Growing up, I realized in high school, that I had a problem. I liked to fix people. The boys I tended to date weren't up to my standard - because I COULD fix them (or save them, help them, show them who's right), I was going to make them become my standard. My goodness, when I look back at me now...
how embarrassing.
I did care for my boyfriends, for the most part they weren't like bad guys. But how selfish, arrogant, ignorant, and just flat out immature of me to think I could fix someone else.
I was so broken.
Chapter 16 - What I Thought Would Fix Me Didn't
I really was broken, and the more that I found cracks in myself the more I wanted to fix other people. You know, because THEY were the one with the problem. Right?
Wrong.
Finally when I was shattered by a group of people who loved me deeply, is when I realized (and it took longer than I want to admit) that the only person I should be fixing, is well, myself. The only way to fix myself was through Jesus.
Through Jesus I had better standards to hold myself accounted for. I had a more pure perspective that I am loved unconditionally, regardless of my past brokenness and sin. I had to believe and take ownership in calling myself a Christian.
I no longer am a fixer but an avenue to being fixed. I have a passion for people. I want people to love other people. I want people to love themselves. I want people to think like Jesus (and use common sense). I want people to learn from my mistakes and know they are not alone. Because of my passion, I still listen to those who need to talk, I still encourage those who are down, I still take food to people, check on people, write cards to people. But now I do it because of Jesus.
I no longer look at people as needing me to fix them.
I look at people as needing me to love them.
I can't believe who I was 5, 10, 15 years ago. If you knew me before Jesus transformed me. I am really sorry. I am sorry for the hurtful things I have said or did or didn't do.
Because I love you, please stop being in the intolerable waiting period. You know how terrifying it is to stand on a train track and know that you won't survive once hit - your anxiety heightens as you wait for the train; every little sound makes you jump in fear. Don't be waiting for the next rejection, the next worry, anxiety attack. Anticipating fear is letting the enemy win and not being filled by God's love, mercy, grace and peace.
Because I love you, please don't let others try to fix you. Don't let things, items, events, situations try to fix you. Be filled by God's love, mercy grace and peace.
If you look for rejection, you will find it.
"Rejection never has the final say. Rejection may be a delay or distraction or even a devastation for a season. But it's never a final destination. I'm destined for a love that can't ever be diminished, tarnished, shaken, or taken. With You, Jesus, I'm forever safe. I'm forever accepted. I'm forever held. Completely loved and always invited in." Page 209 Uninvited Lysa Terkuerst
**********************************
Here we are, at the end of this "Uninvited" journey. I hope that those of you reading my blog were entertained, pulled in, loved on. I want you to realize that you are not alone in life. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask.
You are loved.
You are not alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment