to tackle this topic is through a Q and A session.  If you do not see your Q please post it in the comments and I would love to give you my version of the A - this is real life - not a multiple choice test.  =]


***What would I do if I was considering homeschooling, but are unsure?
As I mentioned, I have several peers who are considering homeschooling for a variety of reasons. Usually the biggest struggle I see from them is, "is this right?"  They might stay up late at night asking if they have the funds and other resources, the drive to home school.   They might be considering home schooling because of bad personal experiences in their own education.  Some of them consider home schooling for they have an UNeducated view of public schools (i.e. common core is evil - no, common core are standards, not my curriculum or how I teach - besides, most states are not aligned with common core anyhow - please don't be ignorant when making life choices for your family...... ooops, I am slipping on to another soap box).

If you are considering homeschooling please keep these thoughts in the back of your mind:
1)You have to do what is right for your family.  No one is going to fault you for that. Stand your ground, do research to support your opinions.  If you are religious, pray about the situation and ask God for guidance. Also see the questions about my Christianity and homeschooling later in the post.
2) LET THE TEACHER AND THE SYSTEM PROVE YOU WRONG.  If you have a fear or concern about school, one that might not be supported in concrete evidence - let your child try public school - if you are not happy - than home school. But let your teacher show you that rumors are in fact rumors.  I think you will be surprise that public school is not a bad place.
3) Educate your self.  Please, know what you are getting into.  This is not just a game, but your child's life you are dealing with.  A website I share helps identify with your type of home school that best fits with your personality and ideas of home school - check it out here. 
4) I BEG you as a  teacher, if you do homeschool, actually teach your children how to read and do basic math. It's very worrisome for me when I see students, who will one day be adults in our country, who can not multiply at the age of 13.  *sigh*



***What would I do if I was already homeschooling or enrolled in another non-public school system (private, charter, co-ops)?
Homeschooling, like I said, can be a huge success for several families.  I have seen it!  Sometimes I am envious of it.  If you are happy with your choice to home school please consider the following:

Don't bash public schools
For hundreds of thousands of families
public school IS their only choice.

These families and teachers need your support and encouragement.  I had one friend post on facebook how she really did not like that she has to pay property taxes to support a school that her children do not even attend.  I really wanted to respond with "you have the choice, others don't" - Is it justified taking away from others who might not be as lucky and blessed as you are?  Also, ponder this, if this your country - why wouldn't you want public schools to be successful and have proper funding - your kids are going to grow up and have to function as adults with public school taught adults.  Personally, I want to live in a country that is not full of ignorance, hate, and people lacking basic education - regardless of the route.   Think about those who do not have children who still pay property taxes.  Delight in your home school success, but do not bring down the public school.  Please.   If you want to see some positive reasons why home school is good, go here

***What would I do if my children have to attend public school?
Most families do not have the option to home school.  To that situation, I would say - make the best of your child's education.  Have constant or good communication with your child's teacher.  If there is a concern, instead of talking to other parents about it, address it with the teacher.  Although we are all adults, parents are very capable and sometimes the best at starting rumors.

You can be an activist for your child's education! 

If you are not pleased with what is happening with in a district, educate yourself about the situation (terminologies and what is normal protocol) - then, seek help from your principal, school board, governors.  You can be an activist for your child's education.

 Please keep in mind that like any profession there are good teachers and their are teachers who need another profession.  This practice, or lack of, is not uncommon; other professionals have the same issue from "corrupt cops" to "moral lacking doctors" there are people who should not be working where they currently are.

SUPPORT the school. Desegregation started centuries ago, however, because of economic status, some of our schools are slowly turning back into segregated schools.  Read this article about why some families don't want their kids going to another school. This breaks my heart.

Do you really want to live in a society that treats people differently because of their race or economical status?  If you are blessed and happened to end up in a school that you are pleased with, be thankful.  Show appreciation to the teachers and administration.

Always be supportive - think, are you part of the problem or the solution?



***What do I do differently as a Christian parent?

Although home schooling is a great fit for several families, as a Christian parent and as of right now, I want my kids to go to public school to be the light.  Our oldest, who is 5, understands who Jesus is and that he died for us.  I want Gideon to be friends with the meek, the poor, the hurt, the black, the Muslim, the "stereotype of your choice" child.  Our practice in our home is love ALL people and give them honor and dignity.  There will come a day when Gideon will bring home a friend that needs a loving place to feel safe.  I want that to be our home.

To love people,
we have to break free from our 

safe and comfortable circle of like minded peers. 

