{MOMent} hello to 2021

Currently listening to: "Super Smash Bros; Minecraft version" 

Here I sit at the computer. Coffee to my right. Snow just fell in my view. Boys playing a few minutes of games after helping me make breakfast. 

It's. Nice. 

OH, wait, the youngest is arguing now. Cool. 

I haven't written in several months for several reasons. I would read articles over a "hot topic" or issue that our country is facing. I would sit for a few days reflecting on my thoughts and by the time I had them organized and ready to type up a blog, the issue at hand would change. 

Now, I don't write for my readers. I write for myself. But what's the point of writing my opinion when I already sorted it out. I mean, yes it's good to have my thoughts out there to later have (a history)..... but time was also an issue.  

I don't feel like I have a lot of time. But that's an excuse.

So here's a cliff notes version of my thoughts for the last quarter of 2020:
Love people. 

This last year I had people declare that they no longer wanted a friendship with me. Love people. 
This year we have met new neighbors. Love people. 
This last year I started teaching after a pandemic. Love people. 
This year my children tested me daily. Love people. 
This last year we had an election. Love people. 
This year we had to deal as a country with a rapid virus. Love people. 
This last year we had to keep digging through racial tension and murder. Love people. 
This year my husband "lost" a job and started a new job. Love people. 
This last year I started my graduate program. Love people. 

The past 5 years I have come up with a word to reflect on for the year. Like a resolution. Some years I had monthly goals or others would be more over arching ideas.  2020's word was BLOOM.   I went back and read my entry to why the word, bloom.  Little did I know when writing it what the year would hold. 

I do feel like I bloomed. I grew. I created roots in areas of desire. I was watered and pour into by some very lovely....needed people.  I also discovered that I am an "8" on the enneagram.  (So, disregard my previous post a while back about me being a one.... not true!!)  With this discovery, I feel like I really flourished into who I am and why I do the things I do. It all just came together like a beautiful puzzle for the year of 2020. 

Here we are. 
Hello 2021. You are approaching quickly. 
I don't feel ready (do I ever).  

I honestly don't know what word to use this year.  I have toyed with the idea of: strength, rooted, gentle, endurance, deep.  

But what I think I landed on is.... MOMents. That's not a typo. As a mom, we take moments very seriously. Our time is more valuable than gold. I often criticize myself for wasting moments with my children, or not taking time to cool my jets and be more gentle with my words (I have to volumes.... normal and mom).  

I not only want this year to be about me, mom, and my transformation to continue to challenge myself and be better. But I want 2021 to be how I handle the day to day. Minute to minute. Moment to MOMent.  

~ 2021 ~
* use the planner Jeremiah bought me for Christmas
* write down daily moments of joy (in said planner)
* have more devoted moments with my creator
* take more healthy moments (drink more water, watch macros, move more)

* graduate with my masters in library science (will be accomplished moment by moment) 
* take a moment when needed (without feeling guilty)

* be in the moment when around other people (teaching, friends, children, spouse, etc...)

Teaching in 2020

 I've been pretty quiet as far as writing. Finishing up some grad work. Spending time with family. Stirring the pot on facebook... you know, just relaxing. 

Soooo many hot topics and people lately. It must be something in the water. 
In case you need to know.... put the mask on, you choose joy, love all people, don't burn things down, and watch out for kids.  

A coworker friend decided to post short little daily videos of her teaching journey this year, to look back on and reflect. What a wonderful idea!

Here is my journey.......

I started my 9th year of teaching, and my third semester of grad school, this week. Of those 9 years, 7 have been with middle school students divided at 3 districts in 2 states. Last year, and currently, I have been at a local high school. I teach Pre-Algebra and Algebra 1, with a few co-taught classes. 

Covid has been a topic that has never left conversation. It's here. I wrote these two post back in March and April, and it's so odd or weird to look back at them. "I Miss My Students"  and "I Tried to Stay Calm" 

But as I was reading previous post, what brought tears to my eyes (which is a big deal for I am not much of one to cry) and also brought joy to my heart, was reading the letter I wrote to myself a little over two years ago, called "Dear Future Self, Don't give up on teaching."

I wrote to myself the following words: 

So, future self, teaching is a hard job. There will always be paper work, hateful emails, not enough time, money or resources. There will be tears of joy, frustration, sadness and confusion. My heart will swell with love and break - sometimes at the same time. These kiddos are not mine by DNA standards but I will call them my own. I did not become a teacher for an easy life. I become a world changer. 

