We have been settling in for the past month. Tomorrow I start back to work (my 7th year of teaching) at a new district. Tomorrow also marks a month of us living in our new STATE. Not just state of mind but actual physical state.
It is hard for me to imagine that we have already been here for a month. It still feels a bit like a vacation house (not that we know what that's like, ha!) but not yet ours.
Last night though, as Jeremiah was working late, I hung up my jewelry.... in a very college-chique (cheap) way. And as odd as it was, it made this space seem like home. I had put off hanging up/organizing this space for a month. Not wanting to face reality, true. Not needing to purely out of necessity, true. Not having the motivation, nailed it. But the coffee I had late that afternoon must have kicked in.... so at 11:30 at night I am revisiting so many of these pieces.
The picture above is how any wall can transform into home with a few items. Now, it does look like pretty basic jewelry and trinkets. BUT it is so much more. Home is where the heart is... so people say.... and these items are my heart. I have cameras from both sets of grandparents. My maternal-grandparents have their handkerchiefs. Our wedding invitation, pictures of being baptized... in February... in a creek (old school, amiright). There is a little wooden box that I have treasured letters, one from my Dad <3. The necklaces and bracelets from Bali (thanks Z), Rome, and Hawaii. Some of the pieces, works of art, are hand made...made with so much love (thanks B and WG/J).... and some are made just out of love thanks to my boys and their pipe-cleaner skillz. Several of the items are heirlooms from my grandmother. Price.Less. A necklace that I remember Gideon using as a teething necklace. The one that I wear to literally put "faith" around my neck. The jar, once full of change, is waiting to be filled again so our boys can enjoy the gift of giving. This is where my heart is.
It's not fancy by any means. But it's mine; and now that it is all hanging there, waiting for me in the morning, this building is starting to feel like home.
Home takes time. Takes people.
I miss my people. Yup. I am going to totally call them that. There were not many, but it was not about quantity but the quality. These girls that stood by my side, some since we were babies. It is a hard feeling to trudge through knowing that I can't just ask them to go to ihop or get coffee... that distance has crept in. I know, and they have shown me the past month, that distance is not a factor (thank you for the text, videos, and catch up ladies) when it comes to friendship. And some of these dear friends have moved even over oceans as I stayed. I am not saying I have not been hurt by people, for I have; even now trust is something that I struggle with. But even with all the good and bad, leaving was hard.
Last week I celebrated my 31st birthday, and it was odd to reflect back when I met some of these great friends. Before or right after babies. I was still a "baby"! But it was easier. We bonded over lack of sleep, poopy diapers, teething and support of a strong cup of coffee. As our kids got older we shared the love of games, books and movies, again... with coffee in hand. We spent time at events watching our lil'ones explore. It just seemed so easy, natural, effortless... and before we knew it, YEARS had passed.
Now, at 31, I am starting over. No more babies to bond over.... I mean, I will ALWAYS hold a baby for someone in need.... and talking about poop doesn't bother me... #boymom but now, my kids need me in a different way. I need friends in a different way.
So, instead of "I tried - being at home" as the title of this blog, it should be I am trying to find home again. It's true.
To the people who we are getting to know. Thank you for letting us come into your home, be apart of your life. If at times I am awkward or quiet, I am just processing in my head. If at times I say the "wrong" things - just roll with my sarcasm or call me out on it (lovingly). I am just trying to find my tribe.
I am not to replace the people we left, but to expand our hearts even more.
This transition will take time, love and people.
SO, to the people who will be in our home tomorrow and there after. Welcome. This is our home.
