I tried reading diverse books

We all have a story. 

Part of my story....three years ago, if you asked me, I would not say I was a reader. Fast forward, I am now working on my master's degree to become a media specialist/librarian with an emphasis on being culturally relevant and using books to build bridges.  

This is a list of my favorite young adult literature, including some non-fiction and from a variety of backgrounds. 

 
Jason Reynolds IS one of my favorite authors, hands down.
Also check out, Long Way Down, The Boy in the Black Suit, and When I was the Greatest

I can't rave enough about this book! Thank you Angie Thomas for creating this!
(Also a movie, but I have not seen it)

I had a student who didn't talk much in class, but after I read this book (that he suggested) we started to talk history. It really helped me have a better understanding of MLK, the movement, and his murder.

A fiction tribute to Dr. King. 

This was a wonderful non-fiction, insightful, to a situation that is close to home. Education. 

Written in verse, and just a terrific read. 

It's been a couple of years since reading this, still makes the list! 


If you don't know where to begin, start here. A collection of 14 diverse short stories.

 
The above two books are about journeys away from home (Hispanic focused)

I LOVED these two books! Malala is an inspirational young lady and Refugee follows the stories of 3 teenagers and their journeys during war and dictatorship. 

I know I didn't really say much or give a clear synopsis of the above books.  Awesome, wonderful, terrific, can't put down, page turner, call to action, are all words I would use to describe them. These books really shaped me. If you are looking for something a little more adult, without doubt, please check out Just Mercy (also a movie!). 

And if you are looking for some more kid friendly selections, this list would be a great place to start: https://www.sittercity.com/parents/childrens-books-to-educate-about-racism?fbclid=IwAR0kRaas4SAHMroroGsJB-KXwvewyo0XiyQ3a6-K7ZSgAf3rTQr_DophL_k

These books are stories. Some true, some from imagination. But they represent truth. 

Our (the world even) narrative must change. Our hearts must change. Pick up a book. If reading a diverse book is the only thing you change this year, well it's a start. Thank you. 

Then. 
Talk to people.
Ask Questions. 
AND
LISTEN.
Smile at people. 

We all have a story. 

I tried - reading Mississippi Bridge [September book and updates]

September!  Hooray!  

This month I started an online book club/study to read Ann Voskamp's book "One Thousand Gifts"

So far, the book is going really well - in fact it is a quick read.  I am doing my best to slow down, really dig deep and get into this book; not just to be a good facilitator for these women, but to find peace for myself.

Fall is my favorite, and as I am sure I have blogged before, although fall is my favorite, it is also a somewhat sad time.  I just feel like I need more time to enjoy it - that it this is my time to find my pace and speed for the next season of life.

One Thousand Gifts couldn't have come at a more perfect time!  Because we are reading the book over a period of 6 weeks, I wanted to keep reading other books, being engaged.

Labor Day my dad gave me a book and said it would take only 20 minutes.  Well, I'm a slow reader, but it was done in less than an hour.

Mississippi Bridge is a short book by Mildred D. Taylor (she wrote Roll of Thunder, Hear my Cry).   I was doing research for what age the book would be good for (5th grade) but honestly, I would love for some adults to read this amazing piece of fiction.

It is so incredibly relevant to today.  How, even today, there are people who are teaching their children hatred (and some do it without even knowing they are!).  But for some children, they will "rebel" and fight for what they want to understand better - loving people.

The ending is great!  No spoilers here, just read the book yourself!

Believe me, it reminds me of the story of the Old Man his White Horse - Perspective.

Perspective is everything.
This book hurt me to read, how people are so ignorant and unkind. Perspective.
I am torn between wishing I lived in a previous time period or not.  That I would be an activist, if I didn't get myself killed. Perspective.
The ending. Perspective.

So, Here's to a great month.  A great season. A season of peace and gifts.  A season to love and be present.  A season to be outside, reading, educating and helping others.

I tried - reading lots of books! [August book review]

With a little extra down time, I was able to finish up July's second book, "Hoot," as well as read Philip K Dick's "The Man in the High Castle." Ambitiously, I plan on reading "Heaven is for Real" by Todd Burpo - but.... with school starting very very soon... we will see how that comes along.

First, a short little write up about Hoot.  My dad gave me this book a long time ago, knowing that it was for young adult readers, or even elementary readers, he thought I would enjoy it to relate to my students.  I found out that the movie is, or was at one point, on Netflix and plan on watching it soon.

The book itself was an easy read.  Had cute relatable characters and a bit of mystery to the entire story (if you are 12).  Was it life changing, no not for a 30 year old.  Was it something I could easily pick up and put down for interruptions, yes.  Recommend this book, yes to the target audience or anyone that wants an easy read.  It was cute.

This book was a bit more difficult for me than Hoot was.   I am not for sure if it's because I tend to be a slow reader or if it was because there was a lot of "difference" to process through. Differences like, German and Japan names that I had to properly pronounce to develop characters.  Differences like, the time frame this took place was a real historical time, but yet futuristic as well.  Differences like, the geography was the same but ruled by other groups.

The differences were good though.  I really liked this book. 

The Man in the High Castle takes place in 1962 with an alternative outcome to the second world war.  Franklin D. Rosevelt was assassinated and therefore the journey for the USA to overcome the depression was never a success; causing Nazis Germany and Japan to win the World War II 15 years later, and take over other countries.

(Having this map might have been helpful, however, I was able to picture this in my head to some accuracy)

The book had several story lines and characters that overlapped one another and was neatly woven together.  The book not only offered an alternative outcome to war, but also within our science, technology, and anything the human race dealt with - the futuristic part - traveling at warped speeds from countries, studying and traveling/living on Mars the book was incredibly well thought out.