I just finished day two as a teacher during a pandemic.
I have survived. 

No. 
I have thrived in my first two days of teaching. It went surprisingly well. 

Most teachers don't care for the first awkward day. Syllabus, trying to get to know students, mispronouncing names (always me). My passion is to teach, not talk about drills and procedures and rules and..... 

But we did it. I taught all of my blocks in a mask. And you know what, the kids listened and participated in masks. And when we were done, they cleaned and allowed for staff to take their temps. They responded to different transitions, like being walked to lunch and not having water fountains (the school did provide water bottles). They joked and laughed. 

I did not hear any one complain or fuss in the slightest. We are talking about high school kiddos here. Yes, it might be early in the year. But I am hopeful. They wanted to be back, and I did too.

The year might not be ideal. There are going to be bumps along the way. But, I am not going to give up. We might not have all of the technology in place (finally going 1:1 and should get chromebooks soon!). We might not get to do group activities, or even sit in groups. We might not have all of the same traditional high school events. We might not have all of the answers. 

But what we do have, is each other.

These are my kids. And I am their teacher. 

Here is a picture of my classroom a few days prior to reopening. Take note that the dates still says March 13, 2020....

 

Here I am, mask up, ready to greet these kiddos.
A great friend got me my spiral necklace for my birthday! <3

I tried reading diverse books

We all have a story. 

Part of my story....three years ago, if you asked me, I would not say I was a reader. Fast forward, I am now working on my master's degree to become a media specialist/librarian with an emphasis on being culturally relevant and using books to build bridges.  

This is a list of my favorite young adult literature, including some non-fiction and from a variety of backgrounds. 

 
Jason Reynolds IS one of my favorite authors, hands down.
Also check out, Long Way Down, The Boy in the Black Suit, and When I was the Greatest

I can't rave enough about this book! Thank you Angie Thomas for creating this!
(Also a movie, but I have not seen it)

I had a student who didn't talk much in class, but after I read this book (that he suggested) we started to talk history. It really helped me have a better understanding of MLK, the movement, and his murder.

A fiction tribute to Dr. King. 

This was a wonderful non-fiction, insightful, to a situation that is close to home. Education. 

Written in verse, and just a terrific read. 

It's been a couple of years since reading this, still makes the list! 


If you don't know where to begin, start here. A collection of 14 diverse short stories.

 
The above two books are about journeys away from home (Hispanic focused)

I LOVED these two books! Malala is an inspirational young lady and Refugee follows the stories of 3 teenagers and their journeys during war and dictatorship. 

I know I didn't really say much or give a clear synopsis of the above books.  Awesome, wonderful, terrific, can't put down, page turner, call to action, are all words I would use to describe them. These books really shaped me. If you are looking for something a little more adult, without doubt, please check out Just Mercy (also a movie!). 

And if you are looking for some more kid friendly selections, this list would be a great place to start: https://www.sittercity.com/parents/childrens-books-to-educate-about-racism?fbclid=IwAR0kRaas4SAHMroroGsJB-KXwvewyo0XiyQ3a6-K7ZSgAf3rTQr_DophL_k

These books are stories. Some true, some from imagination. But they represent truth. 

Our (the world even) narrative must change. Our hearts must change. Pick up a book. If reading a diverse book is the only thing you change this year, well it's a start. Thank you. 

Then. 
Talk to people.
Ask Questions. 
AND
LISTEN.
Smile at people. 

We all have a story. 

I tried Chalking

When we moved our family back "home" after a short 11 months in a different state, we had purchased a massive chalkboard. Which was great, we had some big surfaces in our dinning room that could use it. 

I wanted to use it as a creative outlet, a place to express monthly celebrations. So here are some of my designs, the images are iffy... my walls are gray.  But I am learning. I am having fun. I am creating. 

I tried viewing good cop videos

If you have been on facebook lately you will be experiencing what is called tension. Racial tension. Political tension. Freedom tension. 

There are lots of things flooding social media. Government corruption, systematic oppression, democrat vs republic, left vs right, black lives or all lives. It is a lot to take in. Protest, peaceful turned riot. Peaceful, disturbed by a "force". 

When social media starts saturating my feed with conflicting views, I start asking more questions. 

Lately the thing that has been plaguing my mind is why the need to share good cop videos or pictures like: 

photo credit: https://images.app.goo.gl/w26iJeuSM9mvYpPg8

Why are we celebrating something that should be given? You celebrate surprises and miracles and accomplishments. Celebrating good cops... well, is that a miracle or an accomplishment? Or is that them doing what they are supposed to do, their job? 

Do doctors have videos every time they make the correct diagnoses? It's worth celebrating. 
Do teacher get a shout out for every kid that makes a light bulb discovery? It's also worth celebrating.

Doesn't the world just become better from people doing good? Shouldn't these cops be good on and off the camera? It's almost like a participation trophy... or is that just me?

There are good people who don't wear a uniform who do the same things; sit with people, play with kids, help each other.  Because good people make the world a better place.

Are we trying too hard to cover up the fact that we need to change a deep rooted corrupted system?

I am not condoning those who are starting riots and targeting cops. Please do not hear that I am in favor of violence. I am just questioning the motives and the push. By posting so many good cop videos and pictures, to me, is covering up and siding with the injustice of the matter. Hiding the truth.

I am thankful for good cops and systems that strive for justice. I am not trying to condemn those who want to share joy and happiness, I too, like to see the good nature of people. BUT in the moment, with the tension, is this the proper time to celebrate? 

Romans 12:9-21 is my absolute favorite. Just going to leave that right there. 

I tried to hide from the brokeness

Y'all. I am so tired. You know that feeling, where you look back at your day and see very little fruit but yet feel like you have gone non stop. That feeling, well, I am over it.

The other day I had the rare moment where the house was empty. My husband and brother-in-law were at work. My mom took the boys for and adventure. Alone. I honestly don't know the last time I have been truly alone. I had big plans to read (you are jealous of this life, I know).

But I couldn't focus on the pages of my book.

I wept. Just cried. I didn't even try to journal or anything. I texted a couple of friends asking for prayer (thank you). But I was just E.M.P.T.Y

Here's the deal - I don't feel like I have a voice.
Or the voice I have, isn't being heard.
Jealous of those who say the same thing, but have a name that travels.
A voice that isn't heard thanks to Facebook algorithms manipulating my voice to be apart of some formula for their own pleasure.
My voice, being muffled by squeaker wheels.

But who's listening? Does it matter?

I am motivated by truth and knowledge.
     Loyalty and love (favoring the underdog).
If you wish to push my buttons,
      simply land on hypocrisy and injustice.

Injustice, racism, cults, porn, sex-trafficking,
     all our words spoken this week.
Words from stories from my family, friends,
     and former students.

George Floyd
Ward Family
"R" - baby girl
Gideon

The names of those hurting.
     Broken by society, curiosity, and the world
Families that are grieving, weeping
     and asking to be heard.

I am asking for you all to listen
     to each other. Talk less.
I am asking we open homes, hearts, and minds
     sharing stories and listen.

People want to be heard.
     Wait. 

They will speak. Or listen differently to hear.
      I'm okay even though I am broken.

I. Miss. My. Students.

I miss MY students.
      My Kids.

I miss their laughter.
      Their smiles.

I miss their goofy questions.
       The serious ones too.

I miss their sarcasm and wit;
       Keeping the banter up.

I miss the moments they ask to talk to me.
       I miss listening.

I miss the 'lightbulb' moments, when it clicks and come together.
     I miss watching them try.

I miss the 'good morning Jones!'
     Seeing their excitement for the day.

I miss conversations about life;
      I miss their chess games, tik toks, guitar strings, books and drawings
      I miss hearing about track, FFA, graduation, dances, sports, pets, friends and family.

I miss encouraging a new generation,
     I miss their surprises.

I miss the path I was created for,
     I miss the reassurance.

I miss my coworkers, who are turning into friends.
      I miss friends.

I even miss....
      The absent parents
      The tough phone calls
      The non-motivated kid
      The kid asleep in class
      The cellphone being placed on my desk.... again
      The talks about not punching walls
      The conversations on proper hygiene
      The concerned counselor chats
      The student asking for a snack, for they are hungry
      The student out in the hall waiting for me.... because that's the safest place

I miss it all.
     I miss my kids.

I miss the good and the bad.
     I miss my kids.

Empty Classrooms = Empty Hearts

Covid Logic - Apology Letter

Watch this video, please.  It's Pink and Ellen <3

It's almost a year old, but it really spoke to me.  Is it odd to say that a day time talk show spoke to me. But it did.

