I tried - The Turquoise Table {October book and November update}

October I finished leading a group through "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  We started it in September, so I wanted to read another book for October.  I choose "The Turquoise Table" by Kristin Schell.

The Turquoise Table was more than a book.  Seriously, it is like pinterest, instagram and facebook all rolled into one.  It was more than a book for it had recipes, quizzes, places to journal and take notes even check out her cute ideas on page 83.  The book included pictures, beautiful pictures, and quotes and other words of encouragement that make you enjoy the book just a little bit deeper. 

A beautiful piece of literature. 

The book starts off explaining the back story of where the table came from, but then it goes deeper into why it's important for our neighborhoods to have a table like this. 

I kept coming up with excuses and reasons why I couldn't (EVEN THOUGH I DESPERATELY WANT TO) do this. 

We live on a hill - where does the table go?
I have little ones - where do they play? In the street?
My neighbors work nights, move frequently, hardly home?
What if we move soon - is it rude to set people up to let them down?
Does this have to be me a "me" thing or a "family" thing?
Where do we find the money to buy a table?

Seriously, I had every excuse under the sun to not make community a priority. 
Here are some little truth bombs or quotes from the book that I love and will use to help me make my excuses into a thing of the past.

* Romans 12:13 - take every opportunity to open your life and home to others.   Hospitality.

* To be present, the only UNwelcome or not invited guests are the iphone and other technology.

* I can be an "embassy of the kingdom of heaven"

* WE all need the table.  It's community.  We need to gather.

* There is a difference between being and doing.  "You can tell what people are doing if you take time to notice."

* We are able to love because we were first loved.

* "We are all broken, that's how the light gets in." - Hemingway

* The more vulnerable we are, the longer the table we will need.

* Page 142 "The most beautiful people I know were their imperfection with grace and confidence."

* A HUGE difference between Hospitality and Entertainment.  Hospitality is serving, brokenness is welcome, non-judgement, grace, NO to-dos, A HAPPENING. Entertainment is "me" focused, pinterest perfect, judgement of self and event that occurs after a list of to-do's are complete.

* Page 147 "Part of loving others is allowing them to love us too."

* You need to hold the bucket sometimes for someone else, or yourself.  Word vomit is a thing.

* The ministry of presence is something worth praying for every day.

* People are hungry, craving for connection and community, a place to belong. 

The book had so much more wisdom and experience to share through her own and others stories.  This is a great book and I give it 5 stars.  A quick great read.  If you are wanting to change up your neighborhood, this is a great place to start.

~*~

November is underway already and I haven't taken the time to update on our goals.  It seems like yesterday that I started tracking and looking for goals.  This month I really want to focus on self communication. 

I often feel isolated and alone, so in order to help with not realizing it, I deleted the facebook app off of my phone.  I haven't figured out the game plan - other than I don't want to be on there any more; or as much.  I find myself wasting time reading articles, looking at pictures, or watching videos that have no regards to improving my life.  I can find the news through other means.  I can reach out and pray for friends by actually connecting to them.

Problem:
Documenting the boys and sharing the joy they bring us with family and real friends.

Solution:
I can still text pictures or even email.  I can do a "mass" end of the month "share" of what the kiddos have been up to.

Problem:
Missing events around the community and social circles.

Solution:
Personal invites are a thing that we should bring back.  Jeremiah is still on facebook and can keep us in the loop. We can also look for things on the weekends.

Problem:
Reaching out and praying for people

Solution:
Use other communication.

Problem:
Feeling isolated and alone.

Solution:
Interactions that due occur will be genuine and out of true love and interest, verses conveniently scrolling through my life tossing out thumbs up. 

Other things I would like to focus on during this free time.... I am going to read Divergent by Veronica Roth (I know, I am a little late to the fad) and who knows, I might be able to read the sequel too.

I would also like to continue to document our joy as a family and focus on each other, gratitude and grace. 

My physical health is always of importance; but mental and spiritual health have to be balanced in order to achieve that. 

Here's to November of peace, pausing, and true growth.  <3

I tried - to control too much [August.... and September Goals]

As you may know, I am a teacher.  And with that comes certain responsibilities; like I have to enjoy summer.  It's a rule, I'm sure it's in my contract... right?

Well, summer was great! Yet, I am still looking forward to the job I love. As I speak about these events, it is as if it is over.  But... IT'S NOT!  I still have two weeks before I go back to work.  OKay, I have two weeks before students start filling my classroom, slowly becoming my own kiddos.

Here's the deal.  As much I have tried to post regularly about my goals each month, and also revisiting how I did the previous month - well, that's probably not going to happen at the start of the school year.

I can only control so much.  My life can not be constantly filled with schedules and to-do's.

My reflection on July... it was not restful.  Was it enjoyable?  Yes.  But I still did not find my rhythm that I was so looking for.  I didn't find my tribe you could say.  We were able to see a lot of our favorite people, went to several weddings and events, went on a trip as a family.  Had family stay with us for a week - life was jammed back... and NOT with rest.

I eagerly look forward to August for that reason.  Look forward to finding a good pace, a healthy stride for our family to tackle the first semester.

Yes, I have already tried to excel a schedule for my family.
Yes, I have already looked at our budget and what school supplies I want to buy my kiddos (students).
Yes, I am still thinking of goals and challenges to make myself better.