Two of the most intriguing parts of the book were:
1) The book did not take place in a Christian world, and because of the outcome of the war Christianity as a religion as well as American culture ceased and was replaced by German or Asian culture.  The historical 'book of changes' - the I Ching - has been China's ancient divination for centuries and it was the center belief for this story. Even though the Bible was only mentioned once, maybe twice, as an old USA artifact, the other cultures had Christian theology.  For example, at the end of the book Mr. Tagomi thinks "When I was a child I thought as a child.  But now I have put away childish things.  Now I must seek in other realms."  Starts off fairly biblical, but changes back to his current beliefs.  It was just interesting to see different religions and cultures mesh together.  It was sad at points, thinking that Nazis could have won the war and our 2017 state of living would be in hate.... but even in current news, we haven't come very far from this. 

2) One of the common trends, for many of the characters, was the book "The Grasshopper Lies Heavy" by the fictional character Hawthorn Abendsen - Ironically (for I just mentioned that TMITHC doesn't discuss much of the Bible or other Christian theology) is based off of the Bible's Ecclesiastes12:5.  Now, this fiction book in TMITHC,  follows what would have happened if Rosevelt escaped the assassination. A BOOK WITHIN A BOOK ABOUT THE BOOK. COOL.

With a quick google search I found out that in 2015 Chandler Duke did write "The Grasshoper Lies Heavy," a story that takes place in 1966 (4 years after TMITHC was written) about if the United States was actually ruled by four countries.  Whether Duke wrote this after reading High Castle, I am not for sure.  On Amazon, Chandler writes that he did have finally have a professional edit and read his book.  So I am not to for sure who much I want to invest in this book.

The book is good.  I would not have finished it if it wasn't.
The book is complicated - you have to not have distractions while reading it, or you'll miss important details.
The book is interesting.  I would have not read the book in a week.  I could not put this down.
The book is a tv show.... wait, what?  Yes - on Amazon Prime there are not one, but two seasons, of the Man in the High Castle.  

I eagerly can't wait to start watching them!  

If you like history, fiction, war, drama, culture, thought provoking outcomes, differences, than read Dick's, "The Man in the High Castle."

I tried - being mentorable {open letter to my future mentor}

Dear Future Mentor,

Thank you.  I have needed you for some time.  I needed you without even knowing it was you, or the idea of a mentor.  I needed  you more than I realized.

See, I feel as if I am in a weird spot in the church.  I don't feel like I belong.  I did not grow up in the church that we are going to, so my roots are more shallow than others. I did not attend the Christian college, as my husband and friends did, feeling as I orbit their social circle. I have a "worldly" job... I mean ministry... ahh, whatever teaching is these days, which does not allow a lot of time to do do "mom" things or minister to others.  It's weird for I have a loving mom and great friends, but I am missing...

missing you.

I need guidance spiritually.
I need wisdom that challenges me.
I need patience, strength, calm, investment.
I need cared for.

I need you.

As I currently write you, my family is going through a season of transition. A time of reflection and re-centering our lives back to God's plan.  A time of waiting to see what is in store.  Prior to this season I had directly asked several (4) women to be my mentors, and asked handful of other women to just hang out - but it always falls through.  Some of these women graciously turned me down with positive answers.  Some didn't really have the time, respectively.

But I truly, prayerfully plead for someone to reach my hand and say "it is I that will get coffee with you! Listen. Talk. Pray. Check-in. Invest."   Okay, you don't have to talk like that.  I promise.

Mentoring is an odd topic to talk about in the church.  Sometimes it happens organically, very natural.  Other times it is forced.  I pray that whomever gets paired with me, it is a relationship that happens naturally, God driven.

See, I am a mess.  To my peers, it might appear that I am put together.  Got all the answers.  Life is grand.  But, I am human.  Just as my blog title states, I am trying.  Honestly, I don't know what I am doing from day to day.  Grasping at straws.

I know once this season of transition changes, there might be more time and opportunity for investment.

A  few weeks ago I was talking to an older lady about my parents helping take care of my children as we were at a conference she said "at least you have your parents, we always lived so far from family."    I just wanted to respond with, "but you had the church.  You had people come to you and watch your kiddos to give you a break.  Bring you a meal.  Pray with you.  Call you to see how you were. Being a mother is hard.  Working in a church is hard."   But I just acknowledged the truth that I am thankful that we are currently close living to my family.

A year ago I had a friend talk about how she doesn't have many deep relationships or mentors and how she wishes her mom lived closer.  Yet, in the same conversation I could count on two hands the older women in her life.  ASKING to babysit her new baby.  ASKING to clean her house or offer help.  ASKING  her over for coffee and conversation.  Yet it appeared that she is oblivious to all the good she had.
J
Future mentor, or can I call you friend.  I am a bit bitter.  I don't want to be.  I ask God to help soften my heart.  To give me courage to ask the right women to be apart of my life. But as a horse chases a carrot on the stick, I am always just a tad short.

So future mentor, future church.  Thank you.

Thank you for loving me, the messy me.  The real me.  The speaks before she thinks me.
Thank you for loving my family.  Challenging us to be humble kingdom workers.

Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to acknowledge that I exist.

That's all that is takes.
Letting people know that they are important.

I do my best to be intentional with my friends.  But having someone who has gone before me, to hold my hand through prayer, tears, excitement and opportunities is who I am looking for. (holding my hand can be figuratively - don't want to make anyone, myself included, uncomfortable).

If you are an older woman, regardless of age, who are you investing in?  The generation younger than  you?  The new mom?  A student? A babysitter?

Dear future mentor.
I needed you.
I wait for you.
I appreciate you.
I appreciate God's timing of you.