I feet like Pink - wanting to fight injustice (not just now, but pretty much always).  I couldn't agree more with Pink - there is a kind way to correct people and educate people!

Honestly, I am tired of Covid complainers. Now, you might be thinking... wow, who's calling someone a complainer when you just wrote a whole blog post about all the crazy in your life.  I do believe there is a difference between sharing worry and concerns and just wanting to complain. I think the difference between the two is the end result. Someone who worries or is concern is looking for answers and wants to be part of the solution. A complainer, could care less and typically adds to the problem. <------ all my opinion.

**Covid Logic From No One Special.... that's me**

One of my biggest triggers recently is the people sharing misinformation, or misinterpreting data.  As a math teacher, you can shift numbers and graphs to make them tell "your side" of the story and it drives me crazy when people do that (I also don't like lying, and misguiding someone feels like a lie).

People who don't think this is a big deal because there are more deaths by _______________ .
People who don't think this is a big deal because they have had _____________________ already.
People who don't think this is a big deal because _______________________ tells them it's not.
People who don't think this is a big deal because the death rate is only _________________ .

Here's the deal. There are lots of sides to this crisis. But, in the end, do you want to be part of the problem or part of the solution.

Even if there was 1% of deaths. Is that not enough to break your heart? Look at your neighborhood. Let's say on average 4 people live in a home. In your neighborhood, every 25th house has a dead person in it.

Average joe logic - yeah, staying at home is working!

People complain that the virus is only effecting a fraction of the population.

Average joe logic - yeah, staying at home is working!

Here's my personal logic. No data or numbers... just me thinking.

If we don't take shelter/lock down seriously, more people will contract the virus. As more people contract the virus more people will die. Why? Because hospitals only have so much space. Doctors and nurses only have so much time to serve. Equipment can only help so many.

When I last checked the US lost 14,000 of the 427,000 cases... which is roughly a 97% survival.... that's still 14,000 funerals.  JUST IN THE UNITED STATES. That's 14,000 families hurting and grieving. That's 14,000 people who can no longer provide or care for their family.

I understand that a lot of people die from car accidents, cancer, or abortion. Those deaths are also heart breaking. And yes, this (quarantine) sucks...and it's hard and it's frustrating and it's scary at times. But, I don't know about you.... I want to be part of the solution, not the problem.

This isn't political. This is about people. Stay home.

** Quick Apology Letter **

In the video I liked how Pink said she goes in on people to fight justice, when she has time. I keep seeing post from people about covid that are not helpful or hopeful in any light. I want to go in on them.  But I am learning not to.

I apologize if, in my moment to educate, I have not been kind. Typically my 'style of education' is not for you to believe 'my side' but for you to see the world through a different perspective. To understand that sometimes no one is right.

I am sorry if you have been hurt, not my intentions. I love talking to people, not just to challenge them, but to be challenged myself, so if you are ever wanting to strike up a conversation, don't hesitate to ask.

You are loved!

Covid 19 Brain Spirals

I just told a friend that I tend to spiral when I don't have answers.  My mind will just go and go and can't stop as it is looking for facts, evidence, solutions. I have so many spirals going on right now as new information is constantly being presented and my once normal is now again out of balance. I am pretty confident a tornado would look at me and say "nope, you be crazy."

For COVID 19, here are my 19 spirals that my brain consistently is processing through out each and every day....and some of my own personal conclusions. 

Spiral 1: Am I a mean mom? My brain can not stop this spiral. Although it is one I regularly reflect and think about. Now more than ever, it is in my face, how much yelling I do as I spend 24 hours a day with these creatures. My biggest fear...they won't survive this quarantine with all of their brainless activities.  Example... our 4 year old looking for a new family.... down the road... on his own.  Or, how about our 8 year old going down the zip line... with a spike!  New rule, only ONE BODY on the zip line at a time.  Keeping kids alive is challenging, and now they are stuck at home..... but.... I am not a mean mom. (and my kids are precious, hilarious, creative, sweet and wild humans who are going to learn and be academically ready for the next year).

Spiral 2: Am I a terrible wife? In case you were wondering, one can be kicked out of their own home during shelter in place. They don't have anywhere fun to go; but a spouse who is "asked" to leave can drive around for a bit to cool off.  Prior to this whole pandemic, my husband was gone Thursday through Sunday for work. Can you imagine the shift that must take place in our home as we both reside in it....E V E R Y D A Y  together... regardless.... I am not a terrible wife. (nor is he a bad husband).

