Yes, another blog post.
Yes, another blog post about weight loss.
Yes, another blog post about weight loss.
I tried to be content with my body my weight. But I am not happy; and it's effecting other areas of my life as well.
Today my tinniest baby boy is 6 weeks old. WHAT... seriously, where did the time go?!?! August was also my kick off date for #willlose60 or my goal. Yesterday, I was cleared from C-section recovery to start working out.
I don't know if you know this, but several years ago I was a model. Below is a sculpture of me.
I don't know if you know this, but several years ago I was a model. Below is a sculpture of me.
Incase you didn't get it... I am joking. As a teacher I have social media boundaries. Taking pictures of my flabby-before tummy I feel like goes against what I was taught about modesty. And honestly, no one wants to see my "squish" right now. The picture above is how I would describe myself.
Lumpy
Squishy
Round
Fat
Fluffy
Thunder-thighs
Lumpy
Squishy
Round
Fat
Fluffy
Thunder-thighs
How many of you have you used those words to describe your body? I have! A LOT. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Growing up I was never skinny. But I was buff. I was fit. I was athletic. I was a hoss - and yes I was called that, and was cool with it. Then in highschool I had knee surgery. I stopped being as athletic as I was but I still had a good metabolism and didn't put on much weight. I didn't put on too much weight in college either. My weight gain slowly grew on me when my husband and I got married. Then my husband and I separated for a few months - I lost a lot of weight... this is not a diet I would recommend. When we got back together, the pounds seemed to follow closely behind him. We mended our marriage and learned about our own brokenness... by this time we had our first kid. I gained...."weight" for it..... 65 pounds! It's a hard fact to face. I went into delivery March 1st 2012 at 235 pounds. By that August I was back down to 165. But I didn't loose any more. I gained actually. I blame it on my first year of teaching.
TEACHERS ARE THE WORST... we always have snack days, birthday celebrations, donuts at meetings, we stress eat, only have 15 - 20 minutes for lunch, coffee... always coffee. I was also eating more because of the stress of the first year so I put on 10 pounds that year.
I hovered around 175 for a few more years - and always told myself I was going to lose more weight to be in the my healthy BMI range of 130ish. Okay. I would be happy with 150! But I was never very serious. Last summer my mind set was... why get skinny when I am going to have another kid. I should have gotten skinny so the pregnancy wouldn't have been so bad. Soren came along and again I gained weight. I delivered around 235.
Soren is 6 weeks old and I am around 205/210.... steady.
Growing up I was never skinny. But I was buff. I was fit. I was athletic. I was a hoss - and yes I was called that, and was cool with it. Then in highschool I had knee surgery. I stopped being as athletic as I was but I still had a good metabolism and didn't put on much weight. I didn't put on too much weight in college either. My weight gain slowly grew on me when my husband and I got married. Then my husband and I separated for a few months - I lost a lot of weight... this is not a diet I would recommend. When we got back together, the pounds seemed to follow closely behind him. We mended our marriage and learned about our own brokenness... by this time we had our first kid. I gained...."weight" for it..... 65 pounds! It's a hard fact to face. I went into delivery March 1st 2012 at 235 pounds. By that August I was back down to 165. But I didn't loose any more. I gained actually. I blame it on my first year of teaching.
TEACHERS ARE THE WORST... we always have snack days, birthday celebrations, donuts at meetings, we stress eat, only have 15 - 20 minutes for lunch, coffee... always coffee. I was also eating more because of the stress of the first year so I put on 10 pounds that year.
I hovered around 175 for a few more years - and always told myself I was going to lose more weight to be in the my healthy BMI range of 130ish. Okay. I would be happy with 150! But I was never very serious. Last summer my mind set was... why get skinny when I am going to have another kid. I should have gotten skinny so the pregnancy wouldn't have been so bad. Soren came along and again I gained weight. I delivered around 235.
Soren is 6 weeks old and I am around 205/210.... steady.