But something will always take priority while something else will slip away.  I don't want that. So here are my not-goals, but my life.

Goals set me up for failure - but, living life, well I can be successful at that. 

August Life:
Health - I am happy to report that I have lost and kept off about 10-15 pounds this summer (HUGE DEAL!) and I am going to keep doing what I am doing.  Sensible eating, focusing on eating clean healthy non-processed foods.   I am going to continue to find ways to challenge myself physically, including doing this as much as I can throughout the week.

(attempting to do longer plank, more push ups and might change lunges to leg lifts)

Book - I did read/finish Messy Grace for the month of July and about 1/2 way through Hoot.  Although I did not read both for July, I am about to go on another trip and should be able to knock out Hoot rather quickly.   For August my book is going to be The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick. It looks rather interesting and hopefully a page-turner.  For those days going back to work.... I am tired when I get home.    While we are talking about books I will add, for those who are curious, that I will be reading and leading an online group through Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. This will take about 6 weeks and will find another book to read for September too! 

Scripture - although I am slacking at memorizing all of these, it's been great to be digging into the Word to find exactly what I am looking for.
Psalm 150:6
Colossians 3:12
Matthew 6:34
Isaiah 56:1
Proverbs 31:30

My wonderful husband also bought me the She Reads Truth Bible!  It weighs more than a new born baby, but that weight is because it's filled with knowledge and beauty.   My goal is to do their studies for Titus, Philmon and Hebrews and for September work on Proverbs.

Fall is my favorite.
I welcome you.
Giving up control.

I tried - March {April Goals}

Dear March,
You were good to me.  Lots of reasons to celebrate (most birthdays in a month).  Including my sister's new baby girl! *squeals* We had Spring Break, a time to relax and reconnect with family - much needed.  Fresh air filtering through the screen door as I listen to my sons play freely in dirt and new grass. Peaceful.  As quickly as you storm in, you roll out in a different storm.  And you always welcome your friend April.  Thank you March.  Until we meet again.  You were good.

I didn't even have time to write a pre-March challenge.   So here is what I accomplished:
Book - I read and enjoyed The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon.  You can read about it here.   I also took notes and skimmed over a book about how to read your Bible better; you can find those thoughts here.
Health - I didn't do well, but I didn't do horrible.  I kept running but I was not successful this month with tracking my food or my workout events.  Here's to "just be healthy"
Scripture Memorization - I (attempted) to memorize Matthew 15:18, Philippians 2:3, Matthew 25:25-26, Proverbs 10:17 and Isaiah 41:10.  I also, along with my husband and two friends sat down one evening and we read the entire book of Romans.
Challenges - The challenge I chose, and completed for March,  will be revealed at a later date for it is something that deserves it's own entire post.

Do you ever have those moments that the puzzle is just done. complete. finished and you have no idea how you got to that point, but it feels great.  My April puzzle is complete.  Here are some of the pieces that started to point towards the completion of what April is shaping up for me.

* My favorite quote since high school (maybe prior) see below

* Last Sunday our church started a sermon series called "Overload"

* Had planned, months ago, to read Jen Hatmaker's book "Seven" - first introduced by a friend 3 years ago. 

* Recently watched the documentary Minimalism that several friends raved over months ago.

* In preparation to move (now we are not) we had started a collection of things for a garage sale and will be participating in a City Wide sale. 

* Pinterest board from months ago had April as the "Waste Less" month
* My interest in the Tiny home movement.
* Easter - a major time of reflection.

"Simplicity is the Ultimate form of sophistication." -DaVinci

April shaped up to be a month of scaling back, losing the excess, finding peace in the simple things, joy.  Spring is typically the time that people do their "Spring Cleaning" - all of the above small pieces were just a way for me to realize that it's more than my house that needs spring cleaning; but my body, mind, and heart do as well.  A month to purge. 

Book - As I mentioned before I have been interested in the book "Seven" by Jen Hatmaker for a few years.  I purchased it over Christmas break in anticipation to read it sometime in 2017.  Perfect timing.  Although it's not April yet, I have already started reading it - let's just say this - she's hilarious.  [Purge - media and hopefully will read more books]

Health - April 1st will be a big day - running my first 15k.  Although I have ran a half marathon, this will be challenging for I have not been able to train as much as I would like.  I had some encouraging ladies remind me that it's okay to walk and just have fun.   A few weeks later I will have another 5k and would love to see my time improve.  I WILL (not going to try, but DO) the above daily challenge as well as the same amount of burpees as is the date.  So, April 7th I will do 7 burpees.  I will also be completing whole30 simultaneously tracking food and water intake. I might even participate in Jen's first chapter about Seven Foods....... [Purge fat and negative self image]

Scripture Memorization - I have the following pieces of scripture to work on memorizing and more importantly applying to my life: Proverbs 1:7, 1 Peter 2: 1 - 3, John 8: 31 - 32, and Luke 10: 41 - 42.  The cool 'God' story about these scriptures, they have been listed in my Bible for several weeks, but they all seem to fit the need to focus on Jesus and his teaching - true priorities.  [Purge the world]

Challenge - I am going to be keeping the same challenge that I have been working on this past March. I look forward to updating everyone about the observations I have been honored to witness from doing this very easy task in my life.  I am also going to do something, that I just learned about tonight, called "listening prayer."  If you would like to know more about what it is, please ask. [Purge doubt; in others too]

----> {2017} <----

Another year has come and gone.  

