{MOMent} hello to 2021

Currently listening to: "Super Smash Bros; Minecraft version" 

Here I sit at the computer. Coffee to my right. Snow just fell in my view. Boys playing a few minutes of games after helping me make breakfast. 

It's. Nice. 

OH, wait, the youngest is arguing now. Cool. 

I haven't written in several months for several reasons. I would read articles over a "hot topic" or issue that our country is facing. I would sit for a few days reflecting on my thoughts and by the time I had them organized and ready to type up a blog, the issue at hand would change. 

Now, I don't write for my readers. I write for myself. But what's the point of writing my opinion when I already sorted it out. I mean, yes it's good to have my thoughts out there to later have (a history)..... but time was also an issue.  

I don't feel like I have a lot of time. But that's an excuse.

So here's a cliff notes version of my thoughts for the last quarter of 2020:
Love people. 

This last year I had people declare that they no longer wanted a friendship with me. Love people. 
This year we have met new neighbors. Love people. 
This last year I started teaching after a pandemic. Love people. 
This year my children tested me daily. Love people. 
This last year we had an election. Love people. 
This year we had to deal as a country with a rapid virus. Love people. 
This last year we had to keep digging through racial tension and murder. Love people. 
This year my husband "lost" a job and started a new job. Love people. 
This last year I started my graduate program. Love people. 

The past 5 years I have come up with a word to reflect on for the year. Like a resolution. Some years I had monthly goals or others would be more over arching ideas.  2020's word was BLOOM.   I went back and read my entry to why the word, bloom.  Little did I know when writing it what the year would hold. 

I do feel like I bloomed. I grew. I created roots in areas of desire. I was watered and pour into by some very lovely....needed people.  I also discovered that I am an "8" on the enneagram.  (So, disregard my previous post a while back about me being a one.... not true!!)  With this discovery, I feel like I really flourished into who I am and why I do the things I do. It all just came together like a beautiful puzzle for the year of 2020. 

Here we are. 
Hello 2021. You are approaching quickly. 
I don't feel ready (do I ever).  

I honestly don't know what word to use this year.  I have toyed with the idea of: strength, rooted, gentle, endurance, deep.  

But what I think I landed on is.... MOMents. That's not a typo. As a mom, we take moments very seriously. Our time is more valuable than gold. I often criticize myself for wasting moments with my children, or not taking time to cool my jets and be more gentle with my words (I have to volumes.... normal and mom).  

I not only want this year to be about me, mom, and my transformation to continue to challenge myself and be better. But I want 2021 to be how I handle the day to day. Minute to minute. Moment to MOMent.  

~ 2021 ~
* use the planner Jeremiah bought me for Christmas
* write down daily moments of joy (in said planner)
* have more devoted moments with my creator
* take more healthy moments (drink more water, watch macros, move more)

* graduate with my masters in library science (will be accomplished moment by moment) 
* take a moment when needed (without feeling guilty)

* be in the moment when around other people (teaching, friends, children, spouse, etc...)

I tried reading diverse books

We all have a story. 

Part of my story....three years ago, if you asked me, I would not say I was a reader. Fast forward, I am now working on my master's degree to become a media specialist/librarian with an emphasis on being culturally relevant and using books to build bridges.  

This is a list of my favorite young adult literature, including some non-fiction and from a variety of backgrounds. 

 
Jason Reynolds IS one of my favorite authors, hands down.
Also check out, Long Way Down, The Boy in the Black Suit, and When I was the Greatest

I can't rave enough about this book! Thank you Angie Thomas for creating this!
(Also a movie, but I have not seen it)

I had a student who didn't talk much in class, but after I read this book (that he suggested) we started to talk history. It really helped me have a better understanding of MLK, the movement, and his murder.

A fiction tribute to Dr. King. 

This was a wonderful non-fiction, insightful, to a situation that is close to home. Education. 

Written in verse, and just a terrific read. 

It's been a couple of years since reading this, still makes the list! 


If you don't know where to begin, start here. A collection of 14 diverse short stories.

 
The above two books are about journeys away from home (Hispanic focused)

I LOVED these two books! Malala is an inspirational young lady and Refugee follows the stories of 3 teenagers and their journeys during war and dictatorship. 

I know I didn't really say much or give a clear synopsis of the above books.  Awesome, wonderful, terrific, can't put down, page turner, call to action, are all words I would use to describe them. These books really shaped me. If you are looking for something a little more adult, without doubt, please check out Just Mercy (also a movie!). 

And if you are looking for some more kid friendly selections, this list would be a great place to start: https://www.sittercity.com/parents/childrens-books-to-educate-about-racism?fbclid=IwAR0kRaas4SAHMroroGsJB-KXwvewyo0XiyQ3a6-K7ZSgAf3rTQr_DophL_k

These books are stories. Some true, some from imagination. But they represent truth. 

Our (the world even) narrative must change. Our hearts must change. Pick up a book. If reading a diverse book is the only thing you change this year, well it's a start. Thank you. 

Then. 
Talk to people.
Ask Questions. 
AND
LISTEN.
Smile at people. 

We all have a story. 

I tried viewing good cop videos

If you have been on facebook lately you will be experiencing what is called tension. Racial tension. Political tension. Freedom tension. 

There are lots of things flooding social media. Government corruption, systematic oppression, democrat vs republic, left vs right, black lives or all lives. It is a lot to take in. Protest, peaceful turned riot. Peaceful, disturbed by a "force". 

When social media starts saturating my feed with conflicting views, I start asking more questions. 

Lately the thing that has been plaguing my mind is why the need to share good cop videos or pictures like: 

photo credit: https://images.app.goo.gl/w26iJeuSM9mvYpPg8

Why are we celebrating something that should be given? You celebrate surprises and miracles and accomplishments. Celebrating good cops... well, is that a miracle or an accomplishment? Or is that them doing what they are supposed to do, their job? 

Do doctors have videos every time they make the correct diagnoses? It's worth celebrating. 
Do teacher get a shout out for every kid that makes a light bulb discovery? It's also worth celebrating.

Doesn't the world just become better from people doing good? Shouldn't these cops be good on and off the camera? It's almost like a participation trophy... or is that just me?

There are good people who don't wear a uniform who do the same things; sit with people, play with kids, help each other.  Because good people make the world a better place.

Are we trying too hard to cover up the fact that we need to change a deep rooted corrupted system?

I am not condoning those who are starting riots and targeting cops. Please do not hear that I am in favor of violence. I am just questioning the motives and the push. By posting so many good cop videos and pictures, to me, is covering up and siding with the injustice of the matter. Hiding the truth.

I am thankful for good cops and systems that strive for justice. I am not trying to condemn those who want to share joy and happiness, I too, like to see the good nature of people. BUT in the moment, with the tension, is this the proper time to celebrate? 

Romans 12:9-21 is my absolute favorite. Just going to leave that right there. 