With love,
Megan

Freebie Find: 100 Questions and mentor conversation topics - to make this mentoring thing easier on all of us.  =] 

I tried - teaching math {our society, and it's math inability}

It feels great to be blogging again!  Thanks for reading my friends!  [edit - and it's a longer read - with a call to action and solutions... enjoy.]

A few nights ago my family and friends all visited the drive-in movies... you know, where you sit in, or around, your car and watch a movie, or two, outside.  Yes, outside!  During one of the movies - I believe Captain Underpants (don't judge, it was really adorable) a student shared how they failed a class. It was math.

My husband looked at me, and before I could say anything, he stole the words out of my mouth, "it's always math!"

See, I have this theory, that our society is creating a culture that accepts math as the impossible subject.  That math is only for those with magnificent brain power.  A society that instructs its pupils that math is pointless.

Honestly, next time a movie or tv show starts talking about school see which subject is being addressed. I am pretty confident that if the student/actor mentions failing or struggling in a class, it's math.  I am also fairly positive that if a kid is "blowing off" homework as if it's not a big deal, that the homework was for his or her math class.

*sigh*

It breaks my heart every time! Our culture is creating a double standard.  As a teacher....as a MATH teacher, it's frustrating.  I am asked to help my students understand content that is not respected or expected to be learned by society.  Our culture wants me to teach mathematical concepts in the classroom, to students, who will later go out into society where they are told that what I taught them is pointless and it is acceptable to not understand the concept either.  And this is what I make the big bucks for (insert eye roll for dramatic effect).

Seriously, who uses math anyway?  Last year I was teaching some very basic algebra concepts to my advanced/accelerated class.  One very vocal young man interrupted, as he often did, and just asked "when will we ever use this?"  Any time a student asks that question I respond with "what do you want to do when you are older?" so I can then answer by giving an example that is related to their career or job.  This advanced, very bright student, told myself and the class he wanted to be an engineer - but yet, he thought basic algebra was pointless and a waste of his time.  Believe me, other students stared at him with a puzzled look more than I did.

Oh mercy.

Our society does a poor job of respecting math.  I work with a math teacher that says "you can't read a math book if you can't read" .... although very true, not going to argue there, this same thought process is why math is often over looked and under studied. I am not a strong reader or writer.  I am sure my husband and English teachers are frowning as they read this little article of mine gasping at every common error. However, I am getting my point across. Not miscalculating medicine for a patient or anything important.  But the moment that we, a society, place one content slightly higher above another is the exact moment that shadows and depths will be created.

Students are struggling in math for the time, energy and resources are not spent on it.  Back when I was in college I wrote a paper over math anxiety.  How female students are more inclined to develop the belief that she is not "good" at math.  This belief is often a reflection of her relationship with her mother and/or female elementary teacher that also view math as a "man's game."  You can read my paper here, if interested.    Another fascinating blog about girls being 'bad at math' can be found here.  Props to this author.

Again, our society is creating a culture that not only places math of a lower importance, but also oppressing young girls to believe that they are not capable at learning math.

**Little side note, if you are a woman, or a parent of a girl, please watch Hidden Figures.  These WOmen were NASA's calculators...before calculators were a thing.**

Before I started writing this blog, I went to google to see what I could find about math in movies and society.  Instead, I found a New York Times article "Why Do Americans Stink at Math" by Elizabeth Green.  It's a rather lengthy article, a few years old, but had some wonderful ideas and even strategies I want to see take place in my classroom next year.  If you have time, I suggest you read this article.

As I was reading, I couldn't help but have comments, some snarky, some preachy, some prayerful, some praises.

Math has always been a hot topicin the education world.  Clearly our film industry believes that it's the most difficult of subjects.  Elizabeth Green writes, "In fact, efforts to introduce a better way of teaching math stretches back to the 1800s.  The story is the same every time: a big, excited push, followed by mass confusion and then a return to conventional practices."

She later states, "The trouble always starts when teachers are told to put innovative ideas into practice without much guidance on how to do it." (can I get an amen here!?)

I have parents who say that math has changed so they can't help their student.  But it hasn't. Numbers are still numbers.  The challenge is still a challenge.  And Americans have stunk at math, and for some time.  In Green's article she shared a story from around the 1980's when A&W started to market a 1/3 pound hamburger to off set McDonald's quarterpounder. The marketing team states that customers thought it was a better product, but also thought they were being charged too much and therefore not buying it.  When in fact, the price of the 1/3 A&W hamburger was cheaper than the quarterpounder.  Customers did not understand factions.

I believe there are solutions.  We will need a change of mind and attitude in order to see a change in our culture through empowerment of our people.  

Some of these solutions I am going to present are my personal opinion.  I have not taught as long as some.  I have not taught in other content or other grade levels outside of 7th grade math. I have not done any significant research, this is all from personal observation. So, if this doesn't settle well with you, it might mean I need more information.  Okay, proceed.

Solution 1:
Empower elementary teachers. Make elementary teachers proficient in math.  If a first grade PE teacher had to go to school to learn physical education, and all of it's methods and strategies I believe that every grade should have a math teacher.  Someone who is strong in their content and is capable of helping other teachers who do not feel as if math is their strength.

As I continued to read about why Elizabeth thought Americans stink at math, I read: "'Remember,' Lampert says, 'American teacher are only a subset of Americans.' As graduates of American schools, they are no more likely to display numeracy than the rest of us. "I'm just not a math person," Lampert says her education students would say with an apologetic shrug."  At this point in the article, I just want to cup my face and weep.  I remember being in educational courses hearing that elementary teachers wanted to teach elementary classes because the math was too difficult, intimidating, or impossible.  Really, the same math that you had to take in school, now as a professional, is too much for you to handle?  When I graduated there were around 75 elementary teachers graduating.  There were 4 middle school math teachers.