I usually get the follow up question or response along the lines: what about bullies, drugs, bad words, sex, bad behaviors, or an education I don't agree with..... My children are my children, regardless of where they go to school.  It is MY JOB AS THE PARENT TO TEACH THEM.  That is what it comes down to.  Until we can support single moms, help feed children, give refugees home, welcome foreigners better - the education system will remain broken, for the world is broken.   I am not going to rely or expect another person to be the parent of my child. 



***What would I do if I did homeschooling, but then "fail" or it is not longer an adequate option for our family?

First
Attempt
In
Learning

To fail means you are leaning what works for your family.  It's okay to attempt home school or similar programs and then realize that it is not as successful as you had hoped.  I know several families who have a "blended" family where some children go to public while others remain in an alternative setting.  It works beautifully for them!

Now, if it is not successful, please reevaluate the situation and try something different.  Unfortunately, I have seen several homeschooling failures as an educator. I have had a student who attempted to speak her own language, and would get frustrated with me for I did not understand her.  She did not do well in public school, a few months after, was pulled back out to home school.

This teachers final thoughts:
Our country needs public education.
Our public educators need everyone's support - or education is going to continue to be inadequate in the public's eye.  The article, although a few years old,  summarizes that over the past 40 years, despite endless debates about curricula, testing, teaching training, teachers' salaries, and performance standards, assessments, and despite billions of dollars invested in school reform, there has been NO improvement - none - in the academic proficiency of American high school students.

Something needs to be done. Teachers are leaving by the masses.  Read this article, or just simply google search why teachers no longer teach. It all comes down to community support. Teaching is no longer a respected or honored profession, comparitavely to other countries.

Teaching is not an easy job.
Parenting is not an easy job.

Please - if you have any questions, comments, or concerns, let me know.  I would love to hear from you!

I tried - parenting {rules}

Discipline is Latin for 'to teach' or 'pupil.' For us to be semi-successful parents we must discipline.    

Parenting is not easy.  I tried.  I continue to try.  And even yesterday I felt like a huge failure in my efforts to parent.    But with every struggle comes learning opportunity; and my end result is that I want our boys to grow up to love and live like Jesus.  

I know and have seen several parents who refrain from discipline - because they only see it as punishment or "not loving"  - but in honesty, more harm can come from that mindset than setting rules. 

The following post is rooted in our religious beliefs.  I encourage you to continue to read.  You might not agree with my religion, but can find some common ground in  our expectations of our youth.  

We want our family to follow Jesus; that means being disciplined.   Discipline is to teach - and to teach  about Jesus we must also act like him.  We must be loving, for our actions, show our hearts.  An action has a reaction in everything we do.   As a teacher and parent  there are lines that can be crossed.  If it is emotionally, physically, spiritually or sexually abusive - THAT IS NOT DISCIPLINE OR OUT OF LOVE and not okay. 

Rules help provide structure that children crave.   They want stability, to know they are safe and loved. 

OUR FAMILY RULES: 
1)  Listen and obey the first time
2)  Be gentle with our words and actions
3)  Have a good and generous attitude; being okay with being told no.
We give people respect and honor and follow our rules because we LOVE PEOPLE.

1) Listen and Obey ** Titus 3:1, Ephesians 6: 1  [Children, obey your parents in the lord, for this is right]  - This is my favorite rule;  It can cover anything to keep your child safe and your sanity in tact.   Think of all the times that the bible talks about obeying.  God loved us, we should obey.   We love our children and we want them to obey.    I believe that the foundation of obeying is trust.   Asking a child to listen and obey reminds them that we love and care about them and their actions.  One of our son's favorite bible stories is Jonah and the big fish - great example of obedience.  

2) Be Gentle ** James 1:19-20 and Galatians 5:25-26, Titus 3:2 [to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people] - The bible is so full of the word gentle or meek.   For boys, gentle might look differently.   The word gentle, non-violent, or passive does not mean we are defenseless and should be taken advantaged of.  Being gentle is showing others love and compassion, what God calls us to do.  The meek will inherit the earth.   

3) Have a good attitude ** Matthew 6:24, Luke 12:22 - 27, Hebrews 13:5 [Keep your life free from love of money, and to be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."] - we originally started this rule off with "be content".  But to a small child "content" is an abstract idea .  The word "attitude" is something that we can see.    As our oldest has grown and developed a bigger vocabulary we talk about attitude, contentment, and generosity all under the same umbrella. To be followers of Christ, we are asked to die to ourselves.   This rule goes a long way when it comes to birthday parties or simply sharing.  It is also written with rule number one, listen and obey in mind.  To be content means to be okay with being told no.