{BLOOM} 2020

Current tunes: Amazon Music - Andrew Peterson playlist

A word. Just ONE. 

BLOOM

January is about reflecting and making resolutions.  If you are bored, or have an extra long wait, you can read previous January entries below:

2016 - Be
2017 - Better
2018 - Embrace
2019 - Focus

So, now to reflect and resolute :)

A few months ago, one of my very dearest friends hand crafted me an artist card. I use mine as a bookmark and it says "bloom where you are planted." She designed it, for me. <3 I treasure it.

A few weeks prior to the end of the new year, Instagram had a quiz to "find your 2020 word" - it was a link from Day Springs cards and had a small selection of words.  The quiz shot back my result as "Bloom"

At first, I did not like the word bloom.  Too... girly... weird... over done. As days went on, I turned the word over and over in my head.  I googled "Bloom" for Biblical references (which, "bloom where you are planted" is not actually scripture). The word would not leave my mind.

I tried to find better words for 2020 like strength, foundation, joy, determination, balance....but I always came back to Bloom.

2020 is offering a lot for our family. And although I do need balance, strength, joy and well... Jesus. I really just need to be planted, and grow, let my roots guide my vines.

The Day Springs email also included 3 verses: Jeremiah 29: 11, John 15:5, and Psalm 52:8; all lovely and helpful in their own way.  But what really helped me nail down my resolution, my word, was studying, Acts 1 about the Holy Spirit; leading me to Luke, Galatians, and John.

Luke 2:52 "Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and with people."
Galatians 5:22 fruits of the Spirit
John 14: 17 the holy spirit is truth

I want to welcome, invite, and allow for the Spirit to move me and help me to grow and produce fruits to better follow Jesus.

Blooming for 2020 is an umbrella of opportunity. To chose joy at difficult times. To find peace within tense relationships. To practice patience in filled schedules. To present kindness to those around me. To find faithfulness and confidence in my studies (as a Christian and student). To practice self-control in healthy habits. To be gentle and loving and good. To succeed in my workplace. To transform and renew my faith.

To bloom, one has to be nurtured. One needs water physically and spiritually.  One needs good soil, a solid foundation. One needs sunlight and joy. By blooming where I am planted, I will be able to meet any other resolution or goal I could possibly have.

Here's to 2020

Bloom - to transform

Bloom - to flourish

Bloom - to thrive

Bloom.

I tried to {FOCUS} on others - an apology letter to those I love and serve

Current Tunes: Yellowcard via spotify
Mood: reflective

This topic has been something that has plagued my mind for several months; since we moved 'home'. As I processed the words in my head, I decided it would be best to write a letter. I like letters.

Dear friends and family,

First, I want to thank you. Thank you for reading this, supporting me in all that I do. Thank you for letting me cry, curse, and question in the safety of your homes and hearts. Thank you for asking me tough questions and extending grace when my response would be less than adequate. Thank you for your patience and diligence in loving me.

I keep a joy journal and I often find myself writing down events or times spent with you. Be it getting coffee, eating dinner, playing games, shopping or just a good heart-felt phone call. I needed those moments. Again, thank you.

I want to apologize for my lack of presence. When I get overwhelmed or anxious, as many of you do, I shut down. I have to re{FOCUS} on what is important and true. Then, without trying, time passes by too quickly and I feel as if my service is no longer needed.

Please hear me when I say that I think of you often and wish I had more time to do what is on my heart and what crosses my mind frequently.

For those that I didn't bring a meal to - I am sorry. 
For those that I want to clean your house, but haven't - I am sorry.
For those that I have to reschedule play dates over and over again - I am sorry.
For those of you that I have replied to your text... a week late - I am sorry.
For those of you that I have not written a letter to in a while - I am sorry.
For those of you that I want to have over for dinner, but schedules (or the stars) have not aligned in our favor - I am sorry.

Please do not think you are unloved or unworthy. You are very loved and very worthy! As many of you working parents know, balance is hard. Cleaning, cooking, caring of children, assignments (yours and your children), job requirements, extra activities.... it all adds up. It's a spinning plates act.

I want to do more. I do.

Please, keep asking to come over, for meals, to go shopping or get coffee. Don't be afraid to ask me to cook you something, clean your house, or watch your kids - I like that too and will do those. Ask me to pray for you, I will and with joy. Don't give up on me. I see you.

And if all else fails - there is always summer.

Summer = service.

Until summer, I will do the best that I can, but I am sorry if I miss an opportunity to serve and love you better.

Thank you for your understanding,
Megan

I tried to be better but got lost.

I had the goal that I was going to write more this new year.  Yet, it's May 23 and I have not posted since the start.

I write best for me when I am passionate and honest about something (even if it's just my life).  However, for several months I felt like a fake... unsure of life.  I have some major trust issues.   So, I couldn't write.  Nothing made sense to write about.  Where do I start with the pain?  How do I address the confusion?  How do I explain that when moving last year I lost myself but also gained a new sense of who I am.

It's been a crazy few days... well weeks.. I guess months.

My family and I are relocating back to what we call home.  Our boys are thrilled.  I am thrilled and nervous (more to come) - but thankful the process of settling is almost over.

Here was our crazy itenary.   Have you been there.... where you look back and you are like... .we survived.

Wednesday 5/15 we (okay my husband and a friend) packed the uhaul truck and I packed vans after work and we stayed at a friends house.
Thursday 5/16 after work I drove to meet my family and start to unpack our house.
Friday 5/17 in the afternoon my husband and I drove 3.5 hours away for his Master's graduation party at his professor's house (so lovely). 
Saturday 5/18 Jeremiah graduates with his Masters in Entrepreneurial and Innovation degree...with....honors!  I couldn't be more proud and yet feel so terribly by the fact that we did not celebrate more.   We drove the 4 hours back home, picked up our boys, and we went to two birthday parties!
Sunday 5/19 we go to church, unpack some more and I leave to drive 2 hours back to where we were located to finish teaching. 
Monday 5/20 school day went well.  I am house sitting all by myself and the tornado sirens go off.  I have no TV and clueless to what is happening.   I eventually get some rest.
Tuesday 5/21 the tornado sirens go off again at 6 in the morning, I sleep for an hour in the bathroom floor and get a call that our school has been delayed by an hour due to the weather.  That night we get a call not to worry about the river, that all will be find.
Wednesday 5/22 in the middle of the day we get an email that our school is out 2 days early due to flood waters.  Kids start going crazy (even though they have 2 hours of school left).  The fire alarm was pulled at least 15 times by students and their reckless choices.  I get to the house I am staying at and start walking the dog when the sirens go off again.  After about 3 hours of sirens going on and off, bits and pieces of time in the bathroom reading to Roland (the sweet doggie) I start getting news that tornadoes are happening close to where my family has relocated and that one touched down about 1/4 mile from our house. 
Thursday 5/23 I find out that all of my friends, family and prior students are safe throughout the two states and some loved ones do have damage to their houses.  Go to our school meeting and discover that I have to continue to fulfill my contract and remain at school today, tomorrow and come back on Tuesday after memorial day.  Currently the flood alarms near the school are sounding as they have been closing roads as they flood.

