I tried to be better but got lost.

I had the goal that I was going to write more this new year.  Yet, it's May 23 and I have not posted since the start.

I write best for me when I am passionate and honest about something (even if it's just my life).  However, for several months I felt like a fake... unsure of life.  I have some major trust issues.   So, I couldn't write.  Nothing made sense to write about.  Where do I start with the pain?  How do I address the confusion?  How do I explain that when moving last year I lost myself but also gained a new sense of who I am.

It's been a crazy few days... well weeks.. I guess months.

My family and I are relocating back to what we call home.  Our boys are thrilled.  I am thrilled and nervous (more to come) - but thankful the process of settling is almost over.

Here was our crazy itenary.   Have you been there.... where you look back and you are like... .we survived.

Wednesday 5/15 we (okay my husband and a friend) packed the uhaul truck and I packed vans after work and we stayed at a friends house.
Thursday 5/16 after work I drove to meet my family and start to unpack our house.
Friday 5/17 in the afternoon my husband and I drove 3.5 hours away for his Master's graduation party at his professor's house (so lovely). 
Saturday 5/18 Jeremiah graduates with his Masters in Entrepreneurial and Innovation degree...with....honors!  I couldn't be more proud and yet feel so terribly by the fact that we did not celebrate more.   We drove the 4 hours back home, picked up our boys, and we went to two birthday parties!
Sunday 5/19 we go to church, unpack some more and I leave to drive 2 hours back to where we were located to finish teaching. 
Monday 5/20 school day went well.  I am house sitting all by myself and the tornado sirens go off.  I have no TV and clueless to what is happening.   I eventually get some rest.
Tuesday 5/21 the tornado sirens go off again at 6 in the morning, I sleep for an hour in the bathroom floor and get a call that our school has been delayed by an hour due to the weather.  That night we get a call not to worry about the river, that all will be find.
Wednesday 5/22 in the middle of the day we get an email that our school is out 2 days early due to flood waters.  Kids start going crazy (even though they have 2 hours of school left).  The fire alarm was pulled at least 15 times by students and their reckless choices.  I get to the house I am staying at and start walking the dog when the sirens go off again.  After about 3 hours of sirens going on and off, bits and pieces of time in the bathroom reading to Roland (the sweet doggie) I start getting news that tornadoes are happening close to where my family has relocated and that one touched down about 1/4 mile from our house. 
Thursday 5/23 I find out that all of my friends, family and prior students are safe throughout the two states and some loved ones do have damage to their houses.  Go to our school meeting and discover that I have to continue to fulfill my contract and remain at school today, tomorrow and come back on Tuesday after memorial day.  Currently the flood alarms near the school are sounding as they have been closing roads as they flood.

That's my week guys.  I was going to find R.E.S.T this week.  Nope.

So here I am.  My family and I in another transition, 2 hours apart in crazy weather, and I finally feel like I can be honest in my words again.

I haven't been on facebook in a while.  What started out as a lent activity turned into more. I began to not miss it.  I deleted the app from my phone and would spend maybe 10 minutes a day on my lunch checking for any important dates and events.  I also enjoyed the memories (my kids are getting too big too fast).  But in the end.. what's the point of it?

While I have been away from facebook I have discovered who is intentional with me.  Who checks in on me and sees how I am doing (for you friends, I am thankful).  I am thankful for the family that helped us pack and unpack - you are amazing and I love you all for that (and mowing our yard!!).

But as I was away from facebook I was also able to realize how nice it was not to have to 'fake' being me anymore.    I felt like a liar when I didn't/couldn't tell people the reality of us moving.   I hated when people would tell me that they were excited that we were moving back but never checked on us, probably will never read this, and were not there for a difficult and challenging year.   I didn't feel authentic to those around me as I knew this wasn't permanent and just wanted to make the best of it.

Maybe once a month I will post pictures of the kidds (for those boys are too darn cute).   Maybe I still start blogging more about my own life and not just "hot topics".   Maybe I will find myself enjoying life too much  and just dump all technology!   Just stop by my house to come say hi.  Who knows.

To be honest, I am scared for the next chapter.  I accepted a teaching position back in March for highschool!!  I have always taught (and enjoyed) middle school and excited for the newness that comes with this position.   But need to find rest first this summer. 