We have these rules because we love people - John 13:34-35 [A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.] 

***Note, there are lots of scripture to reinforce our beliefs, although not all are listed.   Being content, gentle, having a good attitude while we listen and obey is how we have asked our family to show people love.

So that's great, right?  Some rules, like you haven't read or heard of them before.  Some of you out there might even be thinking - what does she know....  I've seen her kids throw fits.  I've seen her kids.... x, y, z.     I'm not trying to claim our rules are fool proof.  I am not trying to claim perfection.  I tried parenting; and it's hard. Believe me, there are times that I ask our oldest to pray for my attitude because mommy is not having a good one.  

I am just sharing what our family has chosen to do.  We believe in the Bible, and that our rules come from that.  They are FAMILY rules; my husband and I follow them too.   

So what happens when the rule is broken?   

Rules were easy to develop and find in the bible, however the consequences take more time and adjustment.  Our rules have not really changed in four years we have had kids.  But our consequences have.  As we grow as parents and as we learn what effects our little ones.  

When you hear the word consequence do you typically think of punishment?  When you hear the word discipline do you think of the word punishment?   A  consequence can be positive and negative.    Every action has a reaction.  

I truly believe that every parent will have to determine what consequences works best for them and their child. 

My two thoughts when it comes to consequences:
1) was the choice in their control, did they break the rule?     Example: our oldest throwing a fit before bed, well it was our fault as parents for letting him stay up late.  The consequence of OUR choice is his attitude.    He can control it, but we did not help him.
2) can you find something to be positive about?  Make everything a learning opportunity and always try to find positive.  
I had an extensive list of what we have tried with our kiddos.  But it gets to be a long list.  If you have questions on what to do if..... or how to treat......  please leave a comment.  I would love to hear from you.

What are some rules you live by?

I tried parenting - it is hard.  I pray that one day my boys will be able to contribute to society and love people.

I tried - being a working mom {an open letter to working moms}

Dear Working Moms,

You are doing great! (Hopefully by the time you finish reading this you get tired of hearing how terrific and great you are.)

To my fellow moms who wake up before the sun just to get the day started before tiny bodies start to wiggle out of their peaceful rest and you then shortly drive off while the sun rises to take tiny yawning face to daycare or preschool or grandmas sometimes eating breakfast in the car; five times a week.
To my fellow moms who go to work every day for multiple hours (sometimes in grueling environments) without hearing from their pint size children.
To my fellow working moms who work outside of the home, away from their babies, for 45 hours a week - sometimes spending more time with other people than their own children - missing MOPS or PAT outings, missing birthday parties and celebrations, missing trips to the zoo or fun "breakfast dates" to the park.

{Working moms you are the unsung heroes to today's families}

You are doing great superMOM!

1. Mommy guilt - you are doing great because you have learned how to cope and manage mommy quilt.  Sometimes the only way to handle these feelings is through prayer, tears, chocolate, and when time allows snuggles with those sweet babies that call you mom.  Mommy guilt is an emotion that not all females experience, but it pulls on your heart strings in ways you can't describe and sometimes leaves you feeling and questioning everything that you are doing.  Just remember, YOU ARE DOING GREAT! Don't give up.

2. Selfishness - you are doing great because you have to take care of yourself too.  Typically, as moms, you tend to put everyone else's needs before your own including people at your jobs.  But you are doing great because you have learned that you need time for you.  Don't let mommy guilt seep in.  Hit the gym or the donut shop.  Go out with friends, even if you want to be home by 9 so you can go to bed "early" for once (even though we all know you will be up until 11 working while babies sleep).   Just remember that you have to make time for yourself because if mommy isn't happy, nobody is happy.

3. Let it go - you are doing great, so let it go.    Let go of all the negative comments.  Let go of all the guilt.  Let go of all the pride.  Let go of everything that holds you back.  No one is perfect, so let it go.   You can not change people and their comments, but you can change and control how you react to them.  Don't argue with your child what to wear - let it go.  Don't worry about having cereal for dinner - let it go.  Don't worry about your project having a spit up stain on it - let it go.   Life is too short to try to be perfect.  Life is too short to follow Pinterest expectations.  

4. Enjoy your kids! - You are doing great because you love your kids.  But STOP. Don't just love your kids but enjoy them.   As you learn to let things go enjoyment will start to be more present.  Let the dishes go and spend 5 more minutes babbling with your baby.  Working moms work off of schedules, schedule special time for your children.  Whatever time you can etch into your full schedule for your kids will reward you beyond words.  Remember - you are doing great, treasure those special times.   Your job will always be there, but your children grow and change.