That's my week guys.  I was going to find R.E.S.T this week.  Nope.

So here I am.  My family and I in another transition, 2 hours apart in crazy weather, and I finally feel like I can be honest in my words again.

I haven't been on facebook in a while.  What started out as a lent activity turned into more. I began to not miss it.  I deleted the app from my phone and would spend maybe 10 minutes a day on my lunch checking for any important dates and events.  I also enjoyed the memories (my kids are getting too big too fast).  But in the end.. what's the point of it?

While I have been away from facebook I have discovered who is intentional with me.  Who checks in on me and sees how I am doing (for you friends, I am thankful).  I am thankful for the family that helped us pack and unpack - you are amazing and I love you all for that (and mowing our yard!!).

But as I was away from facebook I was also able to realize how nice it was not to have to 'fake' being me anymore.    I felt like a liar when I didn't/couldn't tell people the reality of us moving.   I hated when people would tell me that they were excited that we were moving back but never checked on us, probably will never read this, and were not there for a difficult and challenging year.   I didn't feel authentic to those around me as I knew this wasn't permanent and just wanted to make the best of it.

Maybe once a month I will post pictures of the kidds (for those boys are too darn cute).   Maybe I still start blogging more about my own life and not just "hot topics".   Maybe I will find myself enjoying life too much  and just dump all technology!   Just stop by my house to come say hi.  Who knows.

To be honest, I am scared for the next chapter.  I accepted a teaching position back in March for highschool!!  I have always taught (and enjoyed) middle school and excited for the newness that comes with this position.   But need to find rest first this summer. 

I want to choose joy - honestly.  I want to face this emptiness that has been in me for a while and replace with overflowing love and desire for everything I encounter.

I want to be real and authentic and intentional with my people, and thankful for those who do the same.

This next chapter is what we were led to do, and it was difficult leaving the first time, but we know it was necessary and good all the same.

So even though I wasn't able to say goodbye (officially) to my students this year among the chaos, I hope they know how much they are loved.

Okay... I am rambling.... I have lost my skill to process.

Maybe it's the flood sirens ringing....

Maybe it's my mind swinging...

I think it might be time to go walk Roland again.

FOCUS {2019}

Hi friends, strangers, random passer-byers (totally just made that word up).
I have not written since... wait for it.... August!  That's right; August 5th to be more exact.  In about a week that will be a 6 month gap of my musings. 
Don't get me wrong; I have been writing but more in the traditional sense, pen to paper.  

But I owed it to my soul to write again, for who ever may read this, might need it.

I need it. 

If you read the whole post you will even get to read about my outlook for 2019.... for the last three years [2016, 2017 and 2018] I have written a post about my goals or resolutions and then at the end of the year have a synopsis of it all.

Why not keep that tradition? 

2018 in short I wanted to embrace ... well... life.  I wanted to truly embrace Romans 12 in all aspects, body, mind and soul.  I decided, as usual, to set goals for myself:

*Embrace my mind - read 18 books
*Embrace my body - be 140 pounds
*Embrace my soul - live and memorize Romans 12

How did I do? 
>I read twice the amount of books I wanted to.  That's right, 36 books in a year!  Some I finished in a day, some took me a bit longer.  Some spoke directly to my soul while others tickled my funny bone, a few even split my heart open making me weep - but all, were embraced and enjoyed. I grew up not being a reader and now, that's no longer a title I hold!  18 books✓
>My lowest healthy weight that I got down to around mid-July was 149 healthy, glorious, strong pounds! However, with a heavy sigh, I shot back up to my body's favorite... comfortable... spot of around 165.  That might just be me.  I should embrace that!  (let's not forget about the races I ran with glee) healthy weight✓
>As much as I would like to say I memorized Romans 12; I did not. I read over it on so many occasions, gaining something I didn't know was missing each time that I did. There were moments that I missed my mark on living out the gospel of Jesus and embracing love of all.... I get frustrated with people.... and my words get the best of me.  Did I grow in His word, yes'em! Romans 12✓

2018 was by far my least active year on the blog; 5 entries total.  Quality vs quantity?  Was I spending my time doing something better?   (tooting own horn) I did lead a group through reading Wild and Free by Jess and Hayley (youtube playlist of songs).  I also read through some life changing books Fervent by Priscilla Shrier, Dancing in No Man's Land by Brian Jennings.  Those were probably some of my top non-fiction books, with a few others sprinkled in between the several fiction books consumed.  

2018 I started a new teaching position; and at the start of the year our principal had us take an assessment (yes, a personality type test).  This was called "teaching to your strengths" and I enjoyed learning more about my strengths.  My top 5 strengths are (not in order of importance):  Achiever, Analytical, Belief, Intellection, Relator.  I really enjoyed learning more about myself and could not agree with the statements.   

2018 also brought some things that were hard to embrace.  Loss of friendshipS... yes, with a capital S, as in plural, more than one.  It brought death to beloved family members.  Embrace hardships is never easy, but as time continues to pass I can look at 2018 of a time of growth; through good and bad.   But honestly, a lot of good.  

2016 my word of choice was Be.  Be still.  (Ran a 1/2 marathon though....)
2017 I wanted to be better. 
2018 was going to be embracing whatever came at me. 
2019 I would like to focus. 

>>>>> F O C U S <<<<< 

Clarity, deep, seen, closeness, important, fog-less, clear, perspective, included, intentional, core, disciplined.... those are all words that remind me of focus.

I want my 2019, well, what's left of it, to be focused on all things good. This word, despite its meaning, has a wide umbrella of concepts it can cover.  Focus on love. Focus on family.  Focus on God.  Focus on healthy friendships.  Focus on prayer.  Focus on health.  Focus on growing.  Focus academically. Focus on joy. Focus.

Currently, in the moment, I am very energized by the evening.  My boys played all night and then fell asleep watching a family movie (while I finished my 4th book of the year...).  Our youngest is still in his clothes, which happen to be under his spider man costume.  Both are covered in blankets from their deconstructed fort/tent that they made earlier in the evening.  I had time to read through my Bible study, Seamless and started to listen and put together my playlist for the year.  It's been a great evening.  Focus on these little moments.

Just for good measure, my 'goal' for reading is to finish 25 books within the year 📖

So, as of January 25th... here's to 2019!  

I tried - being at home

We have been settling in for the past month.  Tomorrow I start back to work (my 7th year of teaching) at a new district.  Tomorrow also marks a month of us living in our new STATE.  Not just state of mind but actual physical state.   

It is hard for me to imagine that we have already been here for a month.  It still feels a bit like a vacation house (not that we know what that's like, ha!) but not yet ours. 