I want to choose joy - honestly.  I want to face this emptiness that has been in me for a while and replace with overflowing love and desire for everything I encounter.

I want to be real and authentic and intentional with my people, and thankful for those who do the same.

This next chapter is what we were led to do, and it was difficult leaving the first time, but we know it was necessary and good all the same.

So even though I wasn't able to say goodbye (officially) to my students this year among the chaos, I hope they know how much they are loved.

Okay... I am rambling.... I have lost my skill to process.

Maybe it's the flood sirens ringing....

Maybe it's my mind swinging...

I think it might be time to go walk Roland again.

I tried to {FOCUS} on ONE

Current tunes: Hold it Down by Moosh and Twist

I am a one.  Yup,  numero uno.

(Correction, I think I am a one.... I am currently reading The Road Back To You... and I might actually not be a 1)

In all seriousness, according to the Enneagram, I am a 1 wing 2.   A '1' is the "reformer" but with a wing of '2' I become the "advocate"....

My husband has been studying the Enneagram for almost a year now for his master's program.  Then months later it started to become part of conversations with peers and friends.. the bandwagon... maybe...

However, I enjoy learning more about who I am and what makes me 'tick' - if I better understand my self then maybe, just maybe, I can help others to better understand me too.

Some quotes (and trigger words) that I couldn't stop nodding yes to:
"They are teacher, crusaders, and advocates for change: always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake."
"They typically have problems with resentment and impatience."
"...triggering Ones' abandonment issues - and more anger and criticism."
"They strive after "higher values," even at the cost of great personal sacrifice."
"....they also typically feel that they have to justify their actions to themselves..."
"They are people of instinct and passion who use convictions and judgements to control and direct themselves and their actions."
"(level 9, the lowest of 'healthy') severe depression"
"It is easy for you to work yourself up into a lather about the wrongdoings of others."
"...do not expect others to change immediately...."
"They will try to solve problems in the relationship by discussing the issues involved since neither likes emotionally charged bickering or unresolved issues."

I probably should have just said... Hey, go read this.. and this... and the whole blog/book about it.

For once, I feel like someone might truly understand me.  It's weird.  They are in my head.

Sleeping At Last created songs for each of the 9 Enneagram types.  I encourage you (as the teacher type) to start learning about yourself for the new year, dive deep.  Take your time.  Soak up the words.  Open your heart, even just a crack.  Or at least check out Sleeping At Last.

I think 2019 will be a great year of discovering more about this.  I am INTJ women (and this one is good too..oh, and this ... last one by a different writer). So now, to learn more about OneWingTwo ♥

Now, not to get ahead of myself; but maybe my word for 2020 (eww, that date is weird) should be GRACE.  Apparently it is what Ones need to FOCUS on =]

Drop a comment: do you like learning about yourself?  Do you find assessments helpful or restricting?

I tried to {FOCUS} on PRO LIFE....

Pro Life:

the (counter)argument from a Jesus follower

First, some background information.  I am an INTJ.  I enjoy facts, deep conversation, growth and development.  I have also recently discovered that I am a OneWingTwo which classifies me as advocate. I am a teacher, a mother, a Jesus follower.  And I am passionate. 

Second, I am going to do my best to shine light (from multiple angles... and articles) onto an issue or topic that has been plaguing my mind for a while.  Although it would make my life easier if everyone agreed with me, that's not my intentions with this post.  Through verbal processing and challenging conversations I am able to grow.  My intentions are to ask questions to get those around me to think.  Not like me. But think about what they truly believe.

****

For months I have been stewing over a couple of current events; they mainly fall under the word 'prolife'.   I have had friends and peers discuss the repercussions of getting vaccines in lieu of supporting abortions.  New York rejoiced as they legalized abortion. The government shutting down, sacrificing benefits to those in need.  Immigration and discussion of a wall being built to ensure our countries safety. 

How do you identify yourself? 
Pro-life
Pro-birth
Anti-abortion
Human rights advocate
Neutral
Pro-choice

These titles are sometimes used in the wrong context or without true meaning. I know I struggle with claiming to be pro-life.  *gasps*

I don't consider myself a true pro-lifer because I don't boycott living, explanation to follow.  Honestly, I am not for sure where I fall or what I call myself.

Personally, when I hear the word pro-life, I believe that is all life (in and out of the womb).   The Gospel Coalition writes about the term here. 