5. Your job - you are doing great as a mom because you like your job, and that's okay.  Don't be embarrassed or ashamed that you like your job.  It is true that some moms have to work.  But some moms want to work ---> AND THATS OKAY! <---  It's okay to admit that you want to work.  It's okay to share with others your struggles and truths with your job.  You are doing great for you are working for your family.

6. Cry - Sometimes, as a working mom, you feel so busy and isolated that the only thing you want to do is cry.  SO.  CRY.  Seriously, give it a good healthy cry.  Sometimes, as a working mom, you are so filled with love when you pick up your child after a long day of work and they tell you they missed you.  Cry with joy!  Sometimes you walk into your laundry room, and you just want to barrier yourself under all those clothes and just have a good healthy cry.  Sometimes, while at work, you get a call about a family member needing something, and you can't leave at that EXACT moment - cry. Great people cry too.

7. How, just how, do you do it? - You are a great mom for you somehow, and sometimes without understanding, get it all done. You not only work full time, but you work at home too!  You are doing great for you are doing your best.  Being a stay at home mom has a list of different challenges, but seriously, a working mom faces all of the same battles with dishes, laundry, weight loss, meal planning, library hour, grocery shopping, paying bills/paper work, doctor appointments, family events, soccer practice,........in a fraction of the time.  You SOMEHOW get all the same things done in a matter of hours instead of days, all while trying to spend time with your children.  So you rock working mom! YOU ROCK!

8. There is tired... then there is working mom tired - you are a great mom because even on your worst days, you still do your best to fight through the sleepiness and exhaustion.   There is college student tired, there is teenager tired, there is adult tired, there is parent tired, THEN THERE IS WORKING MOM TIRED.  You can't miss work no matter how late you were up with dishes or baby.  And while at work you can't sit with a cup of coffee and just do nothing.  You can't nap at work - you barely have time to rest.  You have to get up in the morning and not wear yoga pants and look semi-professional.  You are great mom, you've got this!

So, working moms, when you have that down day and you question everything you are doing.  When you feel like all of your friends have the easy life while you miss out all of the fun.  When you are so tired that you think coffee is a food group.  When you just sit down to fold laundry and cry yourself to sleep.  When your preschooler tells their teacher they want to be like you, or your profession.  For those days that are rough and for those days filled with joy just remember....

YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!

Your children see all of your hard work and although they might not be able to verbalize it now, one day, they will appreciate all that you do for them.

Sincerely,
A working mom


~ PLEASE NOTE ~ 1) Single moms are the ninjas of supermoms.  I wouldn't last in their shoes.  2) I have several friends who are stay at home moms, you are a great mom too.  This was strictly to empathize with other working moms and maybe bring a smile to their faces. 3) working/single dads are important too! Love those great dads. 

I tried - Fasting {for 3 days}

{This is a long post for it covers a journey of three days.  The pictures are some of the scriptures that I was lead to read over while on this journey.}

Even as a mom who tries, I still have many (as many as you can imagine) fails.    There are days that I raise my voice or use incorrect words or have a snappy tone at my husband, or my children, or my students, or my mom.... you get the picture.  There are days that I want to be self-serving and want the world to revolve around me. There are days I don't read the bible.  There are days I don't pray as "good" as I probably could.  There are days that I just fail.

When I hear a person use the word "try" it means that at some point they were not successful.   That was not the case.   I tried fasting, and I did it.

I went 72 hours without eating.  Well, consuming "physical" food.

Lets travel back in time.    After having Soren, I was on the mission to get to the smallest/healthiest  I've been since probably high school.  What a mission at hand.  I have the mind set in place; it will take time, for it is a journey.    I ate horrible one Saturday when we had friends over and the following Sunday I decided that I was going to try a fast for my physical self.  Although it was difficult, it really wasn't that bad.  That Sunday night Jeremiah and I were talking about fasting and it made me want to do more research into the subject.

Being a busy mom, I knew I had to plan this fast to not take away 'life' from my family.  I read somewhere that you can go from lunch to lunch so that your body can have more rest time.   I decided that the weekend (Friday night until Saturday) Jeremiah would be gone for a Men's Retreat would be a perfect time to attempt my first fast.

***Friday September 18th *** 11:05 I ate a very sensible lunch (salad, no dressing with shredded bbq chicken) and had no idea what this fasting would bring!

I text Jeremiah that it was my last meal and that if I seem cranky, upset, or short tempered that he asks me to pray for my attitude.   Jeremiah then did the best thing he could have done for me - he said to make sure that I have a purpose for the fast - something that I want God to speak to me or show me.  That fasting without a goal will reveal nothing.