Spiral 3: Am I a bad teacher? When I was allowed to go to work I knew and had confidence in my teaching ability. I was excited to share knowledge and watch my high school students turn light bulbs on. But now, it is hard to connect with them. It's a challenge to stop thinking about ... can I do more? How? I do my best and put these kiddos first as if they were my own.... I am not a bad teacher.

Spiral 4: Am I glorifying God? Did I read my Bible enough? Pray for all the people I can think of? Am I participating in church functions as I should? Last week, as I was crying, my oldest gave me a hug, and told me "God is with your wherever you go. Joshua 1:9".  He didn't understand the irony of what he was saying....being the fact that we aren't going anywhere..... my children are learning.... I am glorifying God. (even if it's just "God, please help me!")

Spiral 5: Will my sister be safe? My sister is a doctor. Whether she knows it or not, I am constantly worried about her safety in these conditions. It "plagues" my mind; as she is the mom to three amazing little kiddos. The thought of her being at risk shatters my heart. This spiral, if started, usually ends in tears...... my sister is wise and is using every precaution.... she is safe. She is strong!

Spiral 6: What's for dinner? What's for lunch? Wait... what did we have for breakfast? Having to remember to feed our family, every day, for every meal.... is a major spiral. Or can be. Now, before this whole lock down business, I had the menu planning on lock down, but we had freedom to change it up or pick up last minute items on our way home from work. All I know is that I am so incredibly grateful for the meals provided by our boys' school. Going to pick them up provides routine and a much needed break in our day, plus a fun little trip down the road. This spiral usually doesn't get too far when my husband and I pick out what's for dinner in the morning. A plan is set in place. 

Spiral 7: Am I getting fat? So there is a joke about gaining the Covid 15 (a play off of the freshmen 15) and I am not laughing. Try on your jeans they say..... amazon search jeans.... I have always struggled with my weight, size and being content with my own image. But it seems to be magnified (like my waist) during these uncertain times. I can't run with my sister anymore.... I am at home where the boys like to ask for snacks... whats a small nibble? (hint: it's no longer a nibble when you eat two serving sizes while preparing their food).  The good news..... this spiral is coming to a halt. I am continuing to run (sadly without my sister) and I am in the process to reshape my mindset, hopefully helping me reshape my body.  Although I gained a few pounds in March when this all started, I have been steady. So... no, I am not getting fat! (honestly, who cares!)

Spiral 8: Do I have homework? In January I started my online graduate program! It was manageable with my husband traveling. However, I have discovered I do not like doing homework when he is home. I am constantly having to think about what assignments I need to do or edit, which chapter in our text I need to read, or have I posted to the proper discussion board. Yes, I do have homework. 

Spiral 9: Am I going crazy? My mental health is in a very strange place. I am typically not an emotional person. I've cried like 6 times this week.... okay.... yesterday. I cried like 6 times yesterday. I am trying to get off of this roller coaster. It's odd. At night, it feels almost normal. Spending time with the family, going to bed. And in the morning, there is a brief second that all feels like the world is still spinning correctly. The only thing spinning, my overwhelming desire to be perfect in all of this....which... is not possible. I am not going crazy, but keeping my mental and emotional  health in check is highly recommended.

Spiral 10: When did I shower last? During this social distancing I thought it would a be terrific time to do a social experiment: how long can one go without showering before their children think they smell funnier than them? The answer is 4.  I will let you decided what the 4 represents.... it's also up to you to figure out how much sarcasm is in that statement.  Keeping track of when to shower, if it is necessary for the day, do I have clean underwear... it is a fun mental spiral .... if you can't remember the last time you showered, you probably should. 

Spiral 11: Zoom! Not going to lie. I am going to declare that "Zoom" becomes a grown up word in our house. In the last two weeks I believe we have zoomed a total of 11 times NOT including my husbands meetings and instruction lessons. So we are probably looking at around 30 - 40 something different zoom sessions we have participated in. The answer to my spiral... write them down, set an alarm... and hope for the best.