I am not content. I am not happy. I am not who I should be. I am not who I want to be. I must change!
I really find the above picture interesting. As a math teacher I am naturally drawn to numbers. During any weight loss or healthy lifestyle journey numbers are important. They are your pant size. They are your weight. They are your calories. They are the number of steps or miles you run. They are the number of ounces of water you drink.
Numbers are important ----> PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT <----
I am constantly battling being content and being depressed. It's a constant fighting match. Picture a boxing ring, the deep announcer voice "in this corner you have great curves, sense of humor, amazing baker going up against healthy issues, envy, and lack of discipline. Let the fight begin!" I don't know if you picked up on this, but I don't really have any clue on boxing. =]
But it is a fight. We are told to be happy with who we are. We are told that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). We are told that we are unique like snow flakes. We are told that our family is bigger. We are told that this is who you are. We are told that we just had a baby and give it some time.
But it is a fight. We are told to be happy with who we are. We are told that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). We are told that we are unique like snow flakes. We are told that our family is bigger. We are told that this is who you are. We are told that we just had a baby and give it some time.
But two hundred and ten pounds IS NOT who I am.
"You are not your own; you were bought at a price."
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Yes, I am important. Yes, I am unique. But why do I have to accept or be content when I am not happy?
God created us. He knows us. He loves us. And yet some of us destroy his creation.
I tried to be content with my body. But no longer is that the case. I am CON-STANT-LY comparing how I look to others. Sometimes I wonder if maybe we all live in a world like the movie Shallow Hal where we don't see truth. We see what we want to see?
I know I am not the only person who compares their image to other people. And that's sad. We have to stop. We have to encourage each other to be healthy and take care of our bodies. And if you are a person who doesn't care and you are content with your outer beauty, this makes me happy for you. I just know that my weight is not only becoming a health issue but it's a "heart" issues as well.
God created us. He knows us. He loves us. And yet some of us destroy his creation.
I tried to be content with my body. But no longer is that the case. I am CON-STANT-LY comparing how I look to others. Sometimes I wonder if maybe we all live in a world like the movie Shallow Hal where we don't see truth. We see what we want to see?
I know I am not the only person who compares their image to other people. And that's sad. We have to stop. We have to encourage each other to be healthy and take care of our bodies. And if you are a person who doesn't care and you are content with your outer beauty, this makes me happy for you. I just know that my weight is not only becoming a health issue but it's a "heart" issues as well.
We have to stop using horrible descriptive words like squishy, fat, fluffy, thunder-thighs. And a little tip to my more "fit" or "naturally thin" friends. (This is entirely my opinion) When you are talking to me, a friend who is bigger than you, and you call yourself fat... it makes me feel even worse. I think, well this 130 pound beauty thinks she is fat, so she must think I am the biggest, nastiest, huge, hulk gross thing. I would LOVE to be you. Yes you might be trying to relate to our health struggles, and yes you might want to be healthier, but it really just adds to our guilt. I am not saying you can't have areas to work on, I just know as an extremely over weight person - don't call yourself fat.
My goal - which ever comes first is to lose 60 pounds or be down 4-5 dress sizes by next summer. I am trying to keep in mind that muscle, scientifically, does weigh more than fat. I am trying to keep in mind that this is going to be a long journey. I am trying to keep in mind that no matter what I am loved, I am important, I am valuable. I am trying to keep in mind that my body is not really mine. I belong to something bigger and better than all of us. But I need to do this. I want to be healthy for my family.
Hopefully blogging will be another tool to keep me accountable. I have a great support system to encourage me and work out with me. I am loggingmy food, follow me on my fitness pal as mdjones12. I am eating less sugary foods and limiting breads. I got a Fitbit to monitor my steps. I have all the tools. Now to put them in place.
Leave me some comments. What are your goals? Are you content with your image? How did you get achieve being content?
Better yet, keep me accountable!
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