Boycotting
Some pro-life people are going to extreme measures and boycotting things that do not support their personal beliefs. 

For example, people are not getting vaccines believing that the vaccines had grown with/in aborted human tissue.    Does getting vaccines make me a baby killer?  Do they do more harm than good? Or vice versa? If I get a vaccine am I allowed to claim pro-life as my identity?

Does consuming chocolate contradict being pro-life?  Since the 70's the Nestle company has been under the lens for causing all sorts of problems for the living.  From formula and water contamination in unequipped countries.  To recent events of stealing water from the Lakota people. Are their products made my child slaves in terrible conditions?  Is that supporting life?  If a person purchases these products are they causing others to suffer? At the bottom of the article there is an image of some of the top brands Nestle produces, do you boycott all of those to protect life?

If you watch the Super Bowl are you against humanity, a non-pro-lifer? Major sporting events, including the olympics, has issues with sex(human) trafficking.  If you do not boycott sports, or even the internet with advertisements, are you really pro-life?

What if you can't afford child-labor free clothing and your garments that you are currently wearing were made by tiny hands? Do the clothes on your own back create an imbalance to being labeled as a pro-lifer?

What happens if you don't sign every petition allowing for all on death-row to be placed on the 'inmate for life' list? If one does not boycott the death penalty then can you say you are willing to protect all life? Does the death penalty align with your religious view or loving ALL people?

Investing
On the other side of the coin, if a person does not invest in certain ideas or products do they turn against pro-life ideologies?

Let's start with a basic concept.  Adoption or fostering.  If a healthy, totally equipped family does not choose to adopt or foster, are they not investing in pro-life reform?

What about immigration and building a wall?  If you support and invest not letting people (regardless of your reason), do you truly value the living?

Organ donation is yet another topic to consider when you want to discuss pro-life issues.  If you choose to go to the grave with your body intact, are you not investing in life?

Definition
Maybe just using the proper definitions will allow for better conversations to take place?  The online dictionary defines pro life as an adjective "opposed to legalize abortion; right-to-life." 

Last question: is being pro-life an all or nothing type of topic... or pick and choose what issue you want to stand firm on?

DTR before you get on facebook, twitter, instagram, etc before you claim one angle or another.  Define the relationship with yourself and with others before words on a device become deceived division makers.

(P.S. I am not trying to convict or accuse. I do not want to upset or hurt.  I am trying for us to dig deeper into our thoughts before we proclaim a classification or identity claim; making others shell up thinking they are inferior for supporting (or not) one idea or another) #getofsoapboxtalkingaboutsoapboxes. 

Remember: You are loved.

FOCUS {2019}

Hi friends, strangers, random passer-byers (totally just made that word up).
I have not written since... wait for it.... August!  That's right; August 5th to be more exact.  In about a week that will be a 6 month gap of my musings. 
Don't get me wrong; I have been writing but more in the traditional sense, pen to paper.  

But I owed it to my soul to write again, for who ever may read this, might need it.

I need it. 

If you read the whole post you will even get to read about my outlook for 2019.... for the last three years [2016, 2017 and 2018] I have written a post about my goals or resolutions and then at the end of the year have a synopsis of it all.

Why not keep that tradition? 

2018 in short I wanted to embrace ... well... life.  I wanted to truly embrace Romans 12 in all aspects, body, mind and soul.  I decided, as usual, to set goals for myself:

*Embrace my mind - read 18 books
*Embrace my body - be 140 pounds
*Embrace my soul - live and memorize Romans 12

How did I do? 
>I read twice the amount of books I wanted to.  That's right, 36 books in a year!  Some I finished in a day, some took me a bit longer.  Some spoke directly to my soul while others tickled my funny bone, a few even split my heart open making me weep - but all, were embraced and enjoyed. I grew up not being a reader and now, that's no longer a title I hold!  18 books✓
>My lowest healthy weight that I got down to around mid-July was 149 healthy, glorious, strong pounds! However, with a heavy sigh, I shot back up to my body's favorite... comfortable... spot of around 165.  That might just be me.  I should embrace that!  (let's not forget about the races I ran with glee) healthy weight✓
>As much as I would like to say I memorized Romans 12; I did not. I read over it on so many occasions, gaining something I didn't know was missing each time that I did. There were moments that I missed my mark on living out the gospel of Jesus and embracing love of all.... I get frustrated with people.... and my words get the best of me.  Did I grow in His word, yes'em! Romans 12✓

2018 was by far my least active year on the blog; 5 entries total.  Quality vs quantity?  Was I spending my time doing something better?   (tooting own horn) I did lead a group through reading Wild and Free by Jess and Hayley (youtube playlist of songs).  I also read through some life changing books Fervent by Priscilla Shrier, Dancing in No Man's Land by Brian Jennings.  Those were probably some of my top non-fiction books, with a few others sprinkled in between the several fiction books consumed.  