WHAT DID I WANT HIM TO REVEAL:  My main focus was that I wanted to feel the holy spirit; that I wanted to feel connected again.  I connect best with God through nature and if I am denied that opportunity I start to feel disconnected (as I have been because our lives are lived so much on the go).  I was also wanting to feel more disciplined in my actions and words.  I wanted to understand what God is trying to tell me.

<Matthew 16:24>

Friday night it was just me and my two little boys.  Habit was the hardest thing to break.  Gideon was eating popcorn and watching a movie.  He would offer me some.  In the past I would just take a nibble, or why I'm cleaning stop and grab a hand full.  But I really had to stop and think; what am I doing.  I do not need this food.  I am not hungry.  I need to be spiritually fed.    Temptation is easily there when you are serving a 3 year old who wants to share or leaves a trail of food for mommy to clean/eat up.
As I was feeding Soren his bed time bottle I couldn't help but watch Gideon play with an over flowing basket of toys.  Our lives our full.  But sometimes they are full for the wrong reasons.  I just looked around and I so wanted to get rid of, well pretty much everything.  We are so blessed with our home, and the things in it.  However, in the end, it doesn't really matter.


*** Saturday September 19th ***
Saturday morning breakfast was hard for me.  Not because I was hungry, but because it was one of the most treasured times I look forward to during the week.  It was the time that I could "sleep in" until the boys got up at 7:00.  It was time for me to rest, drink coffee, and just not be in a hurry.  It was time for me and Gideon to eat homemade pancakes together and share coffee.  I understand I could have still done all of those without consuming food; but it was just different.  Odd.

In our very full lives we didn't have too long of a morning to rest.  For having to get two boys around on your own can sometimes be a challenge.  I was to be ready at 9:45 to go take the boys to our friend Ayla's so she could watch them while my sister and I ran the route for an upcoming 5k.  Thank you again Ayla for being so willing to help us.

As I struggled to finish the last 1/3 of the 5k.  I had to remember what God was doing through me.  I am not running just for the sake to run but that I need to get healthier for my family.  Now, as I type this - the actual race is merely hours away and I look forward to God helping me complete the race as he helps me in everything.

<1 Peter 5:7>

At one point during the day I had to apologize to my friend Jessica for my attitude.  Although we both realized that perception via online text can sometimes be difficult to read, I had to stop and say sorry for my words were not helpful or loving.  Although they weren't anything awful, they were the old self and I am constantly checking my attitude, asking for forgiveness, and learning how to speak more clearly, humbly, with correct tone and encouragement.

That evening one of my closest friends came to hang out with me.  We had such a wonderful conversations about serving people (baby showers, birthday parties, foods after a life event, etc).  It was so nice to be able to share life with her.  We were also blessed that we got to go see our beautiful friend Emily and her new baby girl, Laney.    On the way to the hospital I stopped to pick up coffee and cake pops for the new momma and the feeling that overcame as I got to serve her was just lovely.  Seriously, it was lovely.  I hope that she got the same feeling when Emily blessed our family with so much when Soren was born.  Isaiah 58 - live it.

<Isaiah 58>

*** Sunday September 20th ***
I became unhinged.  My temper was short.  My attitude was poor.  I wasn't feeling the physical effects of not eating for almost two days.  But I was feeling the emotional effects.  Gideon just could not get it together as we got ready for church.  Jeremiah, having his internship at the church, is always there hours before we attend.  I am left in charge of getting the boys there, on time, in clean clothes!
Finally, as I was in a rush to help Gideon get his shoes on, because he refused to do it himself, I realized that my tone was harsh, my attitude was sour.  I asked Gideon to pray for my attitude to change.  We made it to church on time, and my attitude changed and I was filled from the sermon.
The sermon, based of Ezra 9 and 10 was about rebuilding through repentance.  We have to own our sin, follow through realizing we can't fix everything, and lean into the love of God.

~Owning Our Own Sin~

Owning our own sin.  That was what struck a nerve.  I struggle with my words and attitude, not just to build walls and protect myself.  But it's also because I am prideful and was never really taught how to own my own sin.  Although, I can see that I am getting better at (is that prideful or a self-reflection), asking for forgiveness with friends, it would be nice to just not have that sin in the first place.  MAN.  CHURCH. WAS. GOOD.
It was time for communion and without hesitation I took part of breaking bread.  Immediately after that little piece of bread and small amount of juice passed over my tongue I thought "Oh, no!  Did I just break my fast."   I laughed to myself as I heard that this is not food, for it is of Jesus' body.  I just wept.  I was feeling connected to God again, the first time in a long time.

