I tried - being at home

We have been settling in for the past month.  Tomorrow I start back to work (my 7th year of teaching) at a new district.  Tomorrow also marks a month of us living in our new STATE.  Not just state of mind but actual physical state.   

It is hard for me to imagine that we have already been here for a month.  It still feels a bit like a vacation house (not that we know what that's like, ha!) but not yet ours. 

Last night though, as Jeremiah was working late, I hung up my jewelry.... in a very college-chique (cheap) way.  And as odd as it was, it made this space seem like home.  I had put off hanging up/organizing this space for a month.  Not wanting to face reality, true.  Not needing to purely out of necessity, true. Not having the motivation, nailed it.  But the coffee I had late that afternoon must have kicked in.... so at 11:30 at night I am revisiting so many of these pieces. 

The picture above is how any wall can transform into home with a few items.  Now, it does look like pretty basic jewelry and trinkets.  BUT it is so much more. Home is where the heart is... so people say.... and these items are my heart.   I have cameras from both sets of grandparents.  My maternal-grandparents have their handkerchiefs.  Our wedding invitation, pictures of being baptized... in February... in a creek (old school, amiright).  There is a little wooden box that I have treasured letters, one from my Dad <3.  The necklaces and bracelets from Bali (thanks Z), Rome, and Hawaii.  Some of the pieces, works of art, are hand made...made with so much love (thanks B and WG/J).... and some are made just out of love thanks to my boys and their pipe-cleaner skillz.  Several of the items are heirlooms from my grandmother.  Price.Less.   A necklace that I remember Gideon using as a teething necklace.   The one that I wear to literally put "faith" around my neck. The jar, once full of change, is waiting to be filled again so our boys can enjoy the gift of giving.  This is where my heart is. 

It's not fancy by any means.  But it's mine; and now that it is all hanging there, waiting for me in the morning, this building is starting to feel like home.

Home takes time.  Takes people. 

I miss my people.  Yup.  I am going to totally call them that.  There were not many, but it was not about quantity but the quality.  These girls that stood by my side, some since we were babies. It is a hard feeling to trudge through knowing that I can't just ask them to go to ihop or get coffee... that distance has crept in.   I know, and they have shown me the past month, that distance is not a factor (thank you for the text, videos, and catch up ladies) when it comes to friendship. And some of these dear friends have moved even over oceans as I stayed.  I am not saying I have not been hurt by people, for I have; even now trust is something that I struggle with.  But even with all the good and bad, leaving was hard.

Last week I celebrated my 31st birthday, and it was odd to reflect back when I met some of these great friends.  Before or right after babies.  I was still a "baby"!  But it was easier.  We bonded over lack of sleep, poopy diapers, teething and support of a strong cup of coffee.  As our kids got older we shared the love of games, books and movies, again... with coffee in hand.  We spent time at events watching our lil'ones explore.  It just seemed so easy, natural, effortless... and before we knew it, YEARS had passed. 

Now, at 31, I am starting over.  No more babies to bond over.... I mean, I will ALWAYS hold a baby for someone in need.... and talking about poop doesn't bother me... #boymom  but now, my kids need me in a different way.  I need friends in a different way.

So, instead of "I tried - being at home" as the title of this blog, it should be I am trying to find home again.  It's true.

To the people who we are getting to know.  Thank you for letting us come into your home, be apart of your life.   If at times I am awkward or quiet, I am just processing in my head.  If at times I say the "wrong" things - just roll with my sarcasm or call me out on it (lovingly).  I am just trying to find my tribe. 

I am not to replace the people we left, but to expand our hearts even more.
This transition will take time, love and people.

SO, to the people who will be in our home tomorrow and there after.  Welcome.  This is our home.

I tried - reading the Divergent series {November reads and December deeds}

Hey cozy friends,

That time of year where we all want to sit next to a fire place, fill our bodies with hot drinks, and just be warmed by one another's love.

Holidays!

We are already 1/5 into December and I am just now getting around to post about November's book, wrap up the month and look forward to what is ahead.

November was lovely.  I decided to take a small break from facebook - deleted the app.  It was nice not being plugged in all of the time.  I thought I would miss people's lives or articles or funny clips.  And I might have missed those, but instead I gained TIME!  I was able to really focus on what is important.

I truly believe because I removed one distraction from my life allowed for another to move in - reading!  Although not a bad distraction, what I was reading could have been more beneficial.

November I read not just one, not just two, but three books.  I read the entire Divergent Series by Veronica Roth!

These are fun young-adult dystopian fiction stories. The best part of reading these books was getting to discuss them with my students.  I would spot a cover of one of the books and instantly be able to strike up a conversation with them.  Acknowledging them and their choices   - making their day.

The books are good, and at times the "romance" for 16 year olds was a bit too much or adult-like.  But over all I enjoyed the books.  If you are looking to buy books for a teenager this holiday season, I would highly recommend these.

Now on to December. 

I have not yet made any goals or commitments.
I have not yet written down any scripture or prayer focus.
I have not yet written down any to-do's or projects.

My focus for this month:
Read - Glory Happening by Kaitlin Curtice  (a high school friend of mine).  It should arrive at our house on Friday!!
Scripture - I am currently still in BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and appreciate reading through Romans and really getting a better understanding of it.  I am also following along with my husband's Advent Project: here.
Health - For the past few months I have been hanging around the 158-161 range.  Which is great that I have not gained any weight I've lost back; but still frustrating at times that I have not seen any changes.  But healthy focus and not vain perception is important too!