2018 I started a new teaching position; and at the start of the year our principal had us take an assessment (yes, a personality type test).  This was called "teaching to your strengths" and I enjoyed learning more about my strengths.  My top 5 strengths are (not in order of importance):  Achiever, Analytical, Belief, Intellection, Relator.  I really enjoyed learning more about myself and could not agree with the statements.   

2018 also brought some things that were hard to embrace.  Loss of friendshipS... yes, with a capital S, as in plural, more than one.  It brought death to beloved family members.  Embrace hardships is never easy, but as time continues to pass I can look at 2018 of a time of growth; through good and bad.   But honestly, a lot of good.  

2016 my word of choice was Be.  Be still.  (Ran a 1/2 marathon though....)
2017 I wanted to be better. 
2018 was going to be embracing whatever came at me. 
2019 I would like to focus. 

>>>>> F O C U S <<<<< 

Clarity, deep, seen, closeness, important, fog-less, clear, perspective, included, intentional, core, disciplined.... those are all words that remind me of focus.

I want my 2019, well, what's left of it, to be focused on all things good. This word, despite its meaning, has a wide umbrella of concepts it can cover.  Focus on love. Focus on family.  Focus on God.  Focus on healthy friendships.  Focus on prayer.  Focus on health.  Focus on growing.  Focus academically. Focus on joy. Focus.

Currently, in the moment, I am very energized by the evening.  My boys played all night and then fell asleep watching a family movie (while I finished my 4th book of the year...).  Our youngest is still in his clothes, which happen to be under his spider man costume.  Both are covered in blankets from their deconstructed fort/tent that they made earlier in the evening.  I had time to read through my Bible study, Seamless and started to listen and put together my playlist for the year.  It's been a great evening.  Focus on these little moments.

Just for good measure, my 'goal' for reading is to finish 25 books within the year 📖

So, as of January 25th... here's to 2019!  

I tried - being at home

We have been settling in for the past month.  Tomorrow I start back to work (my 7th year of teaching) at a new district.  Tomorrow also marks a month of us living in our new STATE.  Not just state of mind but actual physical state.   

It is hard for me to imagine that we have already been here for a month.  It still feels a bit like a vacation house (not that we know what that's like, ha!) but not yet ours. 

Last night though, as Jeremiah was working late, I hung up my jewelry.... in a very college-chique (cheap) way.  And as odd as it was, it made this space seem like home.  I had put off hanging up/organizing this space for a month.  Not wanting to face reality, true.  Not needing to purely out of necessity, true. Not having the motivation, nailed it.  But the coffee I had late that afternoon must have kicked in.... so at 11:30 at night I am revisiting so many of these pieces. 

The picture above is how any wall can transform into home with a few items.  Now, it does look like pretty basic jewelry and trinkets.  BUT it is so much more. Home is where the heart is... so people say.... and these items are my heart.   I have cameras from both sets of grandparents.  My maternal-grandparents have their handkerchiefs.  Our wedding invitation, pictures of being baptized... in February... in a creek (old school, amiright).  There is a little wooden box that I have treasured letters, one from my Dad <3.  The necklaces and bracelets from Bali (thanks Z), Rome, and Hawaii.  Some of the pieces, works of art, are hand made...made with so much love (thanks B and WG/J).... and some are made just out of love thanks to my boys and their pipe-cleaner skillz.  Several of the items are heirlooms from my grandmother.  Price.Less.   A necklace that I remember Gideon using as a teething necklace.   The one that I wear to literally put "faith" around my neck. The jar, once full of change, is waiting to be filled again so our boys can enjoy the gift of giving.  This is where my heart is. 

It's not fancy by any means.  But it's mine; and now that it is all hanging there, waiting for me in the morning, this building is starting to feel like home.

Home takes time.  Takes people. 