<Hewbrews 4:16 - 18>

After church I had two personal realizations.  Denying food was not nearly as difficult as denying company with people around a table.  I felt like it would by lying if I told people that I wasn't hungry.  I started to say (even to Gideon when he so commonly wanted to share) that I will eat later.   A few people after church wanted to go out to eat.  But, I wanted to bless Emily and Laney with more treats;  that is when I realized that temptation was no longer tempting when I was the one to ask for it.  I was successful in walking into a cupcake store, buying a cup cake, and not eating it.

<Matthew 6:16 - 18>

At the hospital Emily mentioned how healthy looking I was.    My journey to loose 60 pounds after having our second son has been a slow and steady life style change, but I appreciated the compliment.   But it made me think about fasting.  How this was between me and God and that I was to not grumble over it but I was to wash my face like normal.  Although, Saturday as Amanda and I were driving late that night to see Emily, I did confess to her that I was fasting.  I didn't share this with her in a grumbling manner, but more because I am just not a good lier, and the fact that she was with me for 5+ hours, it was pretty obvious I wasn't eating!

Sunday after nap I started to feel more physical effects.  I would get really dizzy if I got up to quickly. We had small group families over.  Instead of eating with them it gave me an opportunity to connect with Cheyenne a sweet teenager who watches our children.  It was nice to have that time with her.

As I was cleaning up that night I had my first thought of "just one bite."  I was cleaning up Jessica's soup that smelled so delicious.  Gideon did not eat all of his, and normally I would sneak a bite before throwing it away (what a waste).  But I refrained and remembered how far I have come with God's help.  He was teaching me discipline in that very moment.  Jeremiah informed me that the soup was in fact as delicious as it smelled.  I moved on and started to prepare a very healthy green smoothie for my lunch on Monday.  As I worked I continued to pray for Monday morning with my students.  I wanted to make sure my attitude was in check.

*** Monday September 21st ***
I woke up and I didn't have hunger pains likes I did yesterday and honestly thought I could do a week fast.  What was difficult was how I felt so sluggish and slow and dizzy and had a small headache.    I had to stop and pray while trying to get ready in the morning for God to help me.  I just repeated that I did not need bread.

<Deuteronomy 8:3)

I felt like I was not in control as I drove Gideon and I to school that morning.  But I continued to keep my focus on God and praise him for carrying me through this journey and revealing so much.  After getting to school time seemed to quicken, and thank goodness Wendy was able to teach class to 2nd hour.  Before I realized it, it was time for lunch.  11:05.    It has been three days since I had physical food.  I drank only water and coffee for three days.    Part of me thought I could go longer and was thinking of trying to do a week fast when I was not running or teaching (where I could rest more and truly focus on things outside of our lives).    I went to the teachers lounge and enjoyed my green smoothie and banana oatmeal pancakes, feeling extremely full physically but most importantly spiritually.


---> I am pretty sure I am married to a brilliant man, Jeremiah <--- but at one point he shared that we learn more through our greatest struggles.  So what did I learn and achieve through this personal journey of fasting?

* I learned that when I lean into God he will guide me.
* I learned that I can hear God when I stop and listen.
* I learned that I have self-control in not eating and soon self-control in my words and attitude.
* I learned that I do not have to have food to live.
* I learned that our lives our full with schedules and things - BUT our lives should be filled by Him.

I am a mom who tried fasting for three days.

PS: for those of your wondering about my health.  In those 3 days I went from 195 to 188.5.   However, by the end of the week (today) I was back to 194.  I did not do this fast to loose weight.  I did this fast to gain faith.

I tried - being alone {transtitions}

I tried - being alone. 

This blog is all about my struggles and just my thoughts.  I have always been a writer (online since I was 12), just not a very good one.  Lately, I have come out of my shell and started sharing my posts with other social media places...because I am not alone. 

As much as I like being alone, I know it's not healthy or helpful. 

I am not alone and need to share my story/ies.  Everyone has a story, and it's important.  We have to listen to each other's stories in order to grow as individuals and as groups.  I started sharing my posts not to see how many readers I could get, but because I realized, that as a person my story was important.  I also realize that by sharing my stories I might be able to reach a person who needs to hear that they aren't alone either.


Growing up I liked being alone.  But it was a struggle for I also wanted to be like my friends.  I remember writing a lot about how I felt like a stranger looking in. I could easily feel alone in a crowded room.  I was the president of my high school for several years, always sat at different tables, I knew pretty much everyone in my school.  I am not trying to brag, just stating a point.  I liked hearing people's stories, and honestly, I didn't really know who or what my identity was and was searching for it via different stereotypes, cliques, or groups.  But even at these different social events and levels of popularity I still felt different - like I didn't belong.  