Seriously, where have you gone?

I want to be a better me.

A better:

Christian me

Healthy me

Wife me

Mom me

Friend me

Daughter me

Financial me

Writer me

Reader me

Hobby me

A better 2017 me.

I just want to be better at being me.  My only competition is me.  I am not competing with facebook friends or the amount of 'likes' I can get.  I am not competing with pinterest people. I am not a huge "new years" resolution person, for I believe you can always change - the month doesn't determine your desire to become someone better than you were the day before.    

This year I am trying to get in mind that as long as I am moving forward, I am making progress.    I have lot of habits I want to form and some habits I want to break or recreate into something better.
When you google "how long does it take to form a habit" this pops up:

Recent research led by a team at the University College London think they have uncovered just how long (o average) it takes for something to become habitual.  They do not think it takes 21 days to form a habit.  They believe it takes an average of 66 days to create a habit.  

Sixty six days!  Two months?!?  I want to keep this in mind.  I know myself well enough to realize that being realistic is my game.  I'm not a "dream big" person. I expect to fail, and that's okay.  It's part of the journey.  So when it comes to me making goals or new years resolutions, I want something that is tangible, as well as something that if not achieved will keep me motivated.

December 31, 2017  

I  am being flooded with excitement just thinking about where I will be in 365+ days from now.   Oh the excitement, the changes and transitions.  The arguments, mourning, joy and glee.  The praises, the songs, the moments of silence.  Oh - what is going to happen in the next coming months and  weeks?!?!  Where will be at the end of the year?  What are our new dreams and goals? Is Soren potty trained?   How does Gideon like school?  Do they share a room and love it?  Who lived with us this year?  Were we more generous than we have been before?  Good stewards of our money?  Good stewards of our time?  Did social media finally find it's rightful place; the bottom of the totem pole of priorities?  How has God blessed us this year, even when we didn't deserve it?   What times of sadness did we have to over come together?

So many questions.  

In a year, we will have the answers.
I understand some things are out of my control.  'Tis life.
I understand some things need to be out of my control.

As a teacher, there is a style of writing lessons plans called "backward planning" where you start with your end result or goal and work to your starting point.   I am going to apply that methodology for my year.

For a lot of my year goals will only be achieved by my daily activities.  The in the moment yes and no; the journey of choosing. 

These goals, resolutions, whatever you want  to call them, are woven together so beautifully, sewn together like one of my Grandma's hand quilted blankets.  They go together.  My physical will effect my personal as will my relational will effect my mental and so forth.

Physically - I would like to feel healthier and not struggle with my self-image.   Ideally I would like to weigh 140 pounds (less than 3 pounds a month), have a 5k race time of less than 32 minutes (10 minute pace), and set or do other physical activities like, get a bike and use frequently, run another half, set personal records in lifting, obstacle race, etc.

Spiritually - I want to be closer to our amazing creator.  It's hard for me to put a number or deadline on this growth.  I would like to read my Bible more/better.   I would like to finally (never had before) memorize scripture and have Gideon help me with that.  I just want to have my heart in check.

Relational - I would like to be more of an encouragement for others and strength and grow new relationships.   I hope that through my other endeavor my relationships with my husband and kids will improve as a natural by product of my efforts.

Financially - I would like be more generous in our time, treasure and talents.  I crunch numbers frequently, and God always provides, but this year I would like to make sure to be purposeful of my resources and be stewards with what we were provided.

(Challenge Sheet)

The above is a picture of my Challenge Sheet.  At the top I have "Priorities, Projects and Prayers" the main things I would like to focus on for the month.   Priorities could be of any focus or challenges like not eating out for the month.  Projects can be what book I am reading for the month, crafts, the monthly photo album, etc.  Prayers can of any nature or need or a time frame.  

The middle part of the challenge sheet I have weeks. Here I will post the scripture I would like to focus on for the week  and any other benchmark goals that might help with the monthly challenges.

The bottom of the  challenge sheet is where I will post daily challenges.  These challenges will be achieved at an 80% rate.  Reading my bible daily really means 5 out of 7 days.  No one is perfect.   Daily challenges include, drinking a gallon of water, no sugar, a variety of fitness challenges, purging/organizational challenges, writing cards, tracking food/points, limiting social media, etc.

BONUS

If you want to follow my 2017 pinterest board, go here. I don't get on pinterest as much as I use to.  But it is a good way to collect and share ideas and links.

For those of you still reading here are some challenges I am going to hopefully have our family do, as well as links and ideas to help you.

I am going to encourage Gideon to put pennies in a jar corresponding to the number of days into the year that we are.  At the end of the year I would like to find an organization, of Gideon's choice to donate the money to.  

I would also like to have a praise jar - so we can look back and remember all of the positive awesome events in our life, a memory jar if you wish

I found some monthly challenges with different themes.  Some of the days are easy - smile at more people - for example.  But something fun!

I have not decided what weekly scripture I will be doing, I like to be inspired or reflect on something for the week.  Again, I would like to include my family in on this, so some might be "kid" friendly.  

The following two links are PDF's of weekly scripture.  Click here for a list.  Click here for another option that is more kid friendly.

You can find another list here. 

It's going to be a great year! 

I tried - and did whole30 (modified)

30 Days!

30 Days without sugar, grains, and dairy.

Day 6 I wrote a post about why and how I was doing everything.  Catch up with it here. 