Last night though, as Jeremiah was working late, I hung up my jewelry.... in a very college-chique (cheap) way.  And as odd as it was, it made this space seem like home.  I had put off hanging up/organizing this space for a month.  Not wanting to face reality, true.  Not needing to purely out of necessity, true. Not having the motivation, nailed it.  But the coffee I had late that afternoon must have kicked in.... so at 11:30 at night I am revisiting so many of these pieces. 

The picture above is how any wall can transform into home with a few items.  Now, it does look like pretty basic jewelry and trinkets.  BUT it is so much more. Home is where the heart is... so people say.... and these items are my heart.   I have cameras from both sets of grandparents.  My maternal-grandparents have their handkerchiefs.  Our wedding invitation, pictures of being baptized... in February... in a creek (old school, amiright).  There is a little wooden box that I have treasured letters, one from my Dad <3.  The necklaces and bracelets from Bali (thanks Z), Rome, and Hawaii.  Some of the pieces, works of art, are hand made...made with so much love (thanks B and WG/J).... and some are made just out of love thanks to my boys and their pipe-cleaner skillz.  Several of the items are heirlooms from my grandmother.  Price.Less.   A necklace that I remember Gideon using as a teething necklace.   The one that I wear to literally put "faith" around my neck. The jar, once full of change, is waiting to be filled again so our boys can enjoy the gift of giving.  This is where my heart is. 

It's not fancy by any means.  But it's mine; and now that it is all hanging there, waiting for me in the morning, this building is starting to feel like home.

Home takes time.  Takes people. 

I miss my people.  Yup.  I am going to totally call them that.  There were not many, but it was not about quantity but the quality.  These girls that stood by my side, some since we were babies. It is a hard feeling to trudge through knowing that I can't just ask them to go to ihop or get coffee... that distance has crept in.   I know, and they have shown me the past month, that distance is not a factor (thank you for the text, videos, and catch up ladies) when it comes to friendship. And some of these dear friends have moved even over oceans as I stayed.  I am not saying I have not been hurt by people, for I have; even now trust is something that I struggle with.  But even with all the good and bad, leaving was hard.

Last week I celebrated my 31st birthday, and it was odd to reflect back when I met some of these great friends.  Before or right after babies.  I was still a "baby"!  But it was easier.  We bonded over lack of sleep, poopy diapers, teething and support of a strong cup of coffee.  As our kids got older we shared the love of games, books and movies, again... with coffee in hand.  We spent time at events watching our lil'ones explore.  It just seemed so easy, natural, effortless... and before we knew it, YEARS had passed. 

Now, at 31, I am starting over.  No more babies to bond over.... I mean, I will ALWAYS hold a baby for someone in need.... and talking about poop doesn't bother me... #boymom  but now, my kids need me in a different way.  I need friends in a different way.

So, instead of "I tried - being at home" as the title of this blog, it should be I am trying to find home again.  It's true.

To the people who we are getting to know.  Thank you for letting us come into your home, be apart of your life.   If at times I am awkward or quiet, I am just processing in my head.  If at times I say the "wrong" things - just roll with my sarcasm or call me out on it (lovingly).  I am just trying to find my tribe. 

I am not to replace the people we left, but to expand our hearts even more.
This transition will take time, love and people.

SO, to the people who will be in our home tomorrow and there after.  Welcome.  This is our home.

I tried - the season finale

Hey interweb friends. It's been about 2.5 months since I have last written. I really don't know why I stopped other than the words ebb and flow naturally.  I could blame the lack of time, the lack of motivation, lack of passion, lack of courage.... lots of excuses really. 
Regardless, I am putting my heart out there through my words again.

Have you ever watched an entire show from the pilot episode to the series finale?  And when it ends, you have this gapping hole, like "now what"? That these strangers came to be more, and you looked forward to enjoy their lives (no matter how fake or real they might be).

That's currently where I am at.  The end.

I feel like my series is over; the characters that have developed over time will be missed.  The plot twists have ceased and I am walking out, alone, into darkness.

If I hang in there, I know another network might pick me up.  They make spin-off series all the time. Right? Or volumes of seasons.  This isn't my true end.  Just a different beginning.

This year (and I mean school year; August - present) has been filled with trials and growth, not just at my job, but in general day to day life.

So, this was my classroom. I walked out of it for the last time a week ago. It was my home for the last 5 years. My pregnant swollen feet paced this room. Our oldest started school from this room. Push up and plank challenges took place in this room. Hugs and laughter were shared in this room. Cheers and uproar echoed within these walls.  Lightbulbs clicked on as foundations in understanding were repaired, replaced and strengthened.  This room is more than just some brick walls. It's the lining of my heart.

I walked out by choice, "going without knowing" as a coworker told me.  Since October my husband has been working weekends about 2 hours away.  It has caused some awesome calendar balancing, but we managed to work as a family.  Because of this wonderful opportunity we decided to move our family that direction this summer. I have since found another teaching job, and eagerly await the new adventure - the spin off series.

But THIS series finale was hard.  It wasn't just a season, knowing I'd come back after summer, with a tan. But I closed that door, turned in my keys, and walked out.

It was hard to leave.

I had one of THE BEST teaching partners/coworkers I could have ever imagined or dreamed of.  She blessed me with prayers, compassion, a listening ear, wisdom, hugs, goodies, and love for my family. This lady was an anchor to making me feel successful, we worked so effortlessly together.  I worked with a great team of teachers whom I respected greatly - for they did their job, and did it well and appreciated the fact that they knew how to laugh and have a good time.

But then there are my students, my kids.  This group this year stole my momma heart. They were ornery and mischievous.  They were sweet, friendly and helpful.  Some of them took bigger pieces of my heart, some of them I would seriously have adopted without question. I am just glad to know, that for a short period of time, they were able to feel some genuine love.  These kids carry stories that don't belong to children.  They carry heartache and brokenness at a magnitude that is indescribable.  I look forward to seeing what these young people do in a few years. They will conquer so much; for they have already. Here's to the graduating class of 2023!

One of the most challenging parts of teaching is that you don't always know if what you are saying is getting through to them.  But thankfully, I know that with this group, they were listening. I had letters and cards written with such sweet words.  Words to remind me why I do my job, why it's not a job, but a privilege. Words that I didn't even expect from some. Treasures.

So, this summer, we are moving.  I am sure it will be a whirl wind of events; filled with tears of joy, fear and excitement. And here shortly I will be turning lights on into a new room, new challenges, new kiddos, and new opportunities to keep giving it my all.

One student got me the book "Auggie and Me," knowing that I read Wonder and enjoyed it. Inside she not only wrote a letter but stuck in little reminders like the one pictured below.  

Here's to my spin-off series.  Loveandnumbers2.0

PS - to my friends and family - you will be missed too; it's different (for some reason).  I am sure those tears will roll as our tires pull away from our drive one last time.  I'm not ready for that.