Spiral 12: Who did __________________ last? Dishes, vacuum, sweep, laundry, cook, wipe down tables, pick up toys, mow the yard, get the mail, take out the trash, feed and water the dog, pay the bills, check the plants........all day long. I am not going to lie, a friend sent me some pictures of her home.... it made me feel better about mine. The benefit of having a "smaller" home and the fact that we live a more minimalist lifestyle, we have less mess. What I am starting to realize, we live here. It's okay if it looks like it. (ps... we don't own a dishwasher if that somehow makes you feel better)

Spiral 14: Am I in the wrong to be upset with people's ignorance and selfishness? There are some pretty far fetched conspiracies going around right now, or being stirred up more. I don't know what's worse, the conspiracies and ignorance or the political bullying and badgering during this time in which we need to be more united? It's sickening how much time I have wasted reading misleading information. Nope, it's okay for me to be upset, it's what I do with my frustration that is key. Learning not to chase rabbits on social media (stop trying to prove everyone wrong) has vastly increased my joy. People will believe what they want, no matter how crazy, mean, or inaccurate it is. I can't control that. I can only control my perception and I want to choose joy. I need to choose joy. 

Spiral 15: Am I doing this right? You know all of those projects I wanted to do.... start a garden..... plant more indoor plants.... paint the shed.... stain the deck.... Or, how about all the books I am going to get to read?! I have to stop my brain from thinking about all these things and truly refocus the spiral into something more productive. It's okay if not everything gets done while I manage the other spirals in my life. Yes, I am doing this right. 

Spiral 16: Am I going to be able to make Easter memorable? Just. Sit. Down. Stop. Thinking. Seriously, why do I let my brain going into these tizzies. Here's the fact... this whole event... will make this Easter memorable, I don't have to do anything, it's done for me!

Spiral 17: Am I writing enough letters, making enough phone calls, marco polos, texts? I want to take care of people. When I start thinking of too many people that I want to communicate or connect with I will just start writing their names down and in my free time reach out to them. If you are reading this (and personally know me) and I have not contacted you, I am sorry. With around 140 students in addition to family, it's a lot to take care of. I have tried writing cards, sending encouraging messages on Instagram, making goodies for neighbors, all of it. I am doing enough.

Spiral 18: Do people think or care about me as much as I think and care about them? This is when my brain spirals in reverse of the above..... who I take care of becomes who is taking care of me? This spiral might be the most dangerous! It is something I think about a lot. See.... I have trust issues. I have abandonment issues. I have friendship or maintaining relationship issues. I have control issues. I have fear of missing out issues. I am always looking for a deep connection; yet, I tend to drown people when I try to take them too deep. I question why my "friends" on facebook don't like a picture or video... yet comment on someone else's stuff.... it's a dangerous spiral that number 18.  First, if you have read this entire blog. Thank you, please let me know by leaving me a comment. Maybe this post was too long, so you scrolled to the bottom and read this part, but you've read my blog before... cool and thanks! If I have recently told you how much you mean to me, know that I truly have thought it. A LOT. Thank you for loving me, reaching out to me, not giving up on me. I know who you are and I hope you know who you are too. 

Spiral 19: I don't know if you actual read this or caught this intentional mistake ... but I only made 18 brain spirals. Well...if you count thinking about one less spiral as a brain spiral of it's self. (Anyone else tired of the "math problems" with pictures). This virus doesn't deserve the best of me. It doesn't deserve all of my mental energy and time.

Let me know what your brain spirals are. How are you dealing with challenging times?

Be safe. Live loved.

Interview with boys

I wrote these in my journal. I treasure words and hope that one day my boys will treasure them (theirs) as well.

1. If you won a million dollars, what would you buy?
S - water container for my fireman costume
G - Books... okay, pokemon cards

2. How long does it take to get to Canada?
S - 1000 days
G - 10 hours.  Wait, I want to change that to 84 days.

3. What does I always say to you?
S - (continues to play and ignores me)
G - Don't be a space invader. I love you!

4. What job do you want to have when you grow up?
S - smoke jumper! and when I get home I want to be a ninja dad.
G - guy who works on computers or hacker..... what's a hacker?

5. What is the capitol of America?
S - (blank stares and back to playing)
G - the letter "A"... right, America starts with A?   (we then talked about what a capitol is)

6. Where do babies come from?
S - Baby Corp.
G - Their momma's womb

7. At what age are you considered an adult?
S - umm, 5
G - 23, I guess?

8.  If you could change one family rule, what would it be?
S - I don't have you, I love you.....
G - Watching TV time, where I could watch all day.