Numbers, I tend to communicate better with them and pictures speak a thousand words.   Let's go back on a journey.

Early June 2015 - about 36/37 weeks pregnant with our second.  
I went into the hospital at around 240 pounds.  

July 20ish 2015 - Soren was around a month old.   I was 220 pounds.  

End of September 2015 - My second 5k, my first post second baby.  193 pounds!

A big shout out to my sister - running and keeping me accountable for months. 

I ran, counted calories, ran some more.   

One of my favorite runners =]

Second week of June 2016 - wearing the same race shirt as above picture. 

Back in March/April I hit a plateau around 170-175 while I was training for my half marathon.

Over summer, when I STOPPED counting calories I started to gain more.  I was back up to 181!

September 14, 2016 when I started my "whole30" I was at 176. 

These were the men and women who held me accountable.

Even if they weren't able to contact me, it gave me a name to focus on, a person to pray about instead of for myself.  This was key to my success.  I can't stand letting people down.  

October 15, 2016 - My lowest weight I have been in some time.  I have lost about 66 pounds.  Although that doesn't seem very significant, to a short person, it is.  

During the past 30 days I encountered several parties, luncheons, and even baked treats for my friends.  I passed up donuts, peach cobbler, cupcakes, chili dogs, pizza, cookies, cake, pizza, ice cream, dessert, bread, cream and sugar in my coffee several times, and did I mention pizza.

And it was worth it!

Although I am totally happy with my physical weight loss, I am more pleased with what I learned about myself.  I am fully capable of saying no thank you when a treat is offered.  I am able to pass up and make better alternative choices when it comes to food.  I am able to be disciplined in my actions.

Was it hard - at times.  The hardest part was when I wasn't being watched.  My husband was gone about 5 nights of this entire event, and there were so many times that I knew there were goodies in the house.  Although tempted, I did not partake.

Could I have lost more - probably.  This was a modified whole30.  I still ate peanut butter and raisins.  And if I would have been more careful about those food I probably would have seen a greater loss in weight.  But I am more than pleased!

*******

Today was my first day after.  Did I splurge, maybe.  Do I regret it, a little.  Will it happen again, possibly.  Am I human, totally.

I debated back and forth what I would do on today.  Would I go crazy and eat all the foods I have not been able to have.  Would I continue my journey without sugar, grains or dairy.  Would I do a little bit of both.

While reading on how to transition back into the "real world" from whole30 I read that we shouldn't make cheat days; that by making a cheat day we are telling our brain we already gave up and that we HAVE to eat unhealthy to make it worth our cheat day.  That really clicked with me.  I know I can say no.  So, just do it.

Today though, was different.  My family, including my dad were going to an amusement park about 2 hours away.  Because of this trip I was able to experience and test out a few things.

1) I was nauseous.   I did not have breakfast and we tend to get treats for the road before we go anywhere.  I packed some fruit for me, thinking it would be sufficient, but when my husband wanted to share gas-station breakfast-pizza with me, I didn't say no.  I had, after the boys, about 2/3 of a really greasy toxic delicious pizza.     With my pizza I did have an apple.  =]

2) I was gittery.  I am not for sure if was the amount of coffee or the few packets of sweetener and a couple of containers of cream I doctored my coffee with, but boy when we got to our destination I was literally shaking.  

3) I felt gross, until I drank water.  But even now, hours later I still feel bloated and heavy.  Maybe I am just tired....

4) I was surprised.  The foods I wasn't use to eating weren't that good anymore (except for the cookie).  I tried a strawberry lemonade - SO much sugar - blah!  Body needed water.  I tried a little bit of cheese on nachos, felt weird and almost foreign.  So for lunch as the boys snacked I ate another apple, a bite of banana, and a few bites of potato/nachos.

5) I was comfortable.   After we left, our boys were "starving."  Honestly, they were hangry.  Our oldest wanted mcdonalds, which we never get.  I had the option of ice-cream to cheeseburgers, but passed because I wasn't hungry and new I didn't NEED anything.   I tried one of the boys chicken nuggets (still gross, like before whole30).  

6) I was happy.  I like healthy food.  When we got home the boys ate, again; they ARE boys.   I had left over sweet potato, broccoli and tilapia.  I was happy with it.

7) I can still have what I want.  I made cookies on Thursday.  I took most of them to work but kept a few back for friends and the trip.  So, today, after the boys were in bed, I had 2 cookies.  In total today I think I had about 5 cookies.  Do I regret those cookies - not in the slightest.

So...

Where do I go from here?

My goal after I had Soren was to get down to 150.  I would still be considered over weight.  But shoot, I think I was at my goal weight when I was 12.  We all know how hard that will be.    I have 14 more pounds to go.  My new goal date - January 1, 2017!    I would LOVE to START out the new year as a new me.    14 pounds in 11 weeks.  Totally manageable.  Am I always going to do whole30?  Maybe a modified version that is less strict or okay with certain foods at certain times (Pizza is pretty hard to pass up).

If you personally now me, please continue to hold me accountable.  If you see me at school, church, come over to my house or hang out somewhere, please ask me about my journey.  I don't like letting people down, so please reassure me that we are on the same team.

Saying 'no' to food more often, is saying 'yes' to me being the best me. 

I tried - whole30

So, I am currently on day 6 of trying "whole30"

1/5

20%

6 days without dying!