I miss my people.  Yup.  I am going to totally call them that.  There were not many, but it was not about quantity but the quality.  These girls that stood by my side, some since we were babies. It is a hard feeling to trudge through knowing that I can't just ask them to go to ihop or get coffee... that distance has crept in.   I know, and they have shown me the past month, that distance is not a factor (thank you for the text, videos, and catch up ladies) when it comes to friendship. And some of these dear friends have moved even over oceans as I stayed.  I am not saying I have not been hurt by people, for I have; even now trust is something that I struggle with.  But even with all the good and bad, leaving was hard.

Last week I celebrated my 31st birthday, and it was odd to reflect back when I met some of these great friends.  Before or right after babies.  I was still a "baby"!  But it was easier.  We bonded over lack of sleep, poopy diapers, teething and support of a strong cup of coffee.  As our kids got older we shared the love of games, books and movies, again... with coffee in hand.  We spent time at events watching our lil'ones explore.  It just seemed so easy, natural, effortless... and before we knew it, YEARS had passed. 

Now, at 31, I am starting over.  No more babies to bond over.... I mean, I will ALWAYS hold a baby for someone in need.... and talking about poop doesn't bother me... #boymom  but now, my kids need me in a different way.  I need friends in a different way.

So, instead of "I tried - being at home" as the title of this blog, it should be I am trying to find home again.  It's true.

To the people who we are getting to know.  Thank you for letting us come into your home, be apart of your life.   If at times I am awkward or quiet, I am just processing in my head.  If at times I say the "wrong" things - just roll with my sarcasm or call me out on it (lovingly).  I am just trying to find my tribe. 

I am not to replace the people we left, but to expand our hearts even more.
This transition will take time, love and people.

SO, to the people who will be in our home tomorrow and there after.  Welcome.  This is our home.

I tried - the season finale

Hey interweb friends. It's been about 2.5 months since I have last written. I really don't know why I stopped other than the words ebb and flow naturally.  I could blame the lack of time, the lack of motivation, lack of passion, lack of courage.... lots of excuses really. 
Regardless, I am putting my heart out there through my words again.

Have you ever watched an entire show from the pilot episode to the series finale?  And when it ends, you have this gapping hole, like "now what"? That these strangers came to be more, and you looked forward to enjoy their lives (no matter how fake or real they might be).

That's currently where I am at.  The end.

I feel like my series is over; the characters that have developed over time will be missed.  The plot twists have ceased and I am walking out, alone, into darkness.

If I hang in there, I know another network might pick me up.  They make spin-off series all the time. Right? Or volumes of seasons.  This isn't my true end.  Just a different beginning.

This year (and I mean school year; August - present) has been filled with trials and growth, not just at my job, but in general day to day life.

So, this was my classroom. I walked out of it for the last time a week ago. It was my home for the last 5 years. My pregnant swollen feet paced this room. Our oldest started school from this room. Push up and plank challenges took place in this room. Hugs and laughter were shared in this room. Cheers and uproar echoed within these walls.  Lightbulbs clicked on as foundations in understanding were repaired, replaced and strengthened.  This room is more than just some brick walls. It's the lining of my heart.

I walked out by choice, "going without knowing" as a coworker told me.  Since October my husband has been working weekends about 2 hours away.  It has caused some awesome calendar balancing, but we managed to work as a family.  Because of this wonderful opportunity we decided to move our family that direction this summer. I have since found another teaching job, and eagerly await the new adventure - the spin off series.

But THIS series finale was hard.  It wasn't just a season, knowing I'd come back after summer, with a tan. But I closed that door, turned in my keys, and walked out.

It was hard to leave.

I had one of THE BEST teaching partners/coworkers I could have ever imagined or dreamed of.  She blessed me with prayers, compassion, a listening ear, wisdom, hugs, goodies, and love for my family. This lady was an anchor to making me feel successful, we worked so effortlessly together.  I worked with a great team of teachers whom I respected greatly - for they did their job, and did it well and appreciated the fact that they knew how to laugh and have a good time.

But then there are my students, my kids.  This group this year stole my momma heart. They were ornery and mischievous.  They were sweet, friendly and helpful.  Some of them took bigger pieces of my heart, some of them I would seriously have adopted without question. I am just glad to know, that for a short period of time, they were able to feel some genuine love.  These kids carry stories that don't belong to children.  They carry heartache and brokenness at a magnitude that is indescribable.  I look forward to seeing what these young people do in a few years. They will conquer so much; for they have already. Here's to the graduating class of 2023!