Don't let the to-do list, the events, the pinterest perfect ideas get in the way of what matters this season.

People.
People matter.

Love you all,
A mom who tries

I tried - joy {September book and update}

Hi everyone!
It is that time. My post slow down as life rushes around. My plans focus on educating 126 young minds all while having a functional hospitable home, doing both with love.

Y'all, it's exhausting.

For the past six weeks I lead a Facebook group, reading through Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts" - and although at first her over poetic flowery word choice was a bit much for my dry soul, I learned to love her words - they, her words, could take scripture and etch it deeper within my heart.  I think at the start I was just jealous that I couldn't write as eloquently as her.

When I started reading this book in September, I also starting writing down 3 joys, gifts, happy moments on a piece of paper.  Listing out on the times that brought cheer.   Some of my favorites include: 
undisturbed water droplets on a yellow leaf spotted when running in the rain
squeals of laughter as the youngest plays snake and squirms down the hall after older brother
reading books to a babe with lavender smelling hair
raining Saturdays with slow non-rushed starts
parking lot conversations with new friends
chick-fil-a (gotta keep it real)
coffee
someone asking if I am okay and wanting to listen 

I have now been listing for 41 days.

It's changing me. Just as Ann experienced in her highly recommended book.

Today's list:
asked to cuddle with oldest
moments to read another book
run in a long sleeve shirt clearing my head

This time of year is my favorite, but I also tend to drown in facts of my reality and loneliness.  My phone lies idle, my e-mail box empty, mail box vacant, truly just alone. As an introvert, I often prefer to gain energy being alone or in small intimate groups.  But this is the dark alone, not one of energy.  And as every year past, as long as I can remember, time will move on and self pity will weaken transitioning into go-mode again.

So I list, and once I find my joy, I cling to it.

On occasion my oldest, who's 5, has been asking me to cuddle with him, he use to want to sleep in our bed at the start of every school year.  Unknowingly I thought that it was because he missed me going back to work, he too could feel the crispness, the turning, the sense of "sighs."

Now, I realize my little-man didn't need me, God designed him because I needed to find joy.  God gave me the biggest gift I could have asked for (next to transforming me and my husband into Christians).  He gave me a son, who at a very young age, knows how to care.

Tonight when he asked me to cuddle him, minutes after prayers (naturally I am already tucked in my blanket with a book) I tell him I will be in in one minute, never have regretted spending time with him/

I climb the ladder to his creaky loft bed.  Oh, why did we buy a loft bed?  As I am climbing I tell him I am getting to big for his bed and don't want to break it.  He responds with "would you like an animal, here's a blanket, you aren't too big, you are perfect."

I take the big monkey (technically it was mine from years, decades, ago) and pull the blanket up around my shoulders.  We are finding peace in the midst of our chaos. I can feel his breaths slow as I know it won't take long for him to be asleep.  I smell the children's toothpaste, thankful that he brushed. I kiss his sweet forehead.  The same head that use to carry a huge red angel kiss birth mark.  The same forehead that holds incredible thoughts and dreams.

A sweet little voice simply says "Thank you."
"Thank you for what?" I ask.
"For kissing me."
"I will always kiss you."
"Even when I am older?"
"Yes, you won't be able to stop me."
"I can't wait for you to visit me in my house when I am older."
"Yes, our visits will be grand.  I love that you dream and think about your future, but don't grow up too fast."
"Why not?"
"I like you just as you are, my son, my five year old."
"Mommy, I will always be your son."
"I will always be your mommy."

With that he takes his perpetually sticky hands and holds my face. "Thank for cuddling with me." Then kisses my forehead.

No my dearest child,  THANK YOU.  Thank you for asking me to cuddle.  Thank you for reminding me that I am needed and loved.  Thank you for being joy.

PS - totally read her book.  It's good. =]

I tried - to control too much [August.... and September Goals]

As you may know, I am a teacher.  And with that comes certain responsibilities; like I have to enjoy summer.  It's a rule, I'm sure it's in my contract... right?

Well, summer was great! Yet, I am still looking forward to the job I love. As I speak about these events, it is as if it is over.  But... IT'S NOT!  I still have two weeks before I go back to work.  OKay, I have two weeks before students start filling my classroom, slowly becoming my own kiddos.

Here's the deal.  As much I have tried to post regularly about my goals each month, and also revisiting how I did the previous month - well, that's probably not going to happen at the start of the school year.

I can only control so much.  My life can not be constantly filled with schedules and to-do's.

My reflection on July... it was not restful.  Was it enjoyable?  Yes.  But I still did not find my rhythm that I was so looking for.  I didn't find my tribe you could say.  We were able to see a lot of our favorite people, went to several weddings and events, went on a trip as a family.  Had family stay with us for a week - life was jammed back... and NOT with rest.

I eagerly look forward to August for that reason.  Look forward to finding a good pace, a healthy stride for our family to tackle the first semester.

Yes, I have already tried to excel a schedule for my family.
Yes, I have already looked at our budget and what school supplies I want to buy my kiddos (students).
Yes, I am still thinking of goals and challenges to make myself better.

But something will always take priority while something else will slip away.  I don't want that. So here are my not-goals, but my life.

Goals set me up for failure - but, living life, well I can be successful at that. 

August Life:
Health - I am happy to report that I have lost and kept off about 10-15 pounds this summer (HUGE DEAL!) and I am going to keep doing what I am doing.  Sensible eating, focusing on eating clean healthy non-processed foods.   I am going to continue to find ways to challenge myself physically, including doing this as much as I can throughout the week.

(attempting to do longer plank, more push ups and might change lunges to leg lifts)

Book - I did read/finish Messy Grace for the month of July and about 1/2 way through Hoot.  Although I did not read both for July, I am about to go on another trip and should be able to knock out Hoot rather quickly.   For August my book is going to be The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick. It looks rather interesting and hopefully a page-turner.  For those days going back to work.... I am tired when I get home.    While we are talking about books I will add, for those who are curious, that I will be reading and leading an online group through Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. This will take about 6 weeks and will find another book to read for September too! 

Scripture - although I am slacking at memorizing all of these, it's been great to be digging into the Word to find exactly what I am looking for.
Psalm 150:6
Colossians 3:12
Matthew 6:34
Isaiah 56:1
Proverbs 31:30

My wonderful husband also bought me the She Reads Truth Bible!  It weighs more than a new born baby, but that weight is because it's filled with knowledge and beauty.   My goal is to do their studies for Titus, Philmon and Hebrews and for September work on Proverbs.

Fall is my favorite.
I welcome you.
Giving up control.

I tried - resting {finding peace in chaos - July's goals}

I realized that I never made a post over June goals.  Therefore, I can not make a post about how June went. (went really well!) When I started to type this post, I thought it was going to be a simple post over July's goals and what's happening in my corner of the world.

But then I realized that all of my goals reflect back to what I heard at church this morning.

"Shattered plans are often the result of our poor choices or God's sovereign will." - Dr. Mark Scott.  

Over all he was preaching about Jeremiah 17 and 18 and how that sometimes our plans are interrupted to get our attention (disobedience) or because God wants to remake us, for He is the potter and we are His clay.

It really was the perfect sermon for me to hear. God's perfect timing too. I have been reflecting on the word "PAUSE" and what that means for me and our current family situation and environment.

It seemed like several of my July goals are related to reflecting more on life.  Stepping back.  Stepping down.  Stepping outside, holding hands of little' more.  Stepping in tune with others.

Book: 
July I am going to re-read/finish "Messy Grace" by Caleb Kaltenbach.   Recently I heard him speak and was drawn again to his story and wisdom of how to better love our gay neighbors.  I figure this would be a quicker read the second time around and if time allows would like to read "Hoot" by Carl Hiaasen - a middle school novel my dad told me to read in a day.  We shall see!

Health:
I am going to continue to do my version of "weight watchers" - watching macros, meaning I am eating very clean foods - low sugar, carb, processed.     I am currently finishing up a four week Diet Bet game with some local friends.  I have to loose one more pound this week to make sure that I get my money back (possibly make some too).  I plan on investing the money I make into a different game.

Scripture:
June I was focusing on reading and studying 2nd Timothy because of my study, "Entrusted" by Beth Moore.  Now that that is wrapping up I will be going back to my weekly scripture focus.
Back to memorizing, or at least focusing and meditating on for the July week's:
Exodus 14:14
2 Corinthians 9:6
Habakkuk 2:20
1 Samuel 12:16

Challenges:
Continue to eat healthy.  I am also 12 days into a physical challenge (squats, pushups, plank and crunches) and would like to finish that out.

My two biggest challenges and habits that I want to create this month are;
1) Wake up before the boys at least 4 days a week - even if it's just 15 minutes before.  The trick to this is the fact that it IS summer and our boys don't have a strict waking time from summer schedules.  It is typically after 7:30.
2) I want to spend LESS time on my phone.  That's it.  See what's around me more.

Pause. Breathe. Repeat.

I tried - reading Present Over Perfect [May's book review]

Summer - we are in full swing of long nights, grilling with friends, park dates, fresh produce, and bug bites!  But we love our summer.  With summer also comes a different pace; main reason for my May book review a weekish late.

May's book was going to be the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis - honestly, I didn't read it.  I was struggling getting into it.  I am not for sure if it was the season I mentally was in (finishing up teaching, planning my husband's graduation party, transitions) or what.  But it wasn't pulling me deep into it's pages.

At the end of May, Jeremiah got the book Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist 

This was a wonderful book to read right before summer.  Shauna is an older version of me. Like I am pretty sure we are related somehow. Hopefully that's not an insult to her.  Seriously, she loves cooking and gathering around the table, being intentional with making sure to feed people.  Her place to recharge is by a river, or a small simplistic house but yet she's drawn deeply to live in a bustling city.  She is not perfect by social media's standards when it comes to size - but absolutely gorgeous she is!  She has two boys (yes, I understand that) her husband is a worship leader (check). She obviously enjoys writing - girl, we are sisters!

I am so thankful to have read her book, for I can see myself living another 10 years doing everything wrong.  Okay, everything wrong is a bit extreme.   But I can give myself grace!

Her book is written with a short-essay style.  The chapters, very brief, were her stories and they filled my heart.

Shortly into her book I felt myself nodding along with her thinking "me too" or laughing with her for something I can see myself doing.  I was relating to her as she kept saying she was the responsible one, therefore she kept taking on more and more and more.  

It made me reflect on a conference I recently went to back in April where we discussed spinning plates - and at some point, something will give and break. 

She stated on page 102 "This is actually my life, and it doesn't matter one bit if it would be lovely for someone else to live.  What does matter; does it feel congruent with how God made me and called me?" 

That hit home hard.  

I have the ability to remake myself.  Look again at where and who God is calling me to be.  I do not have to always feel like I should meet everyone's expectations - except God's (and his is really the only one that matters).

This summer, as my boys tug on my shirt to get another 'dink' (drink) or want to hit one more ball in the yard, I am going to pause and practice being present.  For as I searching for my calling or pray for my families next move - I can be present.   There will always be dishes, laundry, media, things that can eat up our times.  

Chores are not my calling.
Tasks are not valued.

The choice to love is my calling. 

People are valued.

I am going to remake myself through pauses.  

I am going to practice being present.  

I am going to love
and let my soul be free.  

I tried - sending cards {a lost art}

Sending Cards - A Lost Art of Communication


(This is the post that I've been keeping a secret for a while)

Some of my biggest treasures are secured within a box. These treasures mean nothing to others, but the world to me. They are the letters in which I have kept over the years.  As time moves, some grip my heart a little tighter than others.

~TREASURES~

*The letter from my dad.... several pages long... listing off why I can't have a co-ed birthday party when I was his little girl... every paragraph started with "I love you"
*The last letter I received from my grandmother before her body became so weak that she could no longer write.
*The birthday cards with kind messages are little gems I hold.
*The letters from my husband; even before we were married.
*The letters from my first vice-principal and students throughout the years remind me that I am in the right profession.

Now, I do understand that not everyone is a "words of affirmation person" - that I probably, more than others, cling to these words when I start to loose my foundation of reality or feel inferior to the rest of the world. But these tiny pieces of paper are invaluable.

~HISTORY~

As a child, I loved to write letters. At times it would be a reminder that I might have been born in the wrong decade or even century. Wishing and longing for the stories of my elders. The simplicity. The encounters and community at a post office. The love of the neighborhood mailman. The need to sit with coffee and open a small envelope filled of love.

I had pen pals growing up. And when my best friend in 5th grade moved across the country we were able to maintain a friendship through letters, even till this day we keep in touch via mail. In junior high and most of high school, I wrote notes with my friends - filling notebooks full of our thoughts and gossip (not that I was that type).

Any time I was frustrated and felt unheard, I wrote a letter. It allowed for the necessary time for my mind to digest and process the information while my heart would prepare its self for heartache or joy. I wrote letters to my parents, leaving them on their bed, and would wait for the time we would hold a face to face conversation. I wrote letters to the foreign exchange student that lived with us; a novel to read on her plane home.  I wrote letters to my husband, countless times. I've written unopened and even unsent letters to people who have no idea that they have hurt me, regardless of delivery, healing me the same.

~MY PASSION~

I love it all: Letters. Cards. Snail-mail. Calligraphy or Cursive. Interaction. Addresses. Stamps.

Back in February, I wanted to start a challenge that fit February, the month of "love" - so, I set out to write a letter a day. 28 letters - it was only the beginning. (Not a huge deal to the person who writes every student a Christmas/Holiday card for winter break = 130+ cards). Then March came around and it was time to pick a new monthly challenge.  I was getting into a rhythm and finding joy of writing these little jewels.  SO, for lent instead of giving up something I decided to do something. March's Challenge and for Lent was to continue to write a letter a day. 31 more letters - this is changing me. March came to a close, but Lent was still going on so for April, you guessed it.  I continued to write. 30 more letters - I've created a habit. We are now into May, I am still writing.  In fact, I am "caught up" to May 18th as far as writing goes. 31 letters to come - half are done.

~BLESSINGS~

Writing these letters has and continues to change me (for the better). You receive joy and blessings when you sit down out of your busy life and pause.  As you are pausing you are able to reflect, pray and remember people. God's perfect timing allows for me to encourage and bless others. I really enjoy getting a text, call, or facebook message letting me know that their precious mail had arrived; here are some generic responses I would hear:
* A friend getting a card on a bad day.
* A friend losing their new puppy, being cheered up by the mail.
* Shear shock and surprise to find "good" mail
* Encouragement to others when they are down or are feeling inadequate.

These letters have also blessed me, as I was going through a time of uncertainty, lacking community and connection.  By writing these cards, I was able to regain purpose in His Kingdom.  That I can be a source of encouragement regardless of my location.

My oldest and I would take trips to the post office, and as he would ask where each letter was going and whom it was for, I would take another moment to pray for the recipients and their own journey.

The post office is no longer an errand location, 

but a point of prayer. 

(a stack ready to be mailed)

~DETAILS IN THE NOTES~

A question that might be plaguing your mind is how did I do this. It really started out as an evening  activity.  But then I created a habit of writing for the week every Sunday night.  During the week I would keep a list in my notebook of people I encounter or that cross my mind. Sometimes the people's names are on my list for a while, but when I feel like it's the correct time, I write them. Most Sunday's I can write a week's worth of cards in around 30 minutes.  It really doesn't take long.  I'd write words of encouragements, scripture, questions checking in on them, gratitude and appreciation or sometimes jokes - really taking the time to focus on the person and what their individual need is.

At one point I remember writing cards while attempting to watch a comedy on TV with my husband. I could tell that the letters were not the quality that they could have been if I had removed myself from the distraction. You might be different and can multi-task better.

a person's smile > $0.64 

The cost of a stamp was pricier than the cost of the actual card.  We have a store that sells 8 cards for a dollar.  I would stock up on packages of blank cards giving me a variety to choose from. Seriously, it takes less than 64 cents to mail a word of encouragement.

Most of the card were mailed, and some were even returned (I learned the hard way that I should always put a return address - who knows how many cards are out there floating around without a home).  Some cards were simply given to the person. Asking for people's addresses takes time, but is well worth the investment.

~WHO TO WRITE~

My letters started out to those closer to me. Family. Then I branched out to the few friends I had, and continued to let my circle expand.  Here are some examples of groups of people I have written the last few months:
Family
My 90 year old neighbor
Our sponsored compassion kiddos
Friends over seas (some doing missions work)
Coworkers
Church members
Professors
Conference women
My self
Gideon's friends' (he does really good birthday cards)
For friends who have lost loved ones to celebrating their pregnancy
Thank you cards - hard work to hospitality

At one point I was working on the computer and my husband asked what I was doing. My response "looking up prisoner pen-pals" - you can actually write prisoners!  However, I have not been able to find a ministry that has called me to sign up. You can write prisoners like as if it was a dating site - I don't want that. If you know anyone in prison that would like a letter, please let me know.

I have a dear friend of mine from grade school, she also recently wrote a book, but Kaitlin writes a letter to President Trump every Tuesday  #trumptuesdays  feel free to ask about her journey and why it's important for him to hear her voice.

Who needs a letter from you?

I tried - April (update and May Goals)

Recap for April:
Book - I read and enjoyed (still processing) Seven by Jen Hatmaker.    I will be hopefully posting a review/blog about my journey through her book.
Health - I can't seem to get my mind to care.  I want to be healthier (thinner/more in shape) but my motivation and drive are lacking.  I ran races, and took 3rd in one of them.  But as far as weightloss or fitting into a smaller size - that did NOT take place.  Also ran my first 15k, it was fun - but the course map got messed up so I ended up making my own route.  Get free admission to the race next year, so that's cool!
Scripture Memorization - I focused on Provers 1:7 (it's still written on our chalkboard in the dining room, looking at it now... a good daily reminder), John 8:32, 1 Peter 2: 1-3, Luke 10:42
Challenges - There is one main challenge I have been working on since February.  For the past three months I have been doing something, something small, but significant.  Stay tuned.

May is here!
It's a busy time of year for us. It's like a book coming to a close.  You watch as the pages turn and know that there is SOOOOO much more to read.  You skip words every now and then to see if that helps you get to the "good parts" - well May, the days will be a blur as baseball starts, Jeremiah graduates from college, I will be finishing up my 5th year of teaching, and we prepare for summer. April provided a good jump start on simplifying our lives (will talk more about that in the book review), and so hopefully May we can enjoy and create those habits to a more simplified life.

Book: Going to be reading Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.  Shocking fact - I have never read a book by C.S. Lewis.  Never.  Not even Chronicles of Narnia.  I will hang my head and shame while putting my nose in this book (that I have heard several people recommend).

Health: Ketosis diet or life style change.  I think it's one that I can focus on.  I can eat B.A.C.O.N. for like every breakfast.  Ketosis is essentially an incredibly low carb diet.  We are talking like 30 or less grams of carbs a day.  Because I like to be different though, as much as I am going to focus on "healthy fats" I am also going to give myself grace and allow fruits (so much sugar/carbs!).  Jeremiah said he is going to do this as well, having his support always helps.
I am still running!  But loosing joy.  I have no one to run with and no longer have the drive to even compete with myself.  I hope that changes.  My sister and I, however, have attended a trampoline exercise class the past two weeks.  NOT little individual trampolines, but like at a trampoline gym. It's legitimate.

Scripture Memorization: Found this site that has a verse from each book of the bible.  Check it out.   Need to write our monthly newsletter update. This month going to look at: 1 Corinthians 10:13, 1 Thessalonians 5:11, 1 Peter 4: 8-9, James 4:10, Micah 7:8.  Do you have any tricks or methods that help you memorize scripture.  Do you "reword" it to make it shorter and "in your own words"?

Challenges: I am going to, for the third or fourth time, attempt to do the challenge bellow.  I am also going to continue for the forth month a special challenge that brings small pieces of joy to others.  You will just have to wait and find out what I am talking about.  I am going to have to process Jen Hatmaker's book, Seven, for there are some challenges in there that I think I'd enjoy attempting to help change my life.  Maybe for June??  EWWWWW, a real challenge, getting my garden to grow!

Other news: Our anniversary is at the end of the month!  Celebrate.

Have a great month! 

I tried - March {April Goals}

Dear March,
You were good to me.  Lots of reasons to celebrate (most birthdays in a month).  Including my sister's new baby girl! *squeals* We had Spring Break, a time to relax and reconnect with family - much needed.  Fresh air filtering through the screen door as I listen to my sons play freely in dirt and new grass. Peaceful.  As quickly as you storm in, you roll out in a different storm.  And you always welcome your friend April.  Thank you March.  Until we meet again.  You were good.

I didn't even have time to write a pre-March challenge.   So here is what I accomplished:
Book - I read and enjoyed The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon.  You can read about it here.   I also took notes and skimmed over a book about how to read your Bible better; you can find those thoughts here.
Health - I didn't do well, but I didn't do horrible.  I kept running but I was not successful this month with tracking my food or my workout events.  Here's to "just be healthy"
Scripture Memorization - I (attempted) to memorize Matthew 15:18, Philippians 2:3, Matthew 25:25-26, Proverbs 10:17 and Isaiah 41:10.  I also, along with my husband and two friends sat down one evening and we read the entire book of Romans.
Challenges - The challenge I chose, and completed for March,  will be revealed at a later date for it is something that deserves it's own entire post.

Do you ever have those moments that the puzzle is just done. complete. finished and you have no idea how you got to that point, but it feels great.  My April puzzle is complete.  Here are some of the pieces that started to point towards the completion of what April is shaping up for me.

* My favorite quote since high school (maybe prior) see below

* Last Sunday our church started a sermon series called "Overload"

* Had planned, months ago, to read Jen Hatmaker's book "Seven" - first introduced by a friend 3 years ago. 

* Recently watched the documentary Minimalism that several friends raved over months ago.

* In preparation to move (now we are not) we had started a collection of things for a garage sale and will be participating in a City Wide sale. 

* Pinterest board from months ago had April as the "Waste Less" month
* My interest in the Tiny home movement.
* Easter - a major time of reflection.

"Simplicity is the Ultimate form of sophistication." -DaVinci

April shaped up to be a month of scaling back, losing the excess, finding peace in the simple things, joy.  Spring is typically the time that people do their "Spring Cleaning" - all of the above small pieces were just a way for me to realize that it's more than my house that needs spring cleaning; but my body, mind, and heart do as well.  A month to purge. 

Book - As I mentioned before I have been interested in the book "Seven" by Jen Hatmaker for a few years.  I purchased it over Christmas break in anticipation to read it sometime in 2017.  Perfect timing.  Although it's not April yet, I have already started reading it - let's just say this - she's hilarious.  [Purge - media and hopefully will read more books]

Health - April 1st will be a big day - running my first 15k.  Although I have ran a half marathon, this will be challenging for I have not been able to train as much as I would like.  I had some encouraging ladies remind me that it's okay to walk and just have fun.   A few weeks later I will have another 5k and would love to see my time improve.  I WILL (not going to try, but DO) the above daily challenge as well as the same amount of burpees as is the date.  So, April 7th I will do 7 burpees.  I will also be completing whole30 simultaneously tracking food and water intake. I might even participate in Jen's first chapter about Seven Foods....... [Purge fat and negative self image]

Scripture Memorization - I have the following pieces of scripture to work on memorizing and more importantly applying to my life: Proverbs 1:7, 1 Peter 2: 1 - 3, John 8: 31 - 32, and Luke 10: 41 - 42.  The cool 'God' story about these scriptures, they have been listed in my Bible for several weeks, but they all seem to fit the need to focus on Jesus and his teaching - true priorities.  [Purge the world]

Challenge - I am going to be keeping the same challenge that I have been working on this past March. I look forward to updating everyone about the observations I have been honored to witness from doing this very easy task in my life.  I am also going to do something, that I just learned about tonight, called "listening prayer."  If you would like to know more about what it is, please ask. [Purge doubt; in others too]

I tried - reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in the nigh-time [March Book review]

January - I read a book about how to study your Bible.  [Understanding your Bible in 30 days by Max Andres]
February - I read a book about my heart [Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow]
March - I read fiction book!

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon is a great book!  It reminded me a lot of Perks of Being a Wallflower (which I first read in high school 12+ years ago).  I relate these two books to each other because they are both very quick enjoyable reads.  Both books also offer a sense of wonder and page-turning curiosity until the end.  YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO CHRISTOPHER!

TCIOTDITNT also reminds me of the book Flowers for Allgeron, both were written in first-person, you were getting the feel of the character by living through them.  One main example about TCIOTDITNT is that Christopher numbers the chapters with prime-numbers.

I personally enjoyed the fact that he explains himself.  He does not like certain colors...here's why.  He doesn't like being touched....explanation to follow.  Although he is thorough in his thoughts and writing of the story, it is not drawn out or redundant by any means. His references to pop-culture were also a good way for me to stay focus and enjoy this read.

The relatable aspect to the story was a major reason for it to be a good novel to read. Christopher is a 15 year old boy allowing me to see parallels between the main character and that of my own students.  I also enjoyed the book for having been to England/London I was able to visually see what he was writing about.  A person who is not British or has not traveled to the UK might have a harder time appreciating the cultural diversities from transportation to words used.

A great book, would recommend anyone over the age of 14 to read, for it does have some language and mature-content (just read the first chapter for that discovery).

The fact that we are only half way through the month  and I already finished my goal of reading a book, I might try to stretch myself and read another book!

Let me know if you have read this book.  What are your thoughts?   What should I read next?

I tried - being spiritually emotional

I posted a question on facebook the other day about if your emotional level equates that of your spiritual level?

I was pleased with the responses I got; well they at least reassured me that I wasn't crazy.

See, I am not emotional.  I don't cry at the sad-puppy dog eyes (those commercials are too much cheese for me - seriously, there are people dying and starving and we are worried about a dog.  People first  - but that's another soap box another time).  Right there, that statement, some of you read and thought "she has no heart" how can she?  She can, because of rationalization and facts.

I operate on numbers, data and facts.  Not feelers.

Don't get empathy and sympathy mixed up. "To sum up the differences between the most commonly used meanings of these two terms: sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow or pity for the hardships that another person encounters, while empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another." - when you google search "empathy vs sympathy."

I have compassion, specially for people.  But I am of the nature that instead of joining in the person's emotion, I am searching for ways to help find a solution.  I have sympathy, and can understand your heartache, your pain, or your overwhelming joy  - but I will not enable or join you on the journey with your emotions.

I didn't cry when I got married - and thought I was weird.
I didn't cry when either of my boys were born.  Thought I was weird.

I cry out of frustration. When you get so mad, you just bubble over and scream (not at people, just to let the tension out).
I cry when my facts and numbers "don't add up" and I can't "logic" or "reason" my way through a situation.

I cried when  people died - why?  Why now?  Why them?  Why me?  (It didn't add up to me)
I cried when I couldn't handle a puppy for three days.  So frustrated.  Mad.  I'm smarter than this.  I should have been able to make dinner, love on two boys, and help a puppy not poop and pee in our house 5 times.
I cried when I was told by a peer group that they didn't think I was a Christian.  I was confused, frustrated, betrayed and hurt.

You can click here to take the color code if you'd like. 

I have had several people share that they value my red.  Or that they come to me to help them sort through their emotions to find a solution. I do my best to not let my 'redness' not over take the other parts of me.  For I find blue, yellow and white within me too and they have equal importance.  A time and place.

I strive for balance.

But for a brief second I was worried.
I was worried that I was out of balance to my peer group again.

Do people (other Christians more specifically) look at my lack of emotions as lack of spirituality or Christianity.    To be a "good spiritual Christian" should I cry more?

When I posted this on facebook people, in summary, said that we are made the way we are.  We are made to be different, and that is good.

*sigh*  I can breathe again.  I am okay.

I might connect to my religion and faith differently than that of a person who is "yellow" or "blue" - but there is no one that can judge me, for I have a righteous judge - in the end.
I might show my emotions differently than other people; but that's okay.  Just like a rainbow, we are all needed to make the world more beautiful.

I am glad that God made me a person who is good at being a leader, using facts - this allows for me to excel in my job and better teach my students. If it wasn't for my redness, I personally believe, in my opinion my house wouldn't be in the shape that it is - for efficiency is something I strive for.

But, like anyone - my new goal is not to worry about what others think of me but just make sure that my red isn't too sharp.  I don't want to hurt people with my lack of feelers.  I want to find that balance to be more disciplined to be a better kingdom builder.

My lack of emotion does not equate to my spiritual maturity.  

What are your thoughts? Do you feel like the color code is accurate?  Do you think your spiritual maturity can be seen by other's, does it matter?

I tried - (trump life) remaining positive, finding peace

We, as in this country that I was born in, have a new president.  Mr. Trump.  There are a lot of things that have gone through my mind.  There are lots of conversations I have had with other teachers, my students, friends and family. But what I keep coming back to is His word.  

I did not vote for this man.  In fact, I did not vote. You can find other political blogs of mine if you are curious of why I refrain from voting.

But here are my thoughts on our current reality.  

Trump is president.

You are (pick one or a combination of the following, rhetoric):

*You voted for him - are super excited - almost rubbing it in everyone's faces and believe that the world is already a better place because of him all while chanting that you are glad Obama is out.
*You voted for him because you felt like you had no other choice, that it was your 'civic duty' and now you are waiting to see what the next 4 years bring.

*You did not vote for him and are super upset about the situation and all that it has already brought, including the Besty Devos situation (don't get my started on that - you all know how passionate I am about education!).  But, you go about your business, living your day to day life.
*You did not vote for him and while tears flood your eyes while Obama steps aside, you make irrational decisions by destroying other people's property all while yelling hateful words.
*You did not vote for Trump BUT you are doing something about the current conditions, while being civil and peaceful.

*Jesus.  - He is always an option. 

A few weeks ago I wrote down four scriptures that I wanted to memorize for the month of January.  Tonight, among some other reading, I looked at what I wrote down for next week.

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2

I have so much peace right now.  Maybe I should be marching, or prayer walking, or taking a stand for what is going on.  Right now - my focus is on things above.

Yes, it's heart breaking if your presidential nominee was not elected.  Yes, there are some things that are going to be hard to stomach. Yes, it's hard to grasp how some Christians believe that we should build a wall, dishonoring people, showing no love (check out Romans 12: 9 - 21 please).

But at the end of the day.  I want to be a better me, and to do that, I need to ask God what he wants.

I would challenge everyone to read Colossians 3.  The entire chapter.  If you continue to read we are given examples of what not to do, followed by what we should do.

Verse 14, "And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts..."

If you are a Christian - are you doing what was asked? 
If you are not a Christian - are the people you know that claim to be Christians doing what is asked - if not, challenge them to do it.

I tried - week 2 the new year

I have a lot to think about.
I have a lot to do.
I have a lot to give to God. 

Enjoy your second week of the new year!  

Be a better you than you were yesterday. 

I tried - a new week, month, year!

Tomorrow is January 1st.

2017!

The new is here.   It's funny to me that the new year is during the dark time of the year.  The cold part of the year.  The busy part of the year.   Shouldn't the new year start in spring?

Okay, but for real.  Here's to resolutions:

My goal is to post the start of every month with the months goals and any updates.   But I have to remember my favorite quote by Leonardo DaVinci:

January 2017 
Book - 30 Days to Understanding the Bible by Max Andres
Health - do the 30-day challenge below, "whole 30" and track food/points.
Scripture to memorize -  "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17,  "What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?" - Romans 8:31,  "Look to the Lord and his strength, seek his face always." - Psalm 105:4,  "Set your minds on the things that are above, not on things that are on earth." - Colossians 3:2
Challenges - To stick to it!  Inspire and Encourage others.
:

----> {2017} <----

Another year has come and gone.  

