I tried to {FOCUS} on others - an apology letter to those I love and serve

Current Tunes: Yellowcard via spotify
Mood: reflective

This topic has been something that has plagued my mind for several months; since we moved 'home'. As I processed the words in my head, I decided it would be best to write a letter. I like letters.

Dear friends and family,

First, I want to thank you. Thank you for reading this, supporting me in all that I do. Thank you for letting me cry, curse, and question in the safety of your homes and hearts. Thank you for asking me tough questions and extending grace when my response would be less than adequate. Thank you for your patience and diligence in loving me.

I keep a joy journal and I often find myself writing down events or times spent with you. Be it getting coffee, eating dinner, playing games, shopping or just a good heart-felt phone call. I needed those moments. Again, thank you.

I want to apologize for my lack of presence. When I get overwhelmed or anxious, as many of you do, I shut down. I have to re{FOCUS} on what is important and true. Then, without trying, time passes by too quickly and I feel as if my service is no longer needed.

Please hear me when I say that I think of you often and wish I had more time to do what is on my heart and what crosses my mind frequently.

For those that I didn't bring a meal to - I am sorry. 
For those that I want to clean your house, but haven't - I am sorry.
For those that I have to reschedule play dates over and over again - I am sorry.
For those of you that I have replied to your text... a week late - I am sorry.
For those of you that I have not written a letter to in a while - I am sorry.
For those of you that I want to have over for dinner, but schedules (or the stars) have not aligned in our favor - I am sorry.

Please do not think you are unloved or unworthy. You are very loved and very worthy! As many of you working parents know, balance is hard. Cleaning, cooking, caring of children, assignments (yours and your children), job requirements, extra activities.... it all adds up. It's a spinning plates act.

I want to do more. I do.

Please, keep asking to come over, for meals, to go shopping or get coffee. Don't be afraid to ask me to cook you something, clean your house, or watch your kids - I like that too and will do those. Ask me to pray for you, I will and with joy. Don't give up on me. I see you.

And if all else fails - there is always summer.

Summer = service.

Until summer, I will do the best that I can, but I am sorry if I miss an opportunity to serve and love you better.

Thank you for your understanding,
Megan