I was always at peace by a river or in the woods, alone.   It was nice.  I could let my thoughts flow away with the water.  I could hear God speaking so clearly (even though I am really bad at obeying).  I found joy and curiosity in all things growing and still do #favoritenumbernotanumber.  Phi! God's number.  I liked not having anxiety over what I said, how I dressed, who I was with.    Being alone with nature releases a lot of pressure. It was nice!





I am no longer 12, or even 22, to be content with being alone.  My identity is no longer founded in what party I was at or which table of people I ate 3rd lunch with or which after school activity I did (all of them).   I've learned that my identity is NOT my weight, my looks, my inadequacies, my skills, my humor, my family or friends, my short comings, even my sin  (we all have it).  I am slowly believing that my identity is found in Jesus.  Over a year ago, our retired preacher's wife talked at a women's rally about our identity being found in Jesus.  Even though I always claimed to be a Christian, her speech was very impactful and has encouraged me to embrace and grow with the truth that my identity is found in Him.  I know that some of my friends who read my article about breastfeeding or Florida trips might stop reading at this point because I keep talking about Jesus.   But here's the deal.  I have a story, and HE is a HUGE part of it ---> THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MY STORY <---





I tried being alone, and still need my alone time (with God) so I can reenergize (I love people, but I need to recharge to be better around them).    But I now know that I am not alone!    I am excited to embrace this more and other transitions.


We are starting a new sermon series at church next Sunday to help with transitions.  We are going to follow the sermon studies also with our small group (AKA life group, home group, community group).    I am excited for all of this!  Our small group is growing, not just with families, but with babies...woot!!   Our own personal family is going to be going through a lot of transitions as well. 


With all the of the change my husband is encouraging me and challenging me to become a better me.  To make my story more about Jesus.  Because I like being alone and struggle with trusting or being around people I keep finding excuses to avoid some of the transitions in our lives.  I am very thankful to be married to a man who doesn't back down from something that is good.  

The biggest transition also starts tomorrow.  The reason this topic popped into my head.   Going back to school.  I was talking to one of my dearest friends about the strange feeling of joy and sadness that I get around August/September.  It really is strange.  FALL = MY FAV!   I love everything about fall, but at the same time I also feel like I am loosing something.  So this time of year is always interesting for me. 


Here are my transitions that I am going to have to face and continue to work through.  If you have any tips to help me make these transitions smoother... please let me know.  If anything, just pray that I can make changes as smoothly as possible. 


Mentor - I have been, for a couple of years, looking for a mentor. It's a hard transition to meet with someone that you don't really know you and build that relationship.   But I know I need this woman in my life, I just need to stop making excuses.... ask Jeremiah, I am really good at finding reasons why it's not the right time.  Ever since I was a kid, feeling different in all my sub groups, it is very hard for me to trust people.  Usually because of my lack of trust I end up pushing them away and hermitting back into my shell.  But I can't do that.  It's not healthy being alone.


Community group -  I am working at building relationships with these families and not pushing them away to be alone and opening our house to them.... even if it's not clean enough to my standards (why sweep.. hehehe).  But we are also transitioning into varies stages of our own lives. 


Teaching - the biggest transition that I am looking at right now.... in 8 hours the new year is starting for me.  New students to love on (and not be mean, like I was last year.... I have high expectations).  the students will also have technology!  I will also be teaching one advanced class.  There is a lot of new coming quickly and this year I do not feel as prepared as I have been in the past. 

Family - not only do we have an almost 7 week old who is transitioning into a good sleeper. Jeremiah is not only going to be taking a full semester but will be interning at our church.  I am so excited for this opportunity to grow and learn, but I am embrace the business of it as well.  Gideon will also be starting preschool; which will add a new level to our daily schedules as well. 


Health - transitioning into making healthy choices.  I love Jeremiah, but he is always tempting me with food.   Okay, he's not hanging food in front of me.  But it's hard to turn down certain restaurants, ice cream, donuts.  Even today he took Gideon to get donuts.  I am proud to say of that dozen, I have ate.....zero!!    But transitioning back into being a runner and being patient with my weight loss journey is going to take a lot of time. 




SOOOOO..... here I am, no longer alone.   If I start to get crabby (as my sister puts it, it's probably because I am tried and don't take anything I say to heart when I am tired or really ever) allow me some time with nature and we will be good to go.  Okay, I should have been in bed 2 hours ago.  But who am I kidding, I wouldn't sleep I would stay up thinking about my non-decorated classroom, procedures, and lessons all night. 