9. If you could have a super hero power what would it be?
S - spider webs, because I'm spiderman (in a very matter of fact tone)
G - That I could be IN video games to actually play them (I think like that one movie)

10. How would you save the planet?
S - I would take bad guys to the police station.
G - I would create a force field around the earth to stop asteroids.

11. If you could eat only one thing forever, what would it be?
S - aliens
G - my favorite sandwhich

12. How much money does it take to buy a house?
S - a lot of money
G - $100.29

13. Why should we be nice to each other?
S - So God doesn't send us to hell (that's deep theology for a 4 year old)
G - so we can get along.

14. What does "love" mean?
S - peace
G - compassion

15. What are you scared of?
S - darkness, monsters, and shadows.
G - wasps

16. What or who is important to you?
S - mom and dad
G - people, the whole world

17. what makes mommy happy?
S - going away (that hurt kid!)
G - Sore and I getting along.

18. What makes mommy sad?
S - when I don't listen and obey
G - me hurting Soren

19. Who is your best friend?
S - Shawna (his old imaginary friend that he knows is not real), which means Gideon because I sometimes call Gideon Shawna. and Rheagan!
G - (start naming names, ask if you want to know if you are on his friend list)

20. Where would you go if you could travel anywhere?
S - Alabama (we visited over Christmas break and he's obsessed with it).
G - same

21. How does mommy bother you?
S - spanking our butts, that BOTHERS me!
G - when you mock me

22. What's your favorite color?
S - green
G - red and blue

23. If you could call anyone, who would you call?
S - police officers, mom and dad, fire fighters (I don't think he understands a phone call)
G - mom and dad for help with math...

24. What's the number of the universe?
S - we don't know, we just don't
G - infinity (draws the symbol)

25. What is the best thing of quarantine?
S - going to dollar tree (we went one time! it's his favorite store)
G - reading and playing a lot!

I tried - to stay calm {COVID19 educator letter}

Deep.
Breaths.
In.
Then.
Out.

Okay, here we go!

Currently, my husband and I are watching Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist episode 6. It's a pretty normal night. But it's not.

Today we got an email from both the school I work at and another school our boys go to. They are cancelling school until April 6th. Spring break is now 3 weeks! Some close by schools, well states actually, are closed for the rest of the year.

CHAOS!

This break is different. It's a little longer than winter/Christmas break. Yet, it's shorter than summer vacation.

CHAOS!

How will our little people learn?

CHAOS!

Here's the deal. It's all going to be okay if would just stop, think, and take a moment to remember what's important - taking care of people.

People are stressing out about their kids' academic education. Here's the deal. It will be okay. It will not be okay if we don't calm down and take care of people.

I assure you, as an educator and as a parent, what our students' need right now is not worksheets, websites, tours of museums or zoos, doodle videos or yoga lessons.

Our kids need us to love them, be stable, and show them how to care for others (including distancing ourselves).

I assure you, as an educator and as a parent, our students aren't going to rapidly loose their knowledge or fail to be successful adults.

Our kids need safety, security, food, and hugs (which some only got at school).

I assure you, as an educator and as a parent, our student's don't need strict schedules and progress monitored emoji trophies popping up on screens.

Our kids need us to sit and read with them, make a blanket fort, have them cook with us, and initiate impromptu dance parties.

I assure you, as an educator and as a parent, people are doing their best to produce quality activities and learning opportunities. Yeah! Our school is not 1:1 with technology and 1/3 of our students do not have internet. Creating remote online content isn't going to bring academic success, but create more hurdles for youngsters to navigate.

Instead, our kids need to learn from us how to handle stressful situations with as little anxiety as possible.

I assure you, as an educator and as a parent, these next few weeks are going to be hard.

Our kids need us to be calm, have open communication, and be there to help each other.

We need to teach our kids how to take care of each other. We need to be doing the teaching. Not a wesbite, or a pin from pintrest or a worksheet packet.

Be present. Take care of each other. 

PS - I already miss my students, and it's Tuesday. Oh - I don't expect parents to teach the quadratic formula.  So you are safe there... you're welcome.

Suicide, Why... (a poem and other random thoughts about censorship)

There is a lot going on around my head. A couple of topics that keep popping up, and they are requesting my attention to then be processed. They are: Superbowl, censorship, suicide.

Yes. Somehow in my brain these three topics are connected and are coming up regularly in many formats. Here is the timeline of events.