Here's how I modified it for me - it's really just me watching what I eat for 30 days - super close.
**No obvious sugar - I'm not hardcore on the sugar - so like everything has sugar in it.  So if it's 1g or less than I'm okay (like packaged deli meats, etc).   I'm still eating all the fruits I want.
**No breads/grains/carbs - again, not hardcore - I am going to allow a little bit (haven't yet) brown rice and maybe couscous... but so far doing good
**No dairy - not even cheese.  Super sad face.
**Absolutely allowing beans/legumes and peanut butter (in moderation) and trying to learn to stomach/enjoy black coffee over my old sugary delicious treats.  - this is the biggest modification.  

Whole 30 is supposed to be a cleanse, to 'reset' your system in 30 days.
For me, I am doing this as a healthy lifestyle change.
That if I can be disciplined enough for 30 days to not eat ________________foods and eat more of _______________healthy foods, than I am good.
I want to be able to live my life and not over indulge on food.

Exercise, it is included.  I am still running 5k's here and there.  I am also going to the gym a few times a week.  When I am not, I am doing the following challenges:

You might be asking yourself, "Why would anyone want to torture themselves and not eat all of this yummy amazing food?"
            - Excellent question! I want to see if I have the will power.  Last year around this time I did a three day fast.  It was hard (you can read my blog).  But I felt accomplished.  That is my personality, I want to complete and compete against myself.

But it's more than just me.  It's for Him and it's for Them.   I want to crave God more than I crave food.  I want to sit around a table not because there's food to eat, but because there are people to look at and love on.  I want to be able to treat myself properly, as He intended, so that I know that nothing is in my way spiritually.    Read the book, Made to Crave, by Lysa TerKeurst.  I read it with some friends a couple summers ago.  It really reminded me how much we depend on food over God.

I also want to do  it for Them, my family.  I want to be the best wife possible (J loves me, don't get me wrong, but I want to challenge myself to be better physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, etc).   It's also for our boys.  I want to live a long time with them.  Race with them.  Chase them at the playground.  I want them to help influence their eating choices and habits now, while it's not too late.

"What is your goal?"  A friend asked me last night at small group.
          - Another great question.  I told her, as she was taking her homemade pies home (heart broken I didn't get to try them, they were strawberry!) That I would be pretty disappointed if I didn't loose any weight after all of this.     Last August, I started a personal campaign of "willlose60" - I lost all the baby weight (30/35 pounds) by early March.  And then I hit the wall.  The plateau.  Whatever it was, it hurt.  I trained for a half-marathon, was running, but not loosing any weight.      I still have about 20 pounds to go to get to my goal weight.  But this is more of a mental matter than a physical.  I want to see that I can over come food in 30 days.  I want to feed my addiction of control while allowing God to be in command. So if I don't see the scale move, that's okay.  It's also more than the numbers on the scale.  I want to feel good inside and out.

(This picture makes me laugh, Hope it made you smile too)

How am I doing?
              - Really well!  I have had a few headaches, but I want to link that to being tired.  Lately, the days that I am at work in front of a computer screen planning and proctoring tests, I am more tired and get a headache.    As a teacher, lounges are very dangerous, tempting places.  But in the last six days I have passed up cookies, cupcakes, baby shower treats and cake, yummy homemade pasta from a friend, and that lovely-looking pie.   I have also not jumped to my kiddos "fruit" snacks or treats either.     I am eating when I want, snacking on almonds or fruit.  I am making changes to what I eat, not to what my family eats.  I.E. tacos/burritos I use lettuce instead of tortillas.  I am making wiser choices and still get to eat more.    Currently, I love banana-cream.  Seriously, freeze some banana chunks, put them in a blender (we use a ninja) add a little bit of water (and peanut butter if you want) and you get a cold creamy treat.  Hits the need for ice cream.  Can I say, where I live, ice cream is very easily accessible.  It's a dangerous neighborhood!
The next 24 days/80% might be different.  Will let you know, check back in.  Or ask like so many already have!

How am I doing it?
             - This is different than how I am doing.  I don't like letting people down.  But finding a person to hold you accountable for 30 days is really hard.  So I took a concept from a friend who had to raise money for a missions trip and asked for 30 people to sign up for a day.    I assumed I would have to ask people to sign up for two days. I was overwhelmed with the amount of love, support, encouragement I received from people (what are they trying to say about me.... kidding!)    THE COOL PART - I signed up the people's names on a calendar, and some are already telling me how that date was important to them.    It's a total God thing.  Their support comes from a variety of ways so far, hanging out with me, texting me, sending me facebook messages or comments, praying for me.   They are doing this while I am also able to pray for them.  While I am running/exercising or in a moment of weakness I will think "I don't want to let __________ down.  Don't do it."    This support team has rocked my world!

Sunday we had a great sermon about the difference between trying to be like Jesus and training to be like Jesus. When we try something, it's almost like we are okay with failure, or maybe we will try something knowing that we probably won't like it, even though we never gave it a fair shot.

But

Training.

Training is learning from our mistakes, taking opportunities to improve, getting help and support, being disciplined in our actions.

So, I am training using whole30 to change my eating style.

I tried - counting calories {weight loss journey update}

It's been a year!
Well, almost.
I "officially" started my healthy lifestyle change August 1st of 2015.   Here is the a piece of my first weight loss journey post from last year:

"My goal - which ever comes first is to lose 60 pounds or be down 4-5 dress sizes by next summer.   I am trying to keep in mind that muscle, scientifically, does weigh more than fat.  I am trying to keep in mind that this is going to be a long journey.   I am trying to keep in mind that no matter what I am loved, I am important, I am valuable.  I am trying to keep in mind that my body is not really mine.  I belong to something bigger and better than all of us. But I need to do this. I want to be healthy for my family. 

Hopefully blogging will be another tool to keep me accountable.  I have a great support system to encourage me and work out with me. I am logging my food, follow me on my fitness pal as mdjones12.  I am eating less sugary foods and limiting breads.  I got a Fitbit to monitor my steps. I have all the tools. Now to put them in place." 

Click me if you really want to read the entire post.

So, how did I do?

Started at 210 ----------> currently at 175 pounds.   I did not loose 60 pounds [YET].  
Started at size 18/20 ----------> currently at size 12. I did not loose 4-5 dress sizes [YET].

Am I healthy for my family?  Absolutely!
Did I log my food?  Every day, for a year!  See below picture.
Did I track my steps?  Every day, getting on average 12,000 steps a day.

Around March, I wanted to quit.    But I decided to keep going and set some other new goals.  Here is what I wrote from that post:

"Train for my 1/2 marathon in May.  [I have a 10k this Saturday and a 10 mile race at the end of April]

Eat better.  I really do need to limit my sugar intake.  **it's just so good**

Incorporate strength training - twice a week."

So how did I do?

I ran a 1/2 marathon *check*
I try to eat better *check*
Incorporate strength training twice a week *half check*



I am making progress.

****

My husband, J, and I got a year long membership to a club back in June.  Recently, we hired a personal trainer.  At first I was a little worried/consumed by the cost of it (although not a lot, I always feel bad for spending money on me/us).
But after a few sessions (that KICKED my booty) I was able to come to terms.  Tatum and Colby are helping us learn.  We are learning form and technique.  We are learning better nutrition.  We are learning what exercises to do for what we need (running faster for me and loosing weight for J).
I was also okay with it once I realized that people use wraps, powders, shakes, surgeries, and pills looking for the same results; while what we are buying is a lifestyle change a learning opportunity.  I don't want to depend on supplements or outside sources for the rest of my life. This change, depends on us.    



I've stopped counting calories.  I am still writing down what I eat so our trainer can see my log.  But I am not counting calories.  I am done with those little numbers on every package, with every bite.  I now think, do I want someone to see this.  Is it worth writing down?   I am, per our trainers advice, eating smaller more frequent meals.  From a handful of almonds to an apple.

Do I still crave ice cream (had it two times last week).
Do I still feel guilty when eating said ice cream?  NO.  Not any more.



THE SCALE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON!

That is my new constant reminder.
It's just a number.
Here are some more important numbers that define me.

* 3 nails that saved my life
* 8 years of marriage
* 2 boys of my own
* 4 years of teaching (about to start my 5th!)
* 516 students served, loved, cared for and challenged
* 752 miles (probably more) ran since 2012
* 546 kilometers ran during 2016, that's roughly 339 miles in 7 months
* 2761 moments captured on my phone.
* numerous women who love and support me
* countless healthy meals I have made for my children
* several hours of playing, dancing, acting silly with my children

I am worth so much more than that simple number of 175 pounds.
That could be 175 coconuts for all we know.

A year ago I decided to start a weight loss journey.  A lifestyle change.  And that's exactly what it has been. A journey.

This next year's journey is going to be a continue of the last year.  {WOW, can I just pause,  it's been a year!!!}

What am I going to continue for this year, this journey:
continue to run
continue to work out regularly
continue to eat smaller portions and health/clean food
continue to play with my kids
continue to laugh at myself
continue to love who I am and who I am becoming
continue to grow healthy friendships
continue to dig deep into my faith

I tried counting calories.  And now I am going to move on.

I will check back in, I am sure, in a few months.  But this picture always resinates with me.  So I am just going to leave it here.

I tried - quitting {weight loss journey 2016}

I WANT TO QUIT.

There.

I said it.   Well, I stated it.  But once it's on the internet - there is no coming back.

I was raised not a quitter.  So quit quitting?  But seriously, my parents always made sure that I completed any task that I had signed up for, asked to do, or committed to.

By nature I am a person driven by results.  I am driven by improving and helping.  I am driven by productivity.  I am driven by data and facts.

So when I hit 2 months...... TWO MONTHS..... of not losing weight.

I wanted to quit.

I had lost my drive.



My whole "will lose 60" campaign came to a screeching halt.    2/3 done though (that's positive).    My "weigh 150" by the end of the school year has become, by Soren's first birthday, and then might be pushed back to my anniversary of starting this journey.    Setting attainable goals is always important.   But what if you are doing 'everything' and those goals seem to float away?

Every time I come close to quitting, someone would tell me that I am inspiring them.
The people that say I am inspiring - are MY INSPIRATION.

I don't like letting people down.  I want to quit but I also don't want to disappoint.

It's a true inner struggle.

Who struggles with this conflict:


Here's the other reality - God loves me.  My husband loves me.  My children love me.  Friends, family, community, etc.... I am loved.

---> I just don't love myself <---  

Like, that's harsh.  I love myself.  But I want to be the best version of myself that I can be.

So, why are we so hard on ourselves as people (moms specifically).

That number on the scale is just a number.  So why does it impact people more than something REAL.   Freinds and family = REAL.  Serving and loving others = REAL.    A cold metal box that spits a number out at you.....  is that real?  Is that real life?  Is that real living?



I think I have shared the above image before.  

BUT I NEEDED THE REMINDER  {did you?}

STRUGGLE IS REAL:
I like to read other articles, blogs from a variety of people.   I am not a book worm as much as an information ant.   With that I see post about how to lose weight.  I see post about how you should be happy with yourself.  And everything in between.

How do you balance being content and being realistic with being lazy and having excuses?



So, where do I go from here???

Goals:
Train for my 1/2 marathon in May.  [I have a 10k this Saturday and a 10 mile race at the end of April]
Eat better.  I really do need to limit my sugar intake.  **it's just so good**
Incorporate strength training - twice a week.

Stop having excuses, be happy (I always do feel happier after a good run or sweat), stay positive.  




I tried quitting.   It wasn't for me.  This was just a detour in  my journey.  

Romans 5:8 - but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Read more at http://www.christianpost.com/buzzvine/7-inspiring-bible-verses-about-gods-love-for-us-125330/#AjuurpdCbiiYQksz.99

I tried - to cheat {my weight loss journey}

Your body doesn't lie.  It's that simple.

I had a c-section June 23rd to have our second son, Soren (he was breached).   I was told to take it easy.  Did I?  Probably not.  I was told to wait six weeks before  doing anything rigorous.  Did I?  Not really.

I am hyper competitive, and even  more so when it comes to myself.  Although I try at a lot of things, I also strive to be the best.  Best me to be a better wife.  Best me to be a better mom.  Best me to be a better... daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, teacher, writer, organizer, person.

(The coffee mug Jeremiah got me at Kennedy Space Center  <3)

You can't be the best when you cheat.

Believe me.  I've tried cheating.  

Yup.  I've tried cheating myself out of being the best me. But your body doesn't lie.

After I had Soren I kept lying and telling myself that I was being healthy.  I was lying and kept telling myself that one donut was okay; or that I could skip out on my walk.   I did initially have to take it easy to heal after the major surgery.  And I did lose about 25 pounds after having him.  But for gaining about 55/60 pounds - and starting the pregnancy over weight - I had MORE to lose!

I was getting frustrated.  But it was my own fault.  I was cheating and my body wasn't going to lie for me.  We went on vacation (and let me tell you... swim suits don't hide anything! ... all truth, for all to see).  I really wanted to go up to strangers and tell them "It's okay, I just had a c-section 4 weeks ago."  but I didn't.  ---> IT'S HARD NOT TO CHEAT ON VACATION  <---  

We got home from the beach and I knew I needed to get serious.  Get competitive.  Stop cheating myself out of being healthy for me and my family.

August 1st, I started my healthy weight loss journey.  I weighed in at 209/210 pounds.  That's a lot for my short little self.  Saturday's have become my official weigh in days.    Last Saturday I weighed in at around 206.5/207.  I was happy to see progress and it kept me motivated for this past week.

I know I shouldn't boast, but I AM proud.  Last week I went back to teaching.  I passed up donuts several times, chocolate, brownies, and even mac and cheese for Gideon.

But, I didn't cheat. I kept my eating choices healthy.  I made sure to eat breakfast (see below).  And I tried to be active.  And by not cheating, I was successful!

This morning when I weighed in, the digital numbers stopped around 201.5/202.5!  

I stopped cheating, changed the way I ate, and started moving more (on week two of couch to 5K) and IT. PAYED. OFF!    Seeing those smaller numbers really does keep me motivated.  My goal next week is to get to 199.   Hold me accountable.

The journey is slow, but totally worth it.

My Healthy Breakfast

(It's fast, so you feel like it's a cheat) 

(The cooked egg part of my breakfast sandwiches)

I am not a morning person.  No where close to being a morning person.  And honestly, not something I am trying to change right now.   So breakfast was something I use to skip.  Healthy stuff took to much time.

I've been eating breakfast bagels.

In a silicone muffin pan I crack an egg in each hole.
I add chopped tomatoes and frozen/chopped spinach.
I mix it up int he muffin cup.
Top it off with a little salt and pepper (I also put red chili flakes on top for some spice).
Bake at 425* for about 20 minutes.

Then in the morning when I am in a rush.  I take out one of the eggs (80 calories) of the fridge with a mini-wheat bagel (110 calories)  and a slice of pepper-jack cheese (80 calories).  Warm it in the microwave for 30 seconds.  And BAM you have a healthy delicious breakfast sandwich for about 270-280 calories!

Don't eat the same thing every day though, it not only gets boring, but it's not great on your metabolism either.    Today I also made oatmeal-banana pancakes.  They were pretty good and will have to tell you later how I use those for quick breakfasts.

For humor - because smiling is important too!  

How have you improved your eating this week?   Are you moving more?  

I tried - being alone {transtitions}

I tried - being alone. 

This blog is all about my struggles and just my thoughts.  I have always been a writer (online since I was 12), just not a very good one.  Lately, I have come out of my shell and started sharing my posts with other social media places...because I am not alone. 

As much as I like being alone, I know it's not healthy or helpful. 

I am not alone and need to share my story/ies.  Everyone has a story, and it's important.  We have to listen to each other's stories in order to grow as individuals and as groups.  I started sharing my posts not to see how many readers I could get, but because I realized, that as a person my story was important.  I also realize that by sharing my stories I might be able to reach a person who needs to hear that they aren't alone either.


Growing up I liked being alone.  But it was a struggle for I also wanted to be like my friends.  I remember writing a lot about how I felt like a stranger looking in. I could easily feel alone in a crowded room.  I was the president of my high school for several years, always sat at different tables, I knew pretty much everyone in my school.  I am not trying to brag, just stating a point.  I liked hearing people's stories, and honestly, I didn't really know who or what my identity was and was searching for it via different stereotypes, cliques, or groups.  But even at these different social events and levels of popularity I still felt different - like I didn't belong.  

I was always at peace by a river or in the woods, alone.   It was nice.  I could let my thoughts flow away with the water.  I could hear God speaking so clearly (even though I am really bad at obeying).  I found joy and curiosity in all things growing and still do #favoritenumbernotanumber.  Phi! God's number.  I liked not having anxiety over what I said, how I dressed, who I was with.    Being alone with nature releases a lot of pressure. It was nice!





I am no longer 12, or even 22, to be content with being alone.  My identity is no longer founded in what party I was at or which table of people I ate 3rd lunch with or which after school activity I did (all of them).   I've learned that my identity is NOT my weight, my looks, my inadequacies, my skills, my humor, my family or friends, my short comings, even my sin  (we all have it).  I am slowly believing that my identity is found in Jesus.  Over a year ago, our retired preacher's wife talked at a women's rally about our identity being found in Jesus.  Even though I always claimed to be a Christian, her speech was very impactful and has encouraged me to embrace and grow with the truth that my identity is found in Him.  I know that some of my friends who read my article about breastfeeding or Florida trips might stop reading at this point because I keep talking about Jesus.   But here's the deal.  I have a story, and HE is a HUGE part of it ---> THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MY STORY <---





I tried being alone, and still need my alone time (with God) so I can reenergize (I love people, but I need to recharge to be better around them).    But I now know that I am not alone!    I am excited to embrace this more and other transitions.


We are starting a new sermon series at church next Sunday to help with transitions.  We are going to follow the sermon studies also with our small group (AKA life group, home group, community group).    I am excited for all of this!  Our small group is growing, not just with families, but with babies...woot!!   Our own personal family is going to be going through a lot of transitions as well. 


With all the of the change my husband is encouraging me and challenging me to become a better me.  To make my story more about Jesus.  Because I like being alone and struggle with trusting or being around people I keep finding excuses to avoid some of the transitions in our lives.  I am very thankful to be married to a man who doesn't back down from something that is good.  

The biggest transition also starts tomorrow.  The reason this topic popped into my head.   Going back to school.  I was talking to one of my dearest friends about the strange feeling of joy and sadness that I get around August/September.  It really is strange.  FALL = MY FAV!   I love everything about fall, but at the same time I also feel like I am loosing something.  So this time of year is always interesting for me. 


Here are my transitions that I am going to have to face and continue to work through.  If you have any tips to help me make these transitions smoother... please let me know.  If anything, just pray that I can make changes as smoothly as possible. 


Mentor - I have been, for a couple of years, looking for a mentor. It's a hard transition to meet with someone that you don't really know you and build that relationship.   But I know I need this woman in my life, I just need to stop making excuses.... ask Jeremiah, I am really good at finding reasons why it's not the right time.  Ever since I was a kid, feeling different in all my sub groups, it is very hard for me to trust people.  Usually because of my lack of trust I end up pushing them away and hermitting back into my shell.  But I can't do that.  It's not healthy being alone.


Community group -  I am working at building relationships with these families and not pushing them away to be alone and opening our house to them.... even if it's not clean enough to my standards (why sweep.. hehehe).  But we are also transitioning into varies stages of our own lives. 


Teaching - the biggest transition that I am looking at right now.... in 8 hours the new year is starting for me.  New students to love on (and not be mean, like I was last year.... I have high expectations).  the students will also have technology!  I will also be teaching one advanced class.  There is a lot of new coming quickly and this year I do not feel as prepared as I have been in the past. 

Family - not only do we have an almost 7 week old who is transitioning into a good sleeper. Jeremiah is not only going to be taking a full semester but will be interning at our church.  I am so excited for this opportunity to grow and learn, but I am embrace the business of it as well.  Gideon will also be starting preschool; which will add a new level to our daily schedules as well. 


Health - transitioning into making healthy choices.  I love Jeremiah, but he is always tempting me with food.   Okay, he's not hanging food in front of me.  But it's hard to turn down certain restaurants, ice cream, donuts.  Even today he took Gideon to get donuts.  I am proud to say of that dozen, I have ate.....zero!!    But transitioning back into being a runner and being patient with my weight loss journey is going to take a lot of time. 




SOOOOO..... here I am, no longer alone.   If I start to get crabby (as my sister puts it, it's probably because I am tried and don't take anything I say to heart when I am tired or really ever) allow me some time with nature and we will be good to go.  Okay, I should have been in bed 2 hours ago.  But who am I kidding, I wouldn't sleep I would stay up thinking about my non-decorated classroom, procedures, and lessons all night. 

Transitions or Change... they are good.   Hold me accountable. 

Good night.