Transitions or Change... they are good.   Hold me accountable. 

Good night. 

A little bit of everything.

Good afternoon!  At least it is in our home. 
I am sorry for not being able to post as frequently as I would like.  When I do post I have to use my work's laptop and I usually don't have that out at will.   I am not for sure why I have a need to tell you this - who are you anyhow?  Who's really reading this... haha.

So, for some updates: 
POTTY TRAINING - GX is almost done with week two of potty training!  I honestly wanted to give up on the first day - I didn't think I WAS READY.... GX was for sure ready - totally.    But we stuck with it and it seems to be going well.  I am such a "researcher" and "data driven" type of person that it's hard for me to do something new without details before hand.   How often should he go?  How much should he go?  When should he go?  Where should he go? This and that?  and Whom and What and When and WHHHYYY is he peeing in the kitchen - again!?!   =]  But seriously.
I need to look at the small achievements he has made in the last two weeks.
He has not had a wet nap - wakes up from his 3 hour nap coma dry.
The last four nights he has woken up dry.
I've only had to change three or four poopy accidents - the rest our successess.
We can tell when he has to go now - he holds his peepee. 
This morning he asked to go potty when he woke up!

We are getting there!    He's just so big.  Although I get frustrated - he never stops amazing me.  His creativity, his quickness, and his compassion is amazing.   I pray that God does something great with him. 

FAMILY UPDATES - Jacob graduated high school.  That is my brother in law who has been living with us the last year and a half to finish high school.  We are so happy and proud of him.  He's becoming an adult!   Jeremiah is enjoying his job for the most part.  It's great to have a little extra income over the summer (yeah new kitchen table that can sit three times as many as our small one)!!    Matthew, our summer college student, has also been a joy in our household - he is working and keeping busy but enjoys grilling with the family. 

VBS - yes.  Vacation Bible School.  Growing up I had loving parents who took me to a small country missionary baptist church.  But it wasn't until about two years ago that my husband and I started going to a larger christian church.   It's truly changed me, and in a good way.  I am always transforming and trying to become better. Although I never grew up going to camps, Wednesday nigh programs, VBS - these past two summers serving has been wonderful.  I do wish I had those opportunities as a kid, but it's good to know that I am getting to help others learn more about Jesus and what our mission is on earth.    Know the MASTER, know the MISSION.  
Mission 1 - be loyal to our KING
Mission 2 - be humble and serve others
Mission 3 - perserve and don't give up
Mission 4 - recruit others and spread the good news. 

MY PERSONAL SPIRTUAL GROWTH - I struggled, a lot last night, about the kitchen.  YES, the kitchen.  DISHES - GAH... DISHES!!    Now that there is another adult in the house dishes are more apparent.  Are there any other adults who feel like they are they only ones doing something in the house?  The laundry, the sweeping, the mopping, the vaccumming, the dish (un)loading, the dishes by hand, the cooking, the buy food, the cleaning table, the... the...  the "the's" never end!  I felt so bad about myself that I eneded up hurting my husband - never my intentions - just frustrated with potty training and living with four boys in general.    But while at VBS we are learning to be humble, serve others and that we are to do things for those in need.    So my question is - is it wrong for me to be upset that I feel so alone serving those in our house instead of others in need?
 
A few girls and I are working on a few books this summer.  The meetings HAVE BEEN wonderful.   I have never been as into my bible as I have had this summer.  I hope to create a loving office habit with Jesus that by the time crazy school starts I will CRAVE having time with the word and Jesus.  Our church, as mentioned before is a larger christian church, does a wonderful job helping us learn what it means to live and love like Jesus.    Through VBS, serving in Jr. High sunday school classes, or having women meet - it's been awesome!   I look at my husband, and our house, and just can't imagaine us living without God in our lives.  Even our rules for Gideon are based around the bible. 


OUR FAMILY RULES:
1) Listen and Obey (do as you should)
2) Be Gentle (with our words and hands)
3) Have a good attitude (no whinning/complaining/throwing fits/be content)
I personally love them - they cover everyhing!  Our 27 month old knows to even say "yes, ma'am!"  YUEAH!!   

More updates:

HEALTH - I am trying so hard to lose weight this summer.  I need to stay focus (part of our girls group is discussing our issues with food).    I just want to be fit!  Do things!  MOVE MORE.    with that we are trying to eat out less and cook more vegetbales.  Jeremiah got a new grill for father's day and so that's been an awesome treat.   

So, that's us.