I was pleased with the responses I got; well they at least reassured me that I wasn't crazy.
See, I am not emotional. I don't cry at the sad-puppy dog eyes (those commercials are too much cheese for me - seriously, there are people dying and starving and we are worried about a dog. People first - but that's another soap box another time). Right there, that statement, some of you read and thought "she has no heart" how can she? She can, because of rationalization and facts.
I operate on numbers, data and facts. Not feelers.
Don't get empathy and sympathy mixed up. "To sum up the differences between the most commonly used meanings of these two terms: sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow or pity for the hardships that another person encounters, while empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another." - when you google search "empathy vs sympathy."
I have compassion, specially for people. But I am of the nature that instead of joining in the person's emotion, I am searching for ways to help find a solution. I have sympathy, and can understand your heartache, your pain, or your overwhelming joy - but I will not enable or join you on the journey with your emotions.
I didn't cry when I got married - and thought I was weird.
I didn't cry when either of my boys were born. Thought I was weird.
I cry out of frustration. When you get so mad, you just bubble over and scream (not at people, just to let the tension out).
I cry when my facts and numbers "don't add up" and I can't "logic" or "reason" my way through a situation.
I cried when people died - why? Why now? Why them? Why me? (It didn't add up to me)
I cried when I couldn't handle a puppy for three days. So frustrated. Mad. I'm smarter than this. I should have been able to make dinner, love on two boys, and help a puppy not poop and pee in our house 5 times.
I cried when I was told by a peer group that they didn't think I was a Christian. I was confused, frustrated, betrayed and hurt.
You can click here to take the color code if you'd like.
I strive for balance.
But for a brief second I was worried.
I was worried that I was out of balance to my peer group again.
Do people (other Christians more specifically) look at my lack of emotions as lack of spirituality or Christianity. To be a "good spiritual Christian" should I cry more?
When I posted this on facebook people, in summary, said that we are made the way we are. We are made to be different, and that is good.
*sigh* I can breathe again. I am okay.
I might connect to my religion and faith differently than that of a person who is "yellow" or "blue" - but there is no one that can judge me, for I have a righteous judge - in the end.
I might show my emotions differently than other people; but that's okay. Just like a rainbow, we are all needed to make the world more beautiful.
I am glad that God made me a person who is good at being a leader, using facts - this allows for me to excel in my job and better teach my students. If it wasn't for my redness, I personally believe, in my opinion my house wouldn't be in the shape that it is - for efficiency is something I strive for.
But, like anyone - my new goal is not to worry about what others think of me but just make sure that my red isn't too sharp. I don't want to hurt people with my lack of feelers. I want to find that balance to be more disciplined to be a better kingdom builder.
My lack of emotion does not equate to my spiritual maturity.
What are your thoughts? Do you feel like the color code is accurate? Do you think your spiritual maturity can be seen by other's, does it matter?
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