*I have been thinking about the act of suicide a lot lately (since October), not for me, but in memory of the ones I or others have lost. Thinking in circles. Tears filling my eyes. Prayers in my soul.

*Mid-January I started my graduate program; in short I can be a Librarian. My studies though have the emphasis on building bridges with the Hispanic community. This program has already opened up many conversations and sparked several thoughts about diversity, humanity and culture. It's rather quiet beautiful and I am enjoying myself.

*A couple weeks ago the Superbowl happened. The chiefs one (woot woot) - but the half time show brought a lot of attention among the circles I associate with. I don't know if you know this, but dancing in very little clothing can be controversial. I agreed with much of what was said, both sides of the conversation too. Teaching in a classroom, where half of my students are Hispanic, I enjoyed the cultural aspect of the halftime SHOW. Being a mom, I can also see how there were moments that maybe little eyes shouldn't see. Which is my right as a parent to censor what my children see and consume (they were playing outside... one got bit by a mouse... like, for real).

*This week in my graduate program we are working through ideas about banned books and censorship. For one of the assignments we have to pick a book from 10 popular banned books. One of them was 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. I have not read the book, but it reminded me about the Netflix show that I watched years ago. I posted (2.5 years ago!) about the show.

And now - we are back to suicide.
Maybe to you they aren't connected. That's fine. Thanks to the First Amendment, we have the freedom to read and write that of our choosing.

(Quote by: Laurie Halse Anderson)

Here's a poem I wrote a few weeks ago:

"Suicide, why?"

Suicide, why?

Why did you take
     My friends dad when we were kids?

Why did you take
     My friends grandpa?

Why did you take
     My friends father in law,
          and later
     Her brother?

Why did you take
     My former teacher?

Why? Just, Why?

Why did you take
      My student, my kiddo?

and in the same week

Why did you take
     My husband's uncle?

Suicide, why?

Why did you take
     My friend?

Suicide.
      Why?
          ?



To those that I miss deeply.
This year I wanted to Bloom and be a better person.
I want to do it for you.


***** if you are in need of help, please click here ******

{BLOOM} 2020

Current tunes: Amazon Music - Andrew Peterson playlist

A word. Just ONE. 

BLOOM

January is about reflecting and making resolutions.  If you are bored, or have an extra long wait, you can read previous January entries below:

2016 - Be
2017 - Better
2018 - Embrace
2019 - Focus

So, now to reflect and resolute :)

A few months ago, one of my very dearest friends hand crafted me an artist card. I use mine as a bookmark and it says "bloom where you are planted." She designed it, for me. <3 I treasure it.

A few weeks prior to the end of the new year, Instagram had a quiz to "find your 2020 word" - it was a link from Day Springs cards and had a small selection of words.  The quiz shot back my result as "Bloom"

At first, I did not like the word bloom.  Too... girly... weird... over done. As days went on, I turned the word over and over in my head.  I googled "Bloom" for Biblical references (which, "bloom where you are planted" is not actually scripture). The word would not leave my mind.

I tried to find better words for 2020 like strength, foundation, joy, determination, balance....but I always came back to Bloom.

2020 is offering a lot for our family. And although I do need balance, strength, joy and well... Jesus. I really just need to be planted, and grow, let my roots guide my vines.

The Day Springs email also included 3 verses: Jeremiah 29: 11, John 15:5, and Psalm 52:8; all lovely and helpful in their own way.  But what really helped me nail down my resolution, my word, was studying, Acts 1 about the Holy Spirit; leading me to Luke, Galatians, and John.

Luke 2:52 "Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and with people."
Galatians 5:22 fruits of the Spirit
John 14: 17 the holy spirit is truth

I want to welcome, invite, and allow for the Spirit to move me and help me to grow and produce fruits to better follow Jesus.

Blooming for 2020 is an umbrella of opportunity. To chose joy at difficult times. To find peace within tense relationships. To practice patience in filled schedules. To present kindness to those around me. To find faithfulness and confidence in my studies (as a Christian and student). To practice self-control in healthy habits. To be gentle and loving and good. To succeed in my workplace. To transform and renew my faith.

To bloom, one has to be nurtured. One needs water physically and spiritually.  One needs good soil, a solid foundation. One needs sunlight and joy. By blooming where I am planted, I will be able to meet any other resolution or goal I could possibly have.

Here's to 2020

Bloom - to transform

Bloom - to flourish

Bloom - to thrive

Bloom.