I tried - breaking up with you [Chapter 6]

I have this problem.   It has many names and comes  in many different colors.   This problem sneaks up in a variety of ways and in my day to day life.   It rears its ugly head  when I am parenting my boys and sometimes when I am talking to friends it starts to seep out of my mouth, my pores - almost like it wants to be set free.

 Prideful Control

It needed to be whispered; sometimes saying it too loudly makes it resurface.
I have had so much pride, at times, truly training to get better at being humble and letting God be in command, but with this pride, I get hurt when I don't understand people and their relationship with me, or if I feel like I don't fulfill a purpose in their life.  

Chapter 6 - Friendship Breakups

This might be the shortest chapter in the book.  It is the shortest chapter we have read so far in Lysa TerKeurst's "Uninvited."   Oddly enough though, in my personal story, friendship breakups might be my longest chapter.  Some my fault and some not.  And that's okay.

The chapter might have few words, but the meaning and truth speaks volumes.  

She starts out talking about the equation (you know my heart loves math, don't you Lysa?).  I too desire to make friends easy and to keep them and then to live happily ever after in this perfect environment.   I use to be super manipulative, thinking I could keep my environment perfect by allowing and selecting only certain people in.   

I later learned, that's not Jesus.  I have to and should want to love all people.   

And when I am selecting who is "in", I am building up more walls in attempt to protect myself.

Instead of allowing people in that can help shape me, ask me tough questions, and show me that true unconditional love.  

She continues to tell a story about how a friend asked her, Lysa, not to contact her again.  

Wait.

People tell other people "don't bother me ever again!"

I have been told that; thought I was the only one who have ever encountered friendship breakups.

Several times. 

Admitting that I have lost friends makes my stomach lurch.  

It's not a happy feeling.

We live in a broken world, one were we are humans, we make mistakes, and sometimes friendships are not meant to be. But that doesn't mean we have to stop loving the person.  

On page 68 she says, "People who care more about being right than ending right just prove how wrong they were all along."

 

It is painful to lose friends, to think about the what-ifs and possibly-sos.
It hurts when you feel unheard, even if you are wrong.
It burns when you are targeted by those close to you.
It aches when your identity is lost in something other than Christ.

It exhaust you chasing after what could have or maybe could not have been.
 

"Bitterness, resentment, and anger have no place in a heart as beautiful as yours."

She later says "I have to fight through wanting to fight back."   

Oh, how true.   

Being a person with pride issues, a competitive nature, and the lawyer-like attitude; I want truth to be spoken.  I want justice to be heard.  I want lives to be changed. I want growth to happen.  I want to see everyone happy and at peace. But sometimes, simply not fighting is the best fight.

This concept is really hard for me; I use to think I deserved to be fought for.  I use to think that someone had to rescue me from my own personal pit of despair.  I use to think that for someone to PROVE to me that I was worth their time; they'd fight.

But sometimes, simply not fighting is the best fight.  

There is a war going on right now.  Have we become blind with pride?  Is our vision blurred with chaos?  Is our sight darkened with anger?  

This war is not between you and her.  Me and She.  They and I.  

This war is between Christians and the enemy.  

The only way we can win this war is by winning battles in our relationships.
The only way we can win the battles is by loving the other person. 

We might have to let people go, and that's okay.

But when they are let go they need to be loved.

Will all friendships be equal and fair. No.
Will all friendships last forever. No.
Will she always be right. No.
Will I always be right. No.

Will I win the battle over the enemy by giving God honor by loving her.  Yes. 

I am still training to not have as much pride.  To loosen up my grip on the control and let God be in charge, rightfully so.    Maybe it's not you.  Maybe it's me.  Maybe I need to break up with my pride?