Ironically, I now find peace from running; the physical activity.
It's exhausting to run from rejection, pain, and hurt.
It's exhausting to run from rejection, pain, and hurt.
For almost a good decade, I was a hamster on a running wheel of rejection.
No end.
No stopping.
No peace.
No comfort.
No Jesus.
NOTHING!
NOTHING!
Chapter 7 - When Our Normal Gets Snatched
Lysa does a great job describing what rejection was like to her. She stated that it was like an image that had a person cut out; it leaves a huge gap.
Unrepairable.
Broken.
Pieced.
Teared.
Ruined.
She shared the story about Abigail, 1 Samuel 25, and how Abigail, who was married to a 'fool' also learned and taught one of the most powerful messages - as well as earning a major blessing.
We can not embrace God fully while turning away God. Embracing God also means receiving his grace.
How does one receive grace when you are empty and full of holey-wounds?
Holes are good! Holes allow for space for grace.
We can not embrace God fully while turning away God. Embracing God also means receiving his grace.
How does one receive grace when you are empty and full of holey-wounds?
Holes are good! Holes allow for space for grace.
We receive grace when we gift forgiveness.
(First, before I continue with my story, I want you to know that I tend to type facts and lack emotion. If you ever want to get coffee or e-mail me about my story. Please ask.)
My normal was snatched up in 2009. It was snatched out from under me, without a moment notice. I got home from work and my husband, of a year, told me that he no longer wanted to be married. This was two days after receiving a love letter that he wrote me upon my arrival home from visiting family.
I went from love letter to considering divorce papers in 48 hours.
There it was, mid-July, everything I was planning for, my normal, was gone.
IT. WAS. GONE.
You know how some people can pull a table cloth off without any glasses moving? Well he ripped the table cloth out, and every piece of nice china, called our life, came shattering to the floor. Millions of questions and memories on the floor. So much confusion and chaos.
There's not enough glue in the world to put me back together. Us together.
The following months were a whirlwind of events.
I finished my summer classes.
I moved back in with my parents in a different state.
I got a job.
I enrolled in a new college.
I got another job.
I wrote.
And wrote.
Cried.
Prayed.
Replayed everything.
After several months of this whirlwind, God, it was all his doing. Reconnected us. He was the glue. We slowly pieced our fine china back together. It was not an easy road. But we traveled it.
November 2013 - International Conference on Mission. We were sitting in on the second part of a series about spiritual war fare and how to over come demons. Through this I was lead to make a list of past rejections, with one of the major ones was Jeremiah.
I walked out of that room realizing that the only way I could feel His grace was by giving my husband true unconditional forgiveness.
My normal was snatched up in 2009. It was snatched out from under me, without a moment notice. I got home from work and my husband, of a year, told me that he no longer wanted to be married. This was two days after receiving a love letter that he wrote me upon my arrival home from visiting family.
I went from love letter to considering divorce papers in 48 hours.
There it was, mid-July, everything I was planning for, my normal, was gone.
IT. WAS. GONE.
You know how some people can pull a table cloth off without any glasses moving? Well he ripped the table cloth out, and every piece of nice china, called our life, came shattering to the floor. Millions of questions and memories on the floor. So much confusion and chaos.
There's not enough glue in the world to put me back together. Us together.
The following months were a whirlwind of events.
I finished my summer classes.
I moved back in with my parents in a different state.
I got a job.
I enrolled in a new college.
I got another job.
I wrote.
And wrote.
Cried.
Prayed.
Replayed everything.
After several months of this whirlwind, God, it was all his doing. Reconnected us. He was the glue. We slowly pieced our fine china back together. It was not an easy road. But we traveled it.
November 2013 - International Conference on Mission. We were sitting in on the second part of a series about spiritual war fare and how to over come demons. Through this I was lead to make a list of past rejections, with one of the major ones was Jeremiah.
I walked out of that room realizing that the only way I could feel His grace was by giving my husband true unconditional forgiveness.
I forgave him for all the pieces of my life that might not ever fit back together just as I please. But I praise Jesus for answering my prayers. I wrote prayers asking God to break my husband. And while breaking my husband he was repairing our marriage.
Giving forgiveness allows for a pure heart to be filled with grace.
Page 85 "Her (Abigail) grace doesn't justify her husband or validate David. It saves her."
It, the act of forgiveness, saved her.
It saves us.
We can not possibly grow while being a victim of our own circumstances.
It, the act of forgiveness, saved her.
It saves us.
We can not possibly grow while being a victim of our own circumstances.
Maybe one day I will share the other moment that my normal was snatched; but for now this will do.
How do you want to live?
Grace or bitterness?
Peace or anger?
Mercy or hatred?
Compassion or resentment?
Victory or victim?
Listen to "Losing" by Tenth Avenue North
"Oh Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'"
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'"
Stay tuned for chapter 8 - where we continue this conversation about forgiveness and how to fill our words, like Abigail, with grace and love.
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