Solution 2:
Empower all teachers. Give teachers adequate time to not only learn but to implement and teach appropriate math.  Elizabeth states, "With the Common Core, teacher are once more being asked to unlearn an old approach and learn an entirely new one, essentially on their own.  Training is still weak and infrequent, and principals - who are no more skilled at math than their teachers - remain unprepared to offer support."  This isn't about common core, an entirely different article about how common core are standards.... however, what she is saying is that we are asked to go to a conference for a few days and then the moment we step back into our classrooms start teaching an entirely different way.  Same content, different methods.  Common core, rigor and relevance, quad-D are all fancy jargon that is being replaced by the very popular STEM and STEAM projects. YET math has not changed.  (her statement about principals, oh so true, my principal reminds me that he taught history for a reason).

Elizabeth continues to write,"There, as in Japan, teacher teach for 600 or fewer hours each school year, leaving them ample time to prepare, revise and learn.  By contrast, American teacher spend nearly 1,100 hours with little feedback."  Just going to let that set in.  And for those who are struggling, American teachers are spending more time teaching, but with worse results.  Reread that paragraph, please.

If you want me to be a better teacher give me the time to learn these methods and implement them.

Solution 3:
Empower students' time. Students, unless they have a true deficit and possibly IEP, should get the same amount of time for math content as it does for art and every other subject.  One content should not receive more time than the other.  When a school, or classroom, establishes different time frames for different curriculum, eventually students subconsciously believe that one content or curriculum is more important than the other.  

Solution 4:
Empower words, methods, rituals, strategies, terminology and procedures.  I believe in differentiation. As a teacher, when I see a student struggling I do my best to find a method that "clicks" or sticks with that student.  However, I teach math.  But when we start using fun little butterflies to help a student learn how to add fractions, the student gets lost in the antennas. "The answer-getting strategies may serve them well for a class period of practice problems, but after a week, they forget. And students often can't figure out how to apply the strategy for a particular problem to new problems." I couldn't have said it better Miss Green.

I would like for a main stream, common idea of how to do math, common terminology.  Teach the foundation and save the fun little methods to help with differentiation.  Teach students how to think to solve instead of solving on how to think. If a student has something to focus on, other than which of the 12 methods to use, they might be be able to learn math.

My biggest frustration is even in mathematical symbols.  Students spend half of their education learning that X or x means to multiple.  Then, all of a sudden, when we introduce algebra we ask them to relearn several years of education.  'X' is no longer a symbol for multiplication, but is now a variable.   Oh, and by the way, parentheses can mean multiplication too, you know that fancy distribution.

Seriously, why can't we teach multiplication with the *  or the dot?  Why am I having to reprogram my students' mind ON TOP of teaching them new algebraic concepts?

Solution 5:
Empower parents. My favorite thing about parent teacher conferences is when I am given the opportunity to remind parents that they are able to do math and therefore are able to help their child with math. As a society we don't have to no longer tolerate the reason of "I'm bad at math, so my kid is bath at math" type statements.   Even if the wonderful Hollywood would start empowering parents and their families that math is something other cultures are capable of doing, so be default, Americans can too.

Solution 6:
Empower the curriculum.  This is a stretch, and would take an overall in the education.  Greens article discusses how children in Brazil that help their families by selling peanuts and coconuts could routinely solve complex problems in their head to total a bill or make change.  However, when the same students were presented the same type of problem on paper with pen, they stumbled.

Math IS real world.

This is a tricky solution.  I love my job.  I really do enjoy teaching pre-algebra to middle school students.  However, the day that I had a student exclaim that their homework was similar to their parents' college work, was the day I started to realize that maybe we are doing this all wrong?

Studies have proven that brains develop at different rates.  And that algebraic reasoning is a skill that requires certain brain development.  So, if your brain is not ready for the concept I am about to teach, you are going to think you are not capable, regardless of how much you try.

If we would just wait for students' brains to develop, we might be able to teach concepts that they are truly ready for, saving lots of time (and tears...for everyone). Slow down the standards in math so more students are more proficient.

Math can be real life.  Lets bring math back into classes with cooking, constructing, even budgeting or buying car insurance and loans as many students will face after high school.  Math seems to be unrealistic to many students, but it's all how we empower the curriculum. I mean why do students need to have all of this math, when they learn the same martial in college?  Yes, some students will not go to college, so shouldn't we equip them with math that they will be using daily?  I would rather see a class in high school talking about how to count change back then see more students spending time in classes that they don't value or even compute.

Just as Elizabeth stated in her article, people do math regularly for their jobs, in fact those same adults who failed classes can often be more efficient in their jobs for they have learned the math that is suited to their career.  

(I just put this there for a smile)

Leave me a comment if you made it this far.  Seriously, I feel like it should be like a kickstarter, where you get a prize or something for reading all of this.  I started out wanting to write about math and movies, and this is where I got.

Our society, education, parents, teachers, students, and even movies all need to stop picking on math.  It's really not that bad.

"Odds-defying individual teacher can be found in every state, but the overall picture is of a profession struggling to make the best of an impossible hand." - Green


Bonus:
Links to movies you should watch....
http://mashupmath.com/blog/2017/4/16/10-best-math-movies-for-middle-school-students
https://reelrundown.com/movies/Top-Ten-Teacher-Movies-of-all-Time
http://www.math.harvard.edu/~knill/mathmovies/

I tried - 13 reasons why (sensitive content)

13 Reasons Why I liked 13 Reasons Why

Hotline for help

Before I start writing this blog I want to lay out some WARNINGS:

* if you have not seen the show, their might be clues or hints to some spoilers.  I would still encourage you to watch the series, or read the book, as long as you are old enough to handle mature content.  Please let your parents know if you are watching this.