PSS - another post this week about Romans BSF study and how my disputes aren't the best....

I tried - to control too much [August.... and September Goals]

As you may know, I am a teacher.  And with that comes certain responsibilities; like I have to enjoy summer.  It's a rule, I'm sure it's in my contract... right?

Well, summer was great! Yet, I am still looking forward to the job I love. As I speak about these events, it is as if it is over.  But... IT'S NOT!  I still have two weeks before I go back to work.  OKay, I have two weeks before students start filling my classroom, slowly becoming my own kiddos.

Here's the deal.  As much I have tried to post regularly about my goals each month, and also revisiting how I did the previous month - well, that's probably not going to happen at the start of the school year.

I can only control so much.  My life can not be constantly filled with schedules and to-do's.

My reflection on July... it was not restful.  Was it enjoyable?  Yes.  But I still did not find my rhythm that I was so looking for.  I didn't find my tribe you could say.  We were able to see a lot of our favorite people, went to several weddings and events, went on a trip as a family.  Had family stay with us for a week - life was jammed back... and NOT with rest.

I eagerly look forward to August for that reason.  Look forward to finding a good pace, a healthy stride for our family to tackle the first semester.

Yes, I have already tried to excel a schedule for my family.
Yes, I have already looked at our budget and what school supplies I want to buy my kiddos (students).
Yes, I am still thinking of goals and challenges to make myself better.

But something will always take priority while something else will slip away.  I don't want that. So here are my not-goals, but my life.

Goals set me up for failure - but, living life, well I can be successful at that. 

August Life:
Health - I am happy to report that I have lost and kept off about 10-15 pounds this summer (HUGE DEAL!) and I am going to keep doing what I am doing.  Sensible eating, focusing on eating clean healthy non-processed foods.   I am going to continue to find ways to challenge myself physically, including doing this as much as I can throughout the week.

(attempting to do longer plank, more push ups and might change lunges to leg lifts)

Book - I did read/finish Messy Grace for the month of July and about 1/2 way through Hoot.  Although I did not read both for July, I am about to go on another trip and should be able to knock out Hoot rather quickly.   For August my book is going to be The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick. It looks rather interesting and hopefully a page-turner.  For those days going back to work.... I am tired when I get home.    While we are talking about books I will add, for those who are curious, that I will be reading and leading an online group through Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. This will take about 6 weeks and will find another book to read for September too! 

Scripture - although I am slacking at memorizing all of these, it's been great to be digging into the Word to find exactly what I am looking for.
Psalm 150:6
Colossians 3:12
Matthew 6:34
Isaiah 56:1
Proverbs 31:30

My wonderful husband also bought me the She Reads Truth Bible!  It weighs more than a new born baby, but that weight is because it's filled with knowledge and beauty.   My goal is to do their studies for Titus, Philmon and Hebrews and for September work on Proverbs.

Fall is my favorite.
I welcome you.
Giving up control.

I tried - being mentorable {open letter to my future mentor}

Dear Future Mentor,

Thank you.  I have needed you for some time.  I needed you without even knowing it was you, or the idea of a mentor.  I needed  you more than I realized.

See, I feel as if I am in a weird spot in the church.  I don't feel like I belong.  I did not grow up in the church that we are going to, so my roots are more shallow than others. I did not attend the Christian college, as my husband and friends did, feeling as I orbit their social circle. I have a "worldly" job... I mean ministry... ahh, whatever teaching is these days, which does not allow a lot of time to do do "mom" things or minister to others.  It's weird for I have a loving mom and great friends, but I am missing...

missing you.

I need guidance spiritually.
I need wisdom that challenges me.
I need patience, strength, calm, investment.
I need cared for.

I need you.

As I currently write you, my family is going through a season of transition. A time of reflection and re-centering our lives back to God's plan.  A time of waiting to see what is in store.  Prior to this season I had directly asked several (4) women to be my mentors, and asked handful of other women to just hang out - but it always falls through.  Some of these women graciously turned me down with positive answers.  Some didn't really have the time, respectively.

But I truly, prayerfully plead for someone to reach my hand and say "it is I that will get coffee with you! Listen. Talk. Pray. Check-in. Invest."   Okay, you don't have to talk like that.  I promise.

Mentoring is an odd topic to talk about in the church.  Sometimes it happens organically, very natural.  Other times it is forced.  I pray that whomever gets paired with me, it is a relationship that happens naturally, God driven.

See, I am a mess.  To my peers, it might appear that I am put together.  Got all the answers.  Life is grand.  But, I am human.  Just as my blog title states, I am trying.  Honestly, I don't know what I am doing from day to day.  Grasping at straws.

I know once this season of transition changes, there might be more time and opportunity for investment.

A  few weeks ago I was talking to an older lady about my parents helping take care of my children as we were at a conference she said "at least you have your parents, we always lived so far from family."    I just wanted to respond with, "but you had the church.  You had people come to you and watch your kiddos to give you a break.  Bring you a meal.  Pray with you.  Call you to see how you were. Being a mother is hard.  Working in a church is hard."   But I just acknowledged the truth that I am thankful that we are currently close living to my family.

A year ago I had a friend talk about how she doesn't have many deep relationships or mentors and how she wishes her mom lived closer.  Yet, in the same conversation I could count on two hands the older women in her life.  ASKING to babysit her new baby.  ASKING to clean her house or offer help.  ASKING  her over for coffee and conversation.  Yet it appeared that she is oblivious to all the good she had.
J
Future mentor, or can I call you friend.  I am a bit bitter.  I don't want to be.  I ask God to help soften my heart.  To give me courage to ask the right women to be apart of my life. But as a horse chases a carrot on the stick, I am always just a tad short.

So future mentor, future church.  Thank you.

Thank you for loving me, the messy me.  The real me.  The speaks before she thinks me.
Thank you for loving my family.  Challenging us to be humble kingdom workers.

Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to acknowledge that I exist.

That's all that is takes.
Letting people know that they are important.

I do my best to be intentional with my friends.  But having someone who has gone before me, to hold my hand through prayer, tears, excitement and opportunities is who I am looking for. (holding my hand can be figuratively - don't want to make anyone, myself included, uncomfortable).

If you are an older woman, regardless of age, who are you investing in?  The generation younger than  you?  The new mom?  A student? A babysitter?

Dear future mentor.
I needed you.
I wait for you.
I appreciate you.
I appreciate God's timing of you.

With love,
Megan

Freebie Find: 100 Questions and mentor conversation topics - to make this mentoring thing easier on all of us.  =] 

I tried - reading Messy Grace [July's Book Review]

A while back I, like more years than I can remember, I started and almost finished reading Messy Grace by Caleb Kaltenbach but for some reason I stopped reading it, in fact I let other people borrow it!

At the end of June I had the honor hearing Caleb speak and I decided that I must finish his book for July; it wasn't a difficult task.

"Can someone be gay and go to heaven?  I think if we're going to ask that question, then we have to ask if someone can be an alcoholic and go to heaven?  Can someone be addicted to drugs and go to heaven? Can someone be a gossip and go to heaven? Can someone be a worrier and go to heaven? Can someone be jealous of others and go to heaven? Can someone be an arrogant know-it-all Christian and go to heaven?"

Spoiler alert - that was the fourth to the last page in his book.  But it gets my point across.

Messy Grace is Caleb's story and journey of growing up with gay parents, learning to hate Christians, then later becoming a Christian and serving pastor.

I love this book.  The first time I started to read it, and the second time.  It's full of thought provoking ideas, truth woven statements, and pieces of little "ah-ha!" nuggets.  The title says it all.  Grace is messy.  The church is messy.  Being a Christian is messy.  So how come we do such a horrible job at loving our gay neighbor, our gay child, our gay parent or co-worker?  Are they not human too?

Although he was more focused on loving the gay community, I couldn't help but also apply everything he wrote to other communities that Christians sometimes struggle with loving.   The quote above could also include, in my opinion, can someone be a liberal and go to heaven? Can someone be republican and go to heaven? Can someone have tattoos and go to heaven? Can someone born in a Muslim family go to heaven? Can someone who is black go to heaven? Can someone who is a cop go to heaven? Can someone who is a soldier go to heaven? Can someone who works for an abortion clinic go to heaven?

Can someone who disagrees with me go to heaven?

The very same page he writes, "Most Christians I know wouldn't have an issue with saying that any one of those people could go to heaven (talking about gossip, etc), but for some reason, when it comes to homosexuality, some think that is too tall of an order for God.  I think it's because their view of God is too small.  He's calling everyone into this kingdom all the time, as hard as that may be for us to believe."

This summer I also participated, well... attempted to participate in, a Beth Moore study called "Entrusted."   On page 106 of her workbook she writes, "Have you ever wondered how we Christians get away with some of the things we do? We rename the sin something noble.  We call gossip informing, judgement discernment, misogyny authority, anger righteous indignation, lust appreciation, arrogance confidence, profanity passion, and hate debate, and voila, misconduct gets reframed as Christian duty."

By renaming our sin, we simultaneously are trying to let others know that their sin is worse than ours.  But, sin is sin. And love is love.  

(My favorite is Romans 9:12-21)

I urge everyone to read this book, and truly seek their own hearts, get to know someone from the gay community, truly know them, don't fear them... they are people too!  My biggest fear or worry (and I know I shouldn't have any, for God is bigger than even my own small fears) is that the people who truly NEED to read this book, won't give it a second glance.  That more often than not, the ones reading Messy Grace are already trying to love their gay Christian and non-Christian friends.  But this is just me making an assumption, which is not healthy either.

So, I challenge you, regardless of where you stand on your beliefs of homosexuality in the church, to read this book.  Not just read it, but come to it with an open mind and ask God for it to touch your heart.  That your heart can reflect God's heart, one full of love and grace (even if it is messy).

~*~

To my LBTQ co-worker, friends, family, I am sorry if you have been hurt by the church.  The church is not a place of perfection, but a place of brokenness.  Our identities should be mirrors reflecting Christ, not our own thoughts and ambitions.  If you (homosexual or heterosexual) have been hurt by the church and need to talk, I will listen.  You are loved.

I tried - resting {finding peace in chaos - July's goals}

I realized that I never made a post over June goals.  Therefore, I can not make a post about how June went. (went really well!) When I started to type this post, I thought it was going to be a simple post over July's goals and what's happening in my corner of the world.

But then I realized that all of my goals reflect back to what I heard at church this morning.

"Shattered plans are often the result of our poor choices or God's sovereign will." - Dr. Mark Scott.  

Over all he was preaching about Jeremiah 17 and 18 and how that sometimes our plans are interrupted to get our attention (disobedience) or because God wants to remake us, for He is the potter and we are His clay.

It really was the perfect sermon for me to hear. God's perfect timing too. I have been reflecting on the word "PAUSE" and what that means for me and our current family situation and environment.

It seemed like several of my July goals are related to reflecting more on life.  Stepping back.  Stepping down.  Stepping outside, holding hands of little' more.  Stepping in tune with others.

Book: 
July I am going to re-read/finish "Messy Grace" by Caleb Kaltenbach.   Recently I heard him speak and was drawn again to his story and wisdom of how to better love our gay neighbors.  I figure this would be a quicker read the second time around and if time allows would like to read "Hoot" by Carl Hiaasen - a middle school novel my dad told me to read in a day.  We shall see!

Health:
I am going to continue to do my version of "weight watchers" - watching macros, meaning I am eating very clean foods - low sugar, carb, processed.     I am currently finishing up a four week Diet Bet game with some local friends.  I have to loose one more pound this week to make sure that I get my money back (possibly make some too).  I plan on investing the money I make into a different game.

Scripture:
June I was focusing on reading and studying 2nd Timothy because of my study, "Entrusted" by Beth Moore.  Now that that is wrapping up I will be going back to my weekly scripture focus.
Back to memorizing, or at least focusing and meditating on for the July week's:
Exodus 14:14
2 Corinthians 9:6
Habakkuk 2:20
1 Samuel 12:16

Challenges:
Continue to eat healthy.  I am also 12 days into a physical challenge (squats, pushups, plank and crunches) and would like to finish that out.

My two biggest challenges and habits that I want to create this month are;
1) Wake up before the boys at least 4 days a week - even if it's just 15 minutes before.  The trick to this is the fact that it IS summer and our boys don't have a strict waking time from summer schedules.  It is typically after 7:30.
2) I want to spend LESS time on my phone.  That's it.  See what's around me more.

Pause. Breathe. Repeat.

I tried - letting my kid watch Disney {Beauty and The Beast}

My wonderful husband, Jeremiah, sent me an article about the new 2017 Beauty and the Beast.  It was titled: Disney Movies' First Ever 'Exclusively Gay Moment' in New 'Beauty and the Beast'

Oh awesome, I enjoy reading articles.  He sent the article to me because our oldest, who is turning 5 soon, wants to take one of his best girl friends to the movies and out to eat.  A date. 

Yes, I am encouraging my son to take his friend on a date.  Because if I don't teach him how to be a gentleman at a young age (while he's impressionable) than what am I teaching him?
Not to mention, his mom, Emily (one of my best friends) and I want to see the movie too, so we can conveniently chaperon the event.

Once I looked at the article on my phone I quickly went to my dear friend, Google.  There were several news article with similar head lines.  

The first thing that caught my attention was the word "moment." What's a moment?  Seriously.  Can a moment be 10 seconds.  So are we not talking about a full fledged gay-sex-scene?  Is this 'moment' something that only adults would understand as more than a moment?     You know, Disney with their sneaky subtle innuendos. Was this announcement of a gay moment just another way to spark public's interest or concern?