One of the most challenging parts of teaching is that you don't always know if what you are saying is getting through to them.  But thankfully, I know that with this group, they were listening. I had letters and cards written with such sweet words.  Words to remind me why I do my job, why it's not a job, but a privilege. Words that I didn't even expect from some. Treasures.

So, this summer, we are moving.  I am sure it will be a whirl wind of events; filled with tears of joy, fear and excitement. And here shortly I will be turning lights on into a new room, new challenges, new kiddos, and new opportunities to keep giving it my all.

One student got me the book "Auggie and Me," knowing that I read Wonder and enjoyed it. Inside she not only wrote a letter but stuck in little reminders like the one pictured below.  

Here's to my spin-off series.  Loveandnumbers2.0

PS - to my friends and family - you will be missed too; it's different (for some reason).  I am sure those tears will roll as our tires pull away from our drive one last time.  I'm not ready for that.

PSS - another post this week about Romans BSF study and how my disputes aren't the best....

Dear Future Self - don't give up teaching [an open letter]

Dear Future Self,

The past few weeks there was another school shooting. Causing facebook to go rampant with gun control and gun right activist having completely cool and calm discussions (sarcasm). But in the end, a solution was not set in place. I will still do my job. I will wake up and walk into a building and protect my students. For the truth is, I didn't become a teacher for any other reason but for the fact that I value these young  minds. I believe that they are our future and need loving and compassionate adults to show them what honor and dignity look like. I will protect them. I will care for them. I will be their teacher.

There have been plans set in place for March 14, 2018 to be a student/teacher walk out of school in honor of the 3 teacher and 14 student lives recently lost. I really hope this is not true for 3/14 is supposed to be a fun day in the math world - it is Pi-day y'all!  I saw an image or idea that instead of walking out on someone that we go up to someone and talk to them, love on them. I did not become a teacher to give up and leave. I will stand strong and love on my students. I will be their teacher.

West Virginia has been making national news for teacher salaries and strikes.  Oklahoma teachers are planning a strike as well. Don't get me wrong, I would love for more financial support; it's hard living off of a teacher salary.  But I am not a teacher for money.  What I would love though is support from parents. Teaching is hard. It has it's moments every year that I question if I am in the right vocation.  But then I get little glimpses and reminders of why I teach. It doesn't come from a dollar sign or from a parent but when a student tells me that they are better off from knowing me. In the end, this life is short. I want all my students to know that they are worth more than any amount of money. I will be their teacher.

Betsy DeVos made a tweet on twitter recently about public schools; "does this look familiar" and a black and white picture of school compared to what she thought a modern school was. As much as I wish school was simply what it use to be (less politics) - it's not.  It's messy (when technology bails on you) it's hands on activities, moving around.  It's feeding one student who's hungry, finding a coat for another, all at the same time as hugging a sadden child and telling some kids to stop throwing markers (even in my junior high room). It looks nothing like what our Secretary of Education thinks it does. I do not teach to have a perfect classroom, I teach to take care of people, and that is going to look much different. I will be their teacher. 

This last week my district had a student take her own life.  It causes sadness and heartache.  But what was more destructive where the comments from older people. Attacking the family, other kids, teachers and the school district. As a person who has struggled with depression in high school, we can't blame others.  As a person who has lost family and a prior student to their own will, we can not mend a broken heart with a thread of lies. I have to remember that hurt people hurt people and that words are the most effective weapon at destroying a person's heart. These words are a reflection of the person speaking them and does not hold truth to my identity, my career, and how hard we work to protect all students.  The next few weeks will be hard. But I will go into my classroom, hug and remind all of my students that they are loved, that I am always here for them. I will be their teacher.

So, future self, teaching is a hard job. There will always be paper work, hateful emails, not enough time, money or resources.  There will be tears of joy, frustration sadness and confusion.  My heart will swell with love and break - and sometimes at the same time. These kiddos are not mine by DNA standards but I will call them my own.  I did not become a teacher for an easy life.  I became a world changer.

I will always be their teacher. I am their teacher.

Love,
Mrs. Jones (yourself)

PS Don't give up - you've got this. Be strong. Be bold.