* some of the things I am going to share are sensitive, raw, real.  I want to do my best to share my thoughts while also giving dignity and honor to myself, other people and families who have had to handle these situations.

* I am not a psychologist or counselor.  These words are my opinion.  I am not here to make people feel good about these topics, but expose some truths - maybe ask some tough questions, help us all grow through challenges. But grow together, with love. This is a very controversial topic.

* as mentioned, these are my opinions.  I tend to have the emotional range of a teaspoon.  Please do not layer extra emotion, or perceive false emotion that is not there.  AKA, don't "read between the lines"

****

A few weeks ago my junior high students started talking about a show on Netflix called 13 Reasons Why.  That night I went home, and sure enough, I started seeing several people posts about the show (some without even viewing it).  I started to do research and realized I needed to watch this.  Now, that sounds really silly that there was a need to watch a TV show; but I wanted to know what my students (12-14 year old kiddos) are watching and talking about. I also shared some information with my school counselor so she too could be aware.  Later that week, Thursday night, I stayed up incredibly late and watched 4....FOUR....hour long episodes.  Within a week, I completed the season (in a week?!... what else am I going to do at night when my husband is writing papers for his classes?). This past week I have had students share that they enjoyed the show, that dramas are their favorite type of shows.  So to some, the material is already desensitized, and they see it for a show, not a reason or an instructional film.

I tend to think differently than my peers and others, everyone's stories shape them.  I tend to play devil's advocate in hopes to help others, including myself, see multiple perspectives. As I write this, I am also challenging my own thoughts and beliefs and want to encourage you to ask me more questions to help me grow as well.  Challenging the culture to challenge myself. May is mental health awareness month.  Go to this site to watch a video on why 13 reasons can be an useful tool. 

It's okay to disagree.
It's not okay to ignore the problem.

13 Reasons Why I liked 13 Reasons Why:

1) The show was written like a mystery.  You know, in the very beginning that the main character, Hannah, did kill herself.  But as the journey continues, and you flash back and forth between Hannah's stories and other's, you start getting a deeper picture of this school's reality.  Over all, the show was well written; and I'm interested in the next season as well as reading the book.

2) Tony and his tapes.  Just Tony.  He is one of the main characters.  At first you are trying to figure out his purpose, or how he's connected.  The idea of using tapes, a media source that is no longer readily available, makes me secretly enjoy the retro-ness of the tapes. Tony appears to be the kid, with his head on straight, that has all the answers, but he too, is struggling with the grief and loss of Hannah and personal issues of his own. Tony started off as my favorite character, but my heart swelled with love and compassion for all of them.

3) A call to parents.  I believe if you watch the entire season, this show is a cry from society's youth. The cry of "HELP" is now taking light from media. Mental illness is a serious issue, and does attack all age groups. However, I feel as if it is rapidly effecting our youth.  Internet and cell phones have enabled people to hurt others more, faster, and without repercussions.  The very first episode you get to experience how rumors can destroy a person's reputation and become the starting line for other events. As a parent, are you helping your child navigate this broken world?  Are you helping other children who may not have caring parents navigate this world?  Because chances are if you are reading this, you are a caring parent.  Together, we can raise up a generation who know what love is and how to cope and manage trauma and how to use media tools more effectively. Please go here if you are in need of more guidance on suicide prevention.

4) Parental response. I enjoyed how the show included a third story line of how the parents were dealing with their daughter's choice.  Although some articles written believe that this show "romanticizes" the idea of suicide, I think that some would see the hurt that it caused for their family.  The accuracy of parents suing the school is something that does happen regularly.  My question, and I have not been in their shoes, does suing the school for hundred-thousands of dollars, help in the grief process? Will they later change their mind as Hannah's tapes are played for them?  Did they realize that she committed suicide by using something that she got from their store?

5) The show is raw.  The producers and writers did an excellent job not sugar coating the seriousness of the issue.  From suicide, to teen drinking, abuse, rumors, porn, and everything in between, every scene was written with awareness.  For those who watched and believe that it was too much; I can agree that not all social circles are as broken as this circle of peers. But, if you believe that these issues are not happening to OUR youth, I hate to tell you, but you are being blinded.  Some of these characters stories are stories from my own 7th grade students. Ignorance and ignoring there is a problem, will not help these students and our next generation. 

6) Gun control.  Now, this is a bit odd, for Hannah did not use a gun in her act of suicide. What I am talking about as far as guns is the ease that the students have access to them.  From harming themselves to others, guns were not in trained hands.  I am not, let me repeat, I am not advocating for gun control. Guns are a tool that needs to be taught how to use correctly. I think that this issue will be addressed more in the second season.

7) The variety of students.  I enjoyed how the students had a variety of roles in the school.  From football players, to edgy coffee baristas, cheerleaders, poetry writers, school yearbook photographer, student body president, the school's outcast, and others.   I liked this because it helps us have a better grasp to the idea that no group of adolescents is safe from these tough issues.  That from the outside, young teens might appear to have the "best life" but in reality they are suffering and hurting as well. Every character was a person I could relate to on a variety of levels.

8) The emotional roller coaster.  As  I mentioned, I am not much of an emotional person.  I hurt and empathize for people but as I have grown and changed from my own experiences I have learned to think through situations.  However, this show had me all over the place.  I was a wreck. The characters did a great job acting and portraying the real emotion throughout the scenes.  As I mentioned in number 7, the characters are real.  For me, I had to turn my eyes away, or pause the show, for it brought up a lot of history and past for myself to reprocess. You start off being angry at some characters for their actions, but as their story unfolds your heart just opens up and you truly fall in love with them. As a parent and teacher, I just wanted to give them all hugs and  help them. I cried for them, with them, and with our young people going through these stories in real life. 

9) Every choice you make effects someone.  Although some of the situations Hannah was put through might have seemed small to some, and that other teens might have handled differently or even better. It was the culmination of the events that hurt her deepest. Some watchers are upset at Hannah, "how rude for her to blame other people for a selfish choice, how can she blame others?"  The tapes were not so much a blame, but her getting her voice out there. Letting her classmates, teachers, counselors and parents know that she is hurting because of others. Every interaction you have with a person can change the path on which they are traveling.  The counselor at the school was maybe not the most trained counselor, and although she was clearly in need of help, as I sat watching him listen to his own tape, hearing his own faults, I started questioning my own.  Which of my students is secretly hurting?  Which of my students thought I was being too harsh on them?  Which of my students truly needs help?  It really helped remind me that I need to be more aware of how I treat others - more so than I do now.  We all have a story. The parents were effected deeply, but they too had their role within Hannah's story. Does this make what Hannah did right? For people who do not think they have a way out of their emotions, or can't see past the deepness of the black pit they are in, the option of taking their own lives is what they think is their only option. Helping students and all adults to be better aware that there is help available, and that they are not alone, is a focus we should be pulling from this show. 

10) No religious affiliation. As a Christian it is hard for me to say that I am glad that there was not any religions mentioned. Religion would have been a distraction for the topics presented. If one religion was mentioned and not another, feelings would have been hurt, or worse, the religion could be blamed for the events of Hannah's death. Honestly, by not having the layer of religion take place, it enables the religious lens to be removed, giving sight to the fact that all creeds and beliefs are vulnerable to these topics and situations.

11) Every issue. Every. Single. One.  13 Reasons Why was able to write a serious series over pretty much every issue happening in our world today.  From rumors, cyber bulling, porn, gun safety, harassment, prejudice, drinking, drugs, young sex, rape, abuse on every level, financial difficulties, gay relationships, cutting.......the show brings up every thing. The show did not leave something unaddressed. As a christian parent it does scare me from time to time the world in which our children are living and growing up in.  Sadly, the culture we are experiencing is one that has been around since the fall took place in the garden. These issues are real. If you have not experienced these issues yourself, you know people who have.  Although this is a reason I continued to watch the show, it is also breaks my heart deeply.

12) An open door for difficult conversations. Before this show, how many of these topics were addressed, thought about, or handled in your own home?  How many of us have experienced any of this?  How many people had no idea that this happened? The show is full of awareness towards these sensitive issues, it also has the potential to open doors for young people to open up and start telling their stories. I loved, loved, loved the last episode when Jessica realizes that she is not doing well. That she can no longer go down this path by her self, pushing everyone away. That she is not alone. She starts to tell her story. We all have a story. But are we all willing to listen?

13) The commentary. There is an "episode" that has the actors, writers, producers, psychologist and others discussing why they were apart of this show and what their hopes of the show are. I encourage you, if you are unsure if you want to watch this show, to watch the commentary first.  Although it might give away spoilers to how everything turns out, I think it helps to hear the hearts of the people who put the show together.  They want truth to be exposed, their own site is a link for people to get help.

****

As one would start with a warning, I too am going to end with DISCLAIMERS:
* please do not watch the show if you are currently feeling as if the world is against you, that you are alone. You are not alone. There are people who do care. If you feel that you can not share what is going on, for your own safety, try to remember your safety is one of the biggest reasons TO share.  The professional you get help from will make sure to do everything possible to keep you safe.  Please talk to a trusted adult at school, at the top is a link for a hotline that gives full confidentiality and here is another source. YOU ARE LOVED.

* watch the show, if you can, it does have moments that are so real you have to look away.  Being able to pause this show and digest it in pieces, was so incredibly helpful.  If you are under the age of 18 please share with your parents that you are watching or have watched 13 reasons, or better yet ask them to watch with you.

* love people.  LOVE PEOPLE.  If we could all show more compassion for the beautiful differences in our world and come to understanding that everyone has a story; that is when we might realize that we are not all so different.  Love people.

Let me know your thoughts!
If you ever want to or need to talk, please let me know.
I love swapping stories. 

I tried - March {April Goals}

Dear March,
You were good to me.  Lots of reasons to celebrate (most birthdays in a month).  Including my sister's new baby girl! *squeals* We had Spring Break, a time to relax and reconnect with family - much needed.  Fresh air filtering through the screen door as I listen to my sons play freely in dirt and new grass. Peaceful.  As quickly as you storm in, you roll out in a different storm.  And you always welcome your friend April.  Thank you March.  Until we meet again.  You were good.

I didn't even have time to write a pre-March challenge.   So here is what I accomplished:
Book - I read and enjoyed The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon.  You can read about it here.   I also took notes and skimmed over a book about how to read your Bible better; you can find those thoughts here.
Health - I didn't do well, but I didn't do horrible.  I kept running but I was not successful this month with tracking my food or my workout events.  Here's to "just be healthy"
Scripture Memorization - I (attempted) to memorize Matthew 15:18, Philippians 2:3, Matthew 25:25-26, Proverbs 10:17 and Isaiah 41:10.  I also, along with my husband and two friends sat down one evening and we read the entire book of Romans.
Challenges - The challenge I chose, and completed for March,  will be revealed at a later date for it is something that deserves it's own entire post.

Do you ever have those moments that the puzzle is just done. complete. finished and you have no idea how you got to that point, but it feels great.  My April puzzle is complete.  Here are some of the pieces that started to point towards the completion of what April is shaping up for me.

* My favorite quote since high school (maybe prior) see below

* Last Sunday our church started a sermon series called "Overload"

* Had planned, months ago, to read Jen Hatmaker's book "Seven" - first introduced by a friend 3 years ago. 

* Recently watched the documentary Minimalism that several friends raved over months ago.

* In preparation to move (now we are not) we had started a collection of things for a garage sale and will be participating in a City Wide sale. 

* Pinterest board from months ago had April as the "Waste Less" month
* My interest in the Tiny home movement.
* Easter - a major time of reflection.

"Simplicity is the Ultimate form of sophistication." -DaVinci

April shaped up to be a month of scaling back, losing the excess, finding peace in the simple things, joy.  Spring is typically the time that people do their "Spring Cleaning" - all of the above small pieces were just a way for me to realize that it's more than my house that needs spring cleaning; but my body, mind, and heart do as well.  A month to purge. 

Book - As I mentioned before I have been interested in the book "Seven" by Jen Hatmaker for a few years.  I purchased it over Christmas break in anticipation to read it sometime in 2017.  Perfect timing.  Although it's not April yet, I have already started reading it - let's just say this - she's hilarious.  [Purge - media and hopefully will read more books]

Health - April 1st will be a big day - running my first 15k.  Although I have ran a half marathon, this will be challenging for I have not been able to train as much as I would like.  I had some encouraging ladies remind me that it's okay to walk and just have fun.   A few weeks later I will have another 5k and would love to see my time improve.  I WILL (not going to try, but DO) the above daily challenge as well as the same amount of burpees as is the date.  So, April 7th I will do 7 burpees.  I will also be completing whole30 simultaneously tracking food and water intake. I might even participate in Jen's first chapter about Seven Foods....... [Purge fat and negative self image]

Scripture Memorization - I have the following pieces of scripture to work on memorizing and more importantly applying to my life: Proverbs 1:7, 1 Peter 2: 1 - 3, John 8: 31 - 32, and Luke 10: 41 - 42.  The cool 'God' story about these scriptures, they have been listed in my Bible for several weeks, but they all seem to fit the need to focus on Jesus and his teaching - true priorities.  [Purge the world]

Challenge - I am going to be keeping the same challenge that I have been working on this past March. I look forward to updating everyone about the observations I have been honored to witness from doing this very easy task in my life.  I am also going to do something, that I just learned about tonight, called "listening prayer."  If you would like to know more about what it is, please ask. [Purge doubt; in others too]

I tried - being spiritually emotional

I posted a question on facebook the other day about if your emotional level equates that of your spiritual level?

I was pleased with the responses I got; well they at least reassured me that I wasn't crazy.

See, I am not emotional.  I don't cry at the sad-puppy dog eyes (those commercials are too much cheese for me - seriously, there are people dying and starving and we are worried about a dog.  People first  - but that's another soap box another time).  Right there, that statement, some of you read and thought "she has no heart" how can she?  She can, because of rationalization and facts.

I operate on numbers, data and facts.  Not feelers.

Don't get empathy and sympathy mixed up. "To sum up the differences between the most commonly used meanings of these two terms: sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow or pity for the hardships that another person encounters, while empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another." - when you google search "empathy vs sympathy."

I have compassion, specially for people.  But I am of the nature that instead of joining in the person's emotion, I am searching for ways to help find a solution.  I have sympathy, and can understand your heartache, your pain, or your overwhelming joy  - but I will not enable or join you on the journey with your emotions.

I didn't cry when I got married - and thought I was weird.
I didn't cry when either of my boys were born.  Thought I was weird.

I cry out of frustration. When you get so mad, you just bubble over and scream (not at people, just to let the tension out).
I cry when my facts and numbers "don't add up" and I can't "logic" or "reason" my way through a situation.

I cried when  people died - why?  Why now?  Why them?  Why me?  (It didn't add up to me)
I cried when I couldn't handle a puppy for three days.  So frustrated.  Mad.  I'm smarter than this.  I should have been able to make dinner, love on two boys, and help a puppy not poop and pee in our house 5 times.
I cried when I was told by a peer group that they didn't think I was a Christian.  I was confused, frustrated, betrayed and hurt.

You can click here to take the color code if you'd like. 

I have had several people share that they value my red.  Or that they come to me to help them sort through their emotions to find a solution. I do my best to not let my 'redness' not over take the other parts of me.  For I find blue, yellow and white within me too and they have equal importance.  A time and place.

I strive for balance.

But for a brief second I was worried.
I was worried that I was out of balance to my peer group again.

Do people (other Christians more specifically) look at my lack of emotions as lack of spirituality or Christianity.    To be a "good spiritual Christian" should I cry more?

When I posted this on facebook people, in summary, said that we are made the way we are.  We are made to be different, and that is good.

*sigh*  I can breathe again.  I am okay.

I might connect to my religion and faith differently than that of a person who is "yellow" or "blue" - but there is no one that can judge me, for I have a righteous judge - in the end.
I might show my emotions differently than other people; but that's okay.  Just like a rainbow, we are all needed to make the world more beautiful.

I am glad that God made me a person who is good at being a leader, using facts - this allows for me to excel in my job and better teach my students. If it wasn't for my redness, I personally believe, in my opinion my house wouldn't be in the shape that it is - for efficiency is something I strive for.

But, like anyone - my new goal is not to worry about what others think of me but just make sure that my red isn't too sharp.  I don't want to hurt people with my lack of feelers.  I want to find that balance to be more disciplined to be a better kingdom builder.

My lack of emotion does not equate to my spiritual maturity.  

What are your thoughts? Do you feel like the color code is accurate?  Do you think your spiritual maturity can be seen by other's, does it matter?