I started texting Jeremiah and Emily about it.  Should we still take our kids to this?

My husband and I's conversation went something along the lines of: this is our world, we don't want to shelter Gideon but educate him with a Christian foundation - meaning, if he does catch this 'moment' that we can have an open dialogue about gay people and how we are still meant to love them.  Gideon would say, "because we love people" and "we do good to all people."   Jeremiah actually believes that Gideon will be more scared of the Beast and not catch anything else.

We decided that our son could still go.

A little later Emily started talking about the article and her first response was "this is the world we live in." as I was typing something similar about helping our younger ones understand the world without being drowned in the world.  She talked about how their family has watched the classic cartoon version numerous times.

She decided that her daughter can still go.

In Emily and I's conversation I mentioned how every movie has something "wrong" with it.  People were upset about Zootopia at one point; complaining that it was racist.  She then brought up all the other negative attitudes and characters within the Disney movie Beauty and the Beast.

I started to look more into Disney movies and at what age is it appropriate for young children to be exposed to the variety of issues that Disney challenges.  Below are some crude and maybe slightly exaggerated examples:

and 

When we think of movies though, they can be a teaching tool.  Any form of media can be a teaching tool.   I am almost positive we were more successful potty training Gideon because of Daniel Tiger's episode with the catchy potty tune. Mother Goose was a political satire - just leave that right here.

Growing up I didn't not watch many Disney movies or really any movies.  I have never asked my parents why. This year my Dad  took their 4 and 3 year old grandson's to go see Star Wars - full of violence and all sorts of other scenes.  So either they changed, or we just didn't watch movies.

I was not a princess girl.  Although I did adore Belle and remember seeing the Lion King for the first time.  I don't remember ever trying to live their life.  I was never in a fantasy world. Could I be a different person if I watched more Disney (or any movies) as a child?  We only know.

Here's my bottom thought: as a parent you have to know your boundaries and your child's mental and emotional ability. We have always carried out open and honest conversations with Gideon (at an appropriate age level).  I can't protect him from everything, we live in a broken world.  But I can help guide him through rough obstacles and thoughts.

I remember being in junior high and asked my dad about a Stephen King R-rated movie.  His response was something along the lines, "You have read the book, your imagination is much more dangerous than that of a movie you will see."

If Gideon gets scared in the New Beauty and the Beast, it will be an opportunity to talk about attitude, contentment, loving people regardless of their outward appearance.  It might also bring questions about the gay couple or other deeper issues.  I will pray that I will have the right words to help guide his curiosity where he can have a better understanding, without being hurt.

I wore a red-X on my hand the other day.  February 23, 2017.   Gideon asked what it was for.  He understands that there are people living on the streets, that there are people hurting.  He now knows what a slave is.  But he does not need to know what sex is, he's five.  Just like that red-X, this movie will be an opportunity for Gideon to learn about others so he can love them better.

This is the world we live in.  Disney is being culturally relevant.

Do you have a certain age that kids can watch certain movies?

February 2017 {January book review}

January has come and gone.  What a month   it was for our family.   We had lots of moments of reflection and opportunity.

As far as my goals went for January:

Book: Understanding the Bible in 30 Days by Max Anders; it was a good book.  However I treated it more like cliff notes and not an actual book.  Each day/chapter (30 of them) there was an introduction to the concept/topic.  A lot of times they were stories or analogies.  Slowly I stopped reading them and  went to the "meat" of the chapter looking at the Bible part.   It did help me understanding the types of books in the Bible.  It helped me understand the history of the Bible as well as give me a better idea of popular topics and scripture to support those concepts.   I think if you were new to wanting to read the Bible it would be a great resource, but for me, it was not my favorite.

Health: 30 day challenge and whole 30.   Neither of these goals were met.   I didn't even run that much; which is good for my soul too.   I had some good days in both departments and I had some bad days.

Scripture Memorization:  I am writing them on a note card to hang in my bathroom, a note card to leave in my van, and then reading several times out of my Bible as well as putting it in our kitchen on the chalkboard.   I am doing pretty good.  Sometimes can't remember all the previous ones.  I would like to get better at helping our oldest to them with me.  I think he is capable.

Challenges: to stick to it, inspire, and encourage.  Well, I did some of those, but not to the fullest potential.   Will get better.

February 2017

Freshness is in the air.  The days are getting longer (praise him) and the month is short and filled with dates full of love and opportunities to encourage other people!

Book: During Christmas last year a sweet co-worker posted on facebook that she wanted to pass on a book; "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow.  I told her I was interested in it.  The next day it was in my mail box at school with a sweet note.  Although I don't tend to one filled with anxiety I think it will help address issues so I can better serve those who do have anxiety issues.  Look forward to reading it.

Health: Jeremiah and I are going to do whole 30 to the best of our abilities.  We both have conferences on weekends (where food is provided); so we will do our best under those situations.    My goal is to also make this a lifestyle change and not just a monthly fad.   It takes 60+ days to form a habit, so I would like to carry this into March as well.   I have several running races coming up and would like to increase my speed.    I am also on a relay team and need to train for a 10 or 12k!    Tonight I plan on taking the kids to the gym as well.  Starting out the month right.  If I am not able to run or go to the gym I would like to stick with some sort of challenge (see below) or quick work out at home.

Scripture Memorization:  Psalm 62: 1-2, James 1:22, Ephesians 4:29, and James 1:19.  As I am picking these some are given to me, some are ones that I have picked for a while, and some are found as popular ones to memorize.    Slowly over time I am challenging myself to memorizing more than a few verses.

Challenges:  I would  like to write a card or letter every day this month.  It's the month of love and I would like to share that with peple.   I was gifted with words and would like to share encouragement with those around me.  I also want to be more focused in my prayer.

Another month to a better me!

How are your goals going?  Any topics you want me to write about?  Any books you think I should read?

I tried - dreaming big

At the start of the year,  I had made a template and was all excited about my check-boxes, and lists, and pretty little bullet-points.  Then reality hit.

I have too much to do.

I'm a working mom who loves to help.  Here's what my day looks like:

Leave the house by 7:15 (which is kinda late) with Gideon.  We eat breakfast in the car.
Entertain, I mean teach, 140 kiddos for several hours.   Until 3:30 or 4:30 on tutoring days.
Go get Gideon
Go get Soren.
Get home.  It's almost 5.
Somehow I make dinner while trying to please the several demands of my two boys.  (Jeremiah is at work until 7 most nights).
Eat dinner.
Give boys baths.
Play and read with boys while trying to manage other small tasks (mail, etc).
Boys to bed - on a good night - both are asleep by 8:30.  A good night.
Do dishes, pick up, clean up, turn around.  Repeat... it's like the "electric slide" but, for moms.
Maybe complain to my husband here and there.
Sit on the couch.  It's now almost 10.