Seriously, where have you gone?

I want to be a better me.

A better:

Christian me

Healthy me

Wife me

Mom me

Friend me

Daughter me

Financial me

Writer me

Reader me

Hobby me

A better 2017 me.

I just want to be better at being me.  My only competition is me.  I am not competing with facebook friends or the amount of 'likes' I can get.  I am not competing with pinterest people. I am not a huge "new years" resolution person, for I believe you can always change - the month doesn't determine your desire to become someone better than you were the day before.    

This year I am trying to get in mind that as long as I am moving forward, I am making progress.    I have lot of habits I want to form and some habits I want to break or recreate into something better.
When you google "how long does it take to form a habit" this pops up:

Recent research led by a team at the University College London think they have uncovered just how long (o average) it takes for something to become habitual.  They do not think it takes 21 days to form a habit.  They believe it takes an average of 66 days to create a habit.  

Sixty six days!  Two months?!?  I want to keep this in mind.  I know myself well enough to realize that being realistic is my game.  I'm not a "dream big" person. I expect to fail, and that's okay.  It's part of the journey.  So when it comes to me making goals or new years resolutions, I want something that is tangible, as well as something that if not achieved will keep me motivated.

December 31, 2017  

I  am being flooded with excitement just thinking about where I will be in 365+ days from now.   Oh the excitement, the changes and transitions.  The arguments, mourning, joy and glee.  The praises, the songs, the moments of silence.  Oh - what is going to happen in the next coming months and  weeks?!?!  Where will be at the end of the year?  What are our new dreams and goals? Is Soren potty trained?   How does Gideon like school?  Do they share a room and love it?  Who lived with us this year?  Were we more generous than we have been before?  Good stewards of our money?  Good stewards of our time?  Did social media finally find it's rightful place; the bottom of the totem pole of priorities?  How has God blessed us this year, even when we didn't deserve it?   What times of sadness did we have to over come together?

So many questions.  

In a year, we will have the answers.
I understand some things are out of my control.  'Tis life.
I understand some things need to be out of my control.

As a teacher, there is a style of writing lessons plans called "backward planning" where you start with your end result or goal and work to your starting point.   I am going to apply that methodology for my year.

For a lot of my year goals will only be achieved by my daily activities.  The in the moment yes and no; the journey of choosing. 

These goals, resolutions, whatever you want  to call them, are woven together so beautifully, sewn together like one of my Grandma's hand quilted blankets.  They go together.  My physical will effect my personal as will my relational will effect my mental and so forth.

Physically - I would like to feel healthier and not struggle with my self-image.   Ideally I would like to weigh 140 pounds (less than 3 pounds a month), have a 5k race time of less than 32 minutes (10 minute pace), and set or do other physical activities like, get a bike and use frequently, run another half, set personal records in lifting, obstacle race, etc.

Spiritually - I want to be closer to our amazing creator.  It's hard for me to put a number or deadline on this growth.  I would like to read my Bible more/better.   I would like to finally (never had before) memorize scripture and have Gideon help me with that.  I just want to have my heart in check.

Relational - I would like to be more of an encouragement for others and strength and grow new relationships.   I hope that through my other endeavor my relationships with my husband and kids will improve as a natural by product of my efforts.

Financially - I would like be more generous in our time, treasure and talents.  I crunch numbers frequently, and God always provides, but this year I would like to make sure to be purposeful of my resources and be stewards with what we were provided.

(Challenge Sheet)

The above is a picture of my Challenge Sheet.  At the top I have "Priorities, Projects and Prayers" the main things I would like to focus on for the month.   Priorities could be of any focus or challenges like not eating out for the month.  Projects can be what book I am reading for the month, crafts, the monthly photo album, etc.  Prayers can of any nature or need or a time frame.  

The middle part of the challenge sheet I have weeks. Here I will post the scripture I would like to focus on for the week  and any other benchmark goals that might help with the monthly challenges.

The bottom of the  challenge sheet is where I will post daily challenges.  These challenges will be achieved at an 80% rate.  Reading my bible daily really means 5 out of 7 days.  No one is perfect.   Daily challenges include, drinking a gallon of water, no sugar, a variety of fitness challenges, purging/organizational challenges, writing cards, tracking food/points, limiting social media, etc.

BONUS

If you want to follow my 2017 pinterest board, go here. I don't get on pinterest as much as I use to.  But it is a good way to collect and share ideas and links.

For those of you still reading here are some challenges I am going to hopefully have our family do, as well as links and ideas to help you.

I am going to encourage Gideon to put pennies in a jar corresponding to the number of days into the year that we are.  At the end of the year I would like to find an organization, of Gideon's choice to donate the money to.  

I would also like to have a praise jar - so we can look back and remember all of the positive awesome events in our life, a memory jar if you wish

I found some monthly challenges with different themes.  Some of the days are easy - smile at more people - for example.  But something fun!

I have not decided what weekly scripture I will be doing, I like to be inspired or reflect on something for the week.  Again, I would like to include my family in on this, so some might be "kid" friendly.  

The following two links are PDF's of weekly scripture.  Click here for a list.  Click here for another option that is more kid friendly.

You can find another list here. 

It's going to be a great year!