February 2017 {January book review}

January has come and gone.  What a month   it was for our family.   We had lots of moments of reflection and opportunity.

As far as my goals went for January:

Book: Understanding the Bible in 30 Days by Max Anders; it was a good book.  However I treated it more like cliff notes and not an actual book.  Each day/chapter (30 of them) there was an introduction to the concept/topic.  A lot of times they were stories or analogies.  Slowly I stopped reading them and  went to the "meat" of the chapter looking at the Bible part.   It did help me understanding the types of books in the Bible.  It helped me understand the history of the Bible as well as give me a better idea of popular topics and scripture to support those concepts.   I think if you were new to wanting to read the Bible it would be a great resource, but for me, it was not my favorite.

Health: 30 day challenge and whole 30.   Neither of these goals were met.   I didn't even run that much; which is good for my soul too.   I had some good days in both departments and I had some bad days.

Scripture Memorization:  I am writing them on a note card to hang in my bathroom, a note card to leave in my van, and then reading several times out of my Bible as well as putting it in our kitchen on the chalkboard.   I am doing pretty good.  Sometimes can't remember all the previous ones.  I would like to get better at helping our oldest to them with me.  I think he is capable.

Challenges: to stick to it, inspire, and encourage.  Well, I did some of those, but not to the fullest potential.   Will get better.

February 2017

Freshness is in the air.  The days are getting longer (praise him) and the month is short and filled with dates full of love and opportunities to encourage other people!

Book: During Christmas last year a sweet co-worker posted on facebook that she wanted to pass on a book; "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow.  I told her I was interested in it.  The next day it was in my mail box at school with a sweet note.  Although I don't tend to one filled with anxiety I think it will help address issues so I can better serve those who do have anxiety issues.  Look forward to reading it.

Health: Jeremiah and I are going to do whole 30 to the best of our abilities.  We both have conferences on weekends (where food is provided); so we will do our best under those situations.    My goal is to also make this a lifestyle change and not just a monthly fad.   It takes 60+ days to form a habit, so I would like to carry this into March as well.   I have several running races coming up and would like to increase my speed.    I am also on a relay team and need to train for a 10 or 12k!    Tonight I plan on taking the kids to the gym as well.  Starting out the month right.  If I am not able to run or go to the gym I would like to stick with some sort of challenge (see below) or quick work out at home.

Scripture Memorization:  Psalm 62: 1-2, James 1:22, Ephesians 4:29, and James 1:19.  As I am picking these some are given to me, some are ones that I have picked for a while, and some are found as popular ones to memorize.    Slowly over time I am challenging myself to memorizing more than a few verses.

Challenges:  I would  like to write a card or letter every day this month.  It's the month of love and I would like to share that with peple.   I was gifted with words and would like to share encouragement with those around me.  I also want to be more focused in my prayer.

Another month to a better me!

How are your goals going?  Any topics you want me to write about?  Any books you think I should read?

I tried - week 2 the new year

I have a lot to think about.
I have a lot to do.
I have a lot to give to God. 

Enjoy your second week of the new year!  

Be a better you than you were yesterday. 

I tried - living in two worlds

Hesitation.

I read a high school buddy's blog the other day and she had written about her one word for 2017- check out the movement here.  

I thought about what my word would be.  I was learning towards "better" - I want 2017 to be better.   What about change, transition, opportunity, intentional, different, excitement, unknowing, overwhelmed?

But all day today, everything that I have been doing, working on, or thinking about - I have been hesitant.

Hesitation.  

I am hesitant about this year.  Like a pool's water with questionable temperatures.  You want to slowly stick your toes in, to only jump back.  That's 2017.   Two days into a new year.  I'm wanting to jump back.  I was never a good swimmer any how.  

Hesitation.

I am hesitant with my actions, choices, words, relationships, thoughts, to-do list items, every basic task has become over whelming or flat out just takes longer for my mind to process the efficiency at which I want to do things.

Honestly - I just want to sit. Be. Be alone. Be done.  Be quiet.  Be lazy. Be better.

So, instead of "being" or doing "better" - I am hesitant.  

Hesitation.

Do I go through the boys closets for the second time this week, looking for things to sell?
Do I call and try to find a realtor to start the processing of selling our house?
Do I box up everything unwanted in hopes to make the process easier down the road?
Do I go to the store to buy my nephew's birthday present?
Do I go for a run, or work out, something I miss but haven't been doing?
Do I do the dishes and clean the house - a deep winter cleaning?
Do I text a friend who I feel as if they are hesitant in maintaining our relationship?
Do I look for my resume and update it?
Do I call this company again to get my courses and videos outlined?
Do I curl up and cry?
Do I pray, read and reflect?
Do I binge watch Girlmore Girls?
Do I take a nap?

Hesitant.  

I am hesitant because I don't know where to begin.  I want to do better, be better, in all aspects of my life.   But I am living in two worlds, and don't belong in either.

World A - it's changing.  I am a rock within the rapids.  Everything is moving around me.  But I wait for a big current to take me with it. It's a world which I don't belong.
World B - it's awaiting.  Awaiting with the what ifs.  It's the cliff of the river.  We can see it approaching, but the question of what is at the bottom - is unknowing.  You are hesitant to go over the cliff - what if there are only boulders and sharp rocks?  But we are told it should be a pool of refreshing water.

I am hesitant to even post this.

I am not wanting pity feedback.  I am not wanting for others to give me a false reality and tell me it's all going to be okay.  I am not wanting anyone to do anything, but push.

Can someone teaching me to swim, or better yet, just push me into the pool of 2017.  

I'm hesitant.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Rejoice always.  Pray without ceasing."  1 Thessalonians 5:16 - 17