No sweat. I'm ambitious.  I can read the Bible, read some of a book, do a little work out (because my running has gone down hill), have time to socialize on social media.  Yeah right!?

I'm tired.

I am helping out with a church event that requires a lot of time.  I was asked to share my testimony on two topics.  I keep questioning on what and how to write.  Praying for the correct words.  Not enough words - come back tomorrow and try again.  Plus several other tasks that I am honored to be apart of, but keep praying for God to help me to make those I am serving fill loved - even before we get there.

I am helping transition to a big move.
Watch videos to get my teaching license valid in another state - which requires watching several videos over their "state history." Plus the quizzes... the quizzes.. the surveys.   PAPER WORK.
I'm setting up appointments with the realtor to help get our house on the market.
Trying to go through things to prepare to move and have a garage sale.
I need to make sure that when I am done teaching this year that I can fill out more paper work about student loans. Oh joy.
I am trying to make sure that this duck and this chick are all in the right spots.

Plus, laundry.  Yeah - that's a fun Friday night Fact of life.  
Or pay bills.
Or...
And....

I am tired and dream too big.

I still like my goals.  And honestly, I am not ever a quitter.   I will achieve them.  But this momma, who has to teach Sunday School, needs a break.

But until we move and all of the busy work is settled into the dust my big dreams need to wait.

So, here it is - week 3 to 2017 -
Dream small.

Small goals.
I want to enjoy time with my family and not be so stressed which causes me to be on edge and angry.
I want to eat healthy but not micromanage every detail.
I want to find rest, even if it's in a few episodes of Gilmore Girls (without feeling guilty).

This week's memory verse: 

----> {2017} <----

Another year has come and gone.  

Seriously, where have you gone?

I want to be a better me.

A better:

Christian me

Healthy me

Wife me

Mom me

Friend me

Daughter me

Financial me

Writer me

Reader me

Hobby me

A better 2017 me.

I just want to be better at being me.  My only competition is me.  I am not competing with facebook friends or the amount of 'likes' I can get.  I am not competing with pinterest people. I am not a huge "new years" resolution person, for I believe you can always change - the month doesn't determine your desire to become someone better than you were the day before.    

This year I am trying to get in mind that as long as I am moving forward, I am making progress.    I have lot of habits I want to form and some habits I want to break or recreate into something better.
When you google "how long does it take to form a habit" this pops up:

Recent research led by a team at the University College London think they have uncovered just how long (o average) it takes for something to become habitual.  They do not think it takes 21 days to form a habit.  They believe it takes an average of 66 days to create a habit.  

Sixty six days!  Two months?!?  I want to keep this in mind.  I know myself well enough to realize that being realistic is my game.  I'm not a "dream big" person. I expect to fail, and that's okay.  It's part of the journey.  So when it comes to me making goals or new years resolutions, I want something that is tangible, as well as something that if not achieved will keep me motivated.

December 31, 2017  

I  am being flooded with excitement just thinking about where I will be in 365+ days from now.   Oh the excitement, the changes and transitions.  The arguments, mourning, joy and glee.  The praises, the songs, the moments of silence.  Oh - what is going to happen in the next coming months and  weeks?!?!  Where will be at the end of the year?  What are our new dreams and goals? Is Soren potty trained?   How does Gideon like school?  Do they share a room and love it?  Who lived with us this year?  Were we more generous than we have been before?  Good stewards of our money?  Good stewards of our time?  Did social media finally find it's rightful place; the bottom of the totem pole of priorities?  How has God blessed us this year, even when we didn't deserve it?   What times of sadness did we have to over come together?

So many questions.  

In a year, we will have the answers.
I understand some things are out of my control.  'Tis life.
I understand some things need to be out of my control.

As a teacher, there is a style of writing lessons plans called "backward planning" where you start with your end result or goal and work to your starting point.   I am going to apply that methodology for my year.

For a lot of my year goals will only be achieved by my daily activities.  The in the moment yes and no; the journey of choosing. 

These goals, resolutions, whatever you want  to call them, are woven together so beautifully, sewn together like one of my Grandma's hand quilted blankets.  They go together.  My physical will effect my personal as will my relational will effect my mental and so forth.

Physically - I would like to feel healthier and not struggle with my self-image.   Ideally I would like to weigh 140 pounds (less than 3 pounds a month), have a 5k race time of less than 32 minutes (10 minute pace), and set or do other physical activities like, get a bike and use frequently, run another half, set personal records in lifting, obstacle race, etc.

Spiritually - I want to be closer to our amazing creator.  It's hard for me to put a number or deadline on this growth.  I would like to read my Bible more/better.   I would like to finally (never had before) memorize scripture and have Gideon help me with that.  I just want to have my heart in check.

Relational - I would like to be more of an encouragement for others and strength and grow new relationships.   I hope that through my other endeavor my relationships with my husband and kids will improve as a natural by product of my efforts.

Financially - I would like be more generous in our time, treasure and talents.  I crunch numbers frequently, and God always provides, but this year I would like to make sure to be purposeful of my resources and be stewards with what we were provided.

(Challenge Sheet)

The above is a picture of my Challenge Sheet.  At the top I have "Priorities, Projects and Prayers" the main things I would like to focus on for the month.   Priorities could be of any focus or challenges like not eating out for the month.  Projects can be what book I am reading for the month, crafts, the monthly photo album, etc.  Prayers can of any nature or need or a time frame.  

The middle part of the challenge sheet I have weeks. Here I will post the scripture I would like to focus on for the week  and any other benchmark goals that might help with the monthly challenges.

The bottom of the  challenge sheet is where I will post daily challenges.  These challenges will be achieved at an 80% rate.  Reading my bible daily really means 5 out of 7 days.  No one is perfect.   Daily challenges include, drinking a gallon of water, no sugar, a variety of fitness challenges, purging/organizational challenges, writing cards, tracking food/points, limiting social media, etc.

BONUS

If you want to follow my 2017 pinterest board, go here. I don't get on pinterest as much as I use to.  But it is a good way to collect and share ideas and links.

For those of you still reading here are some challenges I am going to hopefully have our family do, as well as links and ideas to help you.

I am going to encourage Gideon to put pennies in a jar corresponding to the number of days into the year that we are.  At the end of the year I would like to find an organization, of Gideon's choice to donate the money to.  

I would also like to have a praise jar - so we can look back and remember all of the positive awesome events in our life, a memory jar if you wish

I found some monthly challenges with different themes.  Some of the days are easy - smile at more people - for example.  But something fun!

I have not decided what weekly scripture I will be doing, I like to be inspired or reflect on something for the week.  Again, I would like to include my family in on this, so some might be "kid" friendly.  

The following two links are PDF's of weekly scripture.  Click here for a list.  Click here for another option that is more kid friendly.

You can find another list here. 

It